Marrying and being married

[DeadPoolX 9]

Well I guess I'm coming from the perspective that whatever commitments I have can be put aside when it comes to family. If my boss told me today I Could have off work for three weeks I'd be driving home now to get the dogs and go home to see them all. I'd probably call Jared on the way and tell him I was off to Canada for a few weeks to see them. We don't have any commitments as a couple really, and none that are more important than family.

Interesting statement.

Wouldn't your husband be considered family? After all, you married him, live with him and immigrated to a different country for him. I realize you wanted to be with him too, but if it weren't for your husband, I doubt you would have ever considered leaving Canada. If your blood-related family is more important, why did you move?

No commitments as a couple? So that means he could go sleep with other women or take a job on the opposite of the country at a whim, right? He'd have no real commitment to you. Just as you could do whatever you wish without talking to him about it, he could do whatever he wanted without discussing it with you as well.

Obviously that's not what she meant, and I'm sure you know that. If my family needed me back home, I'd be there immediately and that has nothing to do with my husband (meaning he couldn't try to "stop" me from going, even though he is also my family if they needed me, I'm there).

Well, I suppose that's where a lot of people and I differ then. I don't give a ** what happens to my family in the U.S., with the possible exception of my brother. The rest are inconsequential.

Yes, you do differ from alot of other people. I am incredibly close to my family, we are always there for eachother and no matter what, they come first. My husband also comes first, but they go together as they are both family. He understands that and would never try to come between us, he knows how close we all are. And I don't think too many people would say "I don't give a * what happens to my family"

Well, as I said, I just realized she meant commitments such as children, not commitment to each other (which is what I originally thought).

As for my relationship with my family... I don't know if you know my family history (I wrote about it somewhere else on here a while back), but considering the nature of it, my thoughts on the subject are hardly surprising.

Edited May 18, 2009 by DeadPoolX

[trailmix 77]

Well, as I said, I just realized she meant commitments such as children, not commitment to each other (which is what I originally thought).

As for my relationship with my family... I don't know if you know my family history (I wrote about it somewhere else on here a while back), but considering the nature of it, my thoughts on the subject are hardly surprising.

yeah, and I know you are the 'husband' in your relationship - i meant Amanda (treble), not you.

[DeadPoolX 9]

Well, as I said, I just realized she meant commitments such as children, not commitment to each other (which is what I originally thought).

As for my relationship with my family... I don't know if you know my family history (I wrote about it somewhere else on here a while back), but considering the nature of it, my thoughts on the subject are hardly surprising.

yeah, and I know you are the 'husband' in your relationship - i meant Amanda (treble), not you.

Ah, ok.

[thetreble 19]

#######. I'm not even going to comment.

[trailmix 77]

nm

Edited May 18, 2009 by trailmix

[thetreble 19]

nm

Can I ask what you were going to say? Or should I just continue to let every one make assumptions on what I meant? It's really fun watching people make assumptions instead of taking time to understand where someone is coming from.

I guess if my dad all of a sudden has a heart attack, my husband and I should shoot the breeze over who is going to take care of the dogs. Cause, you know, that's what would be my main concern....

Oh and for your info, you hit the nail on the head;) My husband and I have no commitments to each other. We sleep around with whom ever we please and do whatever we please.

I would like to think you all know me better at this point than to think I would think or say something like that, even you deadpool!

Edited May 18, 2009 by thetreble

[trailmix 77]

nm

Can I ask what you were going to say? Or should I just continue to let every one make assumptions on what I meant? It's really fun watching people make assumptions instead of taking time to understand where someone is coming from.

All I said was that, when you said "we have no commitments as a couple" - that you meant no activities planned, in general, as a couple, like taking a cooking class. I don't see how that would offend you?

[thetreble 19]

nm

Can I ask what you were going to say? Or should I just continue to let every one make assumptions on what I meant? It's really fun watching people make assumptions instead of taking time to understand where someone is coming from.

All I said was that, when you said "we have no commitments as a couple" - that you meant no activities planned, in general, as a couple, like taking a cooking class. I don't see how that would offend you?

T-mix, you didn't offend me at all. Actually, it does look like you stuck up for me a little.

I just quoted you because I thought you had said something in vain of my comment that I wasn't going to comment...and then erased it thinking it wasn't something you should say.

The rest of my post wasn't directed at you, though.

[trailmix 77]

T-mix, you didn't offend me at all. Actually, it does look like you stuck up for me a little.

ahhh, i get it now, and yeah I was just trying to explain to dp

[trailmix 77]

Oh and my nm was that your no comment was a comment

[DeadPoolX 9]

I apologize. I shouldn't have said any of that.

Edited May 18, 2009 by DeadPoolX

[Emancipation 2]

Hmmmm I guess I should weigh in here...

#1.. I would never have left everything I knew, left my immediate family, left a great job, left a settled life to just "see how things pan out". I lost too much in this transition and change, and I would never have put those things aside for anything less than a forever commitment. Having said that this is my second marriage, but I know in my heart I entered into both marriages with the same intention - to stay with the guy for the rest of my life. Living with another person there are always unknowns, how that person will react with any given situation.. my 1st husband chose horrible & abusive reactions to situations and as result I left him. My USC hubby I know has a heart of gold and has made very tough but very solid and selfless choices in his 40 years of life, and I have not regretted marrying that man one single moment since I said yes to his proposal. He shows me every day what love is, what true selflessness is and he is all that I have dreamed of my entire life and more. He makes me fall in love with him further with every email, look and embrace, and what I have lost has been given back to me in bucket loads with my new life here with hubby. I have chosen a pretty tough path, but it has been worth every tough choice and every sad good-bye and I can say that I am where I belong without a doubt the more time I spend with him the deeper grows my affection for him.

#2. Given what I said above, my wedding was about saying good-bye to my old life and looking forward to the one to come. It was simple, meaningful and bittersweet. AND it cost me less than $500.00

#3. I know my honey's heart and I know that he would want me to go home if I needed to. I would ask him about timing, issues of scheduling and of course finance.. Our lives are just not in a place where the described situation is feasible, but if it were, I know that hubby would be MUCH better with it than I. I would get all bent out of shape and "poor me.. what about me?".. He wouldn't though..

Edited May 19, 2009 by Emancipation

[thetreble 19]

I apologize. I shouldn't have said any of that.

Good. Apology accepted

[Sam and Ben 2]

I see why you would make this thread Trailmix. There has been a lot of odd discussion about marriage and immigration lately, and everyone sees the process in a very different light. For me it was engagement and marriage first, moving and immigration second. I\'m so excited to marry the love of my life! Without sounding corny... I can\'t wait to be married, Its not a step I take lightly. So I answered option 2 for the first 2 questions and option 3 for the last. You need to respect your husband/wife space, and I think some of the American petitioners don\'t really realize the sacrifice that goes into moving half way around the world on a leap of faith.

Well, some USCs do understand... b/c some of us have moved over 1600 miles away from our friends & families to be closer to our \"immigrant of choice!\". And, when we moved, we moved to a whole other part of the USA and a new culturally different area with different expectations and totally different way of life. So, some (albeit not many) USCs do understand the homesickness, the frustration of not having close friends neaerby, and what it feels like to be in the middle a ton of people but yet still totally an utterly completely alone.

Editing this out, as it was kind of a hijack to what was already off-topic... I apologize.

Edited May 20, 2009 by Sam and Ben

[JillA 2]

Hi Sam, I notice you deleted your post so I deleted my reply to you. Regardless, don't aplogize for venting

Edited May 20, 2009 by JillA