Teenager Issues

[Big Papa Zone 93]

OK, here's the situation:

We live in a small town, "we" being me, 'er indoors, and the two girls, aged 10 & 17. Obviously with the whole visa journey thing, I've been off the scene for a bit, and some things have changed in regard to the kids' lives (hardly surprising - they're that bit older).

Whilst I expected this, and accept it to a degree, there is one thing I am far from happy about: the teenager's boyfriend practically lives with her. Seriously, he's here at least 4-times-a-week, and he stays over (with her, in her bed) during that time. We only live in a small house (with pretty thin walls) and I can sometimes hear them having sex. I find this totally unacceptable, and have told her mother as much. Her response? She laughs at me. Not in a nasty way you understand, but a playful, mocking sort of way, as if to say "awww bless, ain't you sweet" which just irritates me even more.

I'm not stupid or naive; I know teenagers have sex. I just don't want them doing it under my roof. But therein lies the problem: it's not my roof. It's 'er indoors' roof. And it's 'er indoors' wages that keep us right now. Add the fact that I'm a step-father, and not a biological one (when you marry a woman with kids, you accept that she will hold greater sway of what happens to them than you will) and it puts me in a pretty hopeless position.

So what say you? Am I being "old fashioned" or do I have a point?

[sara..... 371]

you have a point, tell me if this underage girl gets pregnant who pays for her and the baby to survive u or the boyfriend?

sara

[_Simpson_ 250]

I think you have a very valid point. No way my daughter would be doing that under my roof.

[almaty 19]

if this underage girl gets pregnant

then the boyfriend moves in/////

you have a point, but the mother reinforces the behavior.....and in the end, nothing will change

[Krikit 1,164]

Wow. There is no way that would happen in my house. Nope. Not a chance in hell.

[Caladan 19]

Man, that's a tough position. You've been in the country less than a month, which means it's going to be hard for the stepdaughter to accept you as an authority figure, especially if your wife doesn't agree. Have you tried talking to both of them at once?

[Ms. Squirrel 11]

I do understand your point, but I also think you really don't have a say in that. But you can ask them to keep it down, I think that is absolutely ok.

I think it's pretty normal for a 17 year old girl to have sex. And luckily she has a bf and not a new guy every week.

Hang in there, she'll eventually go to college at some point.

eta: I was allowed to bring boys home and they stayed overnight. And I turned out fine.

Edited April 22, 2009 by Ms. Squirrel

[sara..... 371]

if this underage girl gets pregnant

then the boyfriend moves in/////

you have a point, but the mother reinforces the behavior.....and in the end, nothing will change

well im ignoring the moral issues of this cuz im a prude!!!!!!!!!! but.......there really should be some very long talks between the man and the wife on this issue, step parent or not he is still the man of the home and should have the ability to refuse this type of behavior in this home.

to many parents these days believe they can be friends with their teenage kids, u cant, and if ur kids like u all the time, then ur not doing ur job as the parent

sara

[Sprailenes 47]

You have a point. But it seems the mother is the one who is calling the shots, its hard being a step parent I imagine. Sometimes my husband calls me a push over with my son, who is only 10 (and just for the record he won't be having sex until he's 40) but it's difficult to learn to parent with another person again.

Perhaps you can talk to her about this, sit down and have a straightforward talk with her, and maybe you can both come to a compromise. I don't know what kind of compromise but you need to come to one in this case.

Is your stepdaughter on birth control? Has her mother talked with her about sex?

You could make things twice as awkward and just fake loud sex when you hear them doing it... that'll be a mood killer and I am sure they will stop.

Edited April 22, 2009 by Sprailenes

[Big Papa Zone 93]

you have a point, tell me if this underage girl gets pregnant who pays for her and the baby to survive u or the boyfriend?

sara

Well, she's on birth control, so hopefully that's never going to be an issue. Hopefully.

[Sprailenes 47]

What kind of birth control? I always find it funny when you give a teen pills because half the time they can't even remember to do their homework or clean their room let alone take a pill at the exact same time every day.

[Big Papa Zone 93]

Have you tried talking to both of them at once?

That is happening when I get a job, and we move to a bigger house. Believe me, there will be rules set down then and no mistake.

[sara..... 371]

What kind of birth control? I always find it funny when you give a teen pills because half the time they can't even remember to do their homework or clean their room let alone take a pill at the exact same time every day.

lol and lets not forget that fact that they dont always work according to my mom lol she has three bio birth control kids...she swears they all had the pills in their hand going making faces at her when they were born

sara

Edited April 22, 2009 by estadia

[Big Papa Zone 93]

Hang in there, she'll eventually go to college at some point.

I know - and he'll be going to the same one!

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Sound proof the rooms some how. If that's not possible, buy some earplugs.