Serious question for MENA ladies

[rooster 1]

First thing, this is in no way trying to be critical of your faith at all. I have a serious question. Your Sister Desertlady posted the below passage from the life of The Prophet in a K-1 thread.

"Upon hearing of Muhammad’s impressive credentials, Khadijah, a rich merchant widow, asked Muhammad (s) to take some merchandise for trade to Syria. Soon after this trip when he was twenty-five, Khadijah proposed marriage to Muhammad through a relative. Muhammad accepted the proposal. At that time, Khadijah was twice widowed and forty years old. Khadijah (ra) and Muhammad (s) were the parents of six children - four daughters and two sons. His first son Qasim died at the age of two. He was nicknamed Abul Qasim, meaning the father of Qasim. His second son Abdullah died in infancy. Abdullah was also called affectionately as ‘Tayyab’ and ‘Tahir’ because he was born after Muhammad’s prophethood. The four daughters were: Zainab, Ruqayyah, Umm Kulthum, and Fatimah (ra). Mohammed was 20-some years old when he married Khadijah, a widow."

http://www.cyberistan.org/islamic/muhammad.html

Here is my question and maybe someone has tried this. I don't know.

Would you ladies in this situation be able to use this in defense of your relationships? It would seem to me that those speaking out against those of you where the lady is older than the gentleman, would also be speaking against Muhammad. If it was ok for Muhammad to do this, where is problem with you ladies doing the same?

Again, not at all trying to be critical.

[Nagishkaw 510]

First of all, I don't need Muhammed to stand in front of me. Second, no, it is a weak defense. People chose SO's who have age differences all the time and have for ages. Nothing new.

[HLM 1]

First thing, this is in no way trying to be critical of your faith at all. I have a serious question. Your Sister Desertlady posted the below passage from the life of The Prophet in a K-1 thread.

"Upon hearing of Muhammad’s impressive credentials, Khadijah, a rich merchant widow, asked Muhammad (s) to take some merchandise for trade to Syria. Soon after this trip when he was twenty-five, Khadijah proposed marriage to Muhammad through a relative. Muhammad accepted the proposal. At that time, Khadijah was twice widowed and forty years old. Khadijah (ra) and Muhammad (s) were the parents of six children - four daughters and two sons. His first son Qasim died at the age of two. He was nicknamed Abul Qasim, meaning the father of Qasim. His second son Abdullah died in infancy. Abdullah was also called affectionately as ‘Tayyab’ and ‘Tahir’ because he was born after Muhammad’s prophethood. The four daughters were: Zainab, Ruqayyah, Umm Kulthum, and Fatimah (ra). Mohammed was 20-some years old when he married Khadijah, a widow."

http://www.cyberistan.org/islamic/muhammad.html

Here is my question and maybe someone has tried this. I don't know.

Would you ladies in this situation be able to use this in defense of your relationships? It would seem to me that those speaking out against those of you where the lady is older than the gentleman, would also be speaking against Muhammad. If it was ok for Muhammad to do this, where is problem with you ladies doing the same?

Again, not at all trying to be critical.

I think the issue is cultural not religious and unfortunately these days cultural norms are dominant!

[rooster 1]

First of all, I don't need Muhammed to stand in front of me. Second, no, it is a weak defense. People chose SO's who have age differences all the time and have for ages. Nothing new.

Sister, I was in no way implying that you needed anybody to stand in front of you. In fact, I never even thought about this being taken that way. If I have offended you in ANY way, I do sincerely apologize. As I have virtually NO knowledge of your faith, I was only trying to gain some understanding. If I have offended you or anyone with with this, please feel free to ask the mods to either lock or completely delete this thread.

Bruce

[HLM 1]

I don't think you've offended anyone here...But I think it's because she's not muslim thats why.

[Nagishkaw 510]

Bruce, I answered your question honestly. You could never offend me, BTW.

[rooster 1]

Bruce, I answered your question honestly. You could never offend me, BTW.

I appreciate the honest answer. It is good to know that I could never offend you. That's the way everyone should be. I just wasn't sure about the "tone" of your answer. You know how it is. Stuff gets taken the wrong way when it's written down, that would not even raise an eyebrow when spoken because the tone of voice conveys so much about what we think.

[S and S 12]

This is a sensitive topic in MENA when it comes to age gaps. Some think it is fine, others don't. I don't think religiously there is anything wrong with it. Though in the case of the Prophet (SAWS), his wife may have been much older, she still gave him many children. Not all older women could do that. If the relationship is legitimate from both sides, they love each other and accept the age difference and complications that may bring, then there isn't anything wrong with it. Problem is, and this happens even when there is no age difference, that one side may not have the same intentions of love and commitment forever as the other. Marriage fraud from MENA is more common so anytime you add another twist to the relationship like age differences, people tend to question it. The thing is, only those two people know how true their marriage is regardless of what others think.

[rooster 1]

This is a sensitive topic in MENA when it comes to age gaps. Some think it is fine, others don't. I don't think religiously there is anything wrong with it. Though in the case of the Prophet (SAWS), his wife may have been much older, she still gave him many children. Not all older women could do that. If the relationship is legitimate from both sides, they love each other and accept the age difference and complications that may bring, then there isn't anything wrong with it. Problem is, and this happens even when there is no age difference, that one side may not have the same intentions of love and commitment forever as the other. Marriage fraud from MENA is more common so anytime you add another twist to the relationship like age differences, people tend to question it. The thing is, only those two people know how true their marriage is regardless of what others think.

I realise that this is a sensative topic, that's why I tried right from the start to make it clear that I meant no offense. The last sentence of yours is one I agree with 100%. It holds true in ANY relationship, no matter the ages, countries, or religion. Unfortunately, so many people pass judgement on another's relationship based solely on thier own beliefs and ideas. You see it everywhere including here on VJ. I believe that sometimes people are just trying to make thier self look better at the expense of others.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Thanks for trying, Bruce. I appreciate your intent.

[AlHayatZween 2]

i agree with some others posted above. in some situations there is a cultural stigma. even here in the US, if a 45-year-old lady is dating a 27-year-old guy, some people raise their eyebrows.

also, as another mentioned, there is a lot of marriage fraud out there, and unfortunately, if there is a big age difference the CO may consider it a red flag. i don't know if this is endemic to only MENA, or if there are the same red flags in other regions as well...

i don't think it is necessarily a religious issue...

[childress_london 3]

First thing, this is in no way trying to be critical of your faith at all. I have a serious question. Your Sister Desertlady posted the below passage from the life of The Prophet in a K-1 thread.

"Upon hearing of Muhammad’s impressive credentials, Khadijah, a rich merchant widow, asked Muhammad (s) to take some merchandise for trade to Syria. Soon after this trip when he was twenty-five, Khadijah proposed marriage to Muhammad through a relative. Muhammad accepted the proposal. At that time, Khadijah was twice widowed and forty years old. Khadijah (ra) and Muhammad (s) were the parents of six children - four daughters and two sons. His first son Qasim died at the age of two. He was nicknamed Abul Qasim, meaning the father of Qasim. His second son Abdullah died in infancy. Abdullah was also called affectionately as ‘Tayyab’ and ‘Tahir’ because he was born after Muhammad’s prophethood. The four daughters were: Zainab, Ruqayyah, Umm Kulthum, and Fatimah (ra). Mohammed was 20-some years old when he married Khadijah, a widow."

http://www.cyberistan.org/islamic/muhammad.html

Here is my question and maybe someone has tried this. I don't know.

Would you ladies in this situation be able to use this in defense of your relationships? It would seem to me that those speaking out against those of you where the lady is older than the gentleman, would also be speaking against Muhammad. If it was ok for Muhammad to do this, where is problem with you ladies doing the same?

Again, not at all trying to be critical.

I am 20 years older than my husband. To answer your question, I have not had to defend my relationship yet based on the age difference. So far I have not met anybody who has a problem with it. However, if they did, the issue would not be a religious one, but as has been stated here already, probably more of a cultural one. There are many examples in history of men marrying older women. :-)

Edited May 4, 2009 by childress_london

[KHPerfectMatch 1]

In the net cafe's in Egypt (and probably many other middle eastern and north african countries) one of the favorite "lines" the young men use when trying to convince older women to consider them as "husband material" is: "Mohammed, peace be upon him, was only 25 years old when he married an older woman"... (blah blah blah)..... I swear it must be in a handbook of "Lines that work when explaining to western women why you want to marry someone old enough to be your Mother (that you haven't met yet....)"

I don't think this line would work on most Arab women.. Traditionally in Egypt men marry women 7 years or so YOUNGER. However I always cringe when I hear matronly American women (usually new converts to Islam) repeat it in defense of their selection of a very young husband from overseas... (or one who is here but rarely is here legally). Seems the "handbook" is available to both parties...

I seriously doubt these young men in the net cafes have the same character and honesty of Mohammed, peace be upon him. And personally I know for a FACT that I don't have the faith and ability to accurately judge character that Khadija (may God be pleased with her) had. So I decided to go for someone my own age...

I am nearly certain this line is not being used by 25 year old Egyptian men, on 40 something year old Egyptian women...

[Y's_habibitk 2]

In the net cafe's in Egypt (and probably many other middle eastern and north african countries) one of the favorite "lines" the young men use when trying to convince older women to consider them as "husband material" is: "Mohammed, peace be upon him, was only 25 years old when he married an older woman"... (blah blah blah)..... I swear it must be in a handbook of "Lines that work when explaining to western women why you want to marry someone old enough to be your Mother (that you haven't met yet....)"

This made me laugh out loud sitting here at my desk at workjust now!!!