Need you help

[meatspin 0]

I'm kind of amazed that your very first post is about your unappreciative Filipina fiance and her controlling mother.

And, I'm amazed you've been dealing with the immigration process for quite a long time and again this is your very first post.

But, no matter, I'm easily amazed.

Anyway, I think, if my fiance ignored my text messages and wouldn't answer the phone for no good reason and if she seemed as unappreciative as your fiance, yeah, I'd leave her in the RP, good luck and goodbye!

Yeah you are right, I am just a lurker on this forum and read everyones stories and experiences but I finally decided to post due to this situation.

Your advice is starting to sound really good.

Your fiancée (wife?) may not necessarily need to take the Local Board Exam. If she is planning to work as a Registered Nurse in the United States, each state has different requirements. It is my understanding that not all states require the Local Board Exam.

You can Google the Board of Nursing for the state in question and read up on their requirements.

Or, maybe she can simply stay in the Philippines until she passes her Local Board Exam.

my brain is so frustrated that I cant even think right, I actually meant the K1 visa for Fiancee, thing is she has 180 days to use that visa, in which she will be taking the board exam in June and then wants to wait for the results. We already had plans but her mother got involved, from what I can see is that her mom is PAKIPOT (meaning she really likes it but acts as if she does not). Anyways I might be pulling the plug on this since it does not make any sense for me that she is waiting for her Philippine board exam and its not needed here in the state of NEVADA only a NCLEX.

Maybe its a bluff and I will be calling her bluff.

no doubt that you're from Nevada with all the poker terminology, lol....all joking aside...Correct me if I'm wrong but it is not guaranteed that she can just leave like that after 3 months...You have to file for an AP for her (advance parole) when you apply for AOS and who knows how long it will take to get one...Does anybody know??? please post..

As for your fiancee, I think it sounds like you spoiled her, you sent her through nursing school, and you said you always say yes, yes, and yes to whatever she says....I can see trouble from what i'm hearing from you...1st, unappreciative..that's not gonna work in a relationship, she should be grateful you sent her through college, it seems like she's taking you for granted. 2ndly, a meddling mother in-law, she shouldn't be the one to make the decision on what her daughter should do...she can give advice, opinion and so on but that's it. 3rdly, It seems you're not a 100% sure about this marriage...So you should think about it....If you think it's not gonna work, don't do it...like you said you might go postal...you might regret it later on....If you think you can work it out, then go through, BUT weigh everything first. If she gets her way all the time...Watch out......TROUBLe It should always be a 2 way street, give and take, 50/50...

I am 100% sure that i want to marry her but you know how it goes, when you are upset you tend to talk smack about anything, and yes you are right, I probably created a monster.

My bro calls me Jim Carey as in the YES man.............

[sasha414 0]

it sounds like she is taking you for granted , not answering your calls, etc. i dont want to judge people but it seems like she got spoiled and demanding all these years youve been saying YES to everything. its time you set your foot down because if you give in again this time, then you will have a big problem after you get married. if you want to call their bluff, then by all means go ahead. your fiance needs to learn the meaning of compromise.

[meatspin 0]

it sounds like she is taking you for granted , not answering your calls, etc. i dont want to judge people but it seems like she got spoiled and demanding all these years youve been saying YES to everything. its time you set your foot down because if you give in again this time, then you will have a big problem after you get married. if you want to call their bluff, then by all means go ahead. your fiance needs to learn the meaning of compromise.

Im going to call her mom and then ask to speak to my fiancee since she wont answer her phone, time to lay the smack down.

keep you guys posted.

[baron555 934]

Also know that once you do get married, within those 90 days, she CAN NOT just up and leave. Well she can up and leave but she will not be able to return. She needs to stay until you guys AOS, then she can leave and return. She needs that GC to be able to freely return at anytime she leaves.

[meatspin 0]

I called her and laid the smack down and told her how its going to be, then i said i will call her in 24 hours and will expect a YES or a NO. I told her how it is......

[SP&JM 0]

I dont know wherelse to post this,

this is the situation, The K3 has been approved for my Fiancee, she will be coming here in June, but lately she just told me she wants to come for only 3 months then go back to the Philippines so she can take her nursing board exam.

It has really gotten me irritated to the point to where I was thinking of calling everything off.

Then I was thinking this, if she were to come here, maybe within 3 months she might change her mind and decide to stay.

any opinions ? am i an idiot or what ?

I would really appreciate it.

Can't anyone see this from her perspective? I agree that coming here for 3 months then going back is not a good idea and she probably won't even have the papers together to go, but can't you (anyone) understand her wanting to finish out her degree completely? Especially if the OP paid for it! Maybe in Nevada you don't need this certification, what if in the future you move to a state where you do need it? Is wanting to complete a certification in a important field like nursing, one in which there are usually job openings, a bad thing?

If her K-1 will have expired before she takes the exams, then maybe it can be extended. If not, you have a problem. If her K-1 will not have expired, what's the big deal if she waits? From what I understand of the K-1 visa, she has 180 days to get here, then 90 days after she arrives to get married.

Also (and conceding that I know nothing about nursing), maybe the OP could research some way for her to take these exams here in the US. That would let you know if she really wants to go back for the boards or for some other mom-induced reason.

Remember, she's going to be making a lot of changes to come here, doing something to make it easier for her to find a job (even if it isn't required in Nevada, this certification can't be anything but an asset) seems like a good idea to me. Again and again we've seen that having a job (and having your own life) makes the transition to the US easier for the beneficiary and the petitioner. I know it would have helped me when I was in Spain.

And if mom seems controlling, she is losing a daughter, not gaining a son. She won't know her grandkids very well, she'll probably only talk to her daughter once a week, it's probably not the future she envisioned for her little girl. If she's trying to find an excuse to see her daughter in 3 months, can you blame her? If you see someone every day, 3 months seems like a long time.

Laying the smack down on your future wife and the woman you love doesn't seem like the best thing to do in terms of your relationship, unless you plan on controlling her and being her only source of companionship/support for the rest of your lives together or until she smothers you with neediness. Encourage independence now and you'll both continue to be interesting and exciting to each other. Crush her and you've basically destroyed the person you (presumably) fell in love with. Compromise is NOT putting your foot down...

Samantha

[sasha414 0]

I dont know wherelse to post this,

this is the situation, The K3 has been approved for my Fiancee, she will be coming here in June, but lately she just told me she wants to come for only 3 months then go back to the Philippines so she can take her nursing board exam.

It has really gotten me irritated to the point to where I was thinking of calling everything off.

Then I was thinking this, if she were to come here, maybe within 3 months she might change her mind and decide to stay.

any opinions ? am i an idiot or what ?

I would really appreciate it.

Can't anyone see this from her perspective? I agree that coming here for 3 months then going back is not a good idea and she probably won't even have the papers together to go, but can't you (anyone) understand her wanting to finish out her degree completely? Especially if the OP paid for it! Maybe in Nevada you don't need this certification, what if in the future you move to a state where you do need it? Is wanting to complete a certification in a important field like nursing, one in which there are usually job openings, a bad thing?

If her K-1 will have expired before she takes the exams, then maybe it can be extended. If not, you have a problem. If her K-1 will not have expired, what's the big deal if she waits? From what I understand of the K-1 visa, she has 180 days to get here, then 90 days after she arrives to get married.

Also (and conceding that I know nothing about nursing), maybe the OP could research some way for her to take these exams here in the US. That would let you know if she really wants to go back for the boards or for some other mom-induced reason.

Remember, she's going to be making a lot of changes to come here, doing something to make it easier for her to find a job (even if it isn't required in Nevada, this certification can't be anything but an asset) seems like a good idea to me. Again and again we've seen that having a job (and having your own life) makes the transition to the US easier for the beneficiary and the petitioner. I know it would have helped me when I was in Spain.

And if mom seems controlling, she is losing a daughter, not gaining a son. She won't know her grandkids very well, she'll probably only talk to her daughter once a week, it's probably not the future she envisioned for her little girl. If she's trying to find an excuse to see her daughter in 3 months, can you blame her? If you see someone every day, 3 months seems like a long time.

Laying the smack down on your future wife and the woman you love doesn't seem like the best thing to do in terms of your relationship, unless you plan on controlling her and being her only source of companionship/support for the rest of your lives together or until she smothers you with neediness. Encourage independence now and you'll both continue to be interesting and exciting to each other. Crush her and you've basically destroyed the person you (presumably) fell in love with. Compromise is NOT putting your foot down...

Samantha

first of all, she has a K3 visa not a k1. and judging by what the OP said, it sounds like his wife listens more to her mother than to him. it also sounds like she is being unreasonable by insisting she fly back to the philippines after 3 months not considering the airfare he would have to spend. what i meant by putting his foot down is to insist that his wife answer the fon, answer his texts so they can communicate. by shutting off her fon, it shows that she is acting spoiled because she didnt get her way. a good marriage needs open communication. if they can meet halfway and agree to a solution that will benefit both of them, then that would be so much better. this is what i call " compromise ".

[luckymom 0]

You are right Sasha, I second the motion. "Compromise" is the very basic thing in a relationship. If the fiancee always want to have her way, this is a one way relationship, this will not do them any good. I believe that if a relationship is not that consistent and problematic (I can't think of the right term) in it's early stage, for sure it will not be a successful one in the end.

[DEDixon 39]

And if mom seems controlling, she is losing a daughter, not gaining a son. She won't know her grandkids very well, she'll probably only talk to her daughter once a week, it's probably not the future she envisioned for her little girl. If she's trying to find an excuse to see her daughter in 3 months, can you blame her? If you see someone every day, 3 months seems like a long time.

I can blame her unless her daughter is a spoiled rotten brat who has had a maid follow her around all her life.

If you know the Philippines, you know that the poor don't act this way because everything is second to getting out of that country and never coming back until it is absolutely safe to do so. I mentioned "poor," because he has said that he put her through college.

He also said "All those years of knowing her" and he said "I have been understanding for the past many years." He has been very patient over "many years," but suddenly he is ready to pull the plug?

If you know the Philippines, you know that it is rare when anyone who is poor and in love (for years) wants to stay in the RP for anything. The objective is to get out of the RP, get somewhere to make some $$$$ to send back home. People leave kids behind to get out of that country so it is somewhat amazing that someone would stay for "many" years to finish college.

Okay, say she isn't poor and that he is just being kind by paying for college. Again, rarely would anyone want to delay immigrating "for years" especially just to continue going to school when so many colleges are here in the USA. I could see finishing college if it was going to be soon, but "years?"

And, unless she is some kind of wealthy spoiled brat with the maid and a driver, immigrating to the US has more bragging rights (for the mom) than getting that board exam.

I'm amazed anyone would wait years for someone to immigrate unless somehow, someway, there are some super strong ties. They aren't married, they don't have any kids, why wait "for years?" I don't see any strong ties. From my experience here on VJ, this is unusual.

Great story. I can hardly wait for the next episode. I doubt the OP will let us down. I'm always skeptical when people post stories like this one, as their first post, but at least the OP didn't join yesterday so he has that in his favor.

[jom 4]

I called her and laid the smack down and told her how its going to be, then i said i will call her in 24 hours and will expect a YES or a NO. I told her how it is......

Good decision

[SP&JM 0]

first of all, she has a K3 visa not a k1. and judging by what the OP said, it sounds like his wife listens more to her mother than to him. it also sounds like she is being unreasonable by insisting she fly back to the philippines after 3 months not considering the airfare he would have to spend. what i meant by putting his foot down is to insist that his wife answer the fon, answer his texts so they can communicate. by shutting off her fon, it shows that she is acting spoiled because she didnt get her way. a good marriage needs open communication. if they can meet halfway and agree to a solution that will benefit both of them, then that would be so much better. this is what i call " compromise ".

He clarified - it's a K1.

Of course compromise goes both ways. Of course she shouldn't turn off the phone and refuse to answer text messages. That's obviously immature and manipulative and wrong. If 2 people in a relationship are and one person throws out the "let's just forget about everything and break up" card (and I know because I've done it), the other person doesn't always beg him/her not to leave. Sometimes they say "fine, if that's what you want to do."

She lives with her mother, he's on the other side of the world. She shouldn't listen to her mother more than her husband, but if she feels a certain way and her mother agrees with her (which is normal, again from experience) that doesn't mean that her mom is controlling her...Think about it, if you and your boyfriend are fighting, unless it's something that you've done horribly wrong (like cheating), and even sometimes then, your family and friends are going to see your point of view and agree with you. His family and friends are going to agree with him.

She didn't make him pay for everything - he volunteered. She should be grateful but, considering this is a relationship and they love each other, he's getting something out of it too. Relationships are give and take, and I don't think he would have gone through this much work if he was only giving and giving and wasn't fulfilled in some way by the relationship. Money is quantitative...maybe he gets something more qualitative like love, support, affection, whatever. If he isn't, then she's using him, and they shouldn't get married anyway.

I suggested two options - she waits there (since she won't be able to return in 3 months anyway, even if he can pay for the flight), or he finds some options for her to take the test here. None of them involve him paying more money for flights - which are expensive and a financial hardship, especially considering the extra expenses he's going to have with her here.

I didn't mean to specifically reference you, just the direction this was going - that he needs to reassert some sort of "control" over the relationship. There shouldn't be someone in control of a relationship, the two people are supposed to be partners. And the person making the money shouldn't feel like they get to decide everything just because they're paying - not when you're married.

They have some challenges and things to work out. Every relationship does. It takes time, patience, and you're right - compromise.

[Tahoma 2,292]

I realize that it is a difficult thing to do, but maybe you could wait just a little while longer...until she has taken her Local Board Exam in June. It is possible that your fiancée may need to have passed her Local Board Exam if she ever wants to become licensed in a state besides Nevada. It seems that every state has different requirements for their RNs. Passing her Local Board Exam may be a requirement for her to become licensed in another state.

However, if that were the case (that she was planning ahead), why wouldn't she simply tell you?

You have invested a lot of time and money in your fiancée, not to mention your whole heart. Believe me, I know how difficult it is to wait for a loved one. I hope you can work out a sensible compromise, instead of throwing it all away.

Note: In Post #5, the OP corrected himself. He and his fiancée are on the K-1 journey, not the K-3.

[Brettanne 1]

Your fiancée (wife?) may not necessarily need to take the Local Board Exam. If she is planning to work as a Registered Nurse in the United States, each state has different requirements. It is my understanding that not all states require the Local Board Exam.

You can Google the Board of Nursing for the state in question and read up on their requirements.

Or, maybe she can simply stay in the Philippines until she passes her Local Board Exam.

Exactly, US doesnt need the local board exam unless she wanted an accomplishment more. As far as i know also, K3 is not allowed to leave the US until you get the permanent residence unless you get a permit.

[meatspin 0]

I dont know wherelse to post this,

this is the situation, The K3 has been approved for my Fiancee, she will be coming here in June, but lately she just told me she wants to come for only 3 months then go back to the Philippines so she can take her nursing board exam.

It has really gotten me irritated to the point to where I was thinking of calling everything off.

Then I was thinking this, if she were to come here, maybe within 3 months she might change her mind and decide to stay.

any opinions ? am i an idiot or what ?

I would really appreciate it.

Can't anyone see this from her perspective? I agree that coming here for 3 months then going back is not a good idea and she probably won't even have the papers together to go, but can't you (anyone) understand her wanting to finish out her degree completely? Especially if the OP paid for it! Maybe in Nevada you don't need this certification, what if in the future you move to a state where you do need it? Is wanting to complete a certification in a important field like nursing, one in which there are usually job openings, a bad thing?

If her K-1 will have expired before she takes the exams, then maybe it can be extended. If not, you have a problem. If her K-1 will not have expired, what's the big deal if she waits? From what I understand of the K-1 visa, she has 180 days to get here, then 90 days after she arrives to get married.

Also (and conceding that I know nothing about nursing), maybe the OP could research some way for her to take these exams here in the US. That would let you know if she really wants to go back for the boards or for some other mom-induced reason.

Remember, she's going to be making a lot of changes to come here, doing something to make it easier for her to find a job (even if it isn't required in Nevada, this certification can't be anything but an asset) seems like a good idea to me. Again and again we've seen that having a job (and having your own life) makes the transition to the US easier for the beneficiary and the petitioner. I know it would have helped me when I was in Spain.

And if mom seems controlling, she is losing a daughter, not gaining a son. She won't know her grandkids very well, she'll probably only talk to her daughter once a week, it's probably not the future she envisioned for her little girl. If she's trying to find an excuse to see her daughter in 3 months, can you blame her? If you see someone every day, 3 months seems like a long time.

Laying the smack down on your future wife and the woman you love doesn't seem like the best thing to do in terms of your relationship, unless you plan on controlling her and being her only source of companionship/support for the rest of your lives together or until she smothers you with neediness. Encourage independence now and you'll both continue to be interesting and exciting to each other. Crush her and you've basically destroyed the person you (presumably) fell in love with. Compromise is NOT putting your foot down...

Samantha

Her certification will not be needed at all here in the United States no matter what state, i have already checked, me made plans that we settled on a few months ago and completely agreed on everything then on the 11th hour she changes her mind and when I tell her about what we planned in which i told her in a civil matter then she easily got angry.

She sent me a text message, telling me if i send her mom some money her mom would stay out of the way and spend her time at the ####### fights.

[meatspin 0]

Her certification will not be needed at all here in the United States no matter what state, i have already checked, me made plans that we settled on a few months ago and completely agreed on everything then on the 11th hour she changes her mind and when I tell her about what we planned in which i told her in a civil matter then she easily got angry.

She sent me a text message, telling me if i send her mom some money her mom would stay out of the way and spend her time at the ####### fights.

Some of you may be thinking that this is some story of some sort, you can call me at 702-502-3523 if you dont believe me. I have been very patient with her i believe in GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE THAT WAIT that is exactly what i did.

I tried calling her tonite and no answer, so I will text her and give her a 24 hour ultimatum, I am tired of waiting for her for all these years. Its time she comes here.