wife left

[mergee 0]

she just got her gc, i hope her lifting of condition after 2 yrs will be a failure. im so sorry to hear this, u have my sympathy. I wanted so much to send her home, she used you, thats it! She's not pretty, she's ugly!

[crazytown4u 0]

well, if she got her 3yr card she is most likely stayin, That sucks i mean some people are truley 2 faces So agian people KNOW WHO U ARE GETING MARRIED WITH DONT RUSH THINGS THATS THE BIGEST PROBLEM, EVERYONE THINKS THEIR IN LOVE WITH KNOWING EACH OTHER 1 MONTH COME ON,,,,,,IT CAN TAKE MONTHS BE4 YOUR PARTNER CAN SHOW HIS/HER REAL FACE, I KNOW I CAN SOUND WRONG TO MANY PEOPLE U ARE ALL SAYING U DONT KNOW ME, U DONT KNOW MY SPOUSE, SO WHAT IF WE MEET ONLINE 2WEEKS AGO AND NOW GETIN MARRIED, NO I DONT KNOW, BUT DO U KNOW THEM????? U know how long me and my husband took be4 we got married, b/c i wanted to make sure it was true love and was the right thing that we would be 2gether for ever? LETS just say are son is 5 yrs old now, ive known my husband sence he was probley 9 yrs old lol ( i even rem. him all buger faced lol) we started dating when i was 15 and now im going be 24 and we got married dec,27,07 SO DONT RUSH THINGS PEOPLE BE FOR SURE,ITS ALOT BETTER IN THE LONG RUN

[DanielParul 50]

Think rationally. Is it worth it to loose your peace over someone who obviously has no feelings or consideration for you and your child? Hope you can decide on whats best for you.

[GREEN/TRAN 0]

well, if she got her 3yr card she is most likely stayin, That sucks i mean some people are truley 2 faces So agian people KNOW WHO U ARE GETING MARRIED WITH DONT RUSH THINGS THATS THE BIGEST PROBLEM, EVERYONE THINKS THEIR IN LOVE WITH KNOWING EACH OTHER 1 MONTH COME ON,,,,,,IT CAN TAKE MONTHS BE4 YOUR PARTNER CAN SHOW HIS/HER REAL FACE, I KNOW I CAN SOUND WRONG TO MANY PEOPLE U ARE ALL SAYING U DONT KNOW ME, U DONT KNOW MY SPOUSE, SO WHAT IF WE MEET ONLINE 2WEEKS AGO AND NOW GETIN MARRIED, NO I DONT KNOW, BUT DO U KNOW THEM????? U know how long me and my husband took be4 we got married, b/c i wanted to make sure it was true love and was the right thing that we would be 2gether for ever? LETS just say are son is 5 yrs old now, ive known my husband sence he was probley 9 yrs old lol ( i even rem. him all buger faced lol) we started dating when i was 15 and now im going be 24 and we got married dec,27,07 SO DONT RUSH THINGS PEOPLE BE FOR SURE,ITS ALOT BETTER IN THE LONG RUN

yeah but the thing is i talked to my wife for 2 years everyday before i even went to vietnam 1 time. she just totaly changed when she got here. and changed a little more when the kids came . she got breast implants when she went to vietnam to get the kids . i live in a small town of fat woman and my wife gets asked out from 16 to 60 year olds everyday. then the guys she works with just give money away .

[GREEN/TRAN 0]

Like others have stated, don't blame yourself for her actions. It sounds like you have done everything thing to address the problem, so you have tried. Sorry to hear you have to go through this, but think of kids before you come to a decision on what your next course of action will be.

thanks for all your comments and advice ,i hope my wife will get a chance to read these. I know i have a bad temper i need work on it just seems ive always been a doormat or a #######.

thanks everyone

Frank

[bryonm4 0]

I would go to a counsuler with her and try to work it out. Look at how much you have been threw to bring her over here. I would tell her to quit that job it sounds like alot of bad influnces, try to get her a job where you are both working at the same time It might get expensive because of day care but it will be worth it in the end. If you guys have time off together find something you both like to do. Bowling, video games, dancing, karokee,watching soap's any one of a 100 things you guys can do togehter. You made it threw the hardest part by bringing her over don't throw it away.

[chuckandkim 0]

I would go to a counsuler with her and try to work it out. Look at how much you have been threw to bring her over here. I would tell her to quit that job it sounds like alot of bad influnces, try to get her a job where you are both working at the same time It might get expensive because of day care but it will be worth it in the end. If you guys have time off together find something you both like to do. Bowling, video games, dancing, karokee,watching soap's any one of a 100 things you guys can do togehter. You made it threw the hardest part by bringing her over don't throw it away.

Frank,

How about your job? You mentioned you work 3rd shift? That's a killer for newly wed brother... Can you change your shift? That would give you sometimes to do all the things Bryonm4 suggested above. But, this might be too late in the game. I don't know about any of you, if Kim or I be out all night with the oposite sex friends or Boss don't matter, coming home with $300 bucks cash. That would be a major problem, to put it lightly... Stop blaming yourself, it takes to tango... it takes two to cause the conflicts and frictions, actions and reactions.

Question is: can this marriage be salvaged? If your answer is YES then I'm pretty sure you already also have the plan, not perfect but it's a start. I am pm'ing you, check your PM.

Be well,

Chuck and Kim

[What's next 1]

if you are past the point of no return, screw her man. you have to stay two steps ahead of her. seems like you have been two steps behind her. i don't mean to kick you when you are down, but dam. you have to protect yourself, do what is best for you, then make her life misarable. screw her. screw up her life. i'm sure there are some before and after pics of her surgery hanging around. send them to vn, show the neighbors, pass them around. That would cause huge damage to her and her family. i'm sure you can think of other things to mess with her, do them. Make it hard for her man.

[hniHnitsuJ 8]

if you are past the point of no return, screw her man. you have to stay two steps ahead of her. seems like you have been two steps behind her. i don't mean to kick you when you are down, but dam. you have to protect yourself, do what is best for you, then make her life misarable. screw her. screw up her life. i'm sure there are some before and after pics of her surgery hanging around. send them to vn, show the neighbors, pass them around. That would cause huge damage to her and her family. i'm sure you can think of other things to mess with her, do them. Make it hard for her man.

Your suggestion is GREAT!!! BUT, I won't want to hurt the person that I love. We here to resolve the issues, not to screw thing up.

[Melrose Plant 1]

if you are past the point of no return, screw her man. you have to stay two steps ahead of her. seems like you have been two steps behind her. i don't mean to kick you when you are down, but dam. you have to protect yourself, do what is best for you, then make her life misarable. screw her. screw up her life. i'm sure there are some before and after pics of her surgery hanging around. send them to vn, show the neighbors, pass them around. That would cause huge damage to her and her family. i'm sure you can think of other things to mess with her, do them. Make it hard for her man.

I respectfully but strongly disagree with this suggestion for a number of reasons. Reason number one: There is a child involved. Or children. I don't know how many you have. If you do wind up divorcing, both of you owe it to them to be adult enough so that they don't become totally screwed up themselves when they become adults.

Reason number two: Revenge is so sweet--or is it? Yeah, it feels good for a while, I'll admit. But how will you feel two years later? Five years later? Twenty years later? I speak from experience--not so good. A lot of energy is wasted on revenge, energy that could otherwise be used for positive things.

Reason number three: Purposefully making trouble for your soon-to-be-ex-spouse winds up costing you a hell of a lot more money than not purposefully making trouble for her. Period.

Alls I'm sayin' is it's OK to be firm. It's OK to stand up for yourself. It's OK to say, "I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it any more." Just remember to be as civil and polite as you can force yourself to be. It ain't easy, I know.

And lastly, I really hope you guys can work it out in the end, and not have to follow (or ignore) ANY of my advice. Good luck to you.

[ridejewel 0]

if you are past the point of no return, screw her man. you have to stay two steps ahead of her. seems like you have been two steps behind her. i don't mean to kick you when you are down, but dam. you have to protect yourself, do what is best for you, then make her life misarable. screw her. screw up her life. i'm sure there are some before and after pics of her surgery hanging around. send them to vn, show the neighbors, pass them around. That would cause huge damage to her and her family. i'm sure you can think of other things to mess with her, do them. Make it hard for her man.

I respectfully but strongly disagree with this suggestion for a number of reasons. Reason number one: There is a child involved. Or children. I don't know how many you have. If you do wind up divorcing, both of you owe it to them to be adult enough so that they don't become totally screwed up themselves when they become adults.

Reason number two: Revenge is so sweet--or is it? Yeah, it feels good for a while, I'll admit. But how will you feel two years later? Five years later? Twenty years later? I speak from experience--not so good. A lot of energy is wasted on revenge, energy that could otherwise be used for positive things.

Reason number three: Purposefully making trouble for your soon-to-be-ex-spouse winds up costing you a hell of a lot more money than not purposefully making trouble for her. Period.

Alls I'm sayin' is it's OK to be firm. It's OK to stand up for yourself. It's OK to say, "I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it any more." Just remember to be as civil and polite as you can force yourself to be. It ain't easy, I know.

And lastly, I really hope you guys can work it out in the end, and not have to follow (or ignore) ANY of my advice. Good luck to you.

Well said. Emotions need to be thought out. Your kid is the most important thing, he/she needs a mom and dad.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

if you are past the point of no return, screw her man. you have to stay two steps ahead of her. seems like you have been two steps behind her. i don't mean to kick you when you are down, but dam. you have to protect yourself, do what is best for you, then make her life misarable. screw her. screw up her life. i'm sure there are some before and after pics of her surgery hanging around. send them to vn, show the neighbors, pass them around. That would cause huge damage to her and her family. i'm sure you can think of other things to mess with her, do them. Make it hard for her man.

I respectfully but strongly disagree with this suggestion for a number of reasons. Reason number one: There is a child involved. Or children. I don't know how many you have. If you do wind up divorcing, both of you owe it to them to be adult enough so that they don't become totally screwed up themselves when they become adults.

Reason number two: Revenge is so sweet--or is it? Yeah, it feels good for a while, I'll admit. But how will you feel two years later? Five years later? Twenty years later? I speak from experience--not so good. A lot of energy is wasted on revenge, energy that could otherwise be used for positive things.

Reason number three: Purposefully making trouble for your soon-to-be-ex-spouse winds up costing you a hell of a lot more money than not purposefully making trouble for her. Period.

Alls I'm sayin' is it's OK to be firm. It's OK to stand up for yourself. It's OK to say, "I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it any more." Just remember to be as civil and polite as you can force yourself to be. It ain't easy, I know.

And lastly, I really hope you guys can work it out in the end, and not have to follow (or ignore) ANY of my advice. Good luck to you.

Well said. Emotions need to be thought out. Your kid is the most important thing, he/she needs a mom and dad.

Agreed with everything except the part hilited. I don't think any kid needs a mother who stays out all night with men, and who flys off the handle when confronted about it. It's better to be raised in a broken home than an unhappy home.

My father was abusive since I was 7 or 8 years old. My mother waited until I was 14 before she finally divorced him, at the advise of well meaning friends, clerics, and counselors who all said "Think about the kids". As a consequence, I was miserable for 6 or 7 years longer than necessary. After the divorce we were broke. Child support payments went entirely towards the mortgage. There was often little or no food in the house. But, I was 100 times happier.

My previous wife got involved with drugs. She wasn't violent with our daughter, but when she was on a binge she would be neglectful. Do you have any idea what it's like to have an 8 year old girl literally beg you to divorce her mother?

I don't think a child needs a mom and dad. A child needs a happy home, and sometimes that means a home with only one parent.

Re: Comments by What's next to get revenge - bad bad BAD idea! This is like starting a nuclear war - there will be no winners. It can leave you bitter, broke, and possibly with a criminal record. Worst of all, it could ruin your chances of getting custody of the child. In California, Family Court Services mediates in cases of child custody. During the divorce process, the judge doesn't care if one parent looks like Charles Manson and the other like Mother Theresa - both are treated equally. However, during child custody mediation, your character is everything. You want to be squeaky clean to the mediator. It's your best chance of getting sole custody.

[Mike n Huong 1]

It sounds like the kid or kids are hers from a previous relationship. If you read this original post again, he states her kids twice in his post. Also it mentions something about her kids and a biometric appointment. If that is the case I really feel bad for the kid or kids, since they probably have in the past and will continue to be raised by their mother in a bad environment.

well it was good while it lasted . i felt pretty lucky and happy except for a few thing i didnt agree with that we talked about the other night. first off theres alot of low class paople and druggers that work for her boss at chinese chef but my wife is friends with all of them and they all have her number becoz they are the only vietnamese in town.second she started going gambleing about a month ago on weekeds with her boss and boosses brothers all who own resterants and bosses brother in law and all the worker wich are all men that live in thwe bosses machines shed they have made into room for the workers

. my wife would get all sexy looking and go out and not come home until 6 am in the morning

. she says the boss gives everybody mone when he wins and she would come home with 300 dollars everytime. i work 3rd shift and really wasnt good for our relationship. i wanted her to be happy but i told her i didnt like it. my only nights off and she spend with them. I told her if she wanted anymore to do with them she didnt want me. iI said if i didnt trust her so much i would think she was a #######. she hit kicked me threw things at me and i swear i thought she would kill me. we have aloaded pistil in our house and i thought if she got it she would kill me so i toook it outside and out it in my truck . when i came back i layed down on my bed and later got up and the little girl asked wheres momm? i looked out on the front porch and every cop in town had a shot gun on me. she had called the police and siad i was going to kill someone and was in the house with a gun and her kids.thats when i knew we were done. the cops heard my story and found the gun in the truck unloaded and let me go. but now my wife left. she just got her 3 year green card and her kids just got there papers talking about there bio appointment. will she be able to stay in usa??? could she divorce me and remarry and stay. im so sick of wha she did to me i cant beleave it.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

It sounds like the kid or kids are hers from a previous relationship. If you read this original post again, he states her kids twice in his post. Also it mentions something about her kids and a biometric appointment. If that is the case I really feel bad for the kid or kids, since they probably have in the past and will continue to be raised by their mother in a bad environment.

That probably depends on the state. It's true that the divorce courts don't have the jurisdiction to award custody to a non-biological parent, and it's not likely the biological parent is going to agree to allow the non-biological parent to adopt the children in order to give the divorce court this jurisdiction. However, many states allow a non-custodial parent to petition for guardianship if they can prove the biological parent is unfit. The courts will usually try to do what's in the best interest of the kids. A court appointed guardian has the same rights as a biological parent.

[Dau Que 6]

Bump this thread so other users can read. This thread is a good reminder that the "Journey" does NOT end when the Visa/Green card/whatever is issued to her. It's only the "easy" part. The hard part is when you start to discover all of her "other" personalities that you probably didn't have sufficient time to explore earlier.

When you buy a house, would you hire a professional inspector to check for "hidden" defects of that house before or after the closing?