Teenager Issues

[minimule 3]

the only issue i see is the noise, i think you should ask the mom to talk to her about the noise, i really don t think it s ur place to talk to her about these kind of things, (if my step dad would talked about sex to me i would tell him to mind his own business). but ask the mom to talk to her about keeping it down,because nobody wants to hear this...as far as you thinking she s gonna stop having sex in the house, dream on....it s not your house only, it s the all family s house, the mom seem pretty ok with it , and the daughter s on pills...therefore i don t see how ur gonna stop it. now i can see why u don t like it, but you can t expect to change everything the way u want it to be ....at least she s home, using protection , and just with one guy, could be far worst...

as of those saying 17 is 2 young, i think it s a pretty normal age , we can t stop kids and teen from growing up and experiencing, we can only guide them .

[TayRivers 4]

It's not her home though. Not in the "who makes the rules" sense. We (let's assume I'm working) pay the bills, we make the rules. End of, simple as. She wants the freedom to do as she pleases, she gets her own place.

Perfectly simple.

[

I am sad to say that it looks like you are the one with the problem here. It is Her home and you should be proud of the fact that she feels happy to share her young adult life with you. So many teens hide away and get into situations they cant get out of.

I fear that with your attatude of "I pay the bills so I lay down the Law" is going to cause you major issues in the future. You say "if she wats her freedom she has to get her own place" so you will be happy when you have driven her away from her home and her family just because you cant cope with the fact she is doing adult things. Her mother will end up being caught in the middle of all this and you will have bigger problems than you do now.

If you have managed to get this far in your life without having lived somewhere that has thin walls and have had to hear others having sex then you are very lucky. It is sad that you seem to think that sex and the noise of pleasure should be hidden away where others cant hear anything.

You want respect from her then show her the respect she deserves as a young adult. It is a two way street when you have teenage kids, it all comes down to give and take.

[Amby 490]

I do understand your point, but I also think you really don't have a say in that. But you can ask them to keep it down, I think that is absolutely ok.

I think it's pretty normal for a 17 year old girl to have sex. And luckily she has a bf and not a new guy every week.

Hang in there, she'll eventually go to college at some point.

eta: I was allowed to bring boys home and they stayed overnight. And I turned out fine.

I agree with her on this. I was the same way and don't really see a problem with it. At least they feel comfortable enough to do it there instead of some other place.

[Big Papa Zone 93]

You want respect from her then show her the respect she deserves as a young adult.

When SHE's paying for the roof over MY head, she'll get respect in spades, TayRivers. In the meantime, it's my way or the highway.

Oh btw, do you actually have kids?

Edited April 22, 2009 by Damian P

[Emancipation 2]

But is part of your issue your wife's response to all this as being dismissive of your feelings and not really valuing your input?

I re-read what you were saying and it seems like you don't feel because you are not financially contributing right now your opinion is not being valued or holding much weight?

[LoriLawless 0]

You want respect from her then show her the respect she deserves as a young adult.

When SHE's paying for the roof over MY head, she'll get respect in spades, TayRivers. In the meantime, it's my way or the highway.

Oh btw, do you actually have kids?

Wow. Considering your situation...I'm not even going to say it.

[Amby 490]

Hey Damian I was just thinking about this some more and I don't think you should even listen to me at all since I don't have kids. My opinion doesn't count on this matter

[Peikko 1,575]

too many parents these days believe they can be friends with their teenage kids, u cant, and if ur kids like u all the time, then ur not doing ur job as the parent

sara

I wholeheartedly agree, and we have argued about this a lot. The mom is too busy trying to be the teen's best buddy. Her argument is that most teens don't want to be anywhere near there parents, but this teen loves hanging with her mother, and her mother thinks that's great. Whatever...

Being serious, the two of you need professional help. This situation will devour the relationship if you are not careful. I know you want it to succeed, so it should not be beyond reasonable to get the help that you need and to believe that as soon as you start paying you will be able to 'impose' your rules is naive. Not trying to be rude, just would prefer to see you get a proper resolution than a mess

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Amby, not having kids does not prevent you or me from having an opinion. If anyone tells you otherwise follow my advise and tell them to ** themselves. Now, back to topic.

I concur with Damian in the "my house, my rules" --- don't like it? Move out. What can I say? This whole "it is ok for teenagers to have sex and they can totally do it in my house" discourse just does not cut it for me. Good thing is: I indeed do not have children so I don't have to deal with this #######.

Oh! Also agree that being a parent has been confused with being a buddy/BFF. Wrong. You can have as healthy relationship with a child; but your responsibility is to parent, not to be best friends.

Peace out.

Edited April 22, 2009 by *Len*

[Peikko 1,575]

You can't have two parents with two different opinions on it though Len. The one thing you must have is concurrence of parental view if this is a 'parenting' issue. If it's just a matter of manners well, they do whatever they like really.

*edited to add, not you. They*

Edited April 22, 2009 by Madame Cleo

[Amby 490]

Amby, not having kids does not prevent you or me from having an opinion. If anyone tells you otherwise follow my advise and tell them to ** themselves. Now, back to topic.

I concur with Damian in the "my house, my rules" --- don't like it? Move out. What can I say? This whole "it is ok for teenagers to have sex and they can totally do it in my house" discourse just does not cut it for me. Good thing is: I indeed do not have children so I don't have to deal with this #######.

Oh! Also agree that being a parent has been confused with being a buddy/BFF. Wrong. You can have as healthy relationship with a child; but your responsibility is to parent, not to be best friends.

Peace out.

I don't have kids so I don't know how I'd react in that situation. I don't know if I'd feel it was ok or right. That's what I meant by my opinion doesn't count.

[justashooter 430]

Sound proof the rooms some how. If that's not possible, buy some earplugs.

sound proof the young guy's #### with your size 10.

if that's not viable, you can move out.

if that's not viable, write him off on the taxes.

seriously, this permissiveness is common in single mothers. they just can't tell their children "no", often enough. i tossed a couple of women for allowing their kids too much sway. i'm surprised you didn't know about this before you married.

[Peikko 1,575]

The first part of the thread made it sound as though it was a parenting issue - but then we get this whole bit about having sex in a friend's house being 'bad manners' so I am totally confused. If it's about manners, do you guys get to have loud sex with the girls listening in? Or is it just the daughter having loud sex that is bad manners?

[Emancipation 2]

i tossed a couple of women for allowing their kids too much sway.

[Peikko 1,575]

He has such a way with words