Changing your last name; thoughts?

[Misty1979 0]

I really dig the idea of combining the 2 and both people taking the new name' ...heard of a couple who did that

Ooh that's a really cool idea!

[The_Dude 1,142]

When we were filing out the marriage license paperwork, this very topic arose. I really didn't care if she took my last name. I personally hate my last name with a passion. Stupid Ellis Island officials took a perfectly normal Prussian last name and cut off the von and the second "N" and made it a borderline vulgar word When my sister got married, the first thing she did was change her name, and change it on every shred of paperwork that was in her name. During the period where we were filling out all the wedding paperwork, I realized that despite my hatred of the name, it is still my family name and my family history.

Now, the comedy came up when we were processing the license and the lady at the counter asked mel if she wanted to change her name and she said she did, and then she looked me dead in the eye and asked me if I wanted to change my name. I was struck by this. So many possibilities. And then I said it..... about the nerdiest thing I could have said. "So...... I can change MY name to anything I want? I could change it to Voltron or Chuck Norris?" That is when my darling wife cringed and said "NO, you are not going to do any such thing". I just found it hilarious that the man can change his name to whatever during this process.

As for hyphenated names, I am totally against it. Think of the children. I went to high school with a kid whose last name was hyphenated and all told worked out to be 19 letters long. Now what if he married someone who already had a hyphenated last name. Now their children will be cursed with a 40 letter long last name!!!

[Udella&Wiz 325]

When we were filing out the marriage license paperwork, this very topic arose. I really didn't care if she took my last name. I personally hate my last name with a passion. Stupid Ellis Island officials took a perfectly normal Prussian last name and cut off the von and the second "N" and made it a borderline vulgar word When my sister got married, the first thing she did was change her name, and change it on every shred of paperwork that was in her name. During the period where we were filling out all the wedding paperwork, I realized that despite my hatred of the name, it is still my family name and my family history.

Now, the comedy came up when we were processing the license and the lady at the counter asked mel if she wanted to change her name and she said she did, and then she looked me dead in the eye and asked me if I wanted to change my name. I was struck by this. So many possibilities. And then I said it..... about the nerdiest thing I could have said. "So...... I can change MY name to anything I want? I could change it to Voltron or Chuck Norris?" That is when my darling wife cringed and said "NO, you are not going to do any such thing". I just found it hilarious that the man can change his name to whatever during this process.

As for hyphenated names, I am totally against it. Think of the children. I went to high school with a kid whose last name was hyphenated and all told worked out to be 19 letters long. Now what if he married someone who already had a hyphenated last name. Now their children will be cursed with a 40 letter long last name!!!

Nuthin wrong with Bobby Schwartzentrubber-Windibank

[The_Dude 1,142]

When we were filing out the marriage license paperwork, this very topic arose. I really didn't care if she took my last name. I personally hate my last name with a passion. Stupid Ellis Island officials took a perfectly normal Prussian last name and cut off the von and the second "N" and made it a borderline vulgar word When my sister got married, the first thing she did was change her name, and change it on every shred of paperwork that was in her name. During the period where we were filling out all the wedding paperwork, I realized that despite my hatred of the name, it is still my family name and my family history.

Now, the comedy came up when we were processing the license and the lady at the counter asked mel if she wanted to change her name and she said she did, and then she looked me dead in the eye and asked me if I wanted to change my name. I was struck by this. So many possibilities. And then I said it..... about the nerdiest thing I could have said. "So...... I can change MY name to anything I want? I could change it to Voltron or Chuck Norris?" That is when my darling wife cringed and said "NO, you are not going to do any such thing". I just found it hilarious that the man can change his name to whatever during this process.

As for hyphenated names, I am totally against it. Think of the children. I went to high school with a kid whose last name was hyphenated and all told worked out to be 19 letters long. Now what if he married someone who already had a hyphenated last name. Now their children will be cursed with a 40 letter long last name!!!

Nuthin wrong with Bobby Schwartzentrubber-Windibank

But what happens when Bobby Schwartzentrubber-Windibank meets Jane Katzenmoyer-Schlumer, and then they have twins named Jimmy and Cindy Schwartzentrubber-Windibank-Katzenmoyer-Schlumer. You're just taking up print space in the newspaper on their announcement, and guaranteeing that your children will NEVER play sports.

Think of the trees, don't hyphenate your name

[SpiritAlight 1]

A question for all of you - how many of you ladies have changed your last name to your husbands last name??

I am not sure what to do. I want to do it all before I file for AoS and get my SSN etc etc but, I have been torn lately.

Here is my thing. I have already given up my Canadian life, friends, family, Zerhs, dill pickle chips, and President's Choice products and what? Now I have to give up my last name too?????? I mean it is ME, it has been me forever. It's my email address (gmail, yahoo, AND hotmail...I am a monopoly ). It is uniquely me, there is not another one (and I would know, I have googled it....c'mon, who hasn't ).

I guess I never realized that when I decided to marry a USC that a lot of my independence, my identity would be sorta gone. I am no longer Carrie *** from Canada. I am Carrie (insert foreign name) from USA. Well, I guess I'm not FROM USA. but.....I'm just having a hard time changing my life around for one person. I am not having cold feet, just the reality of how big this move is is hitting me. I have always been VERY independent and sorta feel like a hypocrite. Like, OH how independent can one be if one changes ones life around for one person (whoa, thats alotta ONES in that sentence)??? And, whats totally weird is that I have lived overseas for 4 years! So I am WELL aware of what it is like to move away. Then again, maybe that's where my fear partly comes from. In the 4 years I was away I missed my neice and nephew grow up really, and now we aren't AS close. So maybe I saw a glimpse into what FOUR years was like and am now wondering what forever will be like.

It's funny, I tell my 17 yr old niece not to change her life around for a guy. But what did I do????? Am I being a hypocrite? She wants to go to the same university as him and will go where he goes and I tell her, "Do you really wanna change your life for one guy???" But...ummm....that's what I did. And I know he isn't JUST a guy, my fiance is a lot more to me than that. But, in the end, it is still one person. I put all my eggs in one basket, so to speak. And I made a LOT of changes to be with this person. I gave up a LOT of things that I loved that I never really considered. And these are also things that haven't happened yet. I am giving up being able to spend time with my mother and having her teach me how to crochet, or knit or quit. I am giving up having my sister's come around when I am pregnant to see my progress and rub my belly. Or even when I DO have a baby, I am giving up time spent with it's gramma and grampa. I am giving up a lot of things and I feel as if my name is something that I can hold onto. Kinda like, "hey let me keep this at LEAST!!"

BUT, at the same time, when we DO have kids, I want them to have HIS last name. And I don't wanna be the oddman out so then i think it would be nice to have his last name, since we will be starting our OWN family one day *sigh* Never happy. I wonder if I just think too much

Man, I think Im PMSing But, I am curious if any other Canadians felt this way soon after their move down to the US?

Dear Carrie, without reading all the other responses, I'll tell you my feelings on this subject.

I did not change my name.

Perhaps for reasons such as growing up in Quebec where they do not allow the woman getting married to take her husband's name by law (you'd have to do an official name change as if you are changing your first name).

Perhaps it is because I am truly the one, the only...meaning my name is pretty original...my grandmother's name (who died a long time ago)...and no one else has it.

Perhaps because it is an antiquated thing from days of when fathers gave their daughters as property to their husbands.

Who knows...it runs deep.

Many people are taken aback by a young woman's decision and call her things like feminist, as if that means she is a male-basher. Bah.

Feminist is a compliment.

Others think that there is no room for independence in a relationship.

It is none of anyone's business what agreements you make with your mate.

You can invent/create it however you both see fit.

Advice is dangerous.

Even after thousands of hours talking with people, no one is you.

Unique you, in your experience.

Enjoy whatever decision you make and know that the only thing constant is change.

(i.e. you can change your mind)

As for kids' names...you can give both last names, or do as they do in Sweden and give the mother's name.

I like progressive countries! Hee, hee.

You get to decide.

Life is weird.

Life is fun.

Life is painful.

Enjoy it all!

Edited May 1, 2009 by SpiritAlight

[SapphireDreams 71]

Just as a sidenote - If I changed my name to a hyphenated last name, I would NOT make my kids' name hyphenated! Too many names!

[SpiritAlight 1]

I really dig the idea of combining the 2 and both people taking the new name' ...heard of a couple who did that

Ooh that's a really cool idea!

Yes, there are quite a few people who have done this.

It's wonder-full...and so loving!

[Emancipation 2]

I think it is actually more unusual these days to CHANGE your name if this thread is any indication

Which is the reason I chose a yellow gold wedding band set.. everyone's doing "white" gold now, so I wanted to be different..

Vivre le differance!!

Edited May 1, 2009 by Emancipation

[beans 7]

I'm scared about changing my name too. My name has always had a nice flow Janka *insert three word dutch name here* if I hyphened it it would be far too long. And if I went with his last name I feel like the flow of my name would be gone. Thats what my name does it flows. Take a 13 letter last name and change it to a 5 letter last name..it feels stunted..who knows.

[The_Dude 1,142]

I think it is actually more unusual these days to CHANGE your name if this thread is any indication

Which is the reason I chose a yellow gold wedding band set.. everyone's doing "white" gold now, so I wanted to be different..

Vivre le differance!!

You're such a rebel

I wouldn't have had any problem with Mel keeping her maiden name. It is after all, a part of who she is, and where she comes from. For that same reason, I would not even consider combining our names to make a new one that we both take. Despite the fact that I don't particularly like my own surname, It is who I am, and it is who my kids will be. It's a living history of my family, and I don't think that is something that I would be willing to arbitrarily change.

[Arabella 4]

awe.. i hear you...

I did change my name.. it's a weird situation though.. my husband's ex never changed her name back to her maiden name.. so her & I have the same last name now.. that kinda creeps me out a bit.. I think she kept it for the kids..

It is something i was brought up expecting - my name to change.. so it isn't as much a part of my identity for me personally.. My expectation was always such that I would gain a new last name.

Losing your independence and the confidence you had in familiar circumstances IS one of the hardest things about this journey though.. completely agree there!

Doesn't that peeve you to certain degree? Does me - I want her to change it back because she still gets addressed as Mrs So-and So...and DAMMIT she is NOT the Mrs anymore

In defense of the ex who kept her married name . . .

I kept my married name after my ex and I got a divorce. I kept it for several reasons:

I married my ex when I was 18 so EVERYTHING from my high school diploma to my master's degree, certifications, etc. is in that name.

If I were to change back to my maiden name, no one would know who that person is!

Most importantly . . . I wanted the same last name as my daughters.

When I re-marry, I might go with the hypenated last name for those reasons . . .

[Udella&Wiz 325]

Also to add to the consideration

What will your new initials be............mine are BM - not soooo good

[Emancipation 2]

awe.. i hear you...

I did change my name.. it's a weird situation though.. my husband's ex never changed her name back to her maiden name.. so her & I have the same last name now.. that kinda creeps me out a bit.. I think she kept it for the kids..

It is something i was brought up expecting - my name to change.. so it isn't as much a part of my identity for me personally.. My expectation was always such that I would gain a new last name.

Losing your independence and the confidence you had in familiar circumstances IS one of the hardest things about this journey though.. completely agree there!

Doesn't that peeve you to certain degree? Does me - I want her to change it back because she still gets addressed as Mrs So-and So...and DAMMIT she is NOT the Mrs anymore

In defense of the ex who kept her married name . . .

I kept my married name after my ex and I got a divorce. I kept it for several reasons:

I married my ex when I was 18 so EVERYTHING from my high school diploma to my master's degree, certifications, etc. is in that name.

If I were to change back to my maiden name, no one would know who that person is!

Most importantly . . . I wanted the same last name as my daughters.

When I re-marry, I might go with the hypenated last name for those reasons . . .

Those reasons totally make sense and I understand that.. but you can also appreciate what an affront it is to someone whose wife left him (broke his heart, took his kids from him), that she's still using HIS name..

[Gypsyangel 11]

I hear you on everything you said. It's a huge change. For me, the beginning (before AOS) was the hardest. You lose your credit rating, have a hard time opening a bank account. Some people can't drive. You don't have your support system close at hand and you can't travel. You're dependent upon your spouse because things are foreign. You don't have status so you don't really live anywhere. It was a lot harder than I thought it would be. The good news is that it's much better now that I can work again and have begun to establish my own credit rating, etc.

I didn't change my name. I'm always amazed that so many people do. It's my name, why would I change it? With respect to the kids, I know of several women whose kids' middle names are their last names. That way both of your names are on, for example, your kids passport so there is no confusion. Also, then the kid doesn't have to deal with a confusing hypenation. You can use the name when it's convenient because it's right there and there isn't the confusion of not having your name at all.

Go with your gut on the name thing. What's right is different for everyone. In the U.S. I think you will be in the minority if you keep your name, but if it's important to you, you should do what feels right.

[July09Bride 1]

Here's my take. My last name was my nickname in high school, but then again, in the 80s, everyone's last name was their nickname (at least at my high school). I am SERIOUSLY attached to my maiden name and actually get both sad and excited when I think about it being changed to my fiance's name. Sad, because it is apart of my history and part of who I am in some organizations I belong to. I've had this name for a gazillion years... okay, 37, but it seems like a gazillion! You're right, when you say your name is a part of who you are.

On the flip side, I'm starting a new phase of my life with him. Therefore, new phase, new name. The one thing I have going for me, and trust me, I am SOOOO EXPLOITING this with the wedding... is that my initials are not changing. Both of our last names begin with "H". So, on the invitation, there is an "H" in the corner of each card. There will be an "H" on the top of the wedding cake (nicely nestled in some flowers). There will be an "H" wherever I can get one to go and not have the letter look ostentacious. (Ooooh... that's my big word for the day!)

I have a friend who swore up and down that she'd NEVER get married and was so planning her life that there wasn't room for a man. Then, guess what. She randomly met someone online, they lived in the same area, and got engaged. Because of how she felt about never getting married, she and her betrothed did something reallyoriginal. There are no hyphenated names at all. She took his last name as her new middle name and he took her last name as his new middle name. They BOTH went in and legally changed their names. So, it was equal annoyances all around!

Good luck with your decision. It's not an easy one to make.