New to VJ and trying to keep composure

[ar418971 0]

How does everybody get through this? How do you face so much complexity and loneliness without becoming completely bitter?

My boyfriend, soon to be fiancé, just landed in Delhi a few hours ago. (Yeah, 2 days before my birthday.) We have been inseparable for seven tumultuous months.

He'd been in the US for five years, starting with his MBA which transitioned into an H1-B work visa. Right before Christmas he lost his consulting job. With the economic meltdown, things were looking scarce but we were still confident he could find something (anything, anywhere). A few months ago he tried to transfer the visa to a smaller company but no dice. Denied. At the same time, he's been going through an unnecessarily long divorce process. The marriage lasted a month and the divorce process has been going on for over a year. (It is supposed to take something like 6 weeks in California. His ex is a lawyer and pulled some nonsense that dragged it out. He always used to say, "that B@#$% stole my happiness," and now she's stealing mine too.)

We were of two minds on this whole K-1 thing. It's been an imperfect choice. We talked about waiting for his divorce, doing a courthouse marriage, and AOS-ing it. One lawyer we talked with said that there would be "zero risk" involved in that.

Ultimately, we decided both our families needed some time to accept the idea. My mother and older sister will need some coaxing. His parents already had to deal with the indignity of his getting married without their input and without going to India the first time, plus the divorce on top. And now a mixed race American girl... God, typing this out just makes it seem like a disaster. Plus, the gap in employment waiting for his work authorization would be brutal for his career. But the thought of being apart indefinitely is a distinct possibility, what with that insanity that seems to go on at the New Delhi consulate.

Basically, the whole thing has been driving us nuts. And I'm sure it will continue to do so. After living together and sharing so much, this first day apart is just breaking me completely.

Thanks everyone for the information I've already learned off this site. I hope as I become more entrenched in the process I will contribute often. I'll try not to be shy.

xoxox,

Mo

[JillA 2]

Welcome to VJ! Best of luck to you in your journey, stay strong! It's a difficult process but in the end, worth it all.

[scandal 951]

Good luck! You've come to the right place for support, and answers to your questions about the process.

Now that he is in India the AOS path almost certainly no longer possible, since he would have immigrant intent should he return to the US at this point.

[catknit 144]

Best of luck with your journey. And - yeah - New Delhi is a little ummmm cantankerous. There are many people on vj who have successfully tackeld New Delhi. Keep doing research and you should be fine!

[Moksha 1]

Just keep your chin up and know that eventually this very long journey will be over and you'll be together. We went through the same thing...I lived in India for 10 months and then had to return home. It was devastating and there were times we had no idea how to get through, except for the fact that we knew in the end we would have the "normal" life we wanted. Fast forward to now...we went through the K-1 process in Delhi, which as Milo says is a little on the stressful side, and happy to say we were approved, he's here with me now and we were married last weekend!!!

Please feel free to PM me if you need to talk. There are tons of ways to keep your relationship going and strong...granted none are as good as being together, but it helped us through!!! We are all here to help and keep you going

Think good thoughts and you will make it through!

[ar418971 0]

Just keep your chin up and know that eventually this very long journey will be over and you'll be together. We went through the same thing...I lived in India for 10 months and then had to return home. It was devastating and there were times we had no idea how to get through, except for the fact that we knew in the end we would have the "normal" life we wanted. Fast forward to now...we went through the K-1 process in Delhi, which as Milo says is a little on the stressful side, and happy to say we were approved, he's here with me now and we were married last weekend!!!

Please feel free to PM me if you need to talk. There are tons of ways to keep your relationship going and strong...granted none are as good as being together, but it helped us through!!! We are all here to help and keep you going

Think good thoughts and you will make it through!

Congratulations on your marriage!! And thanks so much for your words of support; it's encouraging to see that it's possible to make it through intact, hehe.

[bora bora 1]

How does everybody get through this? How do you face so much complexity and loneliness without becoming completely bitter?

My boyfriend, soon to be fiancé, just landed in Delhi a few hours ago. (Yeah, 2 days before my birthday.) We have been inseparable for seven tumultuous months.

He'd been in the US for five years, starting with his MBA which transitioned into an H1-B work visa. Right before Christmas he lost his consulting job. With the economic meltdown, things were looking scarce but we were still confident he could find something (anything, anywhere). A few months ago he tried to transfer the visa to a smaller company but no dice. Denied. At the same time, he's been going through an unnecessarily long divorce process. The marriage lasted a month and the divorce process has been going on for over a year. (It is supposed to take something like 6 weeks in California. His ex is a lawyer and pulled some nonsense that dragged it out. He always used to say, "that B@#$% stole my happiness," and now she's stealing mine too.)

We were of two minds on this whole K-1 thing. It's been an imperfect choice. We talked about waiting for his divorce, doing a courthouse marriage, and AOS-ing it. One lawyer we talked with said that there would be "zero risk" involved in that.

Ultimately, we decided both our families needed some time to accept the idea. My mother and older sister will need some coaxing. His parents already had to deal with the indignity of his getting married without their input and without going to India the first time, plus the divorce on top. And now a mixed race American girl... God, typing this out just makes it seem like a disaster. Plus, the gap in employment waiting for his work authorization would be brutal for his career. But the thought of being apart indefinitely is a distinct possibility, what with that insanity that seems to go on at the New Delhi consulate.

Basically, the whole thing has been driving us nuts. And I'm sure it will continue to do so. After living together and sharing so much, this first day apart is just breaking me completely.

Thanks everyone for the information I've already learned off this site. I hope as I become more entrenched in the process I will contribute often. I'll try not to be shy.

xoxox,

Mo

Welcome to VJ and good luck!

[PrinceandPrincess 0]

Welcome to VJ and good luck on your journey!

Patient is a virtue!

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

Welcome to Visa Journey, and good luck!

[J2A♥oasis 2]

The visa process can be very taxing but you’re not alone. In addition to a wealth of information, you’ve also found a great system of support. Stay strong and welcome to VJ!

[Sand 5]

Welcome to VJ!

[maritoni 3]

Hello and welcome to Vj

[Zee Bee 61]

Welcome to VJ and good luck on your journey

[Nagishkaw 510]

Welcome aboard, and best wishes to you for a speedy journey!

[Mrs. Disney 0]

I'm sorry you two have to be apart. Unfortunately, most of us from VJ know what you're going through. Stay strong, soon you two will be together again! Hope your journey is nice and short. Good luck!