Please, give me some options.

[Tyler.C 0]

Thank you everyone for reading this.... it might be a tad long, but I am looking for the best information I can get.

Im in love with my girlfriend obviously, and we are looking to bring me to the United States from Canada. I have known her online as friends for about 7 years, when we were both young. She is still quite young at 21, and I am 26. I finally visited her 2 months ago, and it was amazing. I go to see her again this weekend, however we have debated what options we have about me moving to the states. The only one that seems plausible, is that we get married, which she does not want to do at her young age, for a number of different reasons. We love eachother, but it's still a needy step to take, just to bring me into the Country, and I vouch for that. It's not exactly the marriage both of us imagined, although I told her I am all for it, however it scares her.

I have thought about saving money ( which I don't have tons of ) and living with her, and seeing how it goes, however she does not make enough for us to live of off. Also, I need to work somehow, I can't just sit around all day while she does all the work. I am a College graduate, and work for Apple Computers at the moment ( for 6 years ), however I have contacted them, and they do not give out any type of work VISA's. I know as a Canadian I can legally stay there for 6 months, however, with no income, it makes it extremely hard for us. I'm not an expert on the VISA's, however me and her have looked it all over a number of times, and it seems the marriage is the only option, offering a green card. I feel if the only option we have is getting married, that we may very well fall apart, as we need to live with each other to really understand how we are together, while the distance will also tear us apart. I hope someone out there has been in our predicament, and can shed some light on options that I might be overlooking.

Again, thanks,

Tyler,

[Bobby+Umit 161]

Sounds like she isn't ready for marriage, so my thoughts to you is just to step back from "marriage" and just live the moment with each other with the time you have.

As you have surmised, your first step is a visa.

In general, to apply for an immigrant visa, a foreign citizen must be sponsored by a U.S. citizen relative(s), U.S. lawful permanent resident, or by a prospective employer, and be the beneficiary of an approved petition. Therefore, a first step is filing a petition

Without the marriage, or the employer option, you are only left with perhaps the student visa.

But, as I said, if you try to push her into a marriage she does not want now, may push her away.

Your choice, as always, is up to you.

good luck!

[raymaga 25]

What about the option of her moving to Canada? I know Canada is much more liberal about commonlaw relationships.

Someone else here on VJ that knows more about Canadian immigration might be able to tell you if there are ways for a U.S. citizen to move to Canada and live and work without having to marry.

I am Canadian (and a U.S. citizen as well, living in the U.S.), and I remember being VERY shocked when I first moved here at how little the U.S. acknowledged commonlaw relationships. In Canada, when I lived commonlaw with a previous boyfriend, I was able to get him on my medical and after living together for a year or so, we were like we were married as far as property dividing, etc. went after we split up.

[Anh map 2,098]

Lots of time together (on both sides of the border) will only clarify things for both of you. Who knows, you two may decide that living in Canada is the best thing.

Don't rush into marriage if you both aren't sure. It's nice that you two are so close, no oceans between you. Enjoy your love journey.

[Tyler.C 0]

Wow, thank you for all the replies thus far.

I know she does not want to move to Canada. She is too close to her family, and she hates the cold, as do I, hence an extra reason to move. I am not overly close with my family, so it wouldn't seem right t to take her away from her's. We should be thankful that we are as close as we are. It's only a $600 plane ticket away.... but finding time off work ( only 3 weeks a year ) is just not cutting it. I am assuming then that marriage is the only way, aside from the student idea. I looked into the student VISA as well, and discovered you must work ON campus, at minimum wage until you graduate. The costs for school, and the student fee's would be atrocious as well.

Again, it seems marriage is really our only ticket ?. There are no other loopholes in the system that I am un-aware of. I don't want to encourage it, however the only other thing would be under the table work.... but again, you can be banned from the states for such things, and that's not what Im aiming for.

Im still open for suggestions as well, or kind words :-), it's a tough time for both of us, and I hope we make it through it and not give up for the wrong reasons.

Thank you,

Tyler

Edited May 5, 2009 by Tyler.C

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Moved from citizenship forum to general immigration forum

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Bobby is right. Seems your only option at this juncture is be a student visa to the US. For that, you must first obtain acceptance to a higher education institution and also prove that you have enough funds to get through your chosen program of studies. It svcks, I know; but it is what it is.

[john & jean 37]

can you swim? if not most border towns in mexico will rent you an innertube. be aware that these innertubes are only one way

[Chica Yeyé 41]

can you swim? if not most border towns in mexico will rent you an innertube. be aware that these innertubes are only one way

[john & jean 37]

can you swim? if not most border towns in mexico will rent you an innertube. be aware that these innertubes are only one way

well,I did say that they were one way

[jundp 191]

Hi Tyler,

It's a tough situation for sure, when you fall for someone from another country! If she isn't ready to get married, then it looks like visiting long-term or a student visa are your only options. Neither are very feasible, financially, I'm sure. If you two can do little visits throughout the year, get to know each other better and be comfortable in that way, perhaps you will find she is less scared of marriage after only a year or two.

It's tough, and really, the main reason my husband and I decided to get married after only a year together was because of immigration. Yet, I wouldn't have things any differently.

Good luck.

[rooster 1]

The Mrs and I managed 2 years of the long distance relationship before we got the K-1 and got hitched. We tried to budget our time off to make the most of it. You would be surprised how far 3 weeks vacation will carry you over a year. If you take off Friday and Monday (assuming you are off on weekends) you can get a decent amount of time together. Depending on how long your travel time actually is. We had about 12 hours each way (Nova Scotia to Oklahoma) with 2 connections. If you travel part of the time and she travels part of the time, you can even work a week long vacation together in the scenario as well.

I know this is not the same as living together but, it is a workable scenario. And consider yourself lucky, as I do. We are blessed with a fairly short and inexpensive travel to see our loved ones. A majority of my brothers and sisters on here have MUCH longer and expensive travel than those of us who love someone in a neighboring country.

ETA: I don't know if you are set on using any certain airline. But, shop around. We always did. For us a majority of the time Continental was cheaper. Occasionaly it was others. This will also allow you the maximum time together.

Edited May 6, 2009 by rooster

[jeangab75 0]

I understand your situation, but what is a little trouble some to me is that she is not at all willing to compromise. International relationships are hard to manage and it takes both members of the relationship to make it work.

She does not want to move, does not want to get married, does not want to be away from her family etc....

My reaction is a little bit: Does she really want to be with you???

The fact that she does not want to be with you in Canada just because it's cold seems like a bad excuse to me.

Another possibility is to move to a border town. She could be in the US and you in Canada and you could see each other every day while you figure things out. You can consider several regions with a pretty large labor market : Windsor, ON and Detroit, MI are very close to each other with some diverse work opportunities (except in the car industry). Southern BC and Northern Washington state are not that cold in the winter with good local economies.

Southern Quebec and Northern Vermont are also good places.

Good luck

Edited May 6, 2009 by jeangab75

[baron555 934]

Maybe she is just too young to make these major life decisions.

You have two options, as I see it:

Stop trying to push the marriage thing and visit her as often as you can while you save your money so you can stay with her longer each time to go to visit.

Or,

Let her go and let both of you live your lives further. You two may come together later or you may not.

[lazulineiris 0]

As others have mentioned, you should try to spend as much time together as possible. You haven't mentioned this yet, so I could be offering what is now out-dated advice, but: She should try to make at least one visit to your country so that she can see how you live, meet your family and friends and so she can see where/how you grew up. It doesn't have to be right now [in fact, I didn't get to go to meet my fiance's family until summer of 2007, and we started dating in March of 2004.], but it should be some point in your relationship. I understand not liking the cold, so perhaps she should go during the summer - maybe this one or next?

I understand she is close to her family, but it's not like you'd be asking her to stay forever. Just a visit. And, besides, it's always fun to see other parts of the world - even if they are the country's neighbor. And it will bring the two of you closer.

Spending a lot of time together with multiple visits is by no means a bad thing. It will give you more and more glimpses into what the two of you are like as people, sharing a common space. Perhaps the next time the two of you are together, you can go on a trip -- like, stay at a hotel at a nearby lake, or take a plane to another part of the country, or something. That way, you can see what you both are like when you travel, in addition to really being on your own together. That could really bring the two of you together.

That said, I know you're in a place where you want to get married but it's understandable that she may not be ready. She could be ready next month, but I doubt it. She may not even be ready next year, but.. you can't push the issue - It's up to you to be patient. This is impossible to predict, as you can't really force matters of the heart like this and marriage is a huge decision. You don't want to end up doing something that you thought was the right thing and ultimately end up regretting it.

I'm sorry if the advice I'm offering isn't that helpful, as your direct question was more like "What can I do to be there so we can be together?" But I don't really have any info that hasn't already been offered. I'm really surprised that Apple isn't able to somehow work a transfer to a US office with you, but I guess they have their own reasons for things like that. :/ Best of luck to you.