I am pissed off

[gracies 0]

My husband started to be so defensive when I asked him about the name of the woman who is attached into his address. I got it in the mail yesterday and while he is on travel he instructed me to open everything. Then here comes an unknown name of a woman. I emailed him asking about it no reply. So when we chatted few hours ago. I kept asking wont answer me immediately.

Now, he started telling me his been question of who he is. Good Lord! I was just asking him who she was and why she was still in his account in the credit card since they parted 5 yrs. ago. I do love him so much but I'm not the type of filipina who hide my feelings and wait for it until it explodes. That's hard you know. I was so candid of my feelings but he thought I doubt him. He gave alibis like did he care about my past. We don't talk about ex ex here. I dont want to play blind and deaf as if everythings okay. Wherein fact I am aching inside? No way! I can't do that. I reiterate to him. I am not a nanny nor a housemaid that I wont care about your mail and names of these people on the mail. As a wife , I have the right to know if you don't want that. Why did you marry? lol He was quiet for a moment then told me he is tired and this and that.

Our chat wasn't good so I feel like I started the fight? I didn't do anything to hurt him. All I did was asking him of what I don't know.

I know that bothers you a lot, the two of you need to sit down and talk like adults and hopefully will be over soon. You should also ask him to remove her (the other woman) from his CC account. Don't be accussatory with hm too. You are the wife and you have the right to know the story behind the woman's name in his CC.

Good luck to both of you!!!!

[Ban Hammer 13,583]

something is fishy about the whole thing. he could close the account.

[MMW 2]

There are situation that people help each other with credit issues etc. so give him the benefit of the doubt. He let's you open his mail and tells you to ask the kids if you want explanation before he returns so he is not trying to hide anything from you. If he was he would not let free access to the mail or the free stories of the kids. I do the same with my wife if she has a doubt in something i said about my past I tell her just ask the kids how they saw things. Showing I have nothing to hide or that i might be concerned what they might say. Wait till he returns and then have a quiet adult talk and seek to understand not convict without a trial. Not saying you are doing that just quoting a phrase. Best of luck with this but please try to be understanding and don't make a problem that may not be there.

Edited April 23, 2009 by MMW

[~krakatoa~ 27]

something is fishy about the whole thing.

Ditto. If it really was nothing, why is the husband being defensive, according to the OP?

I'm betting the husband did not expect the confirmation letter from the bank for his recent request for a service change to arrive in the mail. It's not like the monthly billing statement you'd expect in the mail.

have a good talk with him when he comes back. don't accuse him of anything yet but don't ignore possible red flags. And you have every right to be upset, but getting angry at him would not make him open up to you and tell the truth if he is indeed keeping something else from you.

And use your judgment, not your heart on this one.

[steveee 0]

CC issues day hhhmmmm, close that account and open a new one with your name on it, if He can do that without any hesitation it means no string attached with that "woman" relax my dear, good luck!

[Kardi_Shian 0]

My husband started to be so defensive when I asked him about the name of the woman who is attached into his address. I got it in the mail yesterday and while he is on travel he instructed me to open everything. Then here comes an unknown name of a woman. I emailed him asking about it no reply. So when we chatted few hours ago. I kept asking wont answer me immediately.

Now, he started telling me his been question of who he is. Good Lord! I was just asking him who she was and why she was still in his account in the credit card since they parted 5 yrs. ago. I do love him so much but I'm not the type of filipina who hide my feelings and wait for it until it explodes. That's hard you know. I was so candid of my feelings but he thought I doubt him. He gave alibis like did he care about my past. We don't talk about ex ex here. I dont want to play blind and deaf as if everythings okay. Wherein fact I am aching inside? No way! I can't do that. I reiterate to him. I am not a nanny nor a housemaid that I wont care about your mail and names of these people on the mail. As a wife , I have the right to know if you don't want that. Why did you marry? lol He was quiet for a moment then told me he is tired and this and that.

Our chat wasn't good so I feel like I started the fight? I didn't do anything to hurt him. All I did was asking him of what I don't know.

I know that bothers you a lot, the two of you need to sit down and talk like adults and hopefully will be over soon. You should also ask him to remove her (the other woman) from his CC account. Don't be accussatory with hm too. You are the wife and you have the right to know the story behind the woman's name in his CC.

Good luck to both of you!!!!

She seemed like she did the right thing. She asked who it was. She wasn't accusing. And oh! I hope he really is somewhere where he told you he was gonna go to. Smells like skunk to me!

[belovedbyme 0]

Yes there is a woman named Julie on his phone. If he called her he stayed at the bedroom while I am busy in the living room or kitchen. There are few things I need to know. He didnt tell me all so I'm confused.

Yes. Now the funny thing here was before he left. He taught me how to operate my new phone. He used his phone instructed to call one of the kids. He said ," Call Gracie".But the phone answered.." You want to call Julie"? He answered, "No , call Gracie". I was shocked hearing that name. He didn't tell me who that woman was. Guys, the woman on the credit card and the woman mentioned on his phone were different woman.

is there even a "julie" on his phone directory? i mean sometimes voice recognition sucks... they will tell you the wrong name or guess the the wrong name (especially that sometimes my accent sucks heheh)... though for me the CC is a different story... im a jealous person. i imagine thinks that is not even there... so i honestly dont know what to do in that kind of situation. give him the benefit of the doubt though. im not sure that maybe its because the woman has become good friend of his and that he's helping her etc... but i still believe its best to have the woman remove on his account. for your sake... and tell him maybe you need a CC and that you he has to have you under his account to help build your credit faster... i really hope it will resolve. i know it will when both of you are ready to sit down and have a real talk

God bless

[belovedbyme 0]

He didn't expect it I think that kind of mail will arrive. I never thought also I could have it on the mail. We talked now but I'm feeling cold for not being so open to me about this stuff. He was divorced 1996 and she met this woman 1999 and had 5yrs. relationship then it ended. I have a credit card from Bank of America that he gave me but just shocked because I was expecting both our names on it not other ex gf.

something is fishy about the whole thing.

Ditto. If it really was nothing, why is the husband being defensive, according to the OP?

I'm betting the husband did not expect the confirmation letter from the bank for his recent request for a service change to arrive in the mail. It's not like the monthly billing statement you'd expect in the mail.

have a good talk with him when he comes back. don't accuse him of anything yet but don't ignore possible red flags. And you have every right to be upset, but getting angry at him would not make him open up to you and tell the truth if he is indeed keeping something else from you.

And use your judgment, not your heart on this one.

[RonMay 1]

Yes there is a woman named Julie on his phone. If he called her he stayed at the bedroom while I am busy in the living room or kitchen. There are few things I need to know. He didnt tell me all so I'm confused.

Yes. Now the funny thing here was before he left. He taught me how to operate my new phone. He used his phone instructed to call one of the kids. He said ," Call Gracie".But the phone answered.." You want to call Julie"? He answered, "No , call Gracie". I was shocked hearing that name. He didn't tell me who that woman was. Guys, the woman on the credit card and the woman mentioned on his phone were different woman.

is there even a "julie" on his phone directory? i mean sometimes voice recognition sucks... they will tell you the wrong name or guess the the wrong name (especially that sometimes my accent sucks heheh)... though for me the CC is a different story... im a jealous person. i imagine thinks that is not even there... so i honestly dont know what to do in that kind of situation. give him the benefit of the doubt though. im not sure that maybe its because the woman has become good friend of his and that he's helping her etc... but i still believe its best to have the woman remove on his account. for your sake... and tell him maybe you need a CC and that you he has to have you under his account to help build your credit faster... i really hope it will resolve. i know it will when both of you are ready to sit down and have a real talk

God bless

wow then...

still its hard to assume things... but somehow our gut feeling tells us something... as what everybody here say, best to talk to it out maturely... things will probably come out not as bad as we think it would or we just dont know... i do hope this trial will make your relationship stronger... build on trust, respect and proper communication (to be honest its easy for me to say. lol... i know how hard marriage sometimes. full of surprises)... KEEP the FAITH!!! God bless

[belovedbyme 0]

I wasn't accusing him. I was just asking a very simple question that I need to know but takes time for him to answer me directly? ?? I need to wait for next month until he is home. I need a heart-to-heart talk about this .I don't get jealous my husband go with the ex wife because of the kids. But the CC oh...need more explaination in person.

Thank you so much for the advice and comforting words. It helps a lot.

[belovedbyme 0]

He didn't expect it I think that kind of mail will arrive. I never thought also I could have it on the mail. We talked now but I'm feeling cold for not being so open to me about this stuff. He was divorced 1996 and she met this woman 1999 and had 5yrs. relationship then it ended. I have a credit card from Bank of America that he gave me but just shocked because I was expecting both our names on it not an ex gf.

[sj5 4]

Talk to him about this issues. Tell him that DIVORCE is available if he is not willing to sort the problem.

[It's me 1]

[~krakatoa~ 27]

He didn't expect it I think that kind of mail will arrive. I never thought also I could have it on the mail. We talked now but I'm feeling cold for not being so open to me about this stuff. He was divorced 1996 and she met this woman 1999 and had 5yrs. relationship then it ended. I have a credit card from Bank of America that he gave me but just shocked because I was expecting both our names on it not other ex gf.

I'd veer away from the main topic a bit, it could be essentially relevant to your doubts. Something isn't right here. You said he gave you a credit card from BOA. Did he take you with him to BOA when he got the credit card for you? Did you sign papers at BOA as an authorized user only of his CC or as a joint account owner?

And you are right, it won't look good with the USCIS if you think ahead with your AOS, ROC and so on. Co-mingling of assets/financial responsibility is something easily shared by two people who fully trust each other and who feel comfortable with each other, and with that in mind, I find his involvement with his so-called ex unexcusable. He could easily end his involvement with his past if he really wanted to, don't you think? Why would he share a credit card with the ex still? That takes a great deal of trust, and could also mean they are still in touch with each other if they share payments. Who pays for the credit card transactions? Shared responsibility or your husband pays for them? Did the letter (of change of service request) specify what change your husband requested? I'm just sayin'. Use your better judgment, you'll know what's best to do. But definitely ask him for the full story, listen to what he has to say when he comes back. I wish you get this all sorted out soon..

[belovedbyme 0]

I am just an authorized CC on his account I think because when Bank of America came in only his name on it .Yeah, I figure it out why he didnt close it. If he still pay for it of what ex purchases. I am not sure of that since he didn't tell me the whole story about it.He told me she screwed him and his kids. Ah.. I'm starting gradually to lose trust here because of that.

He didn't expect it I think that kind of mail will arrive. I never thought also I could have it on the mail. We talked now but I'm feeling cold for not being so open to me about this stuff. He was divorced 1996 and she met this woman 1999 and had 5yrs. relationship then it ended. I have a credit card from Bank of America that he gave me but just shocked because I was expecting both our names on it not other ex gf.

I'd veer away from the main topic a bit, it could be essentially relevant to your doubts. Something isn't right here. You said he gave you a credit card from BOA. Did he take you with him to BOA when he got the credit card for you? Did you sign papers at BOA as an authorized user only of his CC or as a joint account owner?

And you are right, it won't look good with the USCIS if you think ahead with your AOS, ROC and so on. Co-mingling of assets/financial responsibility is something easily shared by two people who fully trust each other and who feel comfortable with each other, and with that in mind, I find his involvement with his so-called ex unexcusable. He could easily end his involvement with his past if he really wanted to, don't you think? Why would he share a credit card with the ex still? That takes a great deal of trust, and could also mean they are still in touch with each other if they share payments. Who pays for the credit card transactions? Shared responsibility or your husband pays for them? Did the letter (of change of service request) specify what change your husband requested? I'm just sayin'. Use your better judgment, you'll know what's best to do. But definitely ask him for the full story, listen to what he has to say when he comes back. I wish you get this all sorted out soon..