ok mena i have a question for all you couples

[Nothing1234 2]

The problem is, even trivial things can add up-- especially if you are trying to save money, pay a debt, or whatever. If every day I went out and spent $5 on something, that is about $150/month, or $1800/year. If you are both doing it, it obviously doubles. If you made 10 $25 purchases a month-- eating out, picking up a shirt, whatever, and he did the same that would be $500 a month or $6,000 a year. For some it totally doesn't matter, but it's impossible to give good advice without actually knowing what is happening or the background of the situation.

I think what *can* get people into trouble (and this is not a function of being MENA or anything else-- enough Americans fall into this trap every single second) is the use of credit and basically not functioning on a cash level. You have cash, you spend cash, and when it runs out (and as it is going) you see where it goes and how and when you have no more money. It's easy to swipe a card.

Like I said, we talk about every single little thing-- but we had a goal to pay off 72k total in 3 years or less starting one year from his arrival (giving him time to get a job, etc). When he got here, we made a budget together. We stuck to it. He got a job in 2 weeks. It wasn't great, but he worked it. We saved up, and we're on track. He was good at budgeting there, and he's good at doing it here. People who overspend just likely have that habit to begin with or something is fundamentally lost in translation as far as pricing, income, taxes, whatever. Or, they may just not care. There are a variety of reasons.

So yeah, we don't eat out hardly ever or do any of the *fun* stuff, but when we have emergency car stuff, we can fix it.. when we had to buy a car unexpectedly we could do it, outright. You just set priorities is all. Ours involves a need to accumulate money for a point where I will stop working and we move. Money between a couple should probably be discussed on several levels including what the goals are. If your goals involve kids, a house, cars, financial independance, whatever... you need to keep that in mind not only before you splurge on a $600 pair of shoes, but also before you spend that $5 every day at Starbucks.

[Meriem_DZ 37]

Hachemi and I discuss with each other before we buy expensive things. I am a thrifty spender and he is a saver. I had been wanting to buy a digital SLR for a long time. I love photography and wanted to move from 35 mm to digital. I was at best buy and saw a sony digital SLR on clearance. It was regular priced $699 and was on sale for $460. I called Hachemi and told him my birthday was coming up and I would like to buy this camera, that is was on sale for "four sixty" He said "sure go ahead." I thought to myself "that was easy" Anyway, I had been taking pictures with it for about a week and he said "that camera sure takes great picture to just cost 60 dollars." I said "honey it was four hundred and sixty" He said "WHAT!!!" I will try to be more clear in the future. He still thinks I did it on purpose.

Meriem

[Nothing1234 2]

Hachemi and I discuss with each other before we buy expensive things. I am a thrifty spender and he is a saver. I had been wanting to buy a digital SLR for a long time. I love photography and wanted to move from 35 mm to digital. I was at best buy and saw a sony digital SLR on clearance. It was regular priced $699 and was on sale for $460. I called Hachemi and told him my birthday was coming up and I would like to buy this camera, that is was on sale for "four sixty" He said "sure go ahead." I thought to myself "that was easy" Anyway, I had been taking pictures with it for about a week and he said "that camera sure takes great picture to just cost 60 dollars." I said "honey it was four hundred and sixty" He said "WHAT!!!" I will try to be more clear in the future. He still thinks I did it on purpose.

Meriem

That is toooo funny!

[NickD 202]

Getting married in this country translates into being liable for each others debts. Think that says it all.

[childress_london 3]

Every couple has their own style of dealing with this issue. The main thing is that you discuss how finances will be handled BEFORE you get married. This issue is a main cause of stress in many marriages. You must talk about this in advance and decide together how money will be handled. For me, I like to be the one in control of the finances, the budget, the bills and the say-so on what gets spent and what doesn't. Not that I'm a financial dictator, it's just that I'm good at it and I feel more secure if I'm in control of this issue. And of course I listen to any logical argument concerning why an exorbitant amount of money should be spent. Now that's just ME. That probably wouldn't work for many other relationships. So like others have said on here, you can't go by someone else's experience, you and your spouse have to decide between you what is the best way to handle the finances.

Good luck!

[caybee 21]

Different methods work for different couples. In our case, we share a checking account and use individual debit cards for almost everything, so we know where the money is going. I keep track of the bills because with one person doing that, we have a better idea of what expenses are coming up, and I just brief him on what hasn't yet cleared, etc. We don't check in with each other on trivial purchases or groceries because we're pretty consistent week to week with those. We make clothing and similar purchases on our own, though we'll let the other person know after the fact. My husband caught on quickly that he can get good-quality clothing at end-of-season clearances to save for the following year, and he's pretty good at sniffing out bargains, so we're both fairly controlled when it comes to spending at that level. If one of us wants an item that costs more than, say, $100 or $150, depending on the health of the bank account at the time, we'll talk it over first to make sure it won't get us in trouble. And if we have some unexpected expenses, whoever sees them coming first will let the other know so we can tone down any nonessential purchases for a while. If we want to save for something big, we talk it over so we can cooperate, funnel more from our paychecks into the savings account so we won't spend it as easily, etc. It's a lot of communication, but we're pretty similar in the amount we tend to spend on things (though he is more disciplined than I am), and our financial goals mesh well together. That said, the finances will tighten up even more once the baby is born, so it's time to sit down and plan how we'll handle the next chapter of our lives.

[Marina-Del 10]

I agree with what everyone has said, every couple is different, communication is key!

For us, we are working on making our budget now. Del is an okay saver, but I am MUCH better. When he sees something he wants he almost always feels like he "has to have it!!! right now!!!" but usually if we talk about it for even 5 minutes he realises that he doesn't really need that DVD. Or whatever it is. I'm a saver. But we work well together. I recognize that we can spend a bit more money than we do, and he recognizes that we can save a bit more money than we do (in different areas, obviously).

So, for the last 2 weeks (and for the next 2 weeks) we are tracking down literally EVERYTHING we buy. He has a bit of paper in his wallet and I have one in mine where we have written down EVERYTHING we have bought. The idea is to find out how much we spend on gas/groceries/leisure activities/clothes/ect per month. We both get paid in cash at our jobs (we're in Brazil), so we can't keep track by debit cards like some people do. So hopefully after tracking this for a month or a bit more, we can get a better idea of the average we spend per week. Once we know that, we can look at what we could cut down and what is necessary (like gas!). We have certain goals that we want to achieve before set dates. I need to buy a car, for example. So there are things we need to do and we have to save for that.

Normally, we don't tell each other every purchase (like candy bars, of course) but for the purpose of the budget tracking, for the past month we have. But as everyone has said, normally, we'll only inform each other of big purchases. If I want to buy a pair of shoes, that's okay of course...but it depends on the couple, the amount of money you have and most importantly HOW OFTEN you buy a pair of shoes!! If you buy a new pair of shoes every couple months or more that might be okay, but if you buy one once every couple weeks...that's something you need to discuss!!

[nurse1967 287]

The bottom line is that discussing large purchases is just basically respectful. You are in a marriage together and should be working towards the same end. So, in that light I think large purchases should be discussed beforehand. As you said, what if a large purchase causes you not to be able to pay a necessary expense??

[bhajishah 4]

like did you tell her up front how much $$ you are going to send back overseas. ??

[Completely 3]

hi there mena couples .i have a question for you all.well in a marriage do couples talk to eachother before they purchase anything expensive.or are they supposed to buy what they want without talking about it.just go and buy anything they want without the other persons knowing.in a marriage i thought well being an american.that they talk about the finances before they purchase anything expensive.is it supposed to be communication between both before spending.or is it not like that anymore.please mena let me know.and please dont be judgemental like alot of people on here are.which makes some people not even want to post.just let me know mena have a blessed day everyone.and thank u in advance for your imput

hi there mena couples .i have a question for you all.well in a marriage do couples talk to eachother before they purchase anything expensive.or are they supposed to buy what they want without talking about it.just go and buy anything they want without the other persons knowing.in a marriage i thought well being an american.that they talk about the finances before they purchase anything expensive.is it supposed to be communication between both before spending.or is it not like that anymore.please mena let me know.and please dont be judgemental like alot of people on here are.which makes some people not even want to post.just let me know mena have a blessed day everyone.and thank u in advance for your imput

Even we both work, I still let him know and if it is okay with him for me to buy something.. It is nothing for him he doesnt mind me buying stuff, but i feel that it is just a matter of respect, since when we got married, we combined our finances, its not my money, its not his money, it is our money... It took me a while to finally think that it is our money, but when the kids came to our life, it changes everything.. We separate wants and need.. we talk first before spending..

Marriage is much of a compromise and communication.. it is like a job...you have to make sure that everything is working right.. Yes no one is perfect, all of us has flaws, but what matter is the respect you can give to each other.

Edited May 27, 2009 by Completely

[bhajishah 4]

Silence

well there you go a mans answer. silence