I am really sick now..

[Henia 11]

Hello everyone...

it seems after telling my man about all the info i got from you all....thanks again by the way...he seems to still think he can just a tourtist visa and come here...lol...even we all know thats not going to happen...then he told me hell push his employer to get him transfered to the uSA..again i think so unlikly to happen...

finally he decided he cannot wait for me anymore...and gave me a ultimatium....come and live in Algeria or i will cannot ait for you to come visit me evry 3 months....it breaks my heart this news...esp after i waited for him 3 years when his mother had cancer...BUT i cannot leave the USA..i have child born here...and her father I am sure wont agree to let me take her to Algeria , and I donnot even have USA citizenship yet...and I also attending university...soooooooo this breaks my heart. I told him he has until Sept 1. to think it over..and its between him and Allah ...and whatver he decides i wil accept...

anyway...i guess my journey may end here...even before going through what you have...but Allah knows best...

I will keep praying for you all...and check in to hear all you ladies' news....

I pray for all you...

Allah Maak...

[UmmSqueakster 54]

Long distance compounded by visa hassles will put a strain on any relationship. inshaAllah it was just something said under stress and when he thinks about it, he'll realize he can't live without you. inshaAllah this will be the fire that makes the iron of your relationship stronger

And, if he decides it's not worth the wait, know that it's for the best and inshaAllah something better will come along

(((hugs)))

[samir_shannon 0]

My fiance is from Algeria too! Well I am so sorry to hear about your problem but, maybe everything will work itself out........ I am totally disgusted right now by this whole process and am abou tready to just pull my hair out. I waited on the phone today to ask about those RFe's they are suppossed to send everyone and they were like oh your petition is still like 2 months away from being processed. After having me on hold for 25 mins!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH sorry had to vent

[dawnnhatem 0]

Sorry you guys are having such a bad time. Rahma is right about how the stress of all the waiting and everything can eat at both of you and some days are harder than others so maybe he won't feel this way for long. His other ideas do sound a little optimistic...but if you are not usc yet, maybe that work transfer (even if it takes some time) might actually be not so crazy. What is your citizenship? Not to be nosey but maybe theres a third country option to explore that your child's dad may not oppose so much.

The wait is hard, though and you guys have been waiting 3+ years to even start the process...thats crazy. Try to have a better day tomorrow.

[luvaLimey 0]

oh man. My ex-husband talked me into marrying him by telling me he wasn't going to wait for me to do all the things I wanted to do (finish University, go travel and see the world, learn to climb mountains) so I gave up all my dreams to marry him, and spent 6 years with him still maipulating me, trying to make me into someone I'm not.

I'm really sorry he is trying to force you to make this kind of decision, but having learned from my past experience, if it were me I would say "ok, see you!" and get on with my life without him. (yes, I know that is hard to do when you love someone, but don't let him manipulate you like that, and give up your education).

[Henia 11]

Sorry you guys are having such a bad time. Rahma is right about how the stress of all the waiting and everything can eat at both of you and some days are harder than others so maybe he won't feel this way for long. His other ideas do sound a little optimistic...but if you are not usc yet, maybe that work transfer (even if it takes some time) might actually be not so crazy. What is your citizenship? Not to be nosey but maybe theres a third country option to explore that your child's dad may not oppose so much.

The wait is hard, though and you guys have been waiting 3+ years to even start the process...thats crazy. Try to have a better day tomorrow.

Thanks everyone for the nice and encouraging comments... I am not even sure what is the best or fastest way to resolve this...but any I just keeping praying and do what i can.

And I do know about waiting in the phone on hold forever it seems...only to hear nothing just more run around...

But i just wish my man could get it through his head... the world isnt always doing what you like it to do...

I applied for citizenship this past spring..but i havnt heard anything yet...

and about the tourtist visa i have read and heard the person have to a real big bank account, property and many reasons why they would come back after their trip...so my man isnt rich, neither am i...just like all of you...cos if we were we wouldnt going through this...

and the work transfer..my man is an accoutant for a pharmaceutical company in Alger...so his position isnt that high to get a transfer to the USA...even though he seems to think he is superman...the rest of the world doesnt...

and i kept telling him why to waste over $400 trying to get a tourtist visa...when clearly you will be denied?

And I really wish I could live in Algeria with him...but my ex is sooo very unagreeable to anything I would like...so thats out.And I am not prepared to go to court over it...

Anyway... I hope my man calms down and calls me...

Anway...thanks for all you ladies'kind words...so nice of you all... I will be watching for any more news of you all....

God bless you all...

[Meriem_DZ 37]

Sister Hemia, I am so sorry you are going through this. I know you love him and this is breaking your heart. I pray for a solution for you two. Inshallah, he will come to his senses soon.

Meriem

[Together4ever 1]

You are in my prayers.

[iceyspots 0]

Hello everyone...

it seems after telling my man about all the info i got from you all....thanks again by the way...he seems to still think he can just a tourtist visa and come here...lol...even we all know thats not going to happen...then he told me hell push his employer to get him transfered to the uSA..again i think so unlikly to happen...

finally he decided he cannot wait for me anymore...and gave me a ultimatium....come and live in Algeria or i will cannot ait for you to come visit me evry 3 months....it breaks my heart this news...esp after i waited for him 3 years when his mother had cancer...BUT i cannot leave the USA..i have child born here...and her father I am sure wont agree to let me take her to Algeria , and I donnot even have USA citizenship yet...and I also attending university...soooooooo this breaks my heart. I told him he has until Sept 1. to think it over..and its between him and Allah ...and whatver he decides i wil accept...

anyway...i guess my journey may end here...even before going through what you have...but Allah knows best...

I will keep praying for you all...and check in to hear all you ladies' news....

I pray for all you...

Allah Maak...

HI.. sorry to hear about what is going on.. He has to recognize that you have a life to take care of as well.. and if he wants a good future with you that it is in your best interest to stay in the states and keep going with your studies.. immigration is definitely a test of patience and you guys have to overcome.. hope everything works out for you

[~*Dorothy*~ 2]

I am sorry to hear about your troubling situation...I know that with God's guidance you will find the right solution...Stay well and I hope that all will work out...take care of yourself as you seem like such a lovely individual...best of luck

Dorothy

[Jenn! 918]

I'm sure it was an ultimatum given in a moment of intense frustration. I'm sure he'll come around. This process can be so aggravating, it requires heaps of patience.

[john_and_marlene 162]

This sounds odd to me ... he sounds desperate to get the the U.S. to be with you ... then demands you move to Algeria (knowing that you have a child that cannot move) ... and yet he is so desperate to be with you that he will cut it off completely?????? I think he is waiting for you to plead and make a compelling case for him to come to the U.S. no matter what it takes. That way it is your idea and he has embedded the idea that he is willing to live with you even in Algeria.

I don't mean to be insulting, but the theme seems familiar... don't assume that several years of LDR means that he isn't using you and manipulating you into thinking his intentions are true and loving and that it is totally your idea that he come to the U.S. On the contrary, if he was true and loving, he wouldn't be making the ultimatum of cutting it off completely. This is the part where you are supposed to explain to him that he needs to come to the U.S. if he truly loves you.

[babybunny 2]

oh man. My ex-husband talked me into marrying him by telling me he wasn't going to wait for me to do all the things I wanted to do (finish University, go travel and see the world, learn to climb mountains) so I gave up all my dreams to marry him, and spent 6 years with him still maipulating me, trying to make me into someone I'm not.

I'm really sorry he is trying to force you to make this kind of decision, but having learned from my past experience, if it were me I would say "ok, see you!" and get on with my life without him. (yes, I know that is hard to do when you love someone, but don't let him manipulate you like that, and give up your education).

very good!!!

if he really loves ya he will be by yourside always. if one little bumpy visa process is gonna

make him wanna end things . what happens when you really have a problem? he is gonna wanna leave you? its a 5 year process with lots of twists and turns.

[Jenn! 918]

I don't think it's fair for anyone to jump to such conclusions. People say things they don't mean sometimes when the going gets tough, but then they come around.

This sounds odd to me ... he sounds desperate to get the the U.S. to be with you ... then demands you move to Algeria (knowing that you have a child that cannot move) ... and yet he is so desperate to be with you that he will cut it off completely?????? I think he is waiting for you to plead and make a compelling case for him to come to the U.S. no matter what it takes. That way it is your idea and he has embedded the idea that he is willing to live with you even in Algeria.

I don't mean to be insulting, but the theme seems familiar... don't assume that several years of LDR means that he isn't using you and manipulating you into thinking his intentions are true and loving and that it is totally your idea that he come to the U.S. On the contrary, if he was true and loving, he wouldn't be making the ultimatum of cutting it off completely. This is the part where you are supposed to explain to him that he needs to come to the U.S. if he truly loves you.

Hmmm...I wonder if you'd be saying the same thing if her fiance was from, say, Canada. It's become quite trendy it seems to counsel women out of marrying ME/NA men.

[UmmSqueakster 54]

I'm sure it was an ultimatum given in a moment of intense frustration. I'm sure he'll come around. This process can be so aggravating, it requires heaps of patience.

I agree. I can't even remember the number of times DH and I were ready to call it quits during our protracted long distance relationship. We also fussed over me moving to Egypt or him moving here. Heck, he's here with a green card and we still discuss moving back to egypt. In the end, we came through, so inshaAllah you guys can too