help please it is a Nightmare

[It's me 1]

It is rare in California to see a capable person stopped because of race or gender. They may have hurdles and work harder to prove they are equal. I have been there , done that as a female in a male dominated field. I was "that woman" in college. I have watched the company org chart go from the token color pieces to the mismatch of faces that earned their way up. In fact I am in a bit of trouble at work because at our diversity awareness all hands I asked why all their images displayed only the young and good looking and overlooked the fat old and ugly. I know not everywhere is as forward minded as California. My hometown of less than 400 somehow convinced a family of a different religion that it wasn't the spot to set out roots. My own aunt has used the N word in reference to my family and Joseph and I aren't together yet. My children are all white. When I was confronted about "taking their men " I was in my mid 40's my date was a few years younger and the woman probably about 35.

Here is a reference to findings of faud in refernce to Nigeria

"Interracial marriages and foreign spouses from the country of Nigeria: Believe it or not, this is the #1 red flag for marriage fraud relied upon by USCIS officers.Other countries with a high incidence of immigration fraud are theDominican Republic and Pakistan "

Source please?

Sadly, rascism exists everywhere, but as Iamgodsproperty said...there are PLENTY of interracial couples that are approved all the time. So, I dont think the race card is in order.

Now, if you are substantially older than your spouse(and you are the wife), THAT is a red flag at any consulate. But most jump that hurdle with being well prepared to answer questions with confidence at interview time.

I know your guys' consulate is rough and there are alot of denials out of it. but there are also alot of approvals. Preparation is key.

Ok, sorry to keep the thread off topic again. heh

All situations work for the good in God's way. Is my Christian statement.

Afrilaskan, your case is one of those that is so frustrating. No one can relate and it doesn't make sense. My heart goes out to you.

Sorry that your thread has gone of course, but I get frustrated when people try bashing the embassy. Is like bashing a race. These are hard working people like me. They have an extremely difficult job and decisions to make. They are making a decision on someones life. Must be hard to sleep at times wondering if you made a wrong choice. They have to weed out the shady.

There are always going to be people who take advantage of roles, positions, and situations, but that does not make them all bad.

Sylvia you look at everything so negatively. That you are creating the own negativity in your world. I see your difficult situation, but try looking for the bright side of things. figure out what all this means. If it means you are to fight then that is what God wants from you. But please look at the bright side and the bright side will come. You can't see God's gifts from a negative perspective.

well said.

Amen!

[Afrilaskan Queen 0]

Thanks 'Y's_habibitk' for your kind words to me.

It is sad one person has so much power. That is one I have a hard time with. One individual with too much power is bound to have some form of bias including but not limited to, age, weight, race, religion, sexism. Each person's background can unfortunately interfere with individual judgment, knowingly or not.

Just as an example: after 9/11 was the general public more likely to look more suspiciously at people of an Arabic descent, particularly when traveling by plane? If a person is subjected to enough bias they can find themselves manipulated into believing their bias is protecting them, and is in fact necessary or warranted! That is hotly debated topic, just an example, we know that there are many Arab-American people who would never dream of bombing a plane.

For every person who observes the same situation each and every person will have another account of the same exact events. And in a psych class they would say every person believes they're right! lol..

That is why I personally feel a great deal is subjective.

In reference to Sylvia and Joseph something came to my mind immediately...

If you go to a job interview and are asked an improper question, such as your age, marital status or sexual orientation, and refuse to answer, that is appropriate, the interviewer is in the wrong. If you are refused that job solely based on your refusal to answer an inappropriate question, you cannot legally be refused that job. So thinking along those lines, I am unable to conceive how Joseph (or Sylvia for that matter), is at fault when he refused to answer inappropriate questions at his interview.

Whether or not that was the reason for the denial of their case is not completely known, as far as I understand, and yet what occurred is still ethically wrong as well as legally. I personally find it suspicious that after that most inappropriate display of questioning, Sylvia's fiance was then denied visa approval. I cannot imagine that individual or their superiors were all too happy that this aspect of the interview came to light. If there was no grounds/evidence to substantiate those facts, their legal case (Sylvia&Joseph) would not have come to the point it is at currently.

Now the question is, due to my own "challenging" experience at Lagos, am I biased enough to feel Sylvia is right? Remove emotion and you have facts and the facts say, some things went wrong, wrong, wrong. Sylvia Girl if you made it this far, I think we'd all agree we're here to support you until you complete your goal as well!!

All of our experiences are going to taint how we look at this situation and the world, so I always ask myself what if I am wrong, how does A affect B.

All of us can try our best and for circumstances out of our control it may just not go quite as we would expect or like.

After I began to write this I realize when I left the website everything under the sun came down on this thread but I don't have time to write all my thoughts.

I am so sorry that marriage fraud has afflicted so many on this site, that would be devestating. I think the most smooth of fraud operators are unlikely to be caught, I think all of their I's would be dotted and all of their T's crossed. I am wondering if marriage fraud can be detected in a 3-10 minute interview, anyone can memorize answers. The bad ones are affecting the good ones. I believe while there is very possibly good intentioned people working in Lagos, and any embassy, it is not out of the realm of reality to believe that there corrupt Americans there as welI, it's happened before. Their work is not an easy one, so it is my great hope that it does not make them jaded and I hope that I get to communicate with one who is trying hard to do their job to the best of their ability and with good intention.

That's just a few of my thoughts today. Take Care.

[Sylvia_n_Joseph 3]

Well this is not the first time I have been poked at by a certain member . On the same thought path that was presented I can see why some babies are taken from the unfit before they are born because of the evil in their parents souls kills them. The wrath can be powerful when you choose to stand judge.

As for being negative ... what have you done to help back home. Bring a trophy husband and play the soul sister for a bit ? Have you made plans to help people there ? Are you planning to live there at all ?

I plan to do what I can to get the corruption in Lagos corrected. And you don't do that by being quiet and hushing up things that are wrong. As for the racial thing. Check out the number of white females being denied as in proportion to the relative number of white vs others that file. You don't have to have had much more than grade school math to see the pattern.

[LovinLiberia 0]

Wow,,,Sylvia, you really went overboard with the baby comment. I'm sure more than one person has been through the painful experience of losing a baby. This thread is really getting out of hand.

[Sylvia_n_Joseph 3]

As people tell me - It is Gods way of making you examine things, a warning so to speak. Only happens to those that deserve it for not doing the right thing .

[Enlighten one :) 5]

It is common knowledge that the Embassy will ask what your SO does for work. I specifically told my husband what I did for work in preparation for his interview. He did not remember, but remembered what my company did as a whole. Since I work in the corporate office, it had nothing to directly with my job but to do with our mission.

It is not inappropriate to ask that question, but common. Joseph should have said that my SO does work that involves security clearance so she does not talk much about it with me. I know she does some traveling, make some reports, but I do not know directly because she can't discuss this with me. If he answered this way it did not warrant a denial. There are obviously other reasons.

If the embassy thinks your case is fraudulent they will go as far as asking questions like the name of schools the US cit children attend.

If you go to a job interview and are asked an improper question, such as your age, marital status or sexual orientation, and refuse to answer, that is appropriate, the interviewer is in the wrong. If you are refused that job solely based on your refusal to answer an inappropriate question, you cannot legally be refused that job. So thinking along those lines, I am unable to conceive how Joseph (or Sylvia for that matter), is at fault when he refused to answer inappropriate questions at his interview.

[Enlighten one :) 5]

I make statements and fact that relate to me and my reality. If you feel judged then own your own stuff Sylvia.

Judgement comming on now. Sylvia i think i said this one other time. Your irrational behavior, ignorant statements, and unrealistic expectations are all demonstrations that the Embassy did you a big favor. You have absolutely no realistic judgments of what is going on in your own life, but it is evident by your random off the wall statements.

Chritian does not equal perfections, but thank you for holding me to that standard.

Thanks for the comment about my lost baby. You validate my judgement.

Well this is not the first time I have been poked at by a certain member . On the same thought path that was presented I can see why some babies are taken from the unfit before they are born because of the evil in their parents souls kills them. The wrath can be powerful when you choose to stand judge.

As for being negative ... what have you done to help back home. Bring a trophy husband and play the soul sister for a bit ? Have you made plans to help people there ? Are you planning to live there at all ?

I plan to do what I can to get the corruption in Lagos corrected. And you don't do that by being quiet and hushing up things that are wrong. As for the racial thing. Check out the number of white females being denied as in proportion to the relative number of white vs others that file. You don't have to have had much more than grade school math to see the pattern.

[Enlighten one :) 5]

Yes, I examined the reasons. Lots of stress going through a custody battle with a man who has mentally, emotionally, an physically abused me and now my son.

Thanks again for letting your ignorance shine. It comes so very easy to you.

As people tell me - It is Gods way of making you examine things, a warning so to speak. Only happens to those that deserve it for not doing the right thing .

[Sylvia_n_Joseph 3]

You coudl provide those kinds of answers because you have a llittl job from a comamy that sin't bond to not disclose thier work. I do not. I can't tell him what I do. Not the program names not which builidings I work in . jhe knew the name of the company , my job title and how much I make. That is all I am authorized to give. BUt there is the chance their are simular projects there.

It is common knowledge that the Embassy will ask what your SO does for work. I specifically told my husband what I did for work in preparation for his interview. He did not remember, but remembered what my company did as a whole. Since I work in the corporate office, it had nothing to directly with my job but to do with our mission.

It is not inappropriate to ask that question, but common. Joseph should have said that my SO does work that involves security clearance so she does not talk much about it with me. I know she does some traveling, make some reports, but I do not know directly because she can't discuss this with me. If he answered this way it did not warrant a denial. There are obviously other reasons.

If the embassy thinks your case is fraudulent they will go as far as asking questions like the name of schools the US cit children attend. The asked and he knew that.

If you go to a job interview and are asked an improper question, such as your age, marital status or sexual orientation, and refuse to answer, that is appropriate, the interviewer is in the wrong. If you are refused that job solely based on your refusal to answer an inappropriate question, you cannot legally be refused that job. So thinking along those lines, I am unable to conceive how Joseph (or Sylvia for that matter), is at fault when he refused to answer inappropriate questions at his interview.

[Sylvia_n_Joseph 3]

You coudl provide those kinds of answers because you have a llittl job from a comamy that sin't bond to not disclose thier work. I do not. I can't tell him what I do. Not the program names not which builidings I work in . jhe knew the name of the company , my job title and how much I make. That is all I am authorized to give. BUt there is the chance their are simular projects there.

It is common knowledge that the Embassy will ask what your SO does for work. I specifically told my husband what I did for work in preparation for his interview. He did not remember, but remembered what my company did as a whole. Since I work in the corporate office, it had nothing to directly with my job but to do with our mission.

It is not inappropriate to ask that question, but common. Joseph should have said that my SO does work that involves security clearance so she does not talk much about it with me. I know she does some traveling, make some reports, but I do not know directly because she can't discuss this with me. If he answered this way it did not warrant a denial. There are obviously other reasons.

If the embassy thinks your case is fraudulent they will go as far as asking questions like the name of schools the US cit children attend. The asked and he knew that.

If you go to a job interview and are asked an improper question, such as your age, marital status or sexual orientation, and refuse to answer, that is appropriate, the interviewer is in the wrong. If you are refused that job solely based on your refusal to answer an inappropriate question, you cannot legally be refused that job. So thinking along those lines, I am unable to conceive how Joseph (or Sylvia for that matter), is at fault when he refused to answer inappropriate questions at his interview.

[reeses16 8]

Sylvia, you are WAY out of line. This thread is to help AQ through her situation, not for you to attack other members. Lets not derail AQ's thread again.

Edited May 21, 2009 by reeses16

[Zee Bee 61]

Well this is not the first time I have been poked at by a certain member . On the same thought path that was presented I can see why some babies are taken from the unfit before they are born because of the evil in their parents souls kills them. The wrath can be powerful when you choose to stand judge.

I know you are a parent. How can you say this to someone who has lost a child? Aren't you turning around and judging them?

ETA: I reported the post. This is way out of line.

Edited May 21, 2009 by Zee Bee

[Sylvia_n_Joseph 3]

Yeah you have shown AQ who you help by casting stone here. Joseph knew what my work told me I was allowed to tell him and he provided that and that wasn't enough for the woman at the embassy. I judged no one more hashly than you all have been judging me. You guys all want to pretend that Lagos is such a womderful embassy and that all this is a test from God. I always though that God has wrath when people mistreat and crual to others. AQ and I have both seen the evil side of Lagos. Prentend if you want that they don't sell visas to the scammer crews and take life savings away from people and they laugh at as they deny them then turn them out of the gate broke . That place is just evil.

[Zee Bee 61]

Yeah you have shown AQ who you help by casting stone here. Joseph knew what my work told me I was allowed to tell him and he provided that and that wasn't enough for the woman at the embassy. I judged no one more hashly than you all have been judging me. You guys all want to pretend that Lagos is such a womderful embassy and that all this is a test from God. I always though that God has wrath when people mistreat and crual to others. AQ and I have both seen the evil side of Lagos. Prentend if you want that they don't sell visas to the scammer crews and take life savings away from people and they laugh at as they deny them then turn them out of the gate broke . That place is just evil.

Last time I checked no one here has said that Lagos is a wonderful embassy. In fact, people are told here everyday about how hard it is to go through Lagos and to do their homework. It is imperative that ANYONE going through Lagos prepare 100x as hard as anyone going through another embassy. That is a fact.

MrsJ is one of those who has gone through the hell that is Lagos. If you missed it, her husband was put in AP and I believe they also had a field investigation and they had a second appointment. You and the OP are not the only people to know the "evil" of the embassy. In the same way we also went through AP at the Accra embassy. We have experienced this.

What you don't seem to like is that you are still waiting and do not want to hear anything to explain why the consulate is doing what they are doing. You say you were denied because you are an interracial couple, examples were given to dispute that claim and it has been said over and over that a couple cannot be denied solely for the fact that they are interracial. You say that you could not tell your SO about your job because it was classified, but some people think that there are ways that you could have handled that a little differently. You say that they sell the visas at Lagos. I find that hard to believe.

You want to blame everyone for what happened to you but you take no ownership. I and others have relayed our long and sometimes painful experiences at different consulates. At the end of the day, the CO's are doing their job, whether we like it or not. Sometimes they get it right, other times they get it wrong. This is why you need to understand why they denied you and work on that. Like Lisa said, the burden of proof is on the couple, not the CO. Say one word to cast any kind of doubt in the CO's mind and that can be the end of your visa.

To the OP: Sorry about the derailing of your thread. Sometimes things have to be said. You need to tackle what the denial was for, not what you think it is.

[Y's_habibitk 2]

Thanks 'Y's_habibitk' for your kind words to me.

Just as an example: after 9/11 was the general public more likely to look more suspiciously at people of an Arabic descent, particularly when traveling by plane? If a person is subjected to enough bias they can find themselves manipulated into believing their bias is protecting them, and is in fact necessary or warranted! That is hotly debated topic, just an example, we know that there are many Arab-American people who would never dream of bombing a plane.

For every person who observes the same situation each and every person will have another account of the same exact events. And in a psych class they would say every person believes they're right! lol..

good example

Of course you will have everyone speculating as to why they were denied. Everyone has an opinion and most opinions are formed by personal experience.