Spouses going home to visit and coming home different

[HLM 1]

We tend to marry for love and leave reality at the door where as some of the girls back home need an apartment full of nice furniture and arms full of gold to feel loved. NOTE IN DEFENSE OF THESE GIRLS> Maybe they do all of that materialism because they know if a guy will try real hard and buy all that stuff, he really loves her

How many of these guys do you think marry for love in the first place? My guess is very, very few. The reality is love doesn't come with being introduced to the future Mrs., gettiing engaged, and then married in a matter of minutes. Marriages, most often, are an arrangement between families. The apartment is a requirement; I don't know of one single marriage that was local man/local woman that didn't have that requirement. The gold is also a requirement because there is no alimony. If the marriage fails the apartment is his, not hers. The furnishings are his, not hers. The children are, legally, more his than hers and if he wants to take them back to his family to raise he can do that. The mahr is security. Her security. It's not about love, in my opinion, anyway.

Back to the OP - have you had his transcripts translated/evaluated?

No actually the furniture is hers as long as she's the one who bought it. Also the kids are hers until they hit puberty -at this time they get to choose actually! My brother is divorced with a son he only sees under court order which is two hours every friday in a public park before that we never heard of the baby for a whole year and a half; he had to file a law suite- sp?- to finally get this court order.

I just want to add that the normal is what you said....the man gets apt wife gets furniture...BUT now adays things have SLIGHTLY changed where they can do agreements against the normal traditions and split the demands in half...or write the apt under the wife's name as a condition for marraige. There has to be love somewhere...I know what you're saying but I also know from growing up there people don't look at it that way....it's the norm and people do get angaged fall in love and everything.

[Ihavequestions 419]

No actually the furniture is hers as long as she's the one who bought it. Also the kids are hers until they hit puberty -at this time they get to choose actually! My brother is divorced with a son he only sees under court order which is two hours every friday in a public park before that we never heard of the baby for a whole year and a half; he had to file a law suite- sp?- to finally get this court order.

I just want to add that the normal is what you said....the man gets apt wife gets furniture...BUT now adays things have SLIGHTLY changed where they can do agreements against the normal traditions and split the demands in half...or write the apt under the wife's name as a condition for marraige. There has to be love somewhere...I know what you're saying but I also know from growing up there people don't look at it that way....it's the norm and people do get angaged fall in love and everything.

So, to get to the bottom of this I asked a bunch of my friends.

The overwhelming majority said they could stay in the home, even though their husband owned it, until their youngest child turned a certain age (some said 7, some said 12), then she would either have to leave and go stay with her family or a judge would decide where she would live. When their child(ren) reached whatever age it is, they would choose where they would live, either with their father or their mother. All of them said that if they were to divorce they would not remarry out of fear their children wouldn't want to live with a step-father.

Most interesting is that none of them really knew what would happen with any kind of certainty at all.

[Aymsgirl 0]

I will share our situation even though it is a little personal but maybe will give a better understanding of how some divorces can be. The boys are with the ex until they reach a certain age then they are in their father's right to have them. I believe this is age 12. He is leaving this up to each child because they will be uprooted from life as they know it there and he is not on an out for revenge or anything to ruin their mother. He wants them to be fully included in this decision and feel comfortable with whatever they choose. In their divorce the agreement was that she was given a flat to live in that is in her name and an additional 35000 EGP. She receives a monthly payment for all care for the children and a small amount for herself for caring for them. She basically lives her financial life as if she did prior to her divorce because there has been no financial change for her except she has no insurance coverage for herself. (They had insurance through his bar association but once the divorce was final she was taken off of it and his family id) Also, she can go to court once a year and ask for an increase in the amount of money that he pays her.

I was told once that if the mother remarries then the father can take the children from her because of another man not wanting to raise them and this is a cause of why most mother's don't remarry.

I have heard of situations like HLM's family member. Hubster says that in quite a few situations that he has dealt with the mother may make up stories of the husband and cause him to not be able to visit the children on a normal basis. They can agree to have the children meet the father at a park or neutral location but often times the mother may not bring them there and some use the excuse that the car they were in was broke down or they didn't make it on time or the kids were sick or something along those lines to keep the children away from the father.

[Donna A 4]

my husbands ex moved back with her family. and yes she did play the child is too sick to come out and visit with you with his father and him. it didnt fly to well when he went and tried to pick up his daughter and she told him that the doctor said she has to stay at home for 3 weeks cuz she had a ear infection. since my husband is a doctor and full aware u dont have to stay in the house for 3 weeks for an ear infection he went to the medical board and turned that doctor in for lying and then to the court to sue for visitation. the judge told her if she didnt turn over the child she was going to jail....needless to say she didnt try that again.

my husband ex also gets child support and where he pays it told him she stopped picking it up so they closed the case and if she wants support again she has to sue for it. so far its been 5 years and she hasnt sued for it again so im thinking there is something fishy going on with that. maybe to hurt him later when its his turn for custody. but he also is paying for her private school and has reciets for that so he shows he is paying for his daughter still.

they play all kinds of games over there with the children.

i think my husband gets custody of his daughter at age 11 if the mother remarries but 15 if she dont. so far she hasnt remarried so it looks like she will be 15. he probably wont uproot her at that age tho.