Visiting America

[Movin on New Life 3]

by the way... just curious.... how does you husband feel about this

He doesn't want a divorce. I'm not even sure how to start the process (especially since he doesn't want it) if I do decided to go that route.

Ally

Ally... I do not have any factual reasons for what I am about to say except for "my gut feelings" when I read your postings... I may be wrong but it seems the fustrations of the immigration process has gotten the better of you... You say your husband does not want a divorce..and honestly I do not think you do either...

As difficult as it may be... I urge you to step back, take a breath, and think twice.. It may seem as though you have no immediate solution...but we are here for you and I am sure your husband as well. Sometimes fustration and anger can make us say or do things to "test" the other person...when all we really need is to be reassured they too are fustrated but are willing to fight the fight to be together..

Sounds like you and your husband just need some person to person time to once again see the flame which brought you to man and wife... Do not give up... Many many people here have waited a long long time and endured many many complications... but trust me once completed and they are together....it all goes away... Be strong hve faith and above all..keep the communications open..

Wishing you the best my fellow VJ friend

I know what you are saying and you are right, a divorce is not really what I want but I don't really see it working out. He abandon the K1 process because we were arguing a lot after we got married in Nov. Well we were arguing a lot because he never submitted all the paperwork needed for him to be able to work. This escalated to the point where instead of just submitting the damn paperwork he borrowed money from his brother and left in the middle of the night back to England without parole. He had been threatening me for 3 weeks that he was leaving. I feel used and disrespected. I feel he is selfish and only thinks about himself. First in leaving not thinking how that would make me feel and now wanting to come back...all the while I have to pay for most everything. And what do I do if he comes back and then still won't get a job? I don't want to support someone for the rest of my life, it's not fair. He is 34 years old and healthy, no reason he can't get at least a part time job.

I am very angry and hurt by what he did and I am sick of not being about to go on with my life. I want to have kids and get on with my career plans, maybe move...I can't do any of that with my life in limbo. I've been thinking about moving to FL and stay with my family for a little bit while I get a business off the ground but if I do that before he gets here he has no where to stay because they don't know him and as you can imagine are pretty pissed off at him plus there really isn't room for both of us...so there is one more thing that I am unable to make a decision on. All because he is selfish and lazy.

Ally

Oh Ally I see your distress now... and you have very good reasons... Well the only option I see now is if he indeed still loves you and want to come back...simply tell him.. he needs to step up to the plate now. Advise him... you have done all the work and paid all the monies to date... more than your share and adequately displaying your care and intentions... Now he has to take the ball!!

You have some good ideas ... make a game plan and clearly define your goals and go girl!!!

One word of advise.. as close as you are to your family...take special care in how much details or how often you confide in them when things go bad with your husband...because if you end up reconciling... trust me... family ALWAYS remembers the negative and he will always be on the defensive and have to prove himself.

As mentioned before... good luck to you

[MPGGPM 0]

To answer your question. I just spoke to a CBP officer in Baltimore and he told me not to travel to the US under any circumstances, cos that would cause alot of problems.

I think that CBP officer told you that so it would make HIS job easier

My wife has visited me in the US twice.......no problems yet. Maybe one day , when she does come again, she`ll get questioned more etc......but so far, she has visited twice with no problems.

Every once in a while you`ll read a post that describes a bad experience and that they were denied entry, but as a whole, from what I have seen on this forum so far, the odds are greater that you will get in, than be denied entry.

To me and my wife.....it was worth taking that chance to be able to see each other.

Sometimes you just have to roll the dice and take your chances.

[TracyTN 237]

Ally, could he try and get a tourist visa from the Embassy? That way he would know whether or not he was denied entry before buying the ticket and getting all the way here.

[Isabel 0]

To answer your question. I just spoke to a CBP officer in Baltimore and he told me not to travel to the US under any circumstances, cos that would cause alot of problems.

I think that CBP officer told you that so it would make HIS job easier

My wife has visited me in the US twice.......no problems yet. Maybe one day , when she does come again, she`ll get questioned more etc......but so far, she has visited twice with no problems.

Every once in a while you`ll read a post that describes a bad experience and that they were denied entry, but as a whole, from what I have seen on this forum so far, the odds are greater that you will get in, than be denied entry.

To me and my wife.....it was worth taking that chance to be able to see each other.

Sometimes you just have to roll the dice and take your chances.

Well to specify it...I visited my hubby once as well, but now our immigration visa is approved and I wont have a flat and work in Germany anymore....so are you still thinking that the CBP officer just told me that because he wants to make his work easier? I doubt it. But that is a different case. I would probably try entering again if none of the petitions have had been approved....but since her husband left without advance parole and all the other stuff...I dont know if it is just *rolling the dice*.

I.

[shirlJ831 0]

Ally I hope things work out for u sweetie hang in there

[MPGGPM 0]

To answer your question. I just spoke to a CBP officer in Baltimore and he told me not to travel to the US under any circumstances, cos that would cause alot of problems.

I think that CBP officer told you that so it would make HIS job easier

My wife has visited me in the US twice.......no problems yet. Maybe one day , when she does come again, she`ll get questioned more etc......but so far, she has visited twice with no problems.

Every once in a while you`ll read a post that describes a bad experience and that they were denied entry, but as a whole, from what I have seen on this forum so far, the odds are greater that you will get in, than be denied entry.

To me and my wife.....it was worth taking that chance to be able to see each other.

Sometimes you just have to roll the dice and take your chances.

Well to specify it...I visited my hubby once as well, but now our immigration visa is approved and I wont have a flat and work in Germany anymore....so are you still thinking that the CBP officer just told me that because he wants to make his work easier? I doubt it. But that is a different case. I would probably try entering again if none of the petitions have had been approved....but since her husband left without advance parole and all the other stuff...I dont know if it is just *rolling the dice*.

I.

The way you wrote it, you made it sound like he is just trying to dissuade you and anyone from coming and making it sound impossible.......which I disagree with what he said based on my experiences with my wife traveling and based on others that I`ve read.

I said it is ``rolling dìce`` for her...my wife...anyone......because based on what I`ve seen , even if you bring a ton of documents etc showing ties to your country, you might still be denied. There is no real way to prove you won`t stay, so it`s a Catch-22......................they want you to try and prove you won`t remain in the USA, when there is no real way to prove it. So for anyone, you are still going to be taking a chance when you try to enter. Thus.....rolling dice......and hoping you win and can get in to visit. Not everyone has been able to.

Although in your case....if you have an ``immigrant visa`` already......not sure why you`d be worried about entering. That part doesn`t make sense.

Although I don`t know her case that well.....and the circumstances, I will say that leaving without ``advance parole``will not by itself get you denied entry if you want to visit. My wife did so.....due to some paperwork foul-ups......long story..........and regardless........she has been able to get in to visit twice. So leaving without advance parole will not automatically get you rejected when you try to visit.

[K3desparate 0]

Ally, I don't know your entire story, and it's none of my business, but this may be for the best. If you married someone who's lazy, immature, and a financial burden, it may be better to call it quits before you have children. Take care of yourself at this point and don't worry about him. If I understand zyggy correctly, your husband won't be admitted to the States anyway. Take some time, be with your family in Florida, and get feedback from those who love you.

There's no rush to get a divorce. That can come if you decide later, and with a clear head, that you want one. Right now, tell him you're taking some time for yourself. End of discussion. I'm not sure if you can withdraw the visa petition at this point, or what financial obligations you might have. But these are just details compared to getting a grip on whether this guy is stable and a good partner for the long term. Take heart. Because you may be extracating yourself before worse damage is done.

Jersey girl, i beg to differ from you for the first time, your opinion has always been great here but it seems to me this woman is being too consumed with her side of the story however failing to put herself in the shoes of the guy.She sounds to me like someone who is very unwilling to travel and will use any excuse to justify the reason she doesn't want to go to england with the same old popular reason like what my wife use to say (my work) but what most dont realize is the huge responsibility the other partner had to assumed just to abandon all your life, friends,work and for the sake of love move to someone's country without any permit to work.Trust me i have been that route before and i also had no choice but to leave without parole.

I was also sleeping in a sofa until my old employers took me back when i arrived in London and the pain and emptiness and humiliation that comes with it is unimaginable, to follow someone's words and promises to pack your bag and leave only to realize it was mainly false promises can be daunting and it gets worse when your partner seems to assume london and US is the same .

In my case as soon my entire saving ran low, i went from being a responsible guy to a total bum who will never get out of sofa to work in the eyes of my wife when i was still waiting for my permit.

For the sake of using this forum to discuss about immigration let me leave it short but most guys out here needs to think that getting the visa is only one element of the immigration. there are lot to it which unfortunately most people dont make provision for and those are how how the petitioner is going to help the beneficiary to adjust very well and to understand the exact nature of how it to deal with the complexities that comes with relocation.

Thanks

[Jersey Girl 2]

Thank you for your story, K3desperate. Sorry you had a rough journey. This process is truly a test of love and perseverence at a time when many couples are only engaged or just married. They each have to pull their weight, no matter which side of the border they're on, and that's what this thread is about.

One partner did not contribute financially and may have jeopardized his visa by leaving the country. He may be in dire straights in England, living on someone's couch. But this does not prevent him from asking friends and family to contribute a couch for his wife, who's thinking of visiting.

Yes, it's a tremendous undertaking for a man to marry an American and move to her country. If affects every aspect of his life: emotional, financial, cultural, career, family, and most importantly, the direction of his future. So he has to be committed to their plan, which may not be the case with this bloke, whose actions suggest otherwise.

It's hard to start thinking as a couple early in an engagement or marriage, but that's what has to happen if a visa petition, and life together, are going to be successful. Some couples don't make it. Their common resolve isn't strong enough. One partner may still be thinking as an individual, which may be happening here. Even if the visa is granted, a pattern has been established of one person carrying the entire load while the other is mollycoddled.

I think we agree that if a couple is not on the same page, each doing their part to understand and support the process, then it doesn't bode well for their future life together, never mind the visa. Really, that's the big picture, and in my humble opinion, a bigger issue than whether she can afford to visit him.