hurtful accusations

[Bob-KhaHan 1]

Good thing you finally got your money, but if I was your husband, he would have been better off to have gotten a credit card or something right before you came here so he would have had the money to file right away. If he filed when you got married, you might even be working right about now and making money so I would consider that as a lost opportunity of about $6,000 (if you made $1,000 each month for the next 6 months since you now have to wait another ~6 months).

As for him giving his paycheck to your mom, that is really weird and I'm not sure why he is doing that. Even if you two had to find another roommate to share an apartment, I'm sure that would have been a better idea than what your MIL is taking.

It seems like your husband has a lot of growing up to do and take action. I hope the best for you and things should get better soon.

[endoftheroad 1]

been here in the US last year i married my husband within the 90 day period, my I94 has expired, and haven't filed my AOS

[endoftheroad 1]

It seems like your husband has a lot of growing up to do and take action.

Ain't that the truth? How old are these two? Mom is running the married kids finances, giving them an allowance? Oh My GAWD!!! If I were the wife I would be wondering what I had gotten myself into. Just my two cents.

[dontknow 1]

Good thing you finally got your money, but if I was your husband, he would have been better off to have gotten a credit card or something right before you came here so he would have had the money to file right away. If he filed when you got married, you might even be working right about now and making money so I would consider that as a lost opportunity of about $6,000 (if you made $1,000 each month for the next 6 months since you now have to wait another ~6 months).

As for him giving his paycheck to your mom, that is really weird and I'm not sure why he is doing that. Even if you two had to find another roommate to share an apartment, I'm sure that would have been a better idea than what your MIL is taking.

It seems like your husband has a lot of growing up to do and take action. I hope the best for you and things should get better soon.

i am aware that he needs a lot of growing up to do, he needs to be man enough to stand up and decide whats best for us. i told him as long as we are here, things will not change and it might get worse. i am being so patient all this time. i just really hope things will get better soon.

[endoftheroad 1]

Consider the AOS based on what you have seen and the reality of the situation. The son may say one thing but you are getting an allowance from his mom. Do you two have a bank account?

[dontknow 1]

It seems like your husband has a lot of growing up to do and take action.

Ain't that the truth? How old are these two? Mom is running the married kids finances, giving them an allowance? Oh My GAWD!!! If I were the wife I would be wondering what I had gotten myself into. Just my two cents.

i understand this is unusual, i myself have been wondering for quite sometime now. i am not so dumb to not think about all this. before i ever came here i have a job, i decide on my own, i run my own finances, my own mom doesn't meddle with my money. in short i am in control of my life. when i get here things had changed, i didn't know it will continue like that, i thought its going to be for a short period of time but until now it is. as i said i am just being so patient here, that the situation will eventually change. i don't want to just walk out on my marriage because things aren't the way they are supposed to be.

[Kiv 32]

Do you have a joint account?, that is one of the most commun things that you may need for your interview.

It is very nice of your aunt to let you have the money for AOS, I hope you can pay her very soon.

[dontknow 1]

Consider the AOS based on what you have seen and the reality of the situation. The son may say one thing but you are getting an allowance from his mom. Do you two have a bank account?

the money she's giving us come's from his paycheck so she's not giving us her own money. my husband doesn't have a bank account, but when i got here we tried opening up a joint account without his mom knowing it using the money i have(not from the allowance). unfortunately we were not able to open the account because the bank was asking for 2 ID's from me and i only have my foreign passport as ID. you see, it is very frustrating that i can't do what i wanna do.

[endoftheroad 1]

the money she's giving us come's from his paycheck so she's not giving us her own money. my husband doesn't have a bank account, but when i got here we tried opening up a joint account without his mom knowing it using the money i have(not from the allowance). unfortunately we were not able to open the account because the bank was asking for 2 ID's from me and i only have my foreign passport as ID. you see, it is very frustrating that i can't do what i wanna do.

Yes, basically he's giving all of YOUR (together) money to his mother and she is giving YOU TWO an allowance. Unless you two have shown that you can not control money, that has to stop. Moreover, your husband has to stop it, now. He can go to any bank, any day and open his own account. He can have you as joint or not but YOU TWO NEED CONTROL OF YOUR MONEY. Good Aunt for loaning you the money for AOS! I am sorry but I feel gloomy about this situation and that your husband allows it to fester. YES, HE ALLOWS IT. He can stop it but he has not and it has been a year! Dear, I want the best for you but you HAVE to have him get it together. Just my two cents.

[dontknow 1]

the money she's giving us come's from his paycheck so she's not giving us her own money. my husband doesn't have a bank account, but when i got here we tried opening up a joint account without his mom knowing it using the money i have(not from the allowance). unfortunately we were not able to open the account because the bank was asking for 2 ID's from me and i only have my foreign passport as ID. you see, it is very frustrating that i can't do what i wanna do.

Yes, basically he's giving all of YOUR (together) money to his mother and she is giving YOU TWO an allowance. Unless you two have shown that you can not control money, that has to stop. Moreover, your husband has to stop it, now. He can go to any bank, any day and open his own account. He can have you as joint or not but YOU TWO NEED CONTROL OF YOUR MONEY. Good Aunt for loaning you the money for AOS! I am sorry but I feel gloomy about this situation and that your husband allows it to fester. YES, HE ALLOWS IT. He can stop it but he has not and it has been a year! Dear, I want the best for you but you HAVE to have him get it together. Just my two cents.

i feel terrible. i can see that my husband doesn't have the courage to do what needs to be done.

[trillium13 84]

i feel terrible. i can see that my husband doesn't have the courage to do what needs to be done.

I hope for your sake this isn't true, but it seems from what you've posted so far that it is. What is his take on all of this?? Do you two even get any alone time to talk? Who is more important to him, you or his mother? It should be you, now, he's grown up (in theory) and married. Time for him to take control of his own life!!

Edited May 25, 2009 by trillium13

[AFZ212 0]

I think the only solution is to move out...and by moving out..you and your husband need to get y'all own place and take care some business...I know its tough with one income your husband income but at least you have peace of mind...The main thing is for you to get your staff on process at least you can start work and support your husband...REMEMBER always there are some few people won't approve your relationship BUT you know more than them that your LOVE him...sHAKE IT off.....keep on moving....don't let words keeps you down....Good lucky......

tcare

AFZ212

[Kar98 0]

my husband does not like what his mother is saying about me. we already talked and he said i should not listen to his mom

Well, that's bullpoop.

Why doesn't he stand up for his wife, even against his mother? Actually, especially against his mother.

Allegiance to his family is all nice and great and stuff, but that has to take lower priority seeing how his loyalty and allegiance is supposed to be to his wife now.

He's married to YOU, OP, not to his mother. He needs to realize that.

[dontknow 1]

i feel terrible. i can see that my husband doesn't have the courage to do what needs to be done.

I hope for your sake this isn't true, but it seems from what you've posted so far that it is. What is his take on all of this?? Who is more important to him, you or his mother? It should be you, now, he's grown up (in theory) and married. Time for him to take control of his own life!!

well i have been telling him that we need to move out and get a place of our own even if we would share it with a roommate. but he's telling me his salary wont make it, and we wait till i get a job. so that means dealing with the situation for 3 or 4 months more depends if i get a job soon after getting EAD.

[GordonFreeman 0]

I've been going through the same exact situation! The coincidence is amazing

We just got married, and my mother in law still won't talk to me.

Ever since I went to her, to ask for her daughter's hand in marriage, she has been poisoning her side of the family against me, saying I'm just marrying her to get the visa and then leave her!

We went through a lot of suffering and problems in the last 2 years because of that.

We had a wedding planned more than a year ago, and in the wedding day her uncle and aunt, together with grandmother and mother (and adding to the fact that her twin sister is jealous that she is marrying before her) everyone in that side of the family tried to convince her not to marry me.

She was then 21 (she is 3 years younger than me) and she cracked. She didn't marry me that day. Problem is, I had already cancelled my F1 (student) visa, so I had to leave the country ASAP before my status expired, or I could never even come back to be with her again!

I left to Europe again, and after a week she was there with me. We stayed at my mom's for 6 months there, she met my family, we made a big Euro trip.

Then she came back to the US and we applied for the K1 fiance visa. We waited about 6-7 months separated. I came to see her in christmas. Recently I came back with the K1, we got married in Vegas, just the 2 of us, nobody else watching but the photographer and the ceremony guy, and I'm now filing for AOS.

Now my mother in law and her own twin sister treat my wife like she betrayed the clan! It's pathetic!

If it wasn't for the friendship and moral support we had from her dad's family side (and my family back in Europe), I don't know where we would be right now.

I feel you! And good luck

We'll always have to deal with bad people in this world, and unfortunately they will be always there to haunt us, bully us and make us suffer. The best we can do is to try to stay away, associate with true friends, and live life one day at a time, towards achieving our dreams.