Is my husband being unreasonable?

[trailmix 77]

He's being a douchewaffle on all accounts. Whether by nature or by being confused and not yet adjusted to married life, remains to be seen.

That is the best non-word you could come up with? That's disgusting.

[msdelila 1]

Hi,

I don't know you, but it does seem he is manipulating you by using the " I'm supporting us" excuse. I agree that you may have gotten married before really seeing the other side of him. Anyways, it's too late now since you are pregnant. I do believe in compromise though, and through this you may work it out.

In my opinion, he is being too overbearing. Always wanting you to cuddle and kiss him. He seems a bit insecure. The fact that he isn't willing to compromise or admit that doesn't make things easier. About the sex, I see it from both sides. You shouldn't have to have sex with him whenever he wants, especially now since you are pregnant. He needs to understand that. But, sometimes it's equally important for you to also compromise and sleep with him even if you aren't in the mood. It sounds bad....but sex is a big part of a relationship, especially for men. You may not be in the mood, but he is, and you shouldn't just cut him off completely. It has to go both ways. You can't just expect him to be satisfied with never having sex. This is coming from a woman. So basically, sometimes he should go without, and sometimes you should give in. If he ignores you, then just deal with it. Most men do that when they are upset, and you don't let it bother you, otherwise he'll keep doing it and getting away with it.

[justashooter 430]

what is the one food guaranteed to eliminate a woman's sex drive?

wedding cake.

seriously, you are no longer just hanging out 3 weeks at a time on vacation banging. you are living together in a married state. you will have to admit that your sexual desire has reduced as a result. you will also have to admit that your pregnancy has reduced your sexual desire. you have already added that his clingy behaviour has also reduced the animal attraction. you may not be considering that your hormonal state has shifted, and that your attitudes about a lot of things are changing, and unstable in a way that is entirely appropriate to your physical condition.

what you may also not be considering is how your husband is feeling as a result of the change. your withdrawl may be increasing his insecurities, and thereby his demands. he doesn't really want lots of sex, just lots of display of your continued affection for and commitment to him. sure, he may be more needy than the average guy, but he is prolly just under a lot of pressure as a result of the changes you are going thru.

speaking of changes, do you really think you understand how this business of pupping a child right after marriage is affecting him? hell, he prolly doesn't even understand the pressure he's feeling about it himself. he thinks he's getting a girl to throw on the back of the motorbike, and finds out that he's gonna have to trade the bike in for a minivan with a car seat. he is allowed to react funny to that one.

a normal relationship usually starts with about a year of courtship with constant display of affection. this is followed by a year of "honeymoon" with gradual substitution of communication for overt affection. then the couple spends a few years finding a balance of overt affection, communication, trust, and independence. you may be rushing things, just a bit.

you two are going to do what you are going to do, but talking about the situtation sure would resolve some of the anxiety and confusion. if you can't do it effective directly as a couple, then bring in a 3rd party.

[lost&lonely 0]

I know the adjustment to the US can be stressful and influence changes in behavior. But this is more than we can attribute to adjustment.

The only thing he has had to adjust to is being married and his wife expecting a baby...he is the USC.

[lost&lonely 0]

what is the one food guaranteed to eliminate a woman's sex drive?

wedding cake.

seriously, you are no longer just hanging out 3 weeks at a time on vacation banging. you are living together in a married state. you will have to admit that your sexual desire has reduced as a result. you will also have to admit that your pregnancy has reduced your sexual desire. you have already added that his clingy behaviour has also reduced the animal attraction. you may not be considering that your hormonal state has shifted, and that your attitudes about a lot of things are changing, and unstable in a way that is entirely appropriate to your physical condition.

what you may also not be considering is how your husband is feeling as a result of the change. your withdrawl may be increasing his insecurities, and thereby his demands. he doesn't really want lots of sex, just lots of display of your continued affection for and commitment to him. sure, he may be more needy than the average guy, but he is prolly just under a lot of pressure as a result of the changes you are going thru.

speaking of changes, do you really think you understand how this business of pupping a child right after marriage is affecting him? hell, he prolly doesn't even understand the pressure he's feeling about it himself. he thinks he's getting a girl to throw on the back of the motorbike, and finds out that he's gonna have to trade the bike in for a minivan with a car seat. he is allowed to react funny to that one.

a normal relationship usually starts with about a year of courtship with constant display of affection. this is followed by a year of "honeymoon" with gradual substitution of communication for overt affection. then the couple spends a few years finding a balance of overt affection, communication, trust, and independence. you may be rushing things, just a bit.

you two are going to do what you are going to do, but talking about the situtation sure would resolve some of the anxiety and confusion. if you can't do it effective directly as a couple, then bring in a 3rd party.

Thank you for the reply.

I have taken into account the effect that me expecting a baby has had and 'pupping a child' wasn't something either of us had planned on, but it has happened and we have to deal with what life has thrown at us.

It maybe has had an impact on him, but demanding sex several times a day is not helping. He is not happy with just a display of affection as that would not be a problem , it is the fact that he then wants sex and feels as his wife i should because it is his right as my husband.

I have explained that as a result of the pregnancy my desire has reduced, happy with 3times a week, but this has fallen on deaf ears.

[Caladan 19]

Demanding sex "several times a day" is not the usual "post-partum, my wife is less interested because she's exhausted." Three times a week is not in the realm of cutting the guy off.

[MapleLeafBaby 1]

Pregnancy takes a huge toll on your body and life, which ultimatly and hopefully temporarily affects your energy, sex drive etc...

As a male spouse, one can not even begin to understand what you are going through. A lot of times, a man may see this as an alienation of affection. I think your situation may be further affected by your husbands unhealthy approach to affection in relation to sex and security.

Sometimes you telling your spouse how it is, is not as powerful as a third party (therapist) explaining what it's like for you right now during pregnancy.

Hopefully he is open to this.

Best of luck

[baron555 934]

Pregnancy takes a huge toll on your body and life, which ultimatly and hopefully temporarily affects your energy, sex drive etc...

Imagine the stress that you two will have when you are a family of three. I shudder to think about how he will react then.....please seek help for you two and I'd say start to think about yourself and your child's welfare.

Yes, sounds very much like he can not handle a marriage, maybe not even a family. OUr prayers are with you all.

[nowhereman 1]

Does he refer to sex with you as "loading the dishwasher"? Sorry to make light of the situation be he sounds like an ignorant redneck.

[Peace be still 6]

I'm confused. When a guy with the user name cool wrote a thread about feeling like a slave, some members felt he was a troll. But now that it's a female writting that just joined, no one mentioned that she could be a troll? This is just an observation and by no means ment to offend anybody.

[scandal 951]

Imagine the stress that you two will have when you are a family of three. I shudder to think about how he will react then.....please seek help for you two and I'd say start to think about yourself and your child's welfare.

Yes, sounds very much like he can not handle a marriage, maybe not even a family. OUr prayers are with you all.

Yup. When the kids are born, and wake up during the night, and you feel permanently exhausted and that you will never ever again know what a full restful 8 hour sleep feels like..... see how sexy you feel then, lol.

Since my last post here, you've since mentioned that from a frequency perspective you are fine with 2-3 times per week, and he wants it 2-3 times daily. I revise my earlier comments of not having enough info to judge. If this is indeed the case, you are being very reasonable. He is not. He needs to work through his issues in this regard, hopefully with a professional and with your steadfast support. Sounds like you're taking this in the right direction. Good luck!

[scandal 951]

I'm confused. When a guy with the user name cool wrote a thread about feeling like a slave, some members felt he was a troll. But now that it's a female writting that just joined, no one mentioned that she could be a troll? This is just an observation and by no means ment to offend anybody.

Good observation. I was the first to respond on the 'cool' "I'm a slave thread" with the feeling that he was a troll.

And on this thread - I don't feel that is the case.

Why? Just my intuition. Based upon having seen any number of these kinds of posts. It has to do with the way in which the OP presents the information, and the kind of help they appear to be seeking. This thread rings true. My intuition is not infallible of course. I could have been wrong about 'cool', and I could be wrong here.

BTW - It's not about the gender of the poster. I've long ago realized that people online will pretend to be any gender, color, age, or persuasion that strikes their fancy at that moment. If I think a "female" is trolling, I'll call that without hesitation.

[Bobby+Umit 161]

I'm confused. When a guy with the user name cool wrote a thread about feeling like a slave, some members felt he was a troll. But now that it's a female writting that just joined, no one mentioned that she could be a troll? This is just an observation and by no means ment to offend anybody.

Nothing in this story "smells" like troll work.

If you notice in the other one, "cool" only responds to people giving "positive" feedback, not negative.

And he hasn't answered any of the pointed questions posed, whereas this poster is.

I could be wrong - and they are all "trolls' - I basically leave the thread when good advice is given, and the person keeps looking for more...

[Peace be still 6]

I'm confused. When a guy with the user name cool wrote a thread about feeling like a slave, some members felt he was a troll. But now that it's a female writting that just joined, no one mentioned that she could be a troll? This is just an observation and by no means ment to offend anybody.

Nothing in this story "smells" like troll work.

If you notice in the other one, "cool" only responds to people giving "positive" feedback, not negative.

And he hasn't answered any of the pointed questions posed, whereas this poster is.

I could be wrong - and they are all "trolls' - I basically leave the thread when good advice is given, and the person keeps looking for more...

Thanks for the pointers.

[lost&lonely 0]

I appreciate that people may feel this is a 'troll' at work, although why people feel the need to make this type of heartache up is beyond me.

All i can say is that i am not a troll i'm just trying to get some helpful feedback, which i have had and i appreciate people taking the time to respond.

There is no-where else for me to go to ask for help as i have no /friendsfamily over here and i really don't want to get family involved for fear of repucussions later if/when we get all this sorted...it would put a strain on their relationship with my husband that i don't think is fair as people have said there are 2sides to every story.

Thanks for everyone who has taken the time to reply, it is very much appreciated.