If you could go back...

[MsMariah 0]

I'd ask him exactly what it means to 'raise your children islamically". I wish I could get some functional answer to this from my husband but honestly he only knows about islam from his father and what guys from the cafe answer... not exactly nice to not know at this point. It's a big BIG issue, as raising children islamically here in america seems next to impossible. Has anyone noticed all the sex and kissing spread all over the tv and popular cultural activities and advertisement. No subtlety at all anymore... even I'm not comfortable, even I'm scared. Once a real muslim man thinks about it he'll consider it scary, and if he hasn't even lived he yet his comprehension is like a murky shadowy old mans tale of horror....

mmm Lovely!

[crazytown4u 0]

Nothing really i grew up with my now husband I think we know too much about each other lol its kind of scarey .... We know everything about each other familys Even dirty past things about them lol. We are two noisy friends that fell in love during time. Plus we always asked each other everything i mean everything

[crazytown4u 0]

I'd ask him exactly what it means to 'raise your children islamically". I wish I could get some functional answer to this from my husband but honestly he only knows about islam from his father and what guys from the cafe answer... not exactly nice to not know at this point. It's a big BIG issue, as raising children islamically here in america seems next to impossible. Has anyone noticed all the sex and kissing spread all over the tv and popular cultural activities and advertisement. No subtlety at all anymore... even I'm not comfortable, even I'm scared. Once a real muslim man thinks about it he'll consider it scary, and if he hasn't even lived he yet his comprehension is like a murky shadowy old mans tale of horror....

mmm Lovely!

LOL i know my aunt is muslim and my dad ( I went to islamic school from 3rd-8th grade and neaver became muslim lol I only belive in God i have no religoun thats why i love my family they take me how i am and neaver asked why ) Anyways when my anut loves DvR lol she records everything and fast forward all the kissing and stuff on tv, its funny cuz like 1/2 the show is missing but she tries to keep her kids in shape.

Every muslim has there own way just like every other person, some do go overboard and some dont so it depends on who your husband is.

[Nothing1234 2]

I'd ask him what exactly he meant by being addicted to fast food (YUCK!!!) and movies (OMG TONS).

He loves watching movies, new, old, Arabic (new and old), etc....we have seen them all! And if I never, ever see another KFC again...I will be a happy woman!

[crazytown4u 0]

LOL funny b/c it is probley ture, Not many muslims in america have 4 wifes u better stay in your town lol times have changed so still belive in the quran but u also have to understand when the quran was writing and that times change . Women now work, not only man ( which be any means is not aharm for her to work ) And as for the 4 wifes u better be really rich in this world to have them all and happy, and taking care of hospital bill, food , etc.... nothing is cheap anymore and even if food and clouths and a house over there head is all what the really need Not in america , they also have laws u know. you have to respect and make each wife happy

[crazytown4u 0]

Marriage in Islam is an important institution that has deep effects on society. Marriage is a bond containing rights and duties that each person, male or female, should preserve, protect and fulfill. Both the husband and wife, have certain rights and duties. Allah said, what translated means

"And live with them honorably."[4:19].

Each of them must fulfill his or her duties for the marriage to succeed. Allah said, what translated means,

"And they (women) have rights (over their husbands) similar (to those of their husbands) over them as regards to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them.) [2:228].

Women must fulfill their duties towards their husbands. Men must treat their wives fairly and fulfill their duties towards them, too. A happy marriage is assured if both the husband and the wife preserve each others' rights. A marriage that does the opposite is a miserable one.

The Sunnah of the Prophet is full of advice of what brings about a successful marriage. He said, what translated means, "Treat women fairly. The woman was created from a bent rib. The most bent part of the rib is the top. If you want to straighten it, you will break it. If you left it, it will stay bent. So treat women fairly." [Al- Bukhari & Muslim]. In this Hadith, the Prophet orders men to be fair with their wives and to treat them in the best manner. He described forcing a woman to change some of her attitudes as breaking the rib, and breaking the rib here means divorce. The Prophet was seeking to protect marriage from what may destroy it. He said, what translated means, "No Mu'min (believer) should dislike his believing wife. If he does not like her attitude (in some matters), (then) he will like another." [Muslim].

The Prophet advises men as how to have a good marriage. Men must ignore some of their wives mistakes and attitudes as long as they are not sins. The Prophet acknowledges that changing these attitudes is difficult. Women, Just like men, are not perfect. To enjoy marriage, men must forgive the bad attitudes and habits, and remember, the good ones. Surely in most cases, the good sides are more than the bad sides. For the husband to hate his wife, ignoring the good in her, means the destruction of their marriage. Many men want their wives to be perfect. This is not possible to achieve. If men ignore this fact, then misery and depression will fill their marriage, and this may lead to divorce. The Prophet advises the believers to protect their marriage by correcting the impermissible behavior of their wives, and not force change in matters that are not sins.

The wife has certain duties and rights. The rights include providing for her needs of food, clothing, housing and respect. The Prophet said, what translated means, "They have upon you (the rights) of providing for them and clothing, as regards to what is reasonable" [At-Tirmithi]. Also, the Prophet said to a questioner: "(Her rights upon you) is to feed her when you eat, buy her clothes when you buy for yourself, not to smack her on the face, not to curse her and not to ignore her (if you have a difference with her) but in the house." [Ahmad].

The wife has the right to be respected and treated fairly. Being unjust with the wife is impermissible. The Prophet gave us the perfect example of how a righteous believer should treat his wife. What men cannot control matters of the heart) must not affect the way they treat their wives.

[crazytown4u 0]

also, You need to go a read the Quran again and the hadiths of the prophet muhammad teachings. Be4 u say dumb things my man, Here is another one i think u will like;

If she ( wife) works outside the house it is praiseworthy for her husband to hire house help to relieve her from too heavy a burden. The wifes duties do not require her to feed her child,nor nurse it, nor clean nor cook It is the husband duty to provide a nursemaid, food for older children and servents to cook and clean however if the wife does those things IT IS OUT OF MERCY AND LOVE IT IS A GIFT TO HER HUSBAND ON HER PART.

u can learn alot by reading and islamic school, The thing is in many countires man are tought to be the man thing ( WHICH IS BIG ISLAMIC COUNTIRES ) and are neaver told the teachings of the women rights also So there for u as a muslim are whatever u belive should do your part to find these things out be4 u talk like u know everything Go read the Quran, Go read the hadeths read muhmammad teachings, Do not base your islam and what u have been thought, U should base it on what u have learned So go back and practice ok.

[crazytown4u 0]

And i know it was all a joke but i had to put some facts in there. I have a habet of definding islam alot sence my father and his family are muslim. There are muslims ( people who called them selves muslims anways ) Who make islam look like ####### and giving a bad name for muslims, when it is not and it is the person him self who just stuiped. even if i am not muslim myself ( for many reasons lol of my own ) i have alot of respect for islam So to clear things up i know u where joking but i just wanted to clear things up for many people to your jokes lol

[Leyla 0]

Hey Monica!

I asked Tarik a lot of questions before we got engaged/married. I think you and I covered that a little when we first met.

I think it's important to say that you need to watch out for perfect answers to every question. I don't think it's possible to agree on 100% everything. Especially cross culturally. I've found that there are a lot of things Tarik and I needed to compromise on.

I asked Tarik a lot of "trick" questions when I first met him. ("Am I allowed to......", "If I ....... would you......" ). Make sure that he is ok with you living the life you lead now, but with him. Unless you are willing to sacrifice some of that. He will have to sacrifice too if he gets here. So keep that in mind.

One thing I did that was a mistake (but happily fixed) was: I became someone I thought I wanted to be. But I wasn't that person. When I changed back into the real me it took us through a rocky few months. But I assure you we are MUCH happier now than ever.

Best of Luck to you Monica.

[Ihavequestions 419]

The view MENA men have for the most part of life with an American wife, in the USA is so far off reality

Oh, this is SO true. My own husband told me he knows "all about American culture." How? Because he watches television, of course. He really does think it's Cosby and According to Jim and, of course, the problems on Dr. Phil and Oprah and problems that are common in American households.

If his intentions are self-serving and self-centered, he'll say anything you want to hear and the "Un-official MENA Netcafe guidebook to marrying a Western Woman" has all the RIGHT answers...

Ladies, the idea that such a book is real is not too far off the mark. I've sat in many net cafes and watched what these guys do, not only on the computer but with me. Once a man heard me speak English and that was enough for him to laborously work to make me understand he wanted my phone number. Why would he want that? So we could be BFF? NOT.

A guinea or two betted on the chance of snagging a visa by snagging a western woman is money well spent compared to the US dollars they pay to try and get a visitor's visa or a student visa only to be rejected.

Thanks Fruitcake Lady for the laugh!

Yeah, I laughed, too. As funny as it is, it's a sad reality for some.

[Ihavequestions 419]

Has anyone noticed all the sex and kissing spread all over the tv and popular cultural activities and advertisement. No subtlety at all anymore... even I'm not comfortable, even I'm scared.

Come to Egypt and watch the television that comes across the regular cable. It's filled with this stuff, all of it from the west. At least in America you have a choice and can choose not to purchase channels that show that kind of thing. Here, you take what they give and there is no screening.

My advice? Learn to live without a television that does anything but show DVDs. You can control what comes into your home through your door, you can control what comes into your home through your windows, and you can control what comes into your home through the television.

My children didn't grow up with cable until they were almost out of high school. Instead they had pre-recorded movies, books, and music. I never had the "buy me" problems. I never had the sleezy clothes problems. I never had the boyfriends or girlfriends, either. And I didn't have the sex, drugs, alcohol problems, either. They didn't see the shows that glamorized that stuff, their mother didn't do it, so their reality was much different than that of their friends. Besides, they're readers - so much that they read their textbooks, which many children don't do because they never really learn how to read to learn. Was it easy? No. But I wouldn't change it and, actually, believe it was the best thing I did as a parent.

The bonus was that when we went somewhere to visit they never caused problems because they would stare at the big black box like a deer caught in headlights and not make a sound. I never said television was forbidden; I just said we didn't have it in our home.

It may not be for everybody. This is how I did it and I'm just putting it out there.

[KHPerfectMatch 1]

I'd ask him exactly what it means to 'raise your children islamically". I wish I could get some functional answer to this from my husband but honestly he only knows about islam from his father and what guys from the cafe answer... not exactly nice to not know at this point.

"Raise the children Islamically" is code for: MAKE THEM ARABS..... (like me)...... so my family will be happy.... when the kids go home to visit my family.... or my family comes to visit here.

I used to work in the weekend Islamic school when my son was young. We'd have these arab men come in with their half arab kids in tow.. (looking totally MISERABLE) and tell us to "teach them Islam". The kids were usually about 10 or so and had NO EXPOSURE to Islam prior to being dumped on us for half a day of Islamic studies. These dads wanted us to do what they had never even tried to do... Teach their kids to be Muslim! Of course their Christian Mom's hadn't been allowed to teach them their religion, and their "Jack Muslim" Dads hadn't taught them diddly either, so basically they were totally "un-schooled" in ANY religion. The kids were sullen, resentful, and didn't learn much in most cases. And of course it would finally come out that the family was going to the "old country" for vacation in the summer and the Dad wanted them to "Muslim-Up" before going back home. After trying to teach them 1 Surah for 3 weeks we'd ask the father to PLEASE use the Surah in EVERY prayer for a week to see if it would help the kid learn it... and no surpise here, the father would say "Oh, we all pray alone"... which was code for..... Dad doesn't even pray, but he wants the kid to learn!

The other common occurence would be the father dragging in their kids because the kids had started to "act up" or talk back, etc. and they wanted us to teach them to be respectful like good Muslim children are... (again, code for good ARAB kid like I was...) And when this failed the fathers would always threaten to take the kids and move to the old country so the kids would "turn out right"...

It's a huge problem... and personally I have no sympathy for parents... and HUGE sympathy for the kids... If the Mom cared about her faith she should have married INSIDE her faith... and if the father cared about his faith he should have practiced it and taught it to his kids from a young age, or at least married a Muslim woman who might have taught them.... Funny how religious differences among so many couples are so easily ignored or minimized during the dating and courtship phase and become such a mess when kids come along...and start to grow up... It's a HUGE job to raise kids that stay practicing Muslims in this country... not impossible, but certainly not likely with non practicing fathers and non-Muslim mothers...

My Christian Mom always quotes the apostle Paul when he wrote to the saints in Corinth, "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers." (2 Cor. 6:14, KJV). A view I believe many an Imam would agree with here in the USA.