is good to marry within the first time we meet?

[Donna A 4]

Thank you! Thank you! It's bullshite. Yeah my husband saved up $1000 and sent it for his sister's wedding. $1000 or over $5000LE. Saving and skimping but hey it was him saving it. I wasn't about to contribute after the pathetic excuse for a "wedding" I got. They had cake and soda for our wedding and not a damn person brought gift the first. His sister was engaged since the beginning of time because no one had money then all of a sudden she had to have an off the chain wedding and of course all that gold? I thought you ppl didn't have money. You didn't have money when used goods over here showed up but when the old maid virgin daughter needed to get married all the money rolled in. Nice.

aww i know how u feel. my husbands ex got a $10,000 dowry and big wedding plus about 7k in gold....i got nothing compared to that. i used to think it was a slap in the face but i knew my husband learned his lesson about paying for a virgin doesnt mean he was going to get a good wife.

there is also the other thing....just think, a divorsed woman over there is damage merchendise and no one will want her, but they will still marry an american divorsed woman. whats the deal with that? so we win in that case.

at least we are still good enough after being divorsed with kids but their woman are not good enough anymore.

Edited April 23, 2009 by Donna A

[ya falaha! 0]

You know that's a good way to look at it, Donna. Thank you. And you're right, paying big bucks for a virgin doesn't guarantee anything.

Thank you! Thank you! It's bullshite. Yeah my husband saved up $1000 and sent it for his sister's wedding. $1000 or over $5000LE. Saving and skimping but hey it was him saving it. I wasn't about to contribute after the pathetic excuse for a "wedding" I got. They had cake and soda for our wedding and not a damn person brought gift the first. His sister was engaged since the beginning of time because no one had money then all of a sudden she had to have an off the chain wedding and of course all that gold? I thought you ppl didn't have money. You didn't have money when used goods over here showed up but when the old maid virgin daughter needed to get married all the money rolled in. Nice.

aww i know how u feel. my husbands ex got a $10,000 dowry and big wedding plus about 7k in gold....i got nothing compared to that. i used to think it was a slap in the face but i knew my husband learned his lesson about paying for a virgin doesnt mean he was going to get a good wife.

there is also the other thing....just think, a divorsed woman over there is damage merchendise and no one will want her, but they will still marry an american divorsed woman. whats the deal with that? so we win in that case.

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

Ok.. Waleed and I talked for two years before deciding to get marry. We hadn't met and we were engaged for another nine months before we finally met and married two days after my arrival. We tried to plan a wedding but neither of us had money. His Dad wasn't supportive because he wanted Waleed to marry a cousin even though his Mom said he could marry who he wanted. I had to work two full-time jobs to save the money to go to Egypt in the first place. It was exhausting and made me really sick and it took several months for me to recover from it. I was sick from October till March and the entire time I was in Egypt from it still.

So two years and nine months later we married two days after my arrival. I wanted to get married on New Year's Eve but it was EID and the government offices were closed and Waleed wanted a "legal-civil-marriage" not an orfi and we were staying in a rented flat together un-married so we got married. We were going to do it anyways and we wanted to make sure it was ok for us to be together.

I got nothing for a wedding. Nada..zip..zero..ziltch.... Nothing from my family. Nothing from his family. Nothing from our friends. Even though we were engaged for nine months. Like Astarte says people may not have considered it real because we hadn't met but it was very much real for us after that long amount of time. I've now known most of you through the computer and chatting online for over two years and I consider you my very real friends and have even met some of you in person.

The only thing I guess I did get was a trip to Vegas with my Mom and Best Friend who was the only friend out of all the friends I invited that could come. It was more like a short vacation to see the sites and celebrate Olivia's last single hooray. Oh and Mom and one other friend got me some cheap lingera and a few (very few as I can count it on one hand) friends gave me cards and my office made a small announcement and had a small combined party for me and two other women who had already got married at the same time. That was it.

We got married in a smoke filled office, in my dirty clothes because the airlines lost my luggage for two weeks out of the three I was there. People were coming and going in the office slamming file cabinets. There was nothing glamorous about it at all.

After I got back from Egypt I went literally the next morning on a bus to my new University 8 hours away and sleep deprived. I started school and haven't been back to Egypt for 2.5 years. Mostly because I'm a college student and can't afford to spend thousands of dollars to make trips to Egypt. Then a year after marriage the Egyptian Military took him for 16 months. It wasn't worth it for me to spend thousands of dollars again to stay a week for a vacation he was not guaranteed from the military. We stuck it out though and it's been nearly 5 years knowing each other and much of it painful being apart like this. It takes a considerable toll on the relationship.

He is being released from the military within a week. Now that it will be behind us we will see what we can do about resurrecting and dusting off those petitions for the visas. I will be flying to see him in 25 days. We'll see how it goes.

Just wanted to let you all know AUC fell through for me today. Their catalog was in error and a class I need is no longer offered there so I have to come back to the U of I for my last semester. I'm still walking in commencement this May though. I've got my cap and gown and tassel, and my announcements, and plane tickets are bought for my Mom and Brother that are coming and we're all flying back to Boise together after commencement.

This is how life goes for me and I make adjustments along the way. Waleed and I are still in negotiations about what to do. I am still coming for the summer but he wants me to stay longer as he doesn't want to be apart anymore. He wants to come back with me as I do want him to as well. However, I need to finish my degree and I need him to be supportive of that even if I can't attend AUC this fall. We will just have to see what happens with the visas.

Edited April 23, 2009 by Far2Long

[ya falaha! 0]

I'm sorry about AUC, Olivia. I know you were so looking forward to that.

[Y's_habibitk 2]

Also, forgot to add:

It is totally unfair to treat the children differently in terms of weddings (and other things).

I totally agree, but I was thinking along the lines of our wedding traditions here...

The brides parents/family usually pay for the wedding. ya know?

[ya falaha! 0]

This is kinda true, Lisa, but when I was told in no uncertain terms that I was jilted out of a wedding because well you weren't a virgin and my sister was and it would be a shame on my family if we had a large party because of this but I don't love you any less...

That's pretty damn clear, don't you think?

ETA.. I wonder if that kind of shet would fly if someone tried to marry my divorced SIL?

Sorry to keep talking about this but I'm in a bitchy mood.

Edited April 23, 2009 by Astarte

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Moody

[It's me 1]

is it normal within your culture for a 23 year old man to marry a woman who is 11 years older?

you could wind up married and denied, if you don't spend a lot of time together. some CO will look at your situation as green card motivated. i understand that the green card is part of the motivation for you, and accept that, but a CO will not.

I'm 21 years older than my hubby, who was in his 20's when we met. "normal" or not, he got his visa the day after his interview at a high fraud consulate. Age doesn't seem to be an inhibitor for most of the OW/YM MENA couples. There are many of us here who were successful.

Thanks for the positive feedback!

[Staashi 371]

This is kinda true, Lisa, but when I was told in no uncertain terms that I was jilted out of a wedding because well you weren't a virgin and my sister was and it would be a shame on my family if we had a large party because of this but I don't love you any less...

That's pretty damn clear, don't you think?

ETA.. I wonder if that kind of shet would fly if someone tried to marry my divorced SIL?

Sorry to keep talking about this but I'm in a bitchy mood.

((((((((((Moody))))))))))) I'm in a bitchy mood too...just not in the mood to b!tch.

Edited April 24, 2009 by Staashi

[Y's_habibitk 2]

This is kinda true, Lisa, but when I was told in no uncertain terms that I was jilted out of a wedding because well you weren't a virgin and my sister was and it would be a shame on my family if we had a large party because of this but I don't love you any less...

That's pretty damn clear, don't you think?

ETA.. I wonder if that kind of shet would fly if someone tried to marry my divorced SIL?

Sorry to keep talking about this but I'm in a bitchy mood.

WOW!

that is just fvcked.

I was trying to find another explaination so maybe it wouldnt be so hurtful, but there's no way around that one for you

Edited April 24, 2009 by Y's_habibitk

[sara535 15]

This is kinda true, Lisa, but when I was told in no uncertain terms that I was jilted out of a wedding because well you weren't a virgin and my sister was and it would be a shame on my family if we had a large party because of this but I don't love you any less...

That's pretty damn clear, don't you think?

ETA.. I wonder if that kind of shet would fly if someone tried to marry my divorced SIL?

Sorry to keep talking about this but I'm in a bitchy mood.

well, what sucks a lot about this is that your husband should have the decency and caring to have maybe put a little different spin on it instead of lay it out there in such hurtful terms.

vent away....

(((Moody)))

[Y's_habibitk 2]

This is kinda true, Lisa, but when I was told in no uncertain terms that I was jilted out of a wedding because well you weren't a virgin and my sister was and it would be a shame on my family if we had a large party because of this but I don't love you any less...

That's pretty damn clear, don't you think?

ETA.. I wonder if that kind of shet would fly if someone tried to marry my divorced SIL?

Sorry to keep talking about this but I'm in a bitchy mood.

well, what sucks a lot about this is that your husband should have the decency and caring to have maybe put a little different spin on it instead of lay it out there in such hurtful terms.

vent away....

(((Moody)))

I agree.

Moody,

Honestly, the more I think about it the more I think that is on your husband, not your in laws. It's not "shameful" for them to have a big party for a foreign divorcee', its just not the norm. I dont know, it just sucks either way for you and Im sure hurt and still hurts. Sorry that happened and more sorry that he said it that way. I mean that.

[nunyab 0]

It's been a while since I have been on the boards... but through the year + i've been here i've seen little rhyme or reason why some casses that look genuine are denide those that look like greencard users are not.. i've seen k1 visas that take more than a cr1 and k3's that go faster than k1 we did cr1 and was 8 months... albeit it wasn't my first visit and we did talk for quite a long time prior to me going over for our engagement party than came back to marry. We were also of the same faith so I am sure that helped as well.

There will be some things that maybe red flags and just be ready to address those and know that they may ask you those during your interview.

Never used a lawyer only went through VJ whoooooooooT!!

[Ihavequestions 419]

I have a car, I don't need someone to buy me one. I didn't need a big wedding but don't use the excuse "there's no money" and a year later throw a huge wedding for your daughter but your son and his used up wife get next to nothing. And I don't need a party a few years after the fact. That's garbage. Either do it when the person gets married or forget about it. I hate when ppl pull that shitt. Consolation prizes like that are a slap in the face.

Bazubt!

And whoever said divorced local girls are worthless, well, I gotta tell ya, they still get married, too. They sure do. I can't speak for the rest of the world, but here, in Egypt, statistically there's a divorce every six minutes (that's more than 87,000 a year - in a country of 80 million people), 30% of 1st marriages don't last two years, and 70% of marriages to 2nd wives end in divorce within five years. That makes a whole lot of divorced women, yes? Do they remain "divorced" and stigmatized for the rest of their lives? Of course not. They get married again.

So is marrying a divorced woman a shame to the family? No. It's a shame to HIM and he's not about to show that off in public. That much I get, and I get it loud and clear. Every single day.

Look, men are men all over the world. They either have ba!!s or they don't. I've come to the conclusion mine doesn't and, honestly, I'm really just about finished with the whole shooting match.

[CnT4ever 1]

I have a car, I don't need someone to buy me one. I didn't need a big wedding but don't use the excuse "there's no money" and a year later throw a huge wedding for your daughter but your son and his used up wife get next to nothing. And I don't need a party a few years after the fact. That's garbage. Either do it when the person gets married or forget about it. I hate when ppl pull that shitt. Consolation prizes like that are a slap in the face.

Bazubt!

And whoever said divorced local girls are worthless, well, I gotta tell ya, they still get married, too. They sure do. I can't speak for the rest of the world, but here, in Egypt, statistically there's a divorce every six minutes (that's more than 87,000 a year - in a country of 80 million people), 30% of 1st marriages don't last two years, and 70% of marriages to 2nd wives end in divorce within five years. That makes a whole lot of divorced women, yes? Do they remain "divorced" and stigmatized for the rest of their lives? Of course not. They get married again.

So is marrying a divorced woman a shame to the family? No. It's a shame to HIM and he's not about to show that off in public. That much I get, and I get it loud and clear. Every single day.

Look, men are men all over the world. They either have ba!!s or they don't. I've come to the conclusion mine doesn't and, honestly, I'm really just about finished with the whole shooting match.

This is true. I don't think they are looked down upon for being divorced. I think what is frowned upon is having sex outside of marriage. Divorce is sometimes a necessity, and it's allowed in the Muslim faith. So why would anyone frown upon that? Anyone can demand a big wedding and dowry if they want it. Divorced or not. That's between the husband and wife before they get married...not something to get angry about afterwards (well, because it's too late).