Teenager Issues

[Ladylethal 12]

Well, I'll finally jump in here to say that maybe it's because of how I was raised, but at my house I could not simply go and lock myself up with my boyfriend in my room.

My mom was never a prude in the sense of forbidding me to have sex, but she was definitely against me doing it while she's passing by outside the door. I actually agree with her. It's not simply a matter of respect, but mostly of a parental embarrassment, sort of? I mean, must be really uncomfortable for your teenage daughter to say "excuse me" and walk off into her bedroom with her boyfriend and then you hearing moaning? I wouldn't like it at all. And it's not about doing it elsewhere 'cus I know it's safer to know where and with whom they're doing it with, but I'm a believer of a time and place for everything. Do it when I'm not around, do it when I can't hear you.

My house was really big and we had tons of privacy we could never hear each other in our rooms but I still felt uncomfortable to start anything with my boyfriend with my parents home. My brother did, but then again he's a guy and guys couldn't care less what their mom's thinking. My boyfriend during those teen years were my brother's best friend and he actually did stay over a lot. He practically lived there on weekends, but we both respected my parents wishes and mom could go to bed and leave us up and around the house till the wee hours of the morning and never spied on us, and still he'd sleep in my brother's room or the guest room and me in mine.

Either way, my mom never imposed any curfews on me or was bothered that I traveled away for the weekend with my boyfriend (after 18, before she'd let me get away with his parents) or stayed up at night to see what time I arrived home. I'd like to have the same relationship with my kids when I have them, 'cus my mom was both a mother and friend to me, I feel that she taught me well and I was a super responsible teenager, as well as respectful and free, and not being allowed to have sex next door to my parents never made her less of a friend to me, she remains my best friend.

[Nasturtium 500]

ITA with Len.

I must have missed where someone else suggested this.. call his parents and tell them what is happening and say that you do understand he's 18, but that you think they should talk to him about keeping things quiet. Chances are, his parents don't want him doing that, and that is why they are evasive at the question of going over there.

I am not sure why people don't see this as a question of respect... The daughter is not the owner of the home, nor should she be in authority over Damian. Damian married her mother, and if they wish to have any kind of united family at all, he should be put into a position of respect. Otherwise, he's just like some random guy, not even a stepfather.

Also, now I know who never to invite over to stay in my guest bed.

[ailyn 0]

Your wife teases and laughs at you now...hmm trust me she aint gonna laugh and tease if her teenage daughter gets pregnant. And by the way, that is just sooo Irresponsible of her as a mother to allow her daughter to do that. She needs this and wake up!

[William33 110]

Sad situation indeed. Given the climate among teenagers today, most old folks would flat line.......

Personally, I would have the chat about activities in the house, and leave it at that. It will happen, the venue is optional.

[Scott & Lai 12]

I take it a lot of people here didn't have sex when they were in High School? That's a lot of pent up frustration.

I knew lots of happy people who weren't having sex in high school. Including me!!

I concur sister Parivar. Neither did I , and was quite the unfrustrated teenager.

Same here, all my frustration ended up on the pages of Playboy.

So are some parents here ok with their teenager masturbating in the house or is that outlawed too?

I'm another who didn't have sex in high school; in fact, I was 36 the first time...ok, by that time the frustration levels were quite high

I guess I was raised differently. If we had kids, I certainly wouldn't want them having sex before marriage, regardless of the location. As for masturbation, otoh, I don't have a problem with that at all, just don't do it in front of others...

[joelunchbox 0]

Actually, this is not about having sex in your house.

This is about you and your wife communicating with each other and coming to some sort of aggreement.

Communication is the red flag here. What the daughter is doing is secondary.

[Krikit 1,164]

Sorry, but I just had to laugh at that.

[mawilson 2,133]

eta: I was allowed to bring boys home and they stayed overnight. And I turned out fine.

Nah you didn't

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Offensive posts and posts quoting offensive post removed.

Edited April 25, 2009 by Kathryn41

[Amby 490]

have you been able to work things out?

[Big Papa Zone 93]

have you been able to work things out?

It's a work in progress. Suffice to say we're trying. And I missed the "offensive remarks" Katherine mentions by only a few minutes - bummer.

[reeses16 8]

Wow, I didn't read through all the posts. I gotta say I'm not a prude....but no way. #######? Aren't this guys parents concerned about him staying the night at a girls house?...Apparently not. Have you told them you can hear them having sex...maybe that will embarrass them to at very least be more quiet.

Also, I hope that your wife will be more respectful of your position and stop allowing him to spend the night at your house. You should talk to her (again!). Just because you are a step-father or its not your house does not mean that you should take a back seat. You are genuinely concerned about the consequences of your step-daughters actions. Besides disrespect, possible pregnancy, she is setting a bad example for your 10 year old. I hope you can all discuss it as a family + boyfriend. Make sure the boyfriend is there, it will embarrass him and if he spending all this time at your house (sleeping with your daughter, eating your food) he should get a lecture too. Then you know that BOTH of them are clear on what is acceptable and what is not, and what the consequences will be.

Best of luck! I know its a difficult situation.

Edited April 26, 2009 by reeses16

[John and Camie 39]

Ah damn, I guess I won't understand, I was raised by pot smoking hippie parents.

So was I, but hell no to this. I'm no angel myself, but I at least waited until I was out of the house and paying my own bills. Damian, you have my sympathy ... what a mess.

[NickD 202]

Viewing sex from strictly a financial point of view, most expensive sex I ever had was from my previous marriage, paid through the nose for those few times. Call me hard headed or whatever, I would be damned if I would let some guy to come over to my home and get free sex with my daughter while I am still supporting her. If he wants it, fine with me, but he first as to be able to support her, can buy a house or rent an apartment, buy her a car, give her health insurance, spending money, food, clothes, pay for her education and free me of all those expenses. Then he can go to town, but not at my expense.

[rebeccajo 14]

At least when they are at your house, you know where they are and that they are safe.

I'd ask them to knock off the noise.

Other than that .......meh.