Issue with illegal ex-husband & child support

[Amoon 0]

I am on visa journey awaiting my husband's visa interview...but I know a lot of you here on VJ have a wealth of knowledge in lots of areas, so I thought I would throw this out there to see if anyone has been through something similar.

It is eight years worth of a story but I will try to condense it waaaaaaaaay down. Basically, my ex-husband came to the US about 10 years ago illegally...he has been back & forth illegally several times since his intial border crossing. We married in 2004, which was after 911 and we were told by an immigration attorney that there was nothing we could do to get him legal status. We had a baby in 2005 & then separated in late 2006, divorce final early 2008. I have primary custody of our daughter and we have no set visitation rights...etc. I have child support, but he lied to the judge about how much money he made & at that time my daughter had Medicaid so I truthfully told the judge I was not paying insurance for her. Now, I pay insurance, child care, dance, rent...etc. My ex has been paying the child support at the last possible moment. He doesn't know about my husband because I fear he may go nuts and do something crazy (once my hubby is here, I will let my ex know we are married). Ok, to get to the point. I wanted to get a passport for my daughter to travel to my hubby's country possibly in the future, not right now. For the passport, both parents must consent. The passport agency told me that if I could prove due dilligence they would probably grant me the passport---but they have told me this week I MUST have my ex's consent. My ex said he will sign the consent if I take away the child support. He says he doesn't have much work lately & he will pay me along the way when he has money. I don't believe him one second. My dad has callled immigration on him when he was a suspect of robbery at my residence but they did nothing.

He is here illegally.

His driver's license has expired.

He has been here illegally for over 8 year.

He is currently on probation for a DUI.

He has unpaid taxes.

What can I do in this situation? I have spoken to a lawyer about getting sole custody, but as long as he is here & is paying child support, he said the court will not grant it to me. He said that my ex would have to basically disappear & have no contact for a year & stop paying child support & then I could request sole custody & termination of his rights, especially having a husband who is willing to adopt her & take care of her. How would the passport office not grant a passport for my daughter with this kind of information?

Help....if you need more details, just ask...I just didn't want to write a novel.

Thanks so much for your time & any advice.

Amanda

[Peikko 1,575]

Consult an attorney.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Retain legal counsel.

[payxibka 10,045]

Retain legal counsel.

certainly but also be realistic... do not expect a miracle... he can be a low life citizen, but he so far has or appears to have upheld his obligation... no judge will take action against him.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Retain legal counsel.

certainly but also be realistic... do not expect a miracle... he can be a low life citizen, but he so far has or appears to have upheld his obligation... no judge will take action against him.

I concur with you brother.... but I was exercising my niceness....

[Amoon 0]

Retain legal counsel.

certainly but also be realistic... do not expect a miracle... he can be a low life citizen, but he so far has or appears to have upheld his obligation... no judge will take action against him.

I concur with you brother.... but I was exercising my niceness....

You are right...he is not a citizen of the US btw, just in case that wasn't clear. He is still here illegally. I do not have the money for a lawyer...so I'm sure the only thing I can do is wait it out and hope he leaves the country.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

I will say this with the best intentions: if you post such personal stuff here, be prepared to hear things you will not like.

Example: he might be a poor man (financially), but seems he is willing to pay the child support when he has the money, and has done so frequently. Bullying someone for finances in the name of a child is quite disgusting.

[payxibka 10,045]

Retain legal counsel.

certainly but also be realistic... do not expect a miracle... he can be a low life citizen, but he so far has or appears to have upheld his obligation... no judge will take action against him.

I concur with you brother.... but I was exercising my niceness....

You are right...he is not a citizen of the US btw, just in case that wasn't clear. He is still here illegally. I do not have the money for a lawyer...so I'm sure the only thing I can do is wait it out and hope he leaves the country.

Legal or illegal does not matter... immigration status or immigration law does not establish parental rights.

If he leaves, how does that solve your problem?

My wife had to chase her ex- to another country to get his signature... I can tell you that was not much fun...

Edited May 19, 2009 by payxibka

[Amoon 0]

Don't take what I said in the wrong way. I completely understand that if I post something...it is opening the door for comments that I may not like. Yes, he is doing his part on paper as a "father" citizen or not...I understand that has nothing to do with immigration. I am in no way bullying him for finances in the name of our child. He is a month behind in child support and didn't pay 'back' child support that he owed. He ran a cell phone bill up in my name & didn't pay it, also left me with a huge bill from an apartment complex that I helped him get an apartment for his family in my name. But all of that I brought it on myself, nothing I can do about it now...I'm not suing him...etc, so I wouldn't consider asking for child support due to help pay rent & clothes & insurance for her from someone who I can count on my hand how many times he has given her a bath, bullying. I do appreciate your comments don't get me wrong.

[sj5 4]

Amanda,

I don't know how to give you an advice. I wish you the best. I hope he change his mind. All I know that, you can consult with the family lawyer.

Edited May 19, 2009 by sj5

[sj5 4]

Amanda,

I don't know how to give you an advice. I wish you the best. I hope he change his mind. All I know that, you can consult with the family lawyer.

Try to check this link. I don't know if it's helpful but give you an idea.

http://articles.directorym.com/Child_Custo...h_Carolina.html

[Tygrys 143]

Consulting a family law lawyer is a must. Nobody on the VJ (except maybe family law lawyers, if any) can give you a good answer.

But, just as an idea - if your ex is so smart to bargain (saying: I'll do that if you forfeit your child support), why not tell him... you sign this thing or I'll hit you with a new suit for more child support due to my changed circumstances - you said you now have to pay things you did not have to pay before... Put some pressure on him...

And one more time - consult an attorney before you do anything.

[Danno 1,228]

People, it's easy to say "get an Attorney" but it sounds to me like this lady does not have the money.

I for one am kinda impressed the guy is paying support as well as he has, sounds like he is half living in the shadows .... I'm surprised he has not skipped out on you as I can imagine the economy is effecting him.

Also it sounds like the guy does some visitation, this makes him "an active father" in her life and the court as well as most people would not dismiss this.. just because YOU HAVE MOVED ON.

Not trying to play lawyer.... but since you can't afford one anyway I will give it my best

1. I don't believe you can "barter away" your daughters child support. Any agreement you two make would never stand up in court. (you could screw him)

The money is actually your daughters... not yours so in the eyes of the court you have no role to stop payments only to manage them.

2. Since money seems to be a weak spot for your ex, I would do as someone else suggested and prompt him to sign by calmly telling him you will have to return to court to adjust Child support as circumstances have changed

( you are no longer having insurance provided.... and whatever else you can think of).

Of course it sounds like his circumstances have changed too so who knows if in reality you would prevail.

Forgive me for saying so but,

He may not be the guy you thought he was when you two got married but he is your daughters father.

Fathers are a lot harder to replace in life than are husbands, don't do anything that will haunt you in ten years.

[payxibka 10,045]

But, just as an idea - if your ex is so smart to bargain (saying: I'll do that if you forfeit your child support), why not tell him... you sign this thing or I'll hit you with a new suit for more child support due to my changed circumstances - you said you now have to pay things you did not have to pay before... Put some pressure on him...

what would those changed circumstances be and how does one go about doing that considering in most states child support is not an arbitrary or precedence thing but a actual mathematical calculation.

[100% Al Ahly Fan 53]

I am on visa journey awaiting my husband's visa interview...but I know a lot of you here on VJ have a wealth of knowledge in lots of areas, so I thought I would throw this out there to see if anyone has been through something similar.

It is eight years worth of a story but I will try to condense it waaaaaaaaay down. Basically, my ex-husband came to the US about 10 years ago illegally...he has been back & forth illegally several times since his intial border crossing. We married in 2004, which was after 911 and we were told by an immigration attorney that there was nothing we could do to get him legal status. We had a baby in 2005 & then separated in late 2006, divorce final early 2008. I have primary custody of our daughter and we have no set visitation rights...etc. I have child support, but he lied to the judge about how much money he made & at that time my daughter had Medicaid so I truthfully told the judge I was not paying insurance for her. Now, I pay insurance, child care, dance, rent...etc. My ex has been paying the child support at the last possible moment. He doesn't know about my husband because I fear he may go nuts and do something crazy (once my hubby is here, I will let my ex know we are married). Ok, to get to the point. I wanted to get a passport for my daughter to travel to my hubby's country possibly in the future, not right now. For the passport, both parents must consent. The passport agency told me that if I could prove due dilligence they would probably grant me the passport---but they have told me this week I MUST have my ex's consent. My ex said he will sign the consent if I take away the child support. He says he doesn't have much work lately & he will pay me along the way when he has money. I don't believe him one second. My dad has callled immigration on him when he was a suspect of robbery at my residence but they did nothing.

He is here illegally.

His driver's license has expired.

He has been here illegally for over 8 year.

He is currently on probation for a DUI.

He has unpaid taxes.

What can I do in this situation? I have spoken to a lawyer about getting sole custody, but as long as he is here & is paying child support, he said the court will not grant it to me. He said that my ex would have to basically disappear & have no contact for a year & stop paying child support & then I could request sole custody & termination of his rights, especially having a husband who is willing to adopt her & take care of her. How would the passport office not grant a passport for my daughter with this kind of information?

Help....if you need more details, just ask...I just didn't want to write a novel.

Thanks so much for your time & any advice.

Amanda

Sorry you have to deal with this, but this is interesting that I read this today. I was just talking to a friend at work yesterday about the fact that BOTH parents need to sign for a child to get a passport. I too, had to have my ex-husband do this a few years ago when I wanted to bring my son to visit my family in Egypt. All is not lost here, the following is a form I had my ex sign so that I could just go to our local office to apply without the ex having to physically be there. God knows I don't want to be seen with him in public Anyhow, here is the link:

http://www.state.gov/documents/organization/80106.pdf

With this paper you should be able to fill area in the "Statement of Special Circumstances" area. This may allow you to get the passport without your ex's signature. Good luck and feel free to PM me if you have any questions.