Marrying and being married

[BermyCat 1]

I answered "um... no " for question three. I can't imagine announcing that I was going home for three weeks with absolutely no discusion or negotiation. I would expect to sit down with Phil, look at a calendar and find the time that works best given what's going on in our lives and what other commitments we have. In other words, it's not the time apart thing that would be the problem but the no discussion thing.

For questions one and two, I feel that marriage is a commitment you should enter into with the intention working hard at making it succesful for the rest of your lives. It's not just a casual thing for me. For the wedding, Phil and I just wanted the people that will be there supporting us and our marriage to be involved. We invited 25 people, 18 of which will be attending...... on Monday.

~ Catherine

[bowflex 0]

I had a problem more with the person just one day saying 'Hey, I'm going for three weeks, the end." I'm very independent, and I'm sure my wife would love to talk about how it's so frustrating sometimes Lol. I just took it as there would be no discussion, not even if the other person might need them for something over the next three weeks or something. I'd have no problem if my wife ever wanted to go back for a few weeks but I would find it weird if she didn't at least ask if I'd be interested in going or want to make sure we didn't have anything going on over that time. My grandma told me a long time ago after being married for over 60 years that absolutes have no place in marriage and I've always taken that to heart, that's all

Understandable.

I guess for me, I don't know what there would be to talk about other than possibly the dogs (but id bring them with me so I already have that covered). I mean don't get me wrong I think there has to be some sort of 5 minute talk on what I would need my husband to do while I'm gone or something. However, I just meant there is no discussion on whether I'm allowed to go or not, or whether I'm allowed to go for only certain periods of time.

Oh, and grandmas tend to give good advice

Lol Yep I think we are thinking the same way, well played Haha

I answered "um... no " for question three. I can't imagine announcing that I was going home for three weeks with absolutely no discusion or negotiation. I would expect to sit down with Phil, look at a calendar and find the time that works best given what's going on in our lives and what other commitments we have. In other words, it's not the time apart thing that would be the problem but the no discussion thing.

For questions one and two, I feel that marriage is a commitment you should enter into with the intention working hard at making it succesful for the rest of your lives. It's not just a casual thing for me. For the wedding, Phil and I just wanted the people that will be there supporting us and our marriage to be involved. We invited 25 people, 18 of which will be attending...... on Monday.

~ Catherine

Yep I completely took it as you and think along those same lines.

Hope you have a great wedding!!

[thetreble 19]

Well I guess I'm coming from the perspective that whatever commitments I have can be put aside when it comes to family. If my boss told me today I Could have off work for three weeks I'd be driving home now to get the dogs and go home to see them all. I'd probably call Jared on the way and tell him I was off to Canada for a few weeks to see them. We don't have any commitments as a couple really, and none that are more important than family.

[Sprailenes 47]

I would never just leave without talking to my husband about it. We are a unit, we are a family and I would need to sit down and plan it with him. I wouldn't need permission but I would discuss it... we have a dog, a child, we have things to think about and consider.

But to be honest, I wouldn't go back for three weeks because that's just too long. It takes me about 5 days before I just want to come back home and get back into my routine.

To me marriage means a lot of things, it is a lifetme commitment that will work if both parties involved are willing to work.

I didn't grow up in a "typically normal" household. My mom wasn't married, I didn't have a male role model, but I don't think one needs to have the nuclear family experience to understand commitment. But I guess this is why I never dreamt of being married or having the white dress. I do however crave connections with people and have always wanted to find someone to share my life with and be with for a lifetime. I just wasn't planning on being married, but I have no regrets about doing it. We would have eventually been married I am sure because he's a bit more traditional.

[trailmix 77]

I would never just leave without talking to my husband about it. We are a unit, we are a family and I would need to sit down and plan it with him. I wouldn't need permission but I would discuss it... we have a dog, a child, we have things to think about and consider.

I would never leave without talking to my Husband either.

[moni_calla 0]

Dainty rice helped me become a rice cooking master!!!!!

[Caladan 19]

I am not intending my answer to be a snide comment on anyone else's situation, and I hope question three wasn't intended that way.

Well...since you asked...

No, it wasn't intended as snide - which would assume I was being critical of the person who originally posted the thread about her Husband - I don't know why you would think that Caladan.

But anyway, does it relate back to that thread, of course it does. Basically the intention of that question was to more or less discuss what seems 'fair' and how it works in your relationship. For instance, if your Husband said the above, that probably might not go over well in some relationships. If you sat down and discussed it over coffee, while it might be perfectly acceptable, in some relationships the wife or husband would at least want to be included in going on the trip too - etc - the poll is more about dialogue than a black and white answer.

But no - never intended as snide.

Oh, good. I thought that would have been very out of character for you, and for this forum!

[Carlawarla 1]

I must have missed something. I know where the question #3 came from, but I never read it originally to be that he said three weeks, no discussion etc.

[DeadPoolX 9]

Well I guess I'm coming from the perspective that whatever commitments I have can be put aside when it comes to family. If my boss told me today I Could have off work for three weeks I'd be driving home now to get the dogs and go home to see them all. I'd probably call Jared on the way and tell him I was off to Canada for a few weeks to see them. We don't have any commitments as a couple really, and none that are more important than family.

Interesting statement.

Wouldn't your husband be considered family? After all, you married him, live with him and immigrated to a different country for him. I realize you wanted to be with him too, but if it weren't for your husband, I doubt you would have ever considered leaving Canada. If your blood-related family is more important, why did you move?

No commitments as a couple? So that means he could go sleep with other women or take a job on the opposite of the country at a whim, right? He'd have no real commitment to you. Just as you could do whatever you wish without talking to him about it, he could do whatever he wanted without discussing it with you as well.

[Sprailenes 47]

Ohhhhh snap.

[trailmix 77]

Well I guess I'm coming from the perspective that whatever commitments I have can be put aside when it comes to family. If my boss told me today I Could have off work for three weeks I'd be driving home now to get the dogs and go home to see them all. I'd probably call Jared on the way and tell him I was off to Canada for a few weeks to see them. We don't have any commitments as a couple really, and none that are more important than family.

Interesting statement.

Wouldn't your husband be considered family? After all, you married him, live with him and immigrated to a different country for him. I realize you wanted to be with him too, but if it weren't for your husband, I doubt you would have ever considered leaving Canada. If your blood-related family is more important, why did you move?

No commitments as a couple? So that means he could go sleep with other women or take a job on the opposite of the country at a whim, right? He'd have no real commitment to you. Just as you could do whatever you wish without talking to him about it, he could do whatever he wanted without discussing it with you as well.

Umm I think she meant they don't have like a cooking class to attend together or a seminar on home improvement booked

I thought that was interesting too though, that you don't appear to think of your Husband as 'family' - but maybe that's not what you meant either!

[DeadPoolX 9]

Well I guess I'm coming from the perspective that whatever commitments I have can be put aside when it comes to family. If my boss told me today I Could have off work for three weeks I'd be driving home now to get the dogs and go home to see them all. I'd probably call Jared on the way and tell him I was off to Canada for a few weeks to see them. We don't have any commitments as a couple really, and none that are more important than family.

Interesting statement.

Wouldn't your husband be considered family? After all, you married him, live with him and immigrated to a different country for him. I realize you wanted to be with him too, but if it weren't for your husband, I doubt you would have ever considered leaving Canada. If your blood-related family is more important, why did you move?

No commitments as a couple? So that means he could go sleep with other women or take a job on the opposite of the country at a whim, right? He'd have no real commitment to you. Just as you could do whatever you wish without talking to him about it, he could do whatever he wanted without discussing it with you as well.

Umm I think she meant they don't have like a cooking class to attend together or a seminar on home improvement booked

I thought that was interesting too though, that you don't appear to think of your Husband as 'family' - but maybe that's not what you meant either!

Husband? I am the husband! Remember?

[JillA 2]

Well I guess I'm coming from the perspective that whatever commitments I have can be put aside when it comes to family. If my boss told me today I Could have off work for three weeks I'd be driving home now to get the dogs and go home to see them all. I'd probably call Jared on the way and tell him I was off to Canada for a few weeks to see them. We don't have any commitments as a couple really, and none that are more important than family.

Interesting statement.

Wouldn't your husband be considered family? After all, you married him, live with him and immigrated to a different country for him. I realize you wanted to be with him too, but if it weren't for your husband, I doubt you would have ever considered leaving Canada. If your blood-related family is more important, why did you move?

No commitments as a couple? So that means he could go sleep with other women or take a job on the opposite of the country at a whim, right? He'd have no real commitment to you. Just as you could do whatever you wish without talking to him about it, he could do whatever he wanted without discussing it with you as well.

Obviously that's not what she meant, and I'm sure you know that. If my family needed me back home, I'd be there immediately and that has nothing to do with my husband (meaning he couldn't try to "stop" me from going, even though he is also my family if they needed me, I'm there).

Edited May 18, 2009 by JillA

[DeadPoolX 9]

Well I guess I'm coming from the perspective that whatever commitments I have can be put aside when it comes to family. If my boss told me today I Could have off work for three weeks I'd be driving home now to get the dogs and go home to see them all. I'd probably call Jared on the way and tell him I was off to Canada for a few weeks to see them. We don't have any commitments as a couple really, and none that are more important than family.

Interesting statement.

Wouldn't your husband be considered family? After all, you married him, live with him and immigrated to a different country for him. I realize you wanted to be with him too, but if it weren't for your husband, I doubt you would have ever considered leaving Canada. If your blood-related family is more important, why did you move?

No commitments as a couple? So that means he could go sleep with other women or take a job on the opposite of the country at a whim, right? He'd have no real commitment to you. Just as you could do whatever you wish without talking to him about it, he could do whatever he wanted without discussing it with you as well.

Obviously that's not what she meant, and I'm sure you know that. If my family needed me back home, I'd be there immediately and that has nothing to do with my husband (meaning he couldn't try to "stop" me from going, even though he is also my family if they needed me, I'm there).

Well, I suppose that's where a lot of people and I differ then. I don't give a ** what happens to my family in the U.S., with the possible exception of my brother. The rest are inconsequential.

Okay... wait a sec. Something just occurred to me. Maybe she meant commitments as in children or something similar. I read that as "commitment to each other."

Edited May 18, 2009 by DeadPoolX

[JillA 2]

Well I guess I'm coming from the perspective that whatever commitments I have can be put aside when it comes to family. If my boss told me today I Could have off work for three weeks I'd be driving home now to get the dogs and go home to see them all. I'd probably call Jared on the way and tell him I was off to Canada for a few weeks to see them. We don't have any commitments as a couple really, and none that are more important than family.

Interesting statement.

Wouldn't your husband be considered family? After all, you married him, live with him and immigrated to a different country for him. I realize you wanted to be with him too, but if it weren't for your husband, I doubt you would have ever considered leaving Canada. If your blood-related family is more important, why did you move?

No commitments as a couple? So that means he could go sleep with other women or take a job on the opposite of the country at a whim, right? He'd have no real commitment to you. Just as you could do whatever you wish without talking to him about it, he could do whatever he wanted without discussing it with you as well.

Obviously that's not what she meant, and I'm sure you know that. If my family needed me back home, I'd be there immediately and that has nothing to do with my husband (meaning he couldn't try to "stop" me from going, even though he is also my family if they needed me, I'm there).

Well, I suppose that's where a lot of people and I differ then. I don't give a ** what happens to my family in the U.S., with the possible exception of my brother. The rest are inconsequential.

Yes, you do differ from alot of other people. I am incredibly close to my family, we are always there for eachother and no matter what, they come first. My husband also comes first, but they go together as they are both family. He understands that and would never try to come between us, he knows how close we all are. And I don't think too many people would say "I don't give a * what happens to my family"