The internet and you

[SonoranSongbird 3]

Someday I’m ashamed at how we laud ourselves as Canadians and then don’t behave like we love the world to see us.

I don't know why but it just doesn't rub me the right way. These are stereotypes that I feel the rest of the world has created for us. Canadians: Polite and humble.

My husband HATES that stereotype! LoL--probably doesn't want to be burdened with having to live up to it. But the reality is, yes, there are absolute tossers and also lovely people in every country you go to. But it is nice to have the Canada branch as a bit of a refuge from the rest of the internet, so it's disheartening when the rest of the internet invades.

I am basically the same person on line that I am in person except that I'm a lot more verbose on line. It's just a function of communicating in writing vs verbally, not so much a "persona." I used to post a lot on a travel site (which is how I met my husband, although I actually met him in person at a meetup, not online), and I have met now 99 people from that site. With every one of them, what you see on line is what you get in person, with the exception that some people can be shy in person and more loquatious on line, some people are actually chattier in person than they are on line (a friend of mine is wickedly funny in person, but barely says anything on line because she can't be bothered typing long responses), and some people are just funnier on line. Some people are more serious in person, but on the whole, they are not entirely different people.

One of my big pet peeves is the people who will feud and snipe on line and then, when called on the carpet for being deuchebags, say that they get along with people off line "In Real Life" and the people actually being polite on line are only doing so because they have no "real life" friends. My take is if you can't control your temper on line, where you have to take the time to write your replies and can think better of it before hitting the "send" or "post" button, how can you possibly control your temper off line when you don't have those options? And if you INTENTIONALLY say things that are hurtful on line just because "it's only the internet," then you get no credit from me for being more restrained in face to face conversation when you simply can't hide behind anonymity.

[JillA 2]

I've only met 2 friends online so far, Nevada and Amanda and they were great

But I did meet this guy on ICQ (anyone remember that?) so many years ago.... he lived in Oakville too so we met at the local Starbucks. Our chats over ICQ were nice but in person, it was so not good.... we just didn't click and there was no physical attraction at all.... I was glad I could get in my car and go right home

[July09Bride 1]

I've only met 2 friends online so far, Nevada and Amanda and they were great

But I did meet this guy on ICQ (anyone remember that?) so many years ago.... he lived in Oakville too so we met at the local Starbucks. Our chats over ICQ were nice but in person, it was so not good.... we just didn't click and there was no physical attraction at all.... I was glad I could get in my car and go right home

I've met 2 VJ people in person, and they were both great, too! I met Kim from Travis_&_Kim and PopRocks -- both while in Montreal for the interview.

I have, howeber, met others in person that I've met online. In one instance, there was a group going to Vegas for a weekend of hanging out (and to meet). Since Vegas wasn't far from Phoenix, I went with a friend from home and they were all really nice. However, my going to Vegas at the same time as this group actually was the unravelling of another online person (talk about people being the same or different in real life vs. online!! Cue the online drama music!)!!! Anyway, the weekend was fun and that's when I got my little crescent moon tattoo on my ankle.

[DeadPoolX 9]

So those of you that met your hubby or wifey online, I have a question... it's not like a normal blind date where you can just meet up for coffee, then go home after.... how do you plan meeting an online love for the first time? I know if I told my Mom, I'm going to PHL to meet a guy I met online for the weekend, she probably would have freaked out! Not about meeting him online, but spending the whole w/e with the guy if we never met before.

Maybe I don't understand the question, but... how is planning to visit someone you've met online differ from someone you've met briefly in real life? You still need to plan the visit, finances, get a passport, get through customs, etc. It's really no different from any other long-distance trip.

How is meeting someone you've known and spoken to online any worse than visiting someone you've met for maybe a couple of days in real life? If anything, you've probably spoken more with the individual online (since you couldn't do a whole lot else). In both cases, you're visiting someone you don't really know. It's certainly no worse than a blind date.

[JillA 2]

So those of you that met your hubby or wifey online, I have a question... it's not like a normal blind date where you can just meet up for coffee, then go home after.... how do you plan meeting an online love for the first time? I know if I told my Mom, I'm going to PHL to meet a guy I met online for the weekend, she probably would have freaked out! Not about meeting him online, but spending the whole w/e with the guy if we never met before.

Maybe I don't understand the question, but... how is planning to visit someone you've met online differ from someone you've met briefly in real life? You still need to plan the visit, finances, get a passport, get through customs, etc. It's really no different from any other long-distance trip.

How is meeting someone you've known and spoken to online any worse than visiting someone you've met for maybe a couple of days in real life? If anything, you've probably spoken more with the individual online (since you couldn't do a whole lot else). In both cases, you're visiting someone you don't really know. It's certainly no worse than a blind date.

I didn't say it was worse than meeting someone you know. It is different, not WORSE from an average blind date, meeting someone in your local town and then going home after. When meeting the person for the first time, in a new country, I was just curious of the logistics of it all. Where do you meet, stay, etc. You're in a different country so if it doesn't work out or you don't 'click' you can't go right home.

[JillA 2]

So I see this same topic in OT has gone, well off topic

[DeadPoolX 9]

So those of you that met your hubby or wifey online, I have a question... it's not like a normal blind date where you can just meet up for coffee, then go home after.... how do you plan meeting an online love for the first time? I know if I told my Mom, I'm going to PHL to meet a guy I met online for the weekend, she probably would have freaked out! Not about meeting him online, but spending the whole w/e with the guy if we never met before.

Maybe I don't understand the question, but... how is planning to visit someone you've met online differ from someone you've met briefly in real life? You still need to plan the visit, finances, get a passport, get through customs, etc. It's really no different from any other long-distance trip.

How is meeting someone you've known and spoken to online any worse than visiting someone you've met for maybe a couple of days in real life? If anything, you've probably spoken more with the individual online (since you couldn't do a whole lot else). In both cases, you're visiting someone you don't really know. It's certainly no worse than a blind date.

I didn't say it was worse than meeting someone you know. It is different, not WORSE from an average blind date, meeting someone in your local town and then going home after. When meeting the person for the first time, in a new country, I was just curious of the logistics of it all. Where do you meet, stay, etc. You're in a different country so if it doesn't work out or you don't 'click' you can't go right home.

When I wrote "worse" I was using it in the context of "more difficult." My fault -- I probably didn't make that clear.

I guess I don't see how it's much different from visiting someone in another city. Sure, you don't have customs to deal with, but overall, the same situation occurs. You have to figure out where you're staying, what you're doing, where to meet, etc. It's easier to go home (once again, no customs), but it's still a hassle and an expense.

Technically speaking, if you're visiting someone in another country you can turn around and go home. It's rare that there are no flights at all or you can't change your flight time and date. It'll cost, of course, but it's usually doable. If you've driven there, it's even easier.

[trailmix 77]

It's an amazing book, I recommend it to EVERYONE who is a true Canadian. Not an economic Canadian. Sorry. I'm getting so tired of Calgary. I'm all for diversity and immigration but it's gotten way out of hand in my city.

Now you will be the immigrant

I know, I'm aware. But at least I will not try to haggle with retail stores and grocery stores. That's my major pet peeve. I hate it SO much when someone comes in, and tries to haggle with me. "I bought 4 of this, can't I have a discount?'' or ''but the sign says, buy one, get one free.'' No no no. It says buy one, get the second for half price. I'm a supervisor for Indigo Books. I don't pick the prices and I can't just dish out discounts to everyone that asks. :s I'd be out of a job, and I need my job..it's hard to find work as it is.

I guess I am treading off the topic here, but you are saying that immigrants don't act 'appropriately' ? or - I guess i'm not really sure what your point is.

[Autumnchik 6]

@ Jill - I met my hubby online. I responded to a pen pal ad. He was mostly looking for people in other countries to communicate with so he would have a couch to sleep on when he traveled. He actually didn't want to write to an American, as he wasn't interested in traveling to the U.S. However, I am so compelling that he just HAD to write

We actually talked on the phone for 14 months before we met. I was being VERY VERY cautious. Also, I had not written to him because I was looking for a relationship, so I had to wrap my head around the idea that maybe we would click in person and I should just go ahead and meet him. After all those months of talking, we planned for him to come to GA, meet me and then, if we clicked, we would take a road trip up the East Coast to CT. He had plans for where he would travel to if we didn't click. My hubby has backpacked quite a bit and is very used to traveling wherever the wind blows you, so it didn't feel like all this pressure .... wow, he is coming for 3 weeks, ohmygod it has to work out!!! .... because we both knew we had options.

Something funny about our first time meeting: my husband's last girlfriend before me was a fricking fitness model. Normally, I think I have decent self esteem and feel comfortable in my skin. However, I am NOT anywhere near a fitness model, so I was feeling a bit insecure before we met and apparently made self deprecating remarks to my hubby. So, when we met, the first words out of his mouth were, wow, you are better than I thought! He caught himself and we both cracked up. Wonderful way to break the ice!!!

[JillA 2]

@ Jill - I met my hubby online. I responded to a pen pal ad. He was mostly looking for people in other countries to communicate with so he would have a couch to sleep on when he traveled. He actually didn't want to write to an American, as he wasn't interested in traveling to the U.S. However, I am so compelling that he just HAD to write

We actually talked on the phone for 14 months before we met. I was being VERY VERY cautious. Also, I had not written to him because I was looking for a relationship, so I had to wrap my head around the idea that maybe we would click in person and I should just go ahead and meet him. After all those months of talking, we planned for him to come to GA, meet me and then, if we clicked, we would take a road trip up the East Coast to CT. He had plans for where he would travel to if we didn't click. My hubby has backpacked quite a bit and is very used to traveling wherever the wind blows you, so it didn't feel like all this pressure .... wow, he is coming for 3 weeks, ohmygod it has to work out!!! .... because we both knew we had options.

Something funny about our first time meeting: my husband's last girlfriend before me was a fricking fitness model. Normally, I think I have decent self esteem and feel comfortable in my skin. However, I am NOT anywhere near a fitness model, so I was feeling a bit insecure before we met and apparently made self deprecating remarks to my hubby. So, when we met, the first words out of his mouth were, wow, you are better than I thought! He caught himself and we both cracked up. Wonderful way to break the ice!!!

That's so sweet Autumn! I love hearing the stories how people met their SOs. That's funny how he said that, he must have been pleasantly surprised... and the rest is history!! You have a little Canam baby

[minnew 4]

I try to be true to myself where ever I may be, whether it be in-person, on the telephone or online. I am the kind of person that is honest and down to earth. I would not classify myself as someone who knows the immigration process entirely, as no one does. I joined VJ in March of 08 I believe, I did alot of browsing before I did any posting. I do not feel comfortable giving someone advice on VJ unless I know for sure the answer or I can relate to my own experiences. Because I can tell you I know that in my own experience from my very first topic posts the people that replied were very welcoming and very informative. That's what VJ is about a community, sharing other people's family immigration experience or for some people just to browse and update their timeline.

I was also brought up that if you don't have anything nice to say, do not say it all. I think alot of people on VJ use the internet/a computer screen to say things that they probably would not tell you in person. This does not mean that I would not share my opinion on a subject in person or online, but I would not degrade them and say vulgar things to them if I did not agree with them, or make a point of this is my opinion and I think its right, get defensive that someone does not agree, and argue with you on the fact that you think its right...or wrong, or try to change theirs.

I met my fiance online, he can tell you that I am the same person that he met in person. He thought I was going to be taller...and I thought he was going to be taller, but oh well when you have only pictures to go on for 4 months of chatting as friends what can you do? I have met some very nice people online and through VJ, not in person but we talk on a regular basis through other forms of messenger. Could I see myself being friends and meeting some people on VJ on a regular basis? Yes. As long as they aren't some stalker...

Someone in another thread mentioned about people airing their personal problems on an online forum and yes I do agree sometimes those people do not have anyone else to talk to about the situation, which makes me sad too. I think its horrible to make fun of them, as that would hopefully not be how you would treat them in real life. The fiances or spouses of the USC's you must remember have left their home country to come to the USA, usually with no connections, no family and friends living the US, of course they can make friends in "real life" by working and socializing with coworkers, neighbours, whoever. There only "friends" may be the USC or the USC friends. I do have friends, family and my fiance to talk to besides VJ. I do have friends in the US because I went to school there. The thing about VJ is that sometimes people feel ashamed or guilty to talk with their family or friends about certain issues, or their family and friends do not understand the in's and out's of the immigration process. I am sure all of us have been through that. As much as I tried to explain it to my friends, they still call what I am going through "your citizenship" process. I reply no, its greencard, after I marry, I may apply later fo citizenship, I do not automatically become a citizen by marrying a USC.

VJ is definitely a special group of people going through a lengthy, frustrating, emotional time and immigration process, I think some people forget that, we all should rely on each other for support which is what this forum is based on and try to be civil with each other during it, whether you are brand new and only stick around for a while or you are a seasoned VJ member.

[MapleLeafBaby 1]

So those of you that met your hubby or wifey online, I have a question... it's not like a normal blind date where you can just meet up for coffee, then go home after.... how do you plan meeting an online love for the first time? I know if I told my Mom, I'm going to PHL to meet a guy I met online for the weekend, she probably would have freaked out! Not about meeting him online, but spending the whole w/e with the guy if we never met before.

We met on line...till this day, he contends that I sent him a little mesge and I truly recall that he 'poked' me...we have resolved to the fact that it was the websites way to get him to renew his membership! Haha!

I flew to PA a month after we met and talked on the phone every day for hours. I told my mom and left numbers and contact info to be safe LOL! He was a total gentlemen, offered to pay for my flight and put me up in a hotel to make me feel comforable.

Did I mention that he would not even consider putting out for the first 3 months of our relationship?! Lol'! His theory, as he told me 'no offence but if I wanted a piece of ***, I could get it a mile from my house and not have to drive 8 hours for it LOL...I need to know that this is something more before we complicate it with other stuff'.....clearly I fell in love with him after that! His plan worked!

Edited May 22, 2009 by poprocks

[Hugglebuggles 60]

So those of you that met your hubby or wifey online, I have a question... it's not like a normal blind date where you can just meet up for coffee, then go home after.... how do you plan meeting an online love for the first time? I know if I told my Mom, I'm going to PHL to meet a guy I met online for the weekend, she probably would have freaked out! Not about meeting him online, but spending the whole w/e with the guy if we never met before.

I really had to put in my reply because our story is actually kinda funny! We met online and talked for about 2 months before we decided we had to meet. I was only 17 at the time so driving down to NC on my own wasn't much of an option. I felt like I knew him very well, but based on the words from my friends and family members I decided to be very very cautious. First, my aunt had a background check run on him (I know... I know) and then I brought 2 of my male friends along with me as protection (in the end, bad decision... but that's a very LONG and interesting side story). In a crowd of people I looked over and saw him standing about 30 feet away and I knew it was him... to this day I can't figure out how, since I'm blind and had previously only seen him from the shoulders up. He drove 10 hours to spend 5 hours with me... that's all we needed to become hooked. I was 17, drove across the border with a group of friends to meet a 20 year old I met on the internet. My parents were none to pleased! Looking back on it now, I took a huge risk... glad it paid off!

You guys don't even want to know how long it took for me to put out It was a true test of love, lets just say that.

Edited May 23, 2009 by Hugglebuggles

[coldwatersurf 5]

I think VJ is the most mildest forum I've ever been on. I love it that people act maturely (well - canada forum that is.lol)

I used to be on this event/night life/clubbing website and it was like highschool. total mean girl movie made in real life. There's your jocks, the cheerleaders, the chess club, the artsy group, and the witch. Everyone is mean online. 90% of them were able to say the things they said behind a computer. I say one wrong thing or what i call an "opinion" (or anyone for that matter), it only takes one person to say something and the whole clique gangs up. If i try and go along with it, i end up back pedaling. so I just stop.

Its sad b/c all these people have met each other in real life and they will make fun of them from their weight to how their dressed or someone's nose or make fun of their job if they are working @ GAP. its funny b/c my user name was "im_on_alesse". haha. so if a member didnt know my name, they will call that out in public. its pretty funny. well... my conclusion, i think everyone were all geeks, it just depends who's geekier. but a couple of them - probably 5%- were truly genuine people.

[Emancipation 2]

Did I mention that he would not even consider putting out for the first 3 months of our relationship?! Lol'! His theory, as he told me 'no offence but if I wanted a piece of ***, I could get it a mile from my house and not have to drive 8 hours for it LOL...I need to know that this is something more before we complicate it with other stuff'.....clearly I fell in love with him after that! His plan worked!

Awe you know THIS is romance.. honestly.. i love that he said that to you and gave you that gift.. He's a keeper.