Teenager Issues

[Cecile and Bryan 0]

3- You say the boyfriend is in your house 4 nights every week. Do they both spend the 3 other nights at the guy's parents' house? Or the three other nights they are each in their own house? If the latter is the case, why not tell them you would appreciate if he spent a little less time at your house but that you don't have a problem with your stepdaughter spending time at his house?

And this is one of my main gripes. They both work part-time at night, and that's the only time he's not here - when one or the other are working. And I have already posed the "why don't you spend more time at his house" question, and they are always extremely evasive. Why? Because I reckon his parents share my views and are having none of it, that's why. Hence him always being here.

You are right, it does sound like his parents don't want him to do it under their roof. That isn't going to leave you much argument, you can't say "ok for two nights a week, the rest of the time you go to his place". And with your wife on their side I doubt you are going to be able to change anything about it. Sorry... Not sure what to say then.

[sara..... 371]

hmmm how about ..........so u want to play adult games ok rent is due such and such a time, ur part of the electric bill is blah blah blah and ur part of the food billl is and dont forget to purchase laundry soap or any other item that he and she uses, i always thought that if u played the game u should play it completely not just play at it

sara

[justashooter 430]

i'm surprised you didn't know about this before you married.

It was kept from me until I arrived here a couple of weeks ago. What can I say?

it's called "due dilligence", my friend.

too many people on this board getting their asses handed to them because they failed to pursue due dilligence.

one of the big risks of marrying soemone you have not lived in close proximity to for some time is that you might not like the decisions they make when faced with them.

[Peikko 1,575]

The girl is 17 and the boy is how old? Is there statutory rape going on?

Parents need to be parents. Do not allow this to happen.

Oh good grief...

Good grief indeed. Can I just reiterate that I have NO ISSUE with them having sex, OK? I just don't want them doing it under my roof!! Sorry, just how I am. And he's 18, baron555.

Maybe you do not, but it seems as though your wifey does. Your problem is accepting that you are not going to get 100% your way, but she should also not demand it is 100% her way, after all you are meant to be partners . Compromise is key, linked with excellent communication skills Good luck with all of that.

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

it's called "due dilligence", my friend.

too many people on this board getting their asses handed to them because they failed to pursue due dilligence.

one of the big risks of marrying soemone you have not lived in close proximity to for some time is that you might not like the decisions they make when faced with them.

I believe I may be wrong, but Damian lived with his wife previously in the US a few years back. I'm sure his stepdaughter was not having sex in the house at that time, and the issue has only recently arisen.

Edited April 22, 2009 by elmcitymaven

[Peikko 1,575]

i'm surprised you didn't know about this before you married.

It was kept from me until I arrived here a couple of weeks ago. What can I say?

it's called "due dilligence", my friend.

too many people on this board getting their asses handed to them because they failed to pursue due dilligence.

one of the big risks of marrying soemone you have not lived in close proximity to for some time is that you might not like the decisions they make when faced with them.

, I am sure there are many lessons to be learned from the perfect couple.

[Big Papa Zone 93]

I believe I may be wrong, but Damian lived with his wife previously in the US a few years back. I'm sure his stepdaughter was not having sex in the house at that time, and the issue has only recently arisen.

That is absolutely correct, maven. The last time we lived together was between 2004-2006 (when the now 17-year-old was between the ages of 12 and 14) and she was most certainly not having sex in our house. Since then, it has only been week long visits, usually punctuated by 6 month intervals.

Due dilligence, justashooter?

Yeah, right...........

[mr and mrs 187]

ugh. not a fun situation. at least you have the instinct to THINK about a solution to this problem, rather than trying to dictate one.

this is what i think:

1. let her know that you can hear them having sex. that should at least mute things a bit.

2. get that bigger house and set new ground rules for a new family that respect the new dynamic.

3. be careful about setting a precendent for the 10yo.

4. have faith that most kids land on their feet, somehow.

thats my parenting advice. but i dont have any kids!

[Empress of Groovy 373]

i'm surprised you didn't know about this before you married.

It was kept from me until I arrived here a couple of weeks ago. What can I say?

it's called "due dilligence", my friend.

too many people on this board getting their asses handed to them because they failed to pursue due dilligence.

one of the big risks of marrying soemone you have not lived in close proximity to for some time is that you might not like the decisions they make when faced with them.

, I am sure there are many lessons to be learned from the perfect couple.

I was expecting pithy wisdom delivered in the third person and accented with a couple of words from Early Modern English--and maybe a reference to a lesser-known sage. You disappoint, justashooter.

[doodlebugg 10]

Didn't you sort all of this out before you decided to get married? It's a very important topic if the person you're marrying has kids.

I don't think you're being a prude at all but you're in a tough spot due to the fact that your wife is more of a friend than a parent to her kids. Personally in that situation I'd embarass the heck out of them. While they are being loud I'd bang on the bedroom door and loudly ask , "I realize that your mom says it's ok to have sex in the house but could you keep it down?". Then the next morning at breakfast I'd ask, "so how was the sex? how many times did you orgasm? how long does it take?...oh scratch that one I already know since I can hear every single movement you both make."

Each and every time I was around them I'd ask about their sex life. That's just me being a vindictive beatch though. They're putting it out there by doing it next to you so why tip toe around the subject you know?

[almaty 19]

i'm surprised you didn't know about this before you married.

It was kept from me until I arrived here a couple of weeks ago. What can I say?

it's called "due dilligence", my friend.

too many people on this board getting their asses handed to them because they failed to pursue due dilligence.

one of the big risks of marrying soemone you have not lived in close proximity to for some time is that you might not like the decisions they make when faced with them.

, I am sure there are many lessons to be learned from the perfect couple.

I was expecting pithy wisdom delivered in the third person and accented with a couple of words from Early Modern English--and maybe a reference to a lesser-known sage. You disappoint, justashooter.

i agree. with some psychobabble for good measure

[NickD 202]

The girl is 17 and the boy is how old? Is there statutory rape going on?

Parents need to be parents. Do not allow this to happen.

Oh good grief...

Good grief indeed. Can I just reiterate that I have NO ISSUE with them having sex, OK? I just don't want them doing it under my roof!! Sorry, just how I am. And he's 18, baron555.

Four daughters, one adopted, two of my own, and a step, all I can say, is thank God they are all over 18 now. Far more difficult with a step daughter, but we had our frank talks, about happiness in a good relationship, she can see that between her mother and me. And not being a two bit ####### in the process and getting a worldwide bad reputation in the process.

I have my house rules about curfew and things like that, it's my home, and not afraid to talk to my girls suitors, yes, been instances where a 16 year was seeing a 19 year old, not afraid to mention to the guy about statutory rape. But have to walk a fine line as to not upset my daughters either, it's truly a PITA time. But once they hit 18, they are free to do whatever they want and I tell them that, just be quiet coming home at night.

Thought with my strict upbringing, when my step daughter went down to Venezuela last summer that she would stay there, she came back, teenage girls like a father that tolls the line on good proper behavior. Regarding teenage daughters and mothers, cats and dogs get along much better, takes a man to take charge.

[fozzie 41]

Didn't you sort all of this out before you decided to get married? It's a very important topic if the person you're marrying has kids.

I don't think you're being a prude at all but you're in a tough spot due to the fact that your wife is more of a friend than a parent to her kids. Personally in that situation I'd embarass the heck out of them. While they are being loud I'd bang on the bedroom door and loudly ask , "I realize that your mom says it's ok to have sex in the house but could you keep it down?". Then the next morning at breakfast I'd ask, "so how was the sex? how many times did you orgasm? how long does it take?...oh scratch that one I already know since I can hear every single movement you both make."

Each and every time I was around them I'd ask about their sex life. That's just me being a vindictive beatch though. They're putting it out there by doing it next to you so why tip toe around the subject you know?

Letting your kids have sex under your roof does not mean yo are a bad parent or that you want to be your kids bff!!

Besides, it may come accross pervy of the new step dad suddenly starts asking his 17 yr old step daughter about her orgasms over breakfast. I'd avoid that one.

Instead bust through her bedroom door with a baseball bat, claim that you thought the screams were because she was being attacked

[Mary Lou 681]

Didn't you sort all of this out before you decided to get married? It's a very important topic if the person you're marrying has kids.

I don't think you're being a prude at all but you're in a tough spot due to the fact that your wife is more of a friend than a parent to her kids. Personally in that situation I'd embarass the heck out of them. While they are being loud I'd bang on the bedroom door and loudly ask , "I realize that your mom says it's ok to have sex in the house but could you keep it down?". Then the next morning at breakfast I'd ask, "so how was the sex? how many times did you orgasm? how long does it take?...oh scratch that one I already know since I can hear every single movement you both make."

Each and every time I was around them I'd ask about their sex life. That's just me being a vindictive beatch though. They're putting it out there by doing it next to you so why tip toe around the subject you know?

Bridget

[Rob&Dawn 1]

Damian

I don't think you're being a prude at all. I never dreamt of having sex under my parents roof as it was in my own opinion disrespectful.

Knowing that your kids are having sex and having to listen to it are to seperate issues.

As several have already mentioned make it well known to your step-daughter that you can hear them and hopefully she will be shamed enough to either keep the noise down or do it elsewhere.

The fact your wife has been OK with it to happen under her roof means your main course of action will be to get the noise sorted, while your wife doesn't back you and thinks its OK you will just end up being the big bad stepdad if you try and stop it altogether.