I am pissed off

[belovedbyme 0]

My husband started to be so defensive when I asked him about the name of the woman who is attached into his address. I got it in the mail yesterday and while he is on travel he instructed me to open everything. Then here comes an unknown name of a woman. I emailed him asking about it no reply. So when we chatted few hours ago. I kept asking wont answer me immediately.

Now, he started telling me his been question of who he is. Good Lord! I was just asking him who she was and why she was still in his account in the credit card since they parted 5 yrs. ago. I do love him so much but I'm not the type of filipina who hide my feelings and wait for it until it explodes. That's hard you know. I was so candid of my feelings but he thought I doubt him. He gave alibis like did he care about my past. We don't talk about ex ex here. I dont want to play blind and deaf as if everythings okay. Wherein fact I am aching inside? No way! I can't do that. I reiterate to him. I am not a nanny nor a housemaid that I wont care about your mail and names of these people on the mail. As a wife , I have the right to know if you don't want that. Why did you marry? lol He was quiet for a moment then told me he is tired and this and that.

Our chat wasn't good so I feel like I started the fight? I didn't do anything to hurt him. All I did was asking him of what I don't know.

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

If they were joint on a Credit Card it can be difficult to remove the other person's name if he couldn't qualify for the account on his own.

I had a friend who had a credit card 8 years after her divorce with her ex-husband still on the account (but not in possession of a card) becuase it wa a joint card and her income after the divorce didn't qualify for the account.

I agree that he shouldn't hide anything from you but only you can know if this is something that is worth the effort of pushing it.

Do you suspect he's "up to something"? If not then try to relax, eventually he may tell you the whole story.

[Bobby+Umit 161]

X has a joint credit card?

that doesnt't sound good....

[CaNdiD wiTcH 0]

My husband started to be so defensive when I asked him about the name of the woman who is attached into his address. I got it in the mail yesterday and while he is on travel he instructed me to open everything. Then here comes an unknown name of a woman. I emailed him asking about it no reply. So when we chatted few hours ago. I kept asking wont answer me immediately.

Now, he started telling me his been question of who he is. Good Lord! I was just asking him who she was and why she was still in his account in the credit card since they parted 5 yrs. ago. I do love him so much but I'm not the type of filipina who hide my feelings and wait for it until it explodes. That's hard you know. I was so candid of my feelings but he thought I doubt him. He gave alibis like did he care about my past. We don't talk about ex ex here. I dont want to play blind and deaf as if everythings okay. Wherein fact I am aching inside? No way! I can't do that. I reiterate to him. I am not a nanny nor a housemaid that I wont care about your mail and names of these people on the mail. As a wife , I have the right to know if you don't want that. Why did you marry? lol He was quiet for a moment then told me he is tired and this and that.

Our chat wasn't good so I feel like I started the fight? I didn't do anything to hurt him. All I did was asking him of what I don't know.

I guess they have a joint CC.. If he is trying to hide something from you then he would not allow you to open his mails.. You could discuss this thing to him when both of you are cool and calm.. By that time perhaps you could ask him if there is any possibility that he could take her out of his CC account. If he would say it is not possible then he better have good and acceptable explanation to give..

Edited April 23, 2009 by CaNdiD wiTcH

[belovedbyme 0]

It wasn't his ex wife. It's his ex gf ( 5yrs. relationship)long time ago. He has a good job but he said it's been like that long time ago her name wasn't deleted. It was a letter from one of the credit cards stating "Change Service Requested". They didn't live together as couple. He doesn't want to talk to me for now. But adviced me to ask his kids of his ex because kids who are now teenagers knew her well. That's weird. I need his explaination from his mouth not to his kids.

[CaNdiD wiTcH 0]

It wasn't his ex wife. It's his ex gf ( 5yrs. relationship)long time ago. He has a good job but he said it's been like that long time ago her name wasn't deleted. It was a letter from one of the credit cards stating "Change Service Requested". They didn't live together as couple. He doesn't want to talk to me for now. But adviced me to ask his kids of his ex because kids who are now teenagers knew her well. That's weird. I need his explaination from his mouth not to his kids.

Well an ex-gf would be another story.. Better ask him to delete her name.. I cannot see any reason why he should not delete her on his account..

Edited April 23, 2009 by CaNdiD wiTcH

[belovedbyme 0]

Thank you guys. I will do that. It would be so crazy if I do my AOS her name appear on the credit card not mine. hahahaha. I get along well with his kids but treating me this way is unacceptable for me like can't give a vivid explaination.

[andrew&evelyn 6]

If he is not hiding something why can't he tell you straight whose that woman?

I'm just wondering .

Evelyn

[belovedbyme 0]

Yes. Now the funny thing here was before he left. He taught me how to operate my new phone. He used his phone instructed to call one of the kids. He said ," Call Gracie".But the phone answered.." You want to call Julie"? He answered, "No , call Gracie". I was shocked hearing that name. He didn't tell me who that woman was. Guys, the woman on the credit card and the woman mentioned on his phone were different woman.

[RonMay 1]

Yes. Now the funny thing here was before he left. He taught me how to operate my new phone. He used his phone instructed to call one of the kids. He said ," Call Gracie".But the phone answered.." You want to call Julie"? He answered, "No , call Gracie". I was shocked hearing that name. He didn't tell me who that woman was. Guys, the woman on the credit card and the woman mentioned on his phone were different woman.

is there even a "julie" on his phone directory? i mean sometimes voice recognition sucks... they will tell you the wrong name or guess the the wrong name (especially that sometimes my accent sucks heheh)... though for me the CC is a different story... im a jealous person. i imagine thinks that is not even there... so i honestly dont know what to do in that kind of situation. give him the benefit of the doubt though. im not sure that maybe its because the woman has become good friend of his and that he's helping her etc... but i still believe its best to have the woman remove on his account. for your sake... and tell him maybe you need a CC and that you he has to have you under his account to help build your credit faster... i really hope it will resolve. i know it will when both of you are ready to sit down and have a real talk

God bless

[=FoxyBLUE= 2]

Sorry guys for butting in. I would like to give my own opinion on it. just "MY OWN" opinion.

I'm not really a jealous type of person, why would I? And you should too, HE married you. He put effort to bring you to the states to be with him and his family, that is one reason that you should bear in mind and take consideration of not to doubt him.

Here's the thing, the issue about the JOINT account is really an issue to consider and talked about. and Yes, you are the wife and you have every right to ask!

There is a lot of things to consider when you married someone and live with them. I know how hard it is to adjust. But you have to consider so many things.

I always tell myself, "things that I don't know wont hurt me..." as long as he still supports me and things are still the same. I dont want to give myself headache which is not yet proven.

Just a bit of advise, stop showing your husband that you doubt him, you dont want him to get tired of the same ####### u know.

Just show him you love him so much, so whatever he's doing wrong will surely give him regrets in the end.

...AND put GOD in the center of your relationship..everything will go HIS way..

Edited April 23, 2009 by Mariel_Esteban

[rheanick 42]

My husband started to be so defensive when I asked him about the name of the woman who is attached into his address. I got it in the mail yesterday and while he is on travel he instructed me to open everything. Then here comes an unknown name of a woman. I emailed him asking about it no reply. So when we chatted few hours ago. I kept asking wont answer me immediately.

Now, he started telling me his been question of who he is. Good Lord! I was just asking him who she was and why she was still in his account in the credit card since they parted 5 yrs. ago. I do love him so much but I'm not the type of filipina who hide my feelings and wait for it until it explodes. That's hard you know. I was so candid of my feelings but he thought I doubt him. He gave alibis like did he care about my past. We don't talk about ex ex here. I dont want to play blind and deaf as if everythings okay. Wherein fact I am aching inside? No way! I can't do that. I reiterate to him. I am not a nanny nor a housemaid that I wont care about your mail and names of these people on the mail. As a wife , I have the right to know if you don't want that. Why did you marry? lol He was quiet for a moment then told me he is tired and this and that.

Our chat wasn't good so I feel like I started the fight? I didn't do anything to hurt him. All I did was asking him of what I don't know.

Calm down a little bit. Telling what you feel is highly recommendable. Just wait for him to return and talk to him. Dont be pissed off.

The only advice i could give you is that: If he is angry, keep quiet for awhile. Once he is calmed down then say your piece again. If you both shout at the same time.. if will lead to nowhere.

[chinese_mutt 11]

ask nicely. no shouting. be open minded.

did you know about the ex-gf before or not?

sometimes, we make mountains out of nothing.

it is easier to think that we're being cheated on, yada yada,

but it would be best if you trust your husband to do the right thing.

unless this credit card is eating up all your money because of the girl's purchases,

then it can wait for a few days until he comes back.

personally, as a second wife myself... i see no reason for you to get all pissed and throw accusations.

you knew that you weren't the first in his life, and there may still be some residual issues to be dealt

with about his past relationships... so why are you all suddenly so pissed? Unless, both of you never talked about your marital life arrangements. Which is a bad way to begin a marriage but you can still correct asap.

take a step back, assess if this CC thing is worth all the hassle of this jealousy path that you're about to embark on. If not, simmer down and talk to him about it without getting too emotional.

I say this because after reading your post, I can feel all kinds of jealousy and mistrust vibe from you. And it is not a good way to start the conversation in an accusatory tone.

Good luck!

PS: I agree with Mariel 100%... reread her post.

Edited April 23, 2009 by tngirl21809

[rlogan 2,036]

My husband started to be so defensive when I asked him about the name of the woman who is attached into his address. I got it in the mail yesterday and while he is on travel he instructed me to open everything. Then here comes an unknown name of a woman. I emailed him asking about it no reply. So when we chatted few hours ago. I kept asking wont answer me immediately.

Now, he started telling me his been question of who he is. Good Lord! I was just asking him who she was and why she was still in his account in the credit card since they parted 5 yrs. ago. I do love him so much but I'm not the type of filipina who hide my feelings and wait for it until it explodes. That's hard you know. I was so candid of my feelings but he thought I doubt him. He gave alibis like did he care about my past. We don't talk about ex ex here. I dont want to play blind and deaf as if everythings okay. Wherein fact I am aching inside? No way! I can't do that. I reiterate to him. I am not a nanny nor a housemaid that I wont care about your mail and names of these people on the mail. As a wife , I have the right to know if you don't want that. Why did you marry? lol He was quiet for a moment then told me he is tired and this and that.

Our chat wasn't good so I feel like I started the fight? I didn't do anything to hurt him. All I did was asking him of what I don't know.

Gee, you waited until after you were married? My wife went through my cell phone sim chips, hacked into my email account and read hundreds of emails, my wallet, every scrap of mail, garbage - she was relentless looking for "evidence" as she put it. Right from the beginning of our relationship.

I couldn't care less. No secrets.

I don't see what is wrong with what you did, the way you describle it. Just be sincere and not accusatory in the way you ask. I do not see why he would not answer right away. It is a simple explanation and innocent enough.

I could not get an ex-wife off an account without her permission because we applied for it together. So I had to open up a new account in my own name. He needs to have all other women off his accounts if he is married to you. Duh.

But if he is tired of "this and that", then whatever "this and that" is has compounded this discussion. So it seems to me there are other issues going on.

Come on now hon - what is the rest of the story? This and that?

Many times when we are hurt it comes out as anger. And it is best to make sure that hurt is identified to him as hurt and not anger.

Tell him you love him hon. Over and over.

[sj5 4]

If he didn't trust you, he wouldn't asked you to open his mails. About me, I don't open my husband's mails although he authorized me to do it. And he doesn't open my mails either.

Don't think too much..