To DCF or not, that is the question

[veronicavonn 7]

I have been living in Germany now for 10 months. (Please refer to my signature for specifics.) I am well aware that we can DCF through Frankfurt, and that has been our plan all along. However lately, we have been somewhat questioning what we want to do.

You see, my husband is the only one with a job here. He works, I don't. That gets old very fast. Sitting at home all day long. I've searched in every crook and cranny of the internet in an attempt to find an English-speaking job in my neck of Germany (Bamberg) but have no luck so far. My German is not up to par, yet, I am still learning.

The plan has been to DCF as soon as possible really. We had a vacation planned for our family (two step-children from his former marriage), and that vacation was supposed to start yesterday, May 22. The intentions of this vacation was to show the children how wonderful America, California specifically, was and is. However, my husband's boss denied him his vacation at the very last minute and we canceled our trip. Had we gone on this vacation, we were set to start our DCF paperwork in December. Now, obviously, that has changed everything and we have no idea when we will start our DCF paperwork.

Normally if I gripe about being bored at home and about not having a job, my husband will ask me if I want to move back. He will even offer for me to travel on vacation alone to California. That's really NOT what I want. I love being with him. And the four months we spent apart prior to my move to Germany way excrutiating.

Sooo, my husband has pitched the idea to me that I should move back to get a job and a house in order for the family. After all, if we DCF to California, we will have neither of the two, rather, we would be staying with family until we both find jobs.

I would LOVE to get some feedback from anyone who has been, or IS in, the same position.

What did you end up choosing to do? Would you have done it the opposite way if you could go back now?

Thanks in advance.

EDIT: We do have a TEMPORARY job lined up for my husband upon moving back to California. It is a job with his nephew, who owns his own business. However, the job would not, and COULD not be for TOO long, as the pay is menial and not in my husbands line of work.

Edited May 23, 2009 by veronicavonn

[reeses16 8]

My initial thoughts are that you should file DCF. It is the quickest option for those that qualify, which you do. Once your husband has his visa via DCF, you could go to the US ahead of him to find a home and job or leave for the US together.

I am not well read on DCF, but I thought there was a continuing residency component. I'm not sure if you can visit the US or for how long.

[SP&JM 0]

I have been living in Germany now for 10 months. (Please refer to my signature for specifics.) I am well aware that we can DCF through Frankfurt, and that has been our plan all along. However lately, we have been somewhat questioning what we want to do.

You see, my husband is the only one with a job here. He works, I don't. That gets old very fast. Sitting at home all day long. I've searched in every crook and cranny of the internet in an attempt to find an English-speaking job in my neck of Germany (Bamberg) but have no luck so far. My German is not up to par, yet, I am still learning.

The plan has been to DCF as soon as possible really. We had a vacation planned for our family (two step-children from his former marriage), and that vacation was supposed to start yesterday, May 22. The intentions of this vacation was to show the children how wonderful America, California specifically, was and is. However, my husband's boss denied him his vacation at the very last minute and we canceled our trip. Had we gone on this vacation, we were set to start our DCF paperwork in December. Now, obviously, that has changed everything and we have no idea when we will start our DCF paperwork.

Normally if I gripe about being bored at home and about not having a job, my husband will ask me if I want to move back. He will even offer for me to travel on vacation alone to California. That's really NOT what I want. I love being with him. And the four months we spent apart prior to my move to Germany way excrutiating.

Sooo, my husband has pitched the idea to me that I should move back to get a job and a house in order for the family. After all, if we DCF to California, we will have neither of the two, rather, we would be staying with family until we both find jobs.

I would LOVE to get some feedback from anyone who has been, or IS in, the same position.

What did you end up choosing to do? Would you have done it the opposite way if you could go back now?

Thanks in advance.

EDIT: We do have a TEMPORARY job lined up for my husband upon moving back to California. It is a job with his nephew, who owns his own business. However, the job would not, and COULD not be for TOO long, as the pay is menial and not in my husbands line of work.

DCF. DCF. DCF!!!!!!!

I lived in Spain with my now-husband for about a year. I went on a student visa studying Spanish, I was bored out of my mind after my 6 months of classes finished, and I completely understand what you're going through. We're doing now almost exactly what you're thinking of doing (although we married here as I was moving back, not in Europe), and if I could go back in time and do something different, I would.

From what I've read, DCF doesn't take too much time - a month or so, if you have all of the paperwork ready when you go to submit the I-130 at the Embassy. The CR1/IR1 takes much longer than that (we didn't consider K3 because my husband wouldn't want to be here without the ability to work for months...he'd be worse at it than I was and I was horrible). You've been living together now, that makes the separation worse (it's much harder now than it was back before we lived together).

Maybe financially it makes more sense for you to come back now. Emotionally and with regards to your relationship, it doesn't. Don't do it. I wish we hadn't. I'm actually thinking about going back to Spain and living there for a while (too bad the economy is worse than it is here and I could never find a job) and then filing for the IR1 via DCF in Madrid in a couple of years. It's great to have a paycheck again, it's great to see my family again, it's great to have a job again (most of the time), but I go home to my lonely bed every night, and only hear my precious husband's voice on the phone.

Find some intensive German courses (4 hours a day of Spanish usually was enough to make me brain-tired anyway). Volunteer. Take day trips to see different things in the country if you can. I know all about the boredom and how completely unfulfilling housework was for me...but I also now know (hindsigh being what it is) that it was better than the separation.

Hope this helps...

[veronicavonn 7]

Thank you so much for the replies, both of you.

@reeses16-

I guess I forgot that with DCF I still have the option to leave ahead of my husband. Thank you for putting that out there. The next time this conversation comes up between the two of us, I will remind him of that. Thank you.

@SP&JM-

I am pretty sure your response was exactly what I was looking for. Someone who has a similar situation and can tell me first hand that the money, job, family back home, etc. is not worth leaving him behind. Thank you so much.

I really do look for all of those things that you mentioned online. I do my best to learn German. I search online for volunteer activities where language abilities are not important. I search for English-speaking groups. Lots of things. I DO have German friends that definitely help out my situation. I'm pretty sure my lack of a job is really my "problem" though. I've always worked since I finished school!

Anyways, I really do thank you both for your replies. I feel more confident than before that DCF is our best way to go.

[SP&JM 0]

Thank you so much for the replies, both of you.

@reeses16-

I guess I forgot that with DCF I still have the option to leave ahead of my husband. Thank you for putting that out there. The next time this conversation comes up between the two of us, I will remind him of that. Thank you.

@SP&JM-

I am pretty sure your response was exactly what I was looking for. Someone who has a similar situation and can tell me first hand that the money, job, family back home, etc. is not worth leaving him behind. Thank you so much.

I really do look for all of those things that you mentioned online. I do my best to learn German. I search online for volunteer activities where language abilities are not important. I search for English-speaking groups. Lots of things. I DO have German friends that definitely help out my situation. I'm pretty sure my lack of a job is really my "problem" though. I've always worked since I finished school!

Anyways, I really do thank you both for your replies. I feel more confident than before that DCF is our best way to go.

I threw those things out there even though I was horrible at adapting to life in Spain...mainly because a job is an important part of who I am. I think it'll be different when there are kids in the picture, but there just aren't enough things to fill the day when hubby (and the rest of society) is at work and there isn't really $ to go shopping/travel/do anything. I'd worked since I was 15 and, truth be told, it is a big part of how people adapt to new cities, even countries, and meet new people. It's awesome that your husband has a job (even if it sucks) lined up and family in the area - that should help him a lot. I also know how limiting it was at first not speaking the language and feeling like I couldn't make myself understood - at least not for the important things. Anyone can buy bread at a store, but discussing the more personal things that let you get to know someone and make friends is hard.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

[jodee 30]

Have you tried looking on the US military base in Bamberg for a job,...??

[txladykat 1]

I was in this exact situation. After only a few months of living in Denmark, I was ready to go back to the US. It sucked being stuck at home all day! Anyhow, we made the decision in January but couldn't file for DCF until May. We contemplated options just as you did, me returning to the US and finding a job and filing from there, or waiting it out, DCF and return together and hope for quick employment.

We ultimately decided on the latter, and boy am I glad we did! We filed DCF in Denmark May 1, then I made plans to return to the US. My husband was going to come with me on a "visit" and return back to Denmark in June to finalize the DCF. Well, I happened to get lucky and the week after we filed DCF I secured a job that really just fell into my lap, so we both are in the states awaiting the final steps of DCF. My husband also happened to "luck" into a US job that is willing to hire him on a contract basis until he gets his green card as the work is internet based and can be done anywhere.

So, bottom line, we decided we didn't want to be apart while waiting for immigration by filing in the US, and went DCF.

[veronicavonn 7]

Have you tried looking on the US military base in Bamberg for a job,...??

Absolutely. I have tried countless times, you have no idea!

When I first got to Germany last year, my husband wanted me to relax and not work for 2 months or so. So I didn't pursue a job until late September. When I went to the Human Resources office on the Army base, I was informed by the lady working there that I pretty much had NO chance of ever getting a job on base once I received my Residence Permit to live in Germany. I also did not want to turn in paperwork that week, and then 2 weeks later have to update the information with my new last name. (We were married 10.10.2008.)

Anyways, it wasn't until late November/early December that I found out that the HR was full of #######. She SHOULD have told me that she would be able to provide me with a Work Permit for a year if I did not get the Residence Permit, but at the time, I was confident that the Residence Permit would be the only way for me to stay here legally.

So now that I have my German Residence Permit and Work Permit, I am only legally allowed to apply for the same jobs that German citizens are allowed to apply for. This makes getting a job on base VERY DIFFICULT! And that is not including the people who are referred to jobs by military families. It's just rediculous really. I have applied for countless jobs as a "Local National" and have had no luck thus far.

@txladykat:

That's awesome that you both managed to secure jobs in the US. Great job!

I am also hoping to have such good luck upon returning. I have remained confident the entire time that I have lived here in Germany that, upon return to the US, I will be able to secure a somewhat decent job to be able to pay bills, rent, and food for my family. I know that there is a possibility that I will need to work two jobs from the beginning, and I will do that if it is needed.

I am pretty sure that we will continue with our first intentions of doing the DCF. I know that neither of us would be able to separate from each other and function appropriately for a very long time. DCF is definitely the way to go, even if I leave 3 months or so before my husband and step-children.

Edited May 24, 2009 by veronicavonn

[Agnieszka 0]

Have you tried looking on the US military base in Bamberg for a job,...??

Absolutely. I have tried countless times, you have no idea!

When I first got to Germany last year, my husband wanted me to relax and not work for 2 months or so. So I didn't pursue a job until late September. When I went to the Human Resources office on the Army base, I was informed by the lady working there that I pretty much had NO chance of ever getting a job on base once I received my Residence Permit to live in Germany. I also did not want to turn in paperwork that week, and then 2 weeks later have to update the information with my new last name. (We were married 10.10.2008.)

Anyways, it wasn't until late November/early December that I found out that the HR was full of #######. She SHOULD have told me that she would be able to provide me with a Work Permit for a year if I did not get the Residence Permit, but at the time, I was confident that the Residence Permit would be the only way for me to stay here legally.

So now that I have my German Residence Permit and Work Permit, I am only legally allowed to apply for the same jobs that German citizens are allowed to apply for. This makes getting a job on base VERY DIFFICULT! And that is not including the people who are referred to jobs by military families. It's just rediculous really. I have applied for countless jobs as a "Local National" and have had no luck thus far.

@txladykat:

That's awesome that you both managed to secure jobs in the US. Great job!

I am also hoping to have such good luck upon returning. I have remained confident the entire time that I have lived here in Germany that, upon return to the US, I will be able to secure a somewhat decent job to be able to pay bills, rent, and food for my family. I know that there is a possibility that I will need to work two jobs from the beginning, and I will do that if it is needed.

I am pretty sure that we will continue with our first intentions of doing the DCF. I know that neither of us would be able to separate from each other and function appropriately for a very long time. DCF is definitely the way to go, even if I leave 3 months or so before my husband and step-children.

Definitely DCF!

It's really fast, so you won't have to wait too long while being bored (plus you'll be busy collecting all the documents and stuff) and it allows your husband to enter and work almost right away.