A cautionary tale?

[NatPatBen 3]

What a great thread. Lots of stuff to think about & discuss with our SOs.

Thank you for sharing your story.

I have anxiety's of my own because my fiance works long hours, goes away a lot and I am scared of being lonely and entirely dependent on him for everything.

So..... I have a plan of action!

...

That's so awesome. That's how I cope when I feel upset or powerless about something... come up with a plan of action! Best remedy to me.

depression is a really devasting thing on any relationship..

Yup.

[bhajishah 4]

you met 2005 or 1995?

well thats what happen when luv on and off so suddenly like a faucet, carry on matey

[SterlingGirl 1]

This post was actually reminded me how lucky my husband and I have been through this whole process. Truth is, while England is his home and was all he ever knew for his entire life, he was never totally happy there. He just never felt like he related to most people there - all the football frenzy, all the obsession with thin people (he's always been a large fellow, and there have been times he'd be walking along the street in town and have people in cars throw things at him, call him a fat c*#t, etc), the sheer number of roving gangs of -kids- who would do terrible things to peoples' property and the people themselves, etc. I guess to someone who loves England and has strong national ties might not understand that, or would be grievously homesick, but my Jim never truly felt like he ever belonged there. He always seemed to get along better with Americans and, while he readily acknowledges the U.S.'s many shortcomings as a nation, I think he feels like he fits in better with the people here.

What's more, he never truly found much success there. He's a very gifted writer and has an incredible personality, but he never could seem to get a foothold there. It took an internship with a U.S.-based blog to finally find a good niche, so by the time he came here, he was already earning money from a U.S. source and didn't have to look for a job. His being in the U.S. actually made the position he already had easier, he's more readily available to go on stateside business trips, doesn't have to incur international long distance to talk to any colleagues, etc.

Truly, the biggest complaints he's had have been missing his Nan and Granddad and his one real best friend, and the U.S.'s overuse of high fructose corn syrup in EVERYTHING (we had to search for MONTHS to find sandwich bread that didn't taste vile to him; most of it is too sweet for him). Since we live in the suburbs, there IS the issue of suburban sprawl, so he can't really get around when I'm not home because he doesn't drive. But we'll eventually be teaching him to drive, and at least there's a small shop across the way of our apartments.

I can't chalk any of this up to anything but luck; I can totally understand how most people, efficient and industrious as they may have been in their home countries, can come here and feel about as effective as an infant - there are plenty who had never learned to drive because of public transport, who have careers that require re-education and certification in the U.S. to resume, as well as having absolutely NO credit record or work history, which essentially makes you a ghost in the U.S. business sector. I couldn't imagine going through that, and I think I'd probably go mad if I did.

I think what we as USC's should really try to do is give our spouses anything we can to make them feel as if they have an imperative. Moving close to shopping or recreation is a great idea. Teaching them the public transit systems or how to drive a car (if they can't), so they can get a license as soon as possible, probably helps greatly. Perhaps taking e-mail addresses of past employers with you when you move so that any U.S. employers can at least have a professional reference or two that they don't have to make an international call to verify would be helpful. Anything to ease the transition and make their new life as close to the old one as possible.

[Nicoxcx 1]

Sterling girl, I totally understand your mans complaints over the bread, the main complaint in the UK forum seems to be bread have you noticed that? lol.

I was sick of 'Neds' in the UK, and I cant wait until my parents come over and see how much nicer an area I live in now, they always told me the USA would open new doors for me ( I always wanted to live in Canada) and they were correct.

I think alot of it is motivation, like Gemmie said exercise. Go walk the dog, be outside to meet the neighbours, travel places.

Plus, the fact I can go to another state (which is like an entire holiday) for the price it costs to go from Scotland to England is definitely appealing. I look forward to alot more adventures with my Honey . Though it would be nice to have some banana milkshake. I haven't seen it anywhere here .

[Ellie-and-David 38]

I love bread too much. I can eat 8 slices a day if the bread monster hits me.

I'll probably lose half my body weight when I go over because I cant stand the bread there.

I'm sure i'll replace the calories with something else equally as bad for me though