Just engaged

[msu17 0]

Once we had our interview date I booked a place, but I also made sure that I could move the date and keep my deposit. See if you can explain the situation to the place and they might let you move the date within a reasonable space of time. If you can't afford to lose the $$, then wait till he has the visa.

[minnew 4]

It is advisable not to have wedding plans because you never know how long your NOA2 might take. But also your case could get held up in Additional Processing at NVC or at the consulate. We would take our chances with getting AP at the consulate after the interview. ( I just realized its 4 weeks away! Eeeek!)

We decided that we could not wait any longer to make plans as there would be nothing available so short notice in our price range. We just booked our church and our venue at the beginning of April. We waited to find out that NVC had sent our case to Vancouver. I made sure to ask though if in case the date that we booked needs to be changed, would we lose our deposit? They both said no. As long as you reschedule with the same venues. I am also in the process of looking for a photographer, and I did find one that we like and has our date and as is rescheduable as long as the date rescheduled is available.

We also felt like this was our wedding and it only happens once, and we wanted it to be in front of as many friends and family that could come. This is also why we left around 4 months between the issuance of the visa (knocks on wood*) and when i intend to do POE. I know many people who just want to be able to come to the US and do it right away after they have the visa in your hand, it just depends on YOUR situation, relationship and priorities when it comes to getting married.

[CaptainRubyHeart 1]

What kind of deposit would you have to put down to book a date at your venue of choice? If it's nothing (unlikely) or not a lot of money, then you could condier it. You can always change the date or cancel.

On another note, it seems like asking you about the details of your wedding only one week after you've been engaged can be really overwhelming. I understand that your family is trying to help and is excited for you. My advice would be, try not to get too wrapped up in wedding planning right away--you and your fiance are still celebrating your engagement! If you have questions, your VJ community will be happy to help you answer questions about submitting your I-129F.

[John and Camie 39]

Awww, just engaged - congrats!

I would wait until at least NOA-2. In March, John and I were planning for him to visit in May (we were settling in for a LONG wait) when we got our NOA-2, and now we're on Packet 3, so it's anyone's guess how these things turn out. We've given up on planning.

[baron555 934]

There is nothing wrong with having a non-legally binding celebration prior to the K-1. However, do not mention it or show pictures or whatever at the consulate interview. Some have reported the consulate misunderstanding and suspecting fraud. It is NOT fraud, however, if it is NOT legally binding.

Yes, not legally binding.....but......your approval at the interview is all based on the subjective decision of one individual. Yes you can appeal any denial.....but.....the decision is left to this one individual.

So do you want to waste all the time and money so far and up to that point to the decision of one individual? How lucky do you feel? To me, it's not worth the risk.

[Ellie-and-David 38]

I'm hoping to be legally married on the 24th July.....at a courthouse in Tampa.

Then in April next year, we will have a "proper" family wedding.

The advice here is solid. Things do go wrong. Move faster than expected. Move slower than expected.

We got stuck at NVC for over a month. Not expected, straight forward case, VERY disheartening. And it made me really happy that I hadn't planned anything concrete. Especially as the later parts of this journey are even more stressful than the earlier ones.

Take your time. And most importantly, make the wedding about what you and your fiance want.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

You DO NOT want any kind of wedding prior to having the visa approval after the interview.

There is nothing wrong with having a non-legally binding celebration prior to the K-1. However, do not mention it or show pictures or whatever at the consulate interview. Some have reported the consulate misunderstanding and suspecting fraud. It is NOT fraud, however, if it is NOT legally binding.

dvc

This kind of stuff depends on the consulate and "cultural norms" of the country. If it's a cultural tradition for the finace(e) to have a ceremony and/or celebration before leaving home, then the consulate might actually shoot down the visa application if you don't have it.

In Vietnam, it is a cultural tradition to have a "dam hoi" or "le dinh hon" engagement ceremony. This isn't like a western engagement, where the fiance pops the question while on one knee in a restaurant. It takes weeks or months of planning. The ceremony often takes place at the fiancee's home, but sometimes at a Buddhist temple. Traditional costumes are worn (these are often custom ordered for the event). There's a procession of the fiance's family bearing gifts, sometimes even including a roasted pig. Words are exchanged by the paternal representatives of both families. There are prayers at the family altar. The couple exchanges rings, and they wear them from that point forward. This is usually followed by a big formal party, often involving hundreds of guests. The fiance wears a tux, and the fiancee a wedding gown. The dam hoi is frequently a much bigger event than the actual wedding. It's not legally binding, but failing to follow through with an eventual wedding would be an enormous humiliation to both families. The couple are just as committed as if they were married. The whole deal will cost the fiance two or three thousand dollars. Even more, if a dowry is involved.

The point is that the US Consulate in Ho Chi Minh City absolutely expects an engaged couple to have a dam hoi ceremony, and to have evidence of it. The interviewer will ask questions about it, like "how many people attended the party". If the fiancee says only 40 or 50, they'll likely assume the marriage is a sham. Yes, it's not a legally binding wedding, but all of the English phrases on the video and photo albums from my ceremony say "wedding" on them. All of my fiancee's family in the US call it a wedding, and refer to us as being married. The reason being that this ceremony has the cultural significance of a wedding, and there's simply no other way to translate this into English. The word "engagement" doesn't convey the cultural significance of this.

So, in some cultures, a ceremony before the interview is practically mandatory, and you absolutely must inform the consulate about it. Not doing so might mean no visa.

[Chelartie 0]

The visa stuff forces us to not behave like usual people. Just part of the journey.

I agree with this. Probably best if you try to explain that to your stepmother, so she'll give you some peace.

Edited April 27, 2009 by Chelartie

[Nik+Heather 121]

I also made sure that I could move the date and keep my deposit. See if you can explain the situation to the place and they might let you move the date within a reasonable space of time. If you can't afford to lose the $$, then wait till he has the visa.

This is what I did. I did it before NOA2. ALL vendors have said that deposit will NOT be forfeited if we simply change the date (but still use the venue/vendor...if they are available on the new date). I studied the time lines on VJ for a long time trying to find out what I could expect from my service center and the embassy he'd interview at, and then I added some time (1 month) on the expected average. I think that your target of 11 months is reasonable...seems to depend fairly strongly right now on which service center you are filing through.

I do not believe that this is as simple as some people make it as "Don't do anything until you have the visa!!" There are some of us out there who want a legal, ceremonial wedding with our family and friends around us all at the same time, and we don't want to have to plan it in one month.

If you want to plan,

Have a plan A. (Perfect timing)

Have a plan B. (Visa is late!)

Have a plan C. (Visa is so early you can't wait)

You know your risks, and how much uncertainty you personally can handle. You have to make the decision. For us, I think that we will have the visa in hand 3 or so months before Nik plans to enter the country. I expect that it will be hard to wait for our plans to go through, but we'll probably stick it out.

Regarding your step mother and her pushing for all this planning only a week in, just explain to her you want to pause and just enjoy your new status for a while! Give her a reasonable date when you will start planning with her - perhaps just after the petition is sent off? We should cut the woman a little slack, at least she's enthusiastic about the wedding -- she could be dead set against it! At least that's what I tell myself when Mother says something about what I need to take care of next and I'm tempted to roll my eyes. I find the planning energy available in her to be very helpful. I don't have to do much research at all!

Edited April 27, 2009 by Nik+Heather

[tallcoolone 102]

Viva Las Vegas..............................

[Jennarationnext 0]

My stepmom started wedding planning a few years ago, so she's just overly enthusiastic about being able to plan her own daughter's wedding. I completely understand, but I went to her house last night and she threw about 20 questions at me in a span of a few minutes, things that I haven't even begun to think about-- centerpieces, linens etc. I told her that we're going to just pause on planning for at LEAST a month or two.

I really appreciate all of your advice. I think we're going to go ahead and make a tentative guestlist and try to put a deposit on a venue now. I live in a small town and there really are only a handful of really nice places and I think it'd be best to book it now rather than later. We're going to cross our fingers that everything goes well, but in the event that it doesn't, we'll just do a non-legal ceremony. That won't be mentioned at the interview : \