Contemplating Divorce

[WalkonWildSide 0]

You know, i'm all about the honesty thing too - however, as you mentioned in the first line - you don't know her (or him), that is why perhaps it would have been wiser to temper your thoughts a bit.

Agreed it was typed without being able to convene the subtleties of emotion and nuance of phrasing. The difficulties of posting in a forum.

Now i'm not saying that you shouldn't be able to say what you think - i'm just saying HOW do you know, in this particular case, that your analysis of her Husband is correct? Sure maybe there are signs pointing to him perhaps feeling this way - but you state their marriage is over, i'm just saying that, in my opinion, it is a pretty big jump to make.

Absolutely, positively, do not know.

At the advice of his mom, he has agreed to come back to Houston on Saturday. I suggested that we go to marriage counseling to try to work things out. He agreed that counseling is a good idea, but said that he’d be going to “end things right” between us rather than to try to improve our marriage.

Although reading that statement, it looks pretty fatalistic at that point. It does sound like he has made a decision. Of course I am reading between the lines, didn't hear the conversation, don't know all the facts, etc...

A few weeks ago you posted about your own relationship, you got kind and helpful answers. Anyone could have said, at any time - you know - she is just not that in to you.

And if they had, I would have read it, decided the merit of the comment and moved on.

Initially when I read your story I thought hmm, she doesn't sound too interested

Thanks for your opinion.

The fact is we didn't and don't know your personal relationship - you two talked and you worked it out.

Perhaps Ruby and her Husband will as well.

Hopefully they will work things out.

Edited May 15, 2009 by easytarget

[kcoyclay1 98]

Fair enough Kathryn. Pertinent note though: when people post intimate and personal details about their lives in a public online forum; it is them who are making their lives a spectacle. kthxbai

Oh Len, regardless of the person making themselves a "spectacle" as you state we should still honor their request and leave out the disrespectful remarks. We have to learn to care. Especially in such a sensitive situation. CRH had a traumatic experience and some do not understand what she is going through yet they make harsh comments. We have to know when to say what and in this case we need to give advice that will help and not make things worst.

[CaptainRubyHeart 1]

Fair enough Kathryn. Pertinent note though: when people post intimate and personal details about their lives in a public online forum; it is them who are making their lives a spectacle. kthxbai

Oh Len, regardless of the person making themselves a "spectacle" as you state we should still honor their request and leave out the disrespectful remarks. We have to learn to care. Especially in such a sensitive situation. CRH had a traumatic experience and some do not understand what she is going through yet they make harsh comments. We have to know when to say what and in this case we need to give advice that will help and not make things worst.

I thank you, kcoyclay1, for your sensitivity and understanding.

Well, it is almost time. In a few hours I will be picking up Sean from the airport. It will be the first time we've seen each other in three weeks, and the first time we've spoken to each other in days. I have no idea what is going to happen, but will stay positive and try to work it out until we can't.

I want to thank you all for your advice and help, with the exception of that one person who views this thread as a soap opera and thinks it's fun to ridicule people such as myself. Do not worry. Beginning Wednesday (our first appointment), I plan on keeping any personal or intimate details of my marital relationship between myself and my therapist. I feel that ridiculing me for my "spectacle" is especially uncalled for because I am actually taking the advice offered here and am trying to fix this situation - hence, the therapy appointment and my trying to keep a positive attitude when I see Sean again. I could understand why I would be made fun of if I were just bitching and moaning without taking any action, but that is not the case.

It is rude and incorrect to invariably categorize anyone who posts something that is personal/intimate as some sort of drama queen. Life is unpredictable and full of surprises, and we all need a little help along the way from time to time and to gain a new perspective. And how is one to even understand a situation if no personal details are shared? I imagine I'd have a very hard time reaching out and asking for help without using personal detail to describe my situation to others.

I hope that Sean and I are able to work things out and come out of this with a better understanding of each other and our marriage. Despite it all, I still think that Sean is a really neat guy and I kind of wish you all knew him. Maybe someday he'll sign up for VJ and share some of his experiences immigrating from Canada to the U.S. And who knows? Maybe I'll be in the position one day to be able to help out someone on these forums who is having a rough time with his or her marriage and feels completely lost and hopeless and does not know where to turn.

I plan on making one more post as a follow-up, and then I may actually take a break from VJ for a while. It makes sense, in a practical manner, because Sean and I aren't actually doing any sort of paperwork right now and won't be for almost two years, if we stay together. Plus, I really need to be focusing energy on my self-improvement and our marriage anyway, so I shouldn't spend as much time on the internet as I do, heh.

I look forward to updating you one more time realy soon. Thank you again for your honesty, advice, and compassion.

[SapphireDreams 71]

Good luck Daniela, I wish you all the best. You seem like a very grounded person and even though I don't know you, my instinct tells me that you will be okay in the end. Hang in there and be strong.

[TimandJoyce 1]

I thank you, kcoyclay1, for your sensitivity and understanding.

Well, it is almost time. In a few hours I will be picking up Sean from the airport. It will be the first time we've seen each other in three weeks, and the first time we've spoken to each other in days. I have no idea what is going to happen, but will stay positive and try to work it out until we can't.

I want to thank you all for your advice and help, with the exception of that one person who views this thread as a soap opera and thinks it's fun to ridicule people such as myself. Do not worry. Beginning Wednesday (our first appointment), I plan on keeping any personal or intimate details of my marital relationship between myself and my therapist. I feel that ridiculing me for my "spectacle" is especially uncalled for because I am actually taking the advice offered here and am trying to fix this situation - hence, the therapy appointment and my trying to keep a positive attitude when I see Sean again. I could understand why I would be made fun of if I were just bitching and moaning without taking any action, but that is not the case.

It is rude and incorrect to invariably categorize anyone who posts something that is personal/intimate as some sort of drama queen. Life is unpredictable and full of surprises, and we all need a little help along the way from time to time and to gain a new perspective. And how is one to even understand a situation if no personal details are shared? I imagine I'd have a very hard time reaching out and asking for help without using personal detail to describe my situation to others.

I hope that Sean and I are able to work things out and come out of this with a better understanding of each other and our marriage. Despite it all, I still think that Sean is a really neat guy and I kind of wish you all knew him. Maybe someday he'll sign up for VJ and share some of his experiences immigrating from Canada to the U.S. And who knows? Maybe I'll be in the position one day to be able to help out someone on these forums who is having a rough time with his or her marriage and feels completely lost and hopeless and does not know where to turn.

I plan on making one more post as a follow-up, and then I may actually take a break from VJ for a while. It makes sense, in a practical manner, because Sean and I aren't actually doing any sort of paperwork right now and won't be for almost two years, if we stay together. Plus, I really need to be focusing energy on my self-improvement and our marriage anyway, so I shouldn't spend as much time on the internet as I do, heh.

I look forward to updating you one more time realy soon. Thank you again for your honesty, advice, and compassion.

Best wishes CRH. I pray everything go well for you from this day forward.....

[July09Bride 1]

Good luck Daniela, I wish you all the best. You seem like a very grounded person and even though I don't know you, my instinct tells me that you will be okay in the end. Hang in there and be strong.

I wholeheartedly agree with Sapphire... best of luck to you! I truly hope everything does work out. Make sure to take care of yourself... you are important. Stay strong... best words shared, Sapphire.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Good luck Daniela, I wish you all the best. You seem like a very grounded person and even though I don't know you, my instinct tells me that you will be okay in the end. Hang in there and be strong.

I wholeheartedly agree with Sapphire... best of luck to you! I truly hope everything does work out. Make sure to take care of yourself... you are important. Stay strong... best words shared, Sapphire.

Good luck to the both of you. I hope you are able to work through this rough spot in your marriage and find that you are able to grow stronger because of the experience.

[missmissy 38]

I'm not in the Canadian group but I too wish you the very best and hope things work out. I really, really do.

[kcoyclay1 98]

Fair enough Kathryn. Pertinent note though: when people post intimate and personal details about their lives in a public online forum; it is them who are making their lives a spectacle. kthxbai

Oh Len, regardless of the person making themselves a "spectacle" as you state we should still honor their request and leave out the disrespectful remarks. We have to learn to care. Especially in such a sensitive situation. CRH had a traumatic experience and some do not understand what she is going through yet they make harsh comments. We have to know when to say what and in this case we need to give advice that will help and not make things worst.

I thank you, kcoyclay1, for your sensitivity and understanding.

Well, it is almost time. In a few hours I will be picking up Sean from the airport. It will be the first time we've seen each other in three weeks, and the first time we've spoken to each other in days. I have no idea what is going to happen, but will stay positive and try to work it out until we can't.

I want to thank you all for your advice and help, with the exception of that one person who views this thread as a soap opera and thinks it's fun to ridicule people such as myself. Do not worry. Beginning Wednesday (our first appointment), I plan on keeping any personal or intimate details of my marital relationship between myself and my therapist. I feel that ridiculing me for my "spectacle" is especially uncalled for because I am actually taking the advice offered here and am trying to fix this situation - hence, the therapy appointment and my trying to keep a positive attitude when I see Sean again. I could understand why I would be made fun of if I were just bitching and moaning without taking any action, but that is not the case.

It is rude and incorrect to invariably categorize anyone who posts something that is personal/intimate as some sort of drama queen. Life is unpredictable and full of surprises, and we all need a little help along the way from time to time and to gain a new perspective. And how is one to even understand a situation if no personal details are shared? I imagine I'd have a very hard time reaching out and asking for help without using personal detail to describe my situation to others.

I hope that Sean and I are able to work things out and come out of this with a better understanding of each other and our marriage. Despite it all, I still think that Sean is a really neat guy and I kind of wish you all knew him. Maybe someday he'll sign up for VJ and share some of his experiences immigrating from Canada to the U.S. And who knows? Maybe I'll be in the position one day to be able to help out someone on these forums who is having a rough time with his or her marriage and feels completely lost and hopeless and does not know where to turn.

I plan on making one more post as a follow-up, and then I may actually take a break from VJ for a while. It makes sense, in a practical manner, because Sean and I aren't actually doing any sort of paperwork right now and won't be for almost two years, if we stay together. Plus, I really need to be focusing energy on my self-improvement and our marriage anyway, so I shouldn't spend as much time on the internet as I do, heh.

I look forward to updating you one more time realy soon. Thank you again for your honesty, advice, and compassion.

CRH I will be praying for you guys.

[kcoyclay1 98]

Today at church I cried when the pastor spoke about persons who experienced trauma in the past. He went to a forum and heard a psychologist define what happens after a traumatic experience. The psychologist said that after a trauma something happens in the brain that keeps bringing back the event causing the person to relive it over and over. He says that after a while it will appears to go away but as something happens to brings back the memory of the past then the brain starts delivering flash-backs traumatizing the victim all over again. He says that is why soldiers who goes to war have such a hard time adjusting when they return because every day they see these deaths and live in the situation being traumatized over and over again.

He said he noticed however that the chemicals in the brain return to normal when the person raises their hands and feeds on positive thoughts. Some of us might take a longer time to get through the trauma than others. CRH I am proud of you for taking a step to get the help you need. You will get over this. I am still praying for you and I chose to raise my hands with you as you embrace positive thoughts in your therapy sessions.

Be blessed

[Sprailenes 47]

Even when you're "over" it, you still go back to it sometimes. It never ever goes away.

I went to a psychologist, and to the poster who said that they put you on drugs - not true. Thats not what a psychologist does. I did learn coping mechanisms and I was able to talk about it and deal with it through regression therapy.

I know some people are against psychologists but you just can't deal with traumatic events on your own. It's like saying someone can get up after getting hit by a car and go on with broken bones yet no medical attention. Emotional and mental trauma is just as bad as physical trauma, people don't always see it that way though because it isn't tangible.

[kcoyclay1 98]

Even when you're "over" it, you still go back to it sometimes. It never ever goes away.

I went to a psychologist, and to the poster who said that they put you on drugs - not true. Thats not what a psychologist does. I did learn coping mechanisms and I was able to talk about it and deal with it through regression therapy.

I know some people are against psychologists but you just can't deal with traumatic events on your own. It's like saying someone can get up after getting hit by a car and go on with broken bones yet no medical attention. Emotional and mental trauma is just as bad as physical trauma, people don't always see it that way though because it isn't tangible.

That is so true sprailenes. What I meant by getting over this is what is happening to her now and the stage that she is presently at. She will have days when she can cope and it will get better. She wont be as scared as she is right now but she will get pass this stage as she learn how to cope

Edited May 18, 2009 by kcoyclay1