IR1, when its safe for divorce.

[cool_guy 0]

Hi everyone,

With a awful pain im now at the land of dream ( so far its called but i dont know what to call it now ) . I have read several posts and i loved one quote of an unlucky guy like me,"adulty in usa is a crime", i really loved that qoute.

Guys, Im in horrible condition, im burning inside which i cant explain properly nor i can handle but i need a great support from you which im also getting from my in-laws.

It's 2005, i married a girl who is relation of my aunt in my homeland, you can call it's a family marrige. She used live in USA with her parents with greencard and become a citizen on 2007. Then She applied for me through I-130 on 2007 and i came to USA on March, 2009 with IR1 and already have received my GreenCard and Social Security. Before i came to USA, i heard from some sources on 2006 that my wife (so far its called like that, there should be something else to identify this kind of girl ) had boyfriend and she used to live with him and hearing that i got very upset. but she used to talk with me over phone and we used to chat but sometimes she became vanish for days, i thought that she was busy with study.

Later on, her bf left her and went to some other states and i became relaxed. Then i came here and talked with her and told her that ok, forget everything and lets live together and be happy.

Ok, after coming here i have found that she is having another affair with another guy for more than one year and half and she also go to the previous guy to other states means two guys at a time but none knows what is happening here. I have found everything with pictures. So i have evidence of the relations. But i dont wanna bother her and want her to be Happy but with a single man.

Now after getting the evidence i talked with her again, we came to a dicission that we will not distrub/harm each other but i dont know what is really in her mind. But as we are from Islamic religion so we have some culture to follow and her parents have a social statue and more over its my life, but she does not care of those and her thinking is that enjoy your life and do whatever u make feel better. And once she replied to me that "i love them all and i love to live with them".

So guys can you guys help letting me know that

case 1: After how long, its safe for me to get divorce.

case 2: How long we will have to live in the same house for safty of my visa ?

case 3: If she divorce me now then what will happen to me ?

-

a guy.

-------------------------------------------------

Everyone cant have a family as i cant do.

[Bobby+Umit 161]

<snip>

case 1: After how long, its safe for me to get divorce.

You can always get divorced. No need for a time for it to be "safe" *of course, you will have to follow the rules/laws of the state you are in*

case 2: How long we will have to live in the same house for safty of my visa ?

Visa? if you have a greencard all ready, you no longer need a visa.

case 3: If she divorce me now then what will happen to me ?

Nothing other than you will be free of her. If you still need to remove conditions, you can file for yourself due to the divorce. As long as you can prove the marriage was entered in good faith, then you are good to go.

-

a guy.

-------------------------------------------------

Everyone cant have a family as i cant do.

Edited May 8, 2009 by Bobby_Umit

[caybee 21]

<snip>

case 1: After how long, its safe for me to get divorce.

You can always get divorced. No need for a time for it to be "safe" *of course, you will have to follow the rules/laws of the state you are in*

case 2: How long we will have to live in the same house for safty of my visa ?

Visa? if you have a greencard all ready, you no longer need a visa.

case 3: If she divorce me now then what will happen to me ?

Nothing other than you will be free of her. If you still need to remove conditions, you can file for yourself due to the divorce. As long as you can prove the marriage was entered in good faith, then you are good to go.

-

a guy.

-------------------------------------------------

Everyone cant have a family as i cant do.

[cool_guy 0]

case 1: After how long, its safe for me to get divorce.

>> You can always get divorced. No need for a time for it to be "safe" *of course, you will have to follow the rules/laws of the state you are in*

Im in california, can you advice me what law should i have to follow

case 3: If she divorce me now then what will happen to me ?

>> Nothing other than you will be free of her. If you still need to remove conditions, you can file for yourself due to the divorce. As long as you can prove the marriage was entered in good faith, then you are good to go.

Man, how can a marrige be fake? I wanted family, a happy family. Anyways. What is the procedure to make sence that the marriage was in good faith.

[caybee 21]

Since you came in with an IR-1, did you receive the 10-year, unconditional green card? If so, you are a legal permanent resident, and you no longer have to prove anything to USCIS about your marriage in order to remain here legally.

Divorce laws vary by state -- in some states, there is a waiting period before filing, for example, and there are many other differences -- but you don't have to continue to live with your wife. You can live separately while the divorce is pending. You will probably want to consult a divorce or family law attorney to learn what your options and rights are in your state.

[cool_guy 0]

Since you came in with an IR-1, did you receive the 10-year, unconditional green card? If so, you are a legal permanent resident, and you no longer have to prove anything to USCIS about your marriage in order to remain here legally.

Divorce laws vary by state -- in some states, there is a waiting period before filing, for example, and there are many other differences -- but you don't have to continue to live with your wife. You can live separately while the divorce is pending. You will probably want to consult a divorce or family law attorney to learn what your options and rights are in your state.

Actually, im half dead now living in so much tension. but it makes me feel good that "you no longer have to prove anything to USCIS about your marriage in order to remain here legally." .

One of my relative told me to go to the fedarel lawyer at download town at San jose. but someone else also told that they may keep record and put u in trouble.

What is ur opinion about that ?

[Bobby+Umit 161]

case 1: After how long, its safe for me to get divorce.

>> You can always get divorced. No need for a time for it to be "safe" *of course, you will have to follow the rules/laws of the state you are in*

Im in california, can you advice me what law should i have to follow

You will need to google "Divorce laws California"

case 3: If she divorce me now then what will happen to me ?

>> Nothing other than you will be free of her. If you still need to remove conditions, you can file for yourself due to the divorce. As long as you can prove the marriage was entered in good faith, then you are good to go.

Man, how can a marrige be fake? I wanted family, a happy family. Anyways. What is the procedure to make sence that the marriage was in good faith.

Person pays another person to marry for greencard = fake marriage, as an example. You haven't answered the question, do you need to remove conditions on your greencard? (is it a 2yr card or 10 yr card)?

One of my relative told me to go to the fedarel lawyer at download town at San jose. but someone else also told that they may keep record and put u in trouble.

What is ur opinion about that ?

Only people that have something to hide fear the law is my opinion.

[cool_guy 0]

case 3: If she divorce me now then what will happen to me ?

>> Nothing other than you will be free of her. If you still need to remove conditions, you can file for yourself due to the divorce. As long as you can prove the marriage was entered in good faith, then you are good to go.

>>Man, how can a marrige be fake? I wanted family, a happy family. Anyways. What is the procedure to make sence that the marriage was in good faith.

>>Person pays another person to marry for greencard = fake marriage[/i], as an example. You haven't answered the question, do you need to remove conditions on your greencard? (is it a 2yr card or 10 yr card)?

Sorry forgot to answer that. by the way "removing condition means removing marritial status ? i think that i will not do that right now, bcos i came here few weeks ago and i dont hav job now so i will stay with her parent and will search job then i will think about that, how is it? man im new in this country so i cant move alone right now. i need sometime. Am i Wrong?

One of my relative told me to go to the fedarel lawyer at download town at San jose. but someone else also told that they may keep record and put u in trouble.

What is ur opinion about that ?

>> Only people that have something to hide fear the law is my opinion.

Hmm, no i dont know about anything about here, so asked you guys? I have nothing to hide now. Im afraid that if im kicked from here then me and my family will face lots of problem. bcos in our country second marriage is very difficult and siblings will face many problem during their marriage. .

[cool_guy 0]

It's a GC of 10yrs.

[Bobby+Umit 161]

It's a GC of 10yrs.

Then you have nothing to fear by divorcing - you have met the criteria. No need to prove the marriage was entered in good faith.

Are you wrong about staying married? Only you can answer that.

[sj5 4]

It's a GC of 10yrs.

You can divorce your wife anytime. Move on.... enjoy yourself.. There are a lot of good fishes around.

Edited May 9, 2009 by sj5

[cool_guy 0]

Man, she just left home for her boyfriend again.

Someboday give me some ...

Thanks guys for your replies and time.

May Allah Bless you.

[map1map 3]

Move on. The only difference between an immigrant married to a US citizen and one no longer married to a US citizen, comes into play when applying for citizenship/naturalization. You can apply for naturalization if you have been married with the same citizen 3 years after you got the GC, but if you are no longer married, you can apply for citizenship in 5 years (well, 4 years and 9 months, with the respective restrictions for being in the US in the meantime).

Move on. Nobody deserves the risk and the each a swinging partner brings. Move on.

[cool_guy 0]

Move on. The only difference between an immigrant married to a US citizen and one no longer married to a US citizen, comes into play when applying for citizenship/naturalization. You can apply for naturalization if you have been married with the same citizen 3 years after you got the GC, but if you are no longer married, you can apply for citizenship in 5 years (well, 4 years and 9 months, with the respective restrictions for being in the US in the meantime).

Move on. Nobody deserves the risk and the each a swinging partner brings. Move on.

Thanks man for that concern, i knew that. Actually, im not really worried about the the 3 or 5 years for citizenship. Thing is that i wanna get rid of her bcos she goes out with his boyfriend and comes to home at midnight which bothers me and i feel very awful. So i dont have wanna feel bad.

[KnightAndMagpie 7]

People don't realise how difficult it can be for the girl -- no offence to you, cool_guy. My family background is similar though I grew up in the UK, and I underwent a great deal of mental and some physical abuse. My family, on top of whatever else they were doing to me, were always fretting about reputation and so on, and expected me to be married to someone of their choice someday. I always clashed with them because I didn't practice whatever they did as they wanted me to, because I didn't fit the image of a good girl as they saw one. I never identified with the culture or the religion because I went to an international school. When I got to know Knight, I realised that he was something I could not cast aside and stay in the horrendous situation I was in. To cut a long story short, I'm estranged from them and under police protection. It was the best move I've ever made, and I'm so much happier and freer for it -- even if people do judge me for it. I don't have to hide who I am anymore, don't have to try and live in a culture and religion which was never really mine to begin with. I've known numerous girls who are unhappy in their marriages (this is not to deny the girls who are content) because they were family-arranged.

I sympathise with this girl, where she's coming from; she didn't choose the person she was going to marry, and must have gone through with it to keep the family happy. No, it wasn't right that she was married and that she was having affairs outside the marriage, but the pressure can be intense to the point that all you hear in your head is noise. Before I even ended up in a similar situation, I chose instead to walk away from that. I cannot tell you what a weight has been lifted from my shoulders, my heart and my soul. I am free to love, to believe in God as I feel is right for me, to be around good, wonderful friends who have become my family, without having to worry about being seen with people who are not part of the religion or the culture.

Cool_guy, this is not an attack on you. I would like to say that it's admirable on your part that you have made the choice to step away from her and let her live her life. I hope you do find happiness some day with someone who loves you, because I'm aware of some women's husbands who continue to force the relationship on their wives and it leads to the disintegration of the marriage. Happiness in married bliss is only such is both parties are content with one another; love cannot be forced to manifest itself. The importance pinned on family reputation and marrying the "right" bloodline or caste saddens me; all it does is cause stress, sadness and pain. They also obsess over these things instead of being concerned with the happiness of their children, insisting that the children are bound by God to please the parents. It should be a two-way system, not a case of "please me and you'll please God". The God myself and Knight have faith in is not like that.

I myself have my wonderful Knight, who is the light of my life as I am in his; he has supported me throughout, but it is difficult for him to come to terms with what I've had to suffer over the years. I have been seeing counselling for it, and will continue to do so once I'm in the US, and I know I"ll overcome it with him by my side.

Just my two pennies.

Magpie.

Edited May 9, 2009 by KnightAndMagpie