advise, divorce/annulment

[DanielParul 50]

I think he is just cooking up a story coz he has nothing else to do. A troll. Why else would he come back with 'my wife now has a green card' and is doing nothing to save his a$$ after all the advice he got on his previous thread OR he is just waiting to get his a$$ whipped by her real good this time.

[Merrillizer 0]

Dude, I feel your pain. First off get EVERYTHING documented and have multiple copies of everything. If you're done with her and you sincerely feel its the end, go through the annulment proceedings ASAP! I would also use the classic signs of marriage fraud as part of your argument for annulment. Write down or type the ones that match your particular situation. I had over 21 "red flags" from my wife. When you get the annulment decree, send it to USCIS (send it where you originally sent her paperwork), include a letter of explanation and a copy of the annulment decree. Seems like you're already on the hook though since she got her papework. In my case, a somewhat similar one to yours, I withdrew support while my wife was still pending. It was definitely good of you to get that statement concering abuse, and that she felt like she was NOT abused. That will definitely help. It's sad when people come in to your life, everything is great, then once things seem a little too rough, they just pack up and abandon you. It's truly a sick and twisted thing to do to someone. Its just sad that some people are so willing to desert their companion, and not fullfil their marital obligations.

If you do feel and believe that you have been used and abused, then I strongly suggest you do what you need to do to protect yourself. But I also strongly advise you not to be vindictive. If you think it will make you feel better in the long run to get revenge, it wont. Believe me, if you ever really loved the girl, it WONT help or make you feel better in the end.

[retiredfromforum 1]

I think he is just cooking up a story coz he has nothing else to do. A troll. Why else would he come back with 'my wife now has a green card' and is doing nothing to save his a$$ after all the advice he got on his previous thread OR he is just waiting to get his a$$ whipped by her real good this time.

why?

love can blind a person, i desparately tried to get beyond this...hoping and wishing my fears would not come into a reality. I still hold out even the slightest glimmer even now...to give up on something you love. But realize that love is a one way road.

I appreciate the troll comment...

but to answer your question...you love your wife no doubt would be willing to pretty much die for her if someone else hurt her...so step in my shoes for just a minute...you would most likely not jump the a hasty decision after finding something out you would try to talk to the person, work it out, anything but leaving or being without that one person who you love so much.

I did that, then after it seemed things were out on the table and in the open decided I needed some time and she wanted to see her family so she went home for a month...came back for about a week and now is gone.

[noheredude 0]

Dear jackofalltrades,

I'm sorry to hear that. I can't believe there's women out there capable of doing such thing. Anyway, she clearly doesn't care about you, either that or she has some sort of bipolar dysfunction, which I think she doesn't right? My honest opinion is get all the evidence you can possibly have, don't let her suspect of your intentions, find a good lawyer and get an annulment or divorce, whatever it is. If she used you to get a green card and the you can prove that, chances are a judge will side with you.

Good luck!

[Bobby+Umit 161]

I think he is just cooking up a story coz he has nothing else to do. A troll. Why else would he come back with 'my wife now has a green card' and is doing nothing to save his a$$ after all the advice he got on his previous thread OR he is just waiting to get his a$$ whipped by her real good this time.

why?

love can blind a person, i desparately tried to get beyond this...hoping and wishing my fears would not come into a reality. I still hold out even the slightest glimmer even now...to give up on something you love. But realize that love is a one way road.

I appreciate the troll comment...

but to answer your question...you love your wife no doubt would be willing to pretty much die for her if someone else hurt her...so step in my shoes for just a minute...you would most likely not jump the a hasty decision after finding something out you would try to talk to the person, work it out, anything but leaving or being without that one person who you love so much.

I did that, then after it seemed things were out on the table and in the open decided I needed some time and she wanted to see her family so she went home for a month...came back for about a week and now is gone.

You were given good advice in your last post - prior to the AOS. You could of stopped the greencard, you could of prevented it from happening by simply removing your 864.

You didn't. You claim you have a lawyer, yet you keep coming back here, asking for even more advice. That does not make sense.

You had clear and compelling evidence she was using you, yet you held on to this with some "glimmer" of hope...

She now has the greencard. There is nothing you can do. Even if you divorce, she can remove conditions herself if needed. Plus your still on the hook for the 864.

All you can do is divorce her and hope she doesn't take you for more money down the road.

And I will now step into your shoes.

If I found out my wife was doing this, I would of stopped the 864 and stopped the greencard. She would be divorced and on her way back home. I expect the same thing from her if I cheated on her.

You made your bed, now......

[rlogan 2,036]

But I also strongly advise you not to be vindictive.

A bit of irony here.

I still hold out even the slightest glimmer even now

Which is the reason why all she has to do is bed you and cry a little bit and you'll do whatever she wants.

Sending her home was ideal for her. She got to wait out the green card and not live with you. It is SO much easier to fake the "I love you" from ten thousand miles away.

I am thinking now that on the one hand fraud would negate her green card and end the obligation for you. But on the other hand, you knew it was fraud and let her do it anyway - so it muddles what would have been a clear revocation of status.

It gives her some "wiggle room" to say that despite being caught at fraud, she really did try to make it work. You did the exact wrong thing, and I say this not to beat you over the head with it, but instead as a warning to anyone else who finds themselves in a similar situation.

[DanielParul 50]

But I also strongly advise you not to be vindictive.

A bit of irony here.

I still hold out even the slightest glimmer even now

Which is the reason why all she has to do is bed you and cry a little bit and you'll do whatever she wants.

Sending her home was ideal for her. She got to wait out the green card and not live with you. It is SO much easier to fake the "I love you" from ten thousand miles away.

I am thinking now that on the one hand fraud would negate her green card and end the obligation for you. But on the other hand, you knew it was fraud and let her do it anyway - so it muddles what would have been a clear revocation of status.

It gives her some "wiggle room" to say that despite being caught at fraud, she really did try to make it work. You did the exact wrong thing, and I say this not to beat you over the head with it, but instead as a warning to anyone else who finds themselves in a similar situation.

Exactly.

[baron555 934]

Don't feel sorry for the OP.

Darwin wins again.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

[retiredfromforum 1]

I work for the gov as well. Do you think because someone is married to military or that you are ex-military that it gives you the right to insult people wrongly....then clearly you did not learn one of the key military values...called respect. obviously you lack this if you insult people for posting on the site...but you are also probably going to get what you deserve as well to the little asian girl who sounds like such a sweet and intelligent person(obviously this is a joke)...if that enlistmen check in the place of your husband wasn't enough.

perhaps they well close this topic...i am game for ongoing insults if you wish to continue

[retiredfromforum 1]

but if you don't care

why continue to post bullshit?

exactly...shut up and go away now

[Ban Hammer 13,491]

I work for the gov as well. Do you think because someone is married to military or that you are ex-military that it gives you the right to insult people wrongly....then clearly you did not learn one of the key military values...called respect. obviously you lack this if you insult people for posting on the site...but you are also probably going to get what you deserve as well to the little asian girl who sounds like such a sweet and intelligent person(obviously this is a joke)...if that enlistmen check in the place of your husband wasn't enough.

perhaps they well close this topic...i am game for ongoing insults if you wish to continue

1. she's the spouse.

2. you commented about the haircut of the individual in her profile pic.

3. he's currently deployed.

4. you were the one that chose to make the remark about the military aspect of her pic, no one else.

5. i though you were leaving?

[DanielParul 50]

Thanks you guys!

As for the OP. Learn to differentiate between opinions and insults when you post on a public forum. Next one will leave too if you don't learn to tame that nasty tongue of yours. Like I said, carry on!

Edited May 20, 2009 by DanielParul

[Tahoma 2,292]

retiredfromforum...

Your wife is a scammer...and you know it. She is scamming you...and you know it. Why do you allow yourself to be treated in this manner? I hope that you get the counseling that you so desperately need. The feelings you have for your wife are not feelings of love. You are simply obsessed with her. It's not a healthy thing. You need to find out from a good counselor what it is about yourself that allows you to remain so confused about this issue.

Best of luck to you.

[J2A♥oasis 2]

There’s not much that I have to add as everything has already been said and I pretty much agree with many of the other posts I have read. I just wanted to thank you for returning and updating us. I remember reading your OP when you found the email, it seemed as if even though things did not look good for your marriage then, you still really wanted to try and make it work. I am really sorry your situation has continued in this direction. However, I think at this time you have far beyond the necessary proof to now do what you know you have to.

As far as the annulment or divorce, if you fall within the conditions of an annulment, I would go for that. An annulment returns you back to your single, never married status. A divorce will still render you as having been married to her and may still come with some ramifications. No matter whichever you decide, you’ll probably want to start on it as soon as possible. Good luck!