Changing your last name; thoughts?

[Arabella 4]

This is a sore subject for me because the truth is I only kept my ex's last name for what seemed like logical reasons for my career and kids, but I hate being called "Mrs. Xxxx" because he left me and re-married and there is a new "Mrs. Xxxx."

I work at a school and all of the students and faculty know me by my current last name, and it will be weird to go by a different last name.

So logically, a hypenated last name makes sense, but emotionally I'd like to ditch my ex's last name.

When I read that in Quebec you have to keep your maiden name I thought that sounded like a good idea, but that's just me looking through the filter of being previously married and now divorced.

Edited May 1, 2009 by Arabella

[Holliday 4]

I always said I'd NEVER change my name. I love my maiden name. It's just a really cool name. But then my brother started dating someone with the same first name and middle initial as me... and then they got married and she changed her name. She had a hyphenated last name before and she really didn't like it. Anyway, so then I wasn't even the only one in my immediate family with my name. So it doesn't seem that important to me anymore. My name was no longer just ME, it's also my sister-in-law.

I decided that I'd take my husband's last name, and add my maiden name as a second middle name, and I'm happy with that.

[Udella&Wiz 325]

I always said I'd NEVER change my name. I love my maiden name. It's just a really cool name. But then my brother started dating someone with the same first name and middle initial as me... and then they got married and she changed her name. She had a hyphenated last name before and she really didn't like it. Anyway, so then I wasn't even the only one in my immediate family with my name. So it doesn't seem that important to me anymore. My name was no longer just ME, it's also my sister-in-law.

I decided that I'd take my husband's last name, and add my maiden name as a second middle name, and I'm happy with that.

[FormelyCA 0]

Here's my take. My last name was my nickname in high school, but then again, in the 80s, everyone's last name was their nickname (at least at my high school). I am SERIOUSLY attached to my maiden name and actually get both sad and excited when I think about it being changed to my fiance's name. Sad, because it is apart of my history and part of who I am in some organizations I belong to. I've had this name for a gazillion years... okay, 37, but it seems like a gazillion! You're right, when you say your name is a part of who you are.

On the flip side, I'm starting a new phase of my life with him. Therefore, new phase, new name. The one thing I have going for me, and trust me, I am SOOOO EXPLOITING this with the wedding... is that my initials are not changing. Both of our last names begin with "H". So, on the invitation, there is an "H" in the corner of each card. There will be an "H" on the top of the wedding cake (nicely nestled in some flowers). There will be an "H" wherever I can get one to go and not have the letter look ostentacious. (Ooooh... that's my big word for the day!)

I have a friend who swore up and down that she'd NEVER get married and was so planning her life that there wasn't room for a man. Then, guess what. She randomly met someone online, they lived in the same area, and got engaged. Because of how she felt about never getting married, she and her betrothed did something reallyoriginal. There are no hyphenated names at all. She took his last name as her new middle name and he took her last name as his new middle name. They BOTH went in and legally changed their names. So, it was equal annoyances all around!

Good luck with your decision. It's not an easy one to make.

Yeah see thats kinda what I am thinking also. new life, new name. But, it is so hard to let go. You almost feel as if you are changing everything for this person. HE BETTER APPRECIATE IT!!!!!!!

Gypsyangel, that is interesting about having your kids names be my maiden name (or real last name if I keep it), yah, I DO know that if I kept MY last name and jhyphonated, our kids would ONLY be his name. Cause then yah, where does it end??

Sidenote...............if you're bored read on

I am sitting here on the computer and out of the corner of my eye I see something moving outside. And we have a lot of squirrels here so I just figured it was that, then looked closer and saw it was a TURTLE!! WTH!!?? We have NO pond near here at all so I had NO idea where it came from. So I run out with my camera to take pics (read: harass it ) I get out there and he had his cute little head and legs already in, must have heard me coming. Well I take pics anyway. Then I walk around our yard taking pics of random things (we are redoing backyard so figured now was good of time as any to do some "before" shots). THEN i notice ANOTHER TURTLE!! NOw I am seriously like WTH is going on?? One is strange but 2 is ...well...stranger! He seemed to be walking towards his little friend. So I go up to it, and this one isn't afraid. He is letting me get close, letting me take all the pics I want. He seemed to not care I was around. Or he is deaf. Not sure. So I take my pics, get bored and come in.

Fast forward 10 mins later to me making hummus. I am thinking about those cute little turtles and how random is it to see them in our backyard and it hits me - my fiance and I collect turtles (not real ones) when we travel together. We got one in Hawaii where we got engaged and got one on Roatan after our wedding. I bring them back when i go places etc. It's kind of our "thing" now. And because I am totally emotional today I start crying while chopping the garlic I looked at it as kind of symbolic. The one turtle was scared and had his head (man, Im about to cry!!!! Where is the meds?? hahaha) and the other was secure and not scared and seemed to want to go to the one that was scared and take it under his wing (shell).

I know I am reading way too into it. I just thought it was completely odd and sometimes I like to pretend I am deep and profound

Well, we are getting married today so I am off to get ready. Gee, I wonder if that has anything to do with my emotions

[FormelyCA 0]

Here's my take. My last name was my nickname in high school, but then again, in the 80s, everyone's last name was their nickname (at least at my high school). I am SERIOUSLY attached to my maiden name and actually get both sad and excited when I think about it being changed to my fiance's name. Sad, because it is apart of my history and part of who I am in some organizations I belong to. I've had this name for a gazillion years... okay, 37, but it seems like a gazillion! You're right, when you say your name is a part of who you are.

On the flip side, I'm starting a new phase of my life with him. Therefore, new phase, new name. The one thing I have going for me, and trust me, I am SOOOO EXPLOITING this with the wedding... is that my initials are not changing. Both of our last names begin with "H". So, on the invitation, there is an "H" in the corner of each card. There will be an "H" on the top of the wedding cake (nicely nestled in some flowers). There will be an "H" wherever I can get one to go and not have the letter look ostentacious. (Ooooh... that's my big word for the day!)

I have a friend who swore up and down that she'd NEVER get married and was so planning her life that there wasn't room for a man. Then, guess what. She randomly met someone online, they lived in the same area, and got engaged. Because of how she felt about never getting married, she and her betrothed did something reallyoriginal. There are no hyphenated names at all. She took his last name as her new middle name and he took her last name as his new middle name. They BOTH went in and legally changed their names. So, it was equal annoyances all around!

Good luck with your decision. It's not an easy one to make.

OH Julybride, quickly...

I see you are having your initial as a cake topper... SO DID WE!!!!!!! I don't know what you are into, but this is what I choose and I LOVED IT!!! She does amazing work:

http://www.topperswithglitz.com/

Highly recommended her if thats what ur into

[JillA 2]

Also to add to the consideration

What will your new initials be............mine are BM - not soooo good

BM hahahaha that's funny!!

[Emancipation 2]

I see you are having your initial as a cake topper... SO DID WE!!!!!!! I don't know what you are into, but this is what I choose and I LOVED IT!!! She does amazing work:

http://www.topperswithglitz.com/

Highly recommended her if thats what ur into

I LOVE this

[JillA 2]

Another reason I'm keeping my name... I got a tattoo of a fancy "K" on my lower back with my sister years ago, we got matching tattys to represent our family.... so if I change my name, I have a K on my back and my new name would begin with an A LOL!!

[minnew 4]

Ok I am a little late, but here are my thoughts on changing my name. At first I was against it because in our family there are so many girls (cousins) and only 1 male cousin to "pass on" the family name. I am also against hyphenating my name, I just think it sounds funny. I wish there was a way for my last name to become a middle name without sounding ridiculous. My future husbands middle name is his mothers maiden name, and if we have children their middle name will be his mothers maiden name. I hope it will be a boy then! There are not many of us (my name) around! It's scottish, but I am not sure how the heck you get scottish out of that!

Anyways, now I am more at peace with my decision to change my last name to my future husbands. There is still a possibility that professionally I could go by my maiden name, I think it offers more privacy when dealing with some potentially votatile clients, but we will see. I couldn't deal with having a different last name than my children. Well I guess this can come up now.. lol...My VJ screen name is the first three letters of each of our last names.

Edited May 1, 2009 by minnew

[LiLMermaid 2]

Well speaking as the "ex-wife" I'd GLADLY let the new wife be the one and only Mrs SoandSo. We have 3 kids together and I can't change their last names along with mine so I will unfortunately always be known as Mrs SoandSo by teachers, principals and anyone else who is involved in the lives of the children. When I get remarried it doesn't matter what my last name is cause I will still be known as MrsExlastname at the kids school and MrsNewlastname by anyone associated with my new husband. So as much as it may annoy the new wife....it annoys me hundred times more.

[Emancipation 2]

Well speaking as the "ex-wife" I'd GLADLY let the new wife be the one and only Mrs SoandSo. We have 3 kids together and I can't change their last names along with mine so I will unfortunately always be known as Mrs SoandSo by teachers, principals and anyone else who is involved in the lives of the children. When I get remarried it doesn't matter what my last name is cause I will still be known as MrsExlastname at the kids school and MrsNewlastname by anyone associated with my new husband. So as much as it may annoy the new wife....it annoys me hundred times more.

Mermaid.. I understand your point of view.. and hear ya loud and clear.

It honestly bothers my husband a WHOLE lot more than me.. it's his name afterall.

[Udella&Wiz 325]

Ok I am a little late, but here are my thoughts on changing my name. At first I was against it because in our family there are so many girls (cousins) and only 1 male cousin to "pass on" the family name. I am also against hyphenating my name, I just think it sounds funny. I wish there was a way for my last name to become a middle name without sounding ridiculous. My future husbands middle name is his mothers maiden name, and if we have children their middle name will be his mothers maiden name. I hope it will be a boy then! There are not many of us (my name) around! It's scottish, but I am not sure how the heck you get scottish out of that!

Anyways, now I am more at peace with my decision to change my last name to my future husbands. There is still a possibility that professionally I could go by my maiden name, I think it offers more privacy when dealing with some potentially votatile clients, but we will see. I couldn't deal with having a different last name than my children. Well I guess this can come up now.. lol...My VJ screen name is the first three letters of each of our last names.

I've always had a different last name then my daughter - her father and I weren't married and stupidly I gave her his last name - 17 yrs later of course hind sight is 20/20.

Different names was kind fo a pain, but not a biggie

[Y's_habibitk 2]

I've put it off until the hubby gets here... now I will hyphonate it. The only reason I am goign to do it that way is for my son. He has my maiden name and I want us to share a common name

My mom kept my dads last name after divorce because it just makes life alot easier for dealing with schools and such.. She didnt want to have a different name than her kids, I totally get that.

Although I never thought about how it made my stepmom feel until I was reading your guys' experience with the exes keeping the name.

oh ya and my initials are LAP, better than BM I guess

[The_Dude 1,142]

Hyphenated names kill trees..... think of the environment

[Hugglebuggles 60]

I will be AW! like the fast food place...

I had never put much thought into a name change... I suppose its just something so traditional and typical in my family, I never considered doing it any other way. I really have no deep connections to my last name now. I acquired it through adoption, so I've only been using it for the last 12 years or so. I figured I would just change my last name and have a little collection of "other last names used" That's always fun when filling out paperwork.

Carrie, if you're unsure now, you can always go back and change it later! If you aren't planning on having kids for a while, it may be worth waiting and changing it later if having the same last name as them is so important. Hyphenating your kids last names... I'm not so sure about that. Maybe if you have really short last names... I have a friend with a hyphenated last name from her parents and she hates it! But it is 14 letters long.