wife left

[Melrose Plant 1]

Jeez, I'm sorry to hear that. It just goes to prove that there are crazy people all over the world.

[Danno2 0]

This is really sad

I have found in the past when people disappear, stay out late and the personality changes drastically that drugs are normally involved. In every case when I have confronted them about it they would deny and disappear. Again in all cases they came back later and admitted it. I have seen it take perfectly normal people and overnight change them completely. Also its very difficult to associate with a group of people who are doing drugs and not over time get pulled into it.

You are in a very difficult situation. It seems your wife is making some very poor decisions about herself and your children. Ultimately she will have to want to save herself. I don't know anything about the legal aspects of immigration. What I do know is when children are involved its not difficult to get a court ordered hair sampled drug test very early in the legal process. Then if a mother is found to be on drugs that will in many cases be enough for you to get temporary custody and she will have to prove herself to the court. I would also think this could be very detrimental to her immigration status.

In any event you should really think hard about what end result you want and talk to a professional about it (counselor or attorney). If you have work benefits a counselor could be free or very low cost. If you don't the cost and time for a few visits to either will be the best investment you can make to yourself and those children.

[Icarus 0]

Green= really sorry to hear about this as we began our journeys near the same time and we've assisted and supported each other since. Truly, this is a tragic situation, especially when children are involved. The older members of the VJ VN community who've posted above have solid advice and I would listen to what they suggest. As this is going down, I'm sure you are in shock as well as heartbroken, and may not be able to see things clearly, so make sure your local friends and family are there to help you pick up the pieces.

We wish you all the best and good luck in a smooth resolution. We're here if you need an ear

[Danno2 0]

Get a temporary order of custody of child(s) based on the conduct, or lack of involvement of the mother with child. Document, document, document, all interactions between mother and child, her physical condition while with child, does she place child at risk? is she drunk, high, or fails to show up on time. Demonstrate/show a better living environment for child is with you. Until this matter is resolved, show the court you’re primary concern is for the total well being of the child

Good luck,

This is great detailed advise. One other thing I would strongly suggest is that you think very carefully what you will tell her about your future plans. One of the few advantages you have is of building a plan and executing it. If you share those plans (via calm sit-down conversation or arguments) she will likely take preemptive steps involving police or that group of friends she is associating with. That could involve loss of money (bank accounts), property loss, property damage, physical harm, false incarceration... I'm very sorry to paint such a bleak picture but I just wanted to get them out there for you to be aware of.

Being educated on your rights & options along with having a solid plan are BIG advantages to you.

I wish the very best to you.

Danny

[sweetcouple 0]

Keep your self-control. think of what is better for you and your life.

[M4rinus 1]

wow,

thats aweful

i dont have advice

be strong

[GREEN/TRAN 0]

i dont htink shes doing any drugs and i dont t hink she thinks she did anything wrong other then what she did when she called the police. im still not sure if this is my fault or all part of plan of hers.she just says she wants to be friend to all people . but the dish washer would give her 200 dollars just to send her a western union or some thing . and then when she started going gambling on weekends and get 300 dollars handed to her everytime she would go i felt like i lost her . shes would come home at 6 am and give me a100 dollar bill. i liked the money but i felt like a pimp.i didnt like the guys calling and didnt like her going out with them but i wanted her happy and wanted to trust her , i didnt think it was right but she says she didnt do anything wrong and has a right to do what she want. shes stuborn . i dont know what to do

[Robert & Van 0]

I'm Sorry this has happend to you.

You say that she just got her 3 year green Card? Maybe you mean 2 year green card? If you did a K1 it would be 2 year green card and it would expire June 2010. About 90 Days before Her GC Expires She will get information that shes needs to turn in Her I-751 for Lifting conditions and Both of you need to Sign it and show that you two are still together. Unless that she Feels and can Prove that she was abused by you and she can file herself with a waiver. I Think that she can file for Divorce and merry someone else, But That will not look good in USICS minds. and bring up some Flags. Also in the I-751 it asks (If you are married, is this a different marriage than the one through which conditional residence status was Obtained?) I would think the reason for the 2 Year GC is to remain married and still living together. I would call a immigration lawyer if I was in this Situation.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

i dont htink shes doing any drugs and i dont t hink she thinks she did anything wrong other then what she did when she called the police. im still not sure if this is my fault or all part of plan of hers.she just says she wants to be friend to all people . but the dish washer would give her 200 dollars just to send her a western union or some thing . and then when she started going gambling on weekends and get 300 dollars handed to her everytime she would go i felt like i lost her . shes would come home at 6 am and give me a100 dollar bill. i liked the money but i felt like a pimp.i didnt like the guys calling and didnt like her going out with them but i wanted her happy and wanted to trust her , i didnt think it was right but she says she didnt do anything wrong and has a right to do what she want. shes stuborn . i dont know what to do

I don't see how it could be your fault, and I don't know if it's part of a plan of hers. Those aren't the only two options. Sometimes people just wander down the wrong path for too long and get caught up in it. They don't necessarily plan it. That might have happened with your wife. If this was part of a plan, then I don't really understand what the plan was.

Was she trying to clinch the green card without having to wait out the relationship by accusing you of abuse? Nope. She's got her GC now. There would be no point in it.

Was she just waiting out the relationship to get the GC and then dump you? I doubt it. She wouldn't need to act suspiciously and sour the relationship in order to do this. She'd just have to file for divorce. If this was her plan, then the first you'd hear about would be when you came home from work and found all of her stuff gone, and a process server waiting to hand you the divorce petition.

I think she just got caught up in a lifestyle that she seems to be enjoying, and she doesn't care much how you are affected by it. I really kind of doubt she's getting the money from gambling. Why would she need to dress up "sexy" to go gambling with her boss and men from work? Why would her boss pay her just to go out gambling with him? Is he sharing the winnings with her? I doubt it. Most people lose more often than they win, and why is it always $300? If you really wanted to put this theory to the test then ask if you can go along with her when she goes out. If she's got nothing to hide, then she wouldn't mind if you went along. If she says no (and I think you know that's what she'll say) then she's up to no good.

When someone says "I can do what I want", it usually means "I don't care if you don't want me to do it".

Don't blame yourself for this. Nothing you could have done would make a woman behave like this. She's responsible for her own actions, and she must have been capable of this behavior regardless of anything you did.

My recommendation is to file the divorce papers and walk away. I don't see how your relationship could ever survive this. I doubt you'll ever trust her again, and without trust there's no relationship.

[martindart 0]

i dont htink shes doing any drugs and i dont t hink she thinks she did anything wrong other then what she did when she called the police. im still not sure if this is my fault or all part of plan of hers.she just says she wants to be friend to all people . but the dish washer would give her 200 dollars just to send her a western union or some thing . and then when she started going gambling on weekends and get 300 dollars handed to her everytime she would go i felt like i lost her . shes would come home at 6 am and give me a100 dollar bill. i liked the money but i felt like a pimp.i didnt like the guys calling and didnt like her going out with them but i wanted her happy and wanted to trust her , i didnt think it was right but she says she didnt do anything wrong and has a right to do what she want. shes stuborn . i dont know what to do

You need to make a firm decision. Did you expect this behavior from her when she arrived? When children are in the mix the first priority is to them. Mom coming home from work at 6 a.m. is fine, coming in at 6 a.m. from a night out with the boys in not. Are you accepting her action with common sense rational? or are you blinded by the facts and willing to accept this way of life… because she’s stubborn? If so, what are you willing to accept next?

If I did this my Vo, (wife) would raise the roof! She’d throw that 100 dollars right back at me. The more you accept this from you’re wife, the harder it will be later for you and the child. Where’s the love, commitment & responsibility to this marriage.

Elvis has left the building…

[Niels Bohr 72]

I don't know Green. I know my wife will kill me if I hang around with girls all night. You need to do a quick reality check on yourself, and your wife. The further you go on with this, the more problems you'll have.

[Mike n Huong 1]

Sometimes it is so difficult for someone to see things clearly when they are blinded by love. What would be your opinion if this situation was happening to your friend?

I know that my wife or I would never put up with the other one going out with people of the other sex, whether it is for 2 hours or all night. More importantly neither of us would do so, because we both know that our marriage comes first in our lives and we both would not do anything to jepordize that.

Please don't blame yourself for someone elses actions. She is probably trying to make you feel this way.

I believe that you really need the support of a close friend during this time.

I really wish the best for you.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Well, I think it depends on whether or not you want her to stay. You can either divorce her now and she can file her I-715 as separated, (which she'll probably do on her own.) Or, if she doesn't know any better, she can stay married to you and you can tell USCIS how communist she is and hopefully, most likely, without a final divorce, she will get denied. But, if she has a divorce decree, she will be able to file alone and stay.

It does not depend on what the OP wants: the wife can apply for removal of conditions on her own. Whether she will be successful or not remains to be seen.

Best of luck to the OP.

[Ngoc-Anh 1]

sorry about your situation!!

[Kevin and 10]

Like others have stated, don't blame yourself for her actions. It sounds like you have done everything thing to address the problem, so you have tried. Sorry to hear you have to go through this, but think of kids before you come to a decision on what your next course of action will be.