How do you deal with ignorance and prejudice??

[nurse1967 287]

Well I guess I just want to be able to throw this out to people who have walked in my shoes. How do you deal with prejudice towards your SO? My husband is Egyptian AND Muslim and I am really tired of the comments about it. Today, my father, who I have little to do with, called my house while my mom was babysitting the kids (my parents have been divorced forever). He tells my mom that they should be proud because one of their daughters is married to a black man (he doesn't use those words though) and his other daughter is married to an Arab. Then he proceeds to go on about how I am an educated woman and should know better blah blah blah. Oh and to top it off, my husband might be a terrorist for all I know Well of course my mom couldn't wait to call and tell me what he had said (I am working today). My mom is somewhat skeptical about the relationship mainly because we met online and because we had never met in person before we got married. However, she keeps her opinions to her self for the most part. This stuff makes me sooooo mad. How do I deal with this type of thing????

[Beth/ Paris Heart 2]

Well I guess I just want to be able to throw this out to people who have walked in my shoes. How do you deal with prejudice towards your SO? My husband is Egyptian AND Muslim and I am really tired of the comments about it. Today, my father, who I have little to do with, called my house while my mom was babysitting the kids (my parents have been divorced forever). He tells my mom that they should be proud because one of their daughters is married to a black man (he doesn't use those words though) and his other daughter is married to an Arab. Then he proceeds to go on about how I am an educated woman and should know better blah blah blah. Oh and to top it off, my husband might be a terrorist for all I know Well of course my mom couldn't wait to call and tell me what he had said (I am working today). My mom is somewhat skeptical about the relationship mainly because we met online and because we had never met in person before we got married. However, she keeps her opinions to her self for the most part. This stuff makes me sooooo mad. How do I deal with this type of thing????

I usually think of them a nosy, little bigots who hate their owns lifes, so they pick on others to make themselves feel better about their pathic, loser of a life. I pull no punches with these type of people. Once I told a person, So you think he might be a terrorist? Hum, okay, Ill keep it in mind and walked off. That really ruffled his feathers.

They all think terrorists are from foreign countries, how soon they forget about Oklahoma City and the American born domestic terrorist that did that to Oklahoma City.. Ignore them Betsy, they are not worth your time or thoughts.

Edited April 18, 2009 by Paris Heart

[nurse1967 287]

Girl, it is so hard. I don't understand why people can't be happy for us. He truly makes me happy. I just want to live my life and be left alone. Why do people always have to rain on our parade? And you know, deep down even though I don't want to care it hurts.

[No-Where-Man 147]

Girl, it is so hard. I don't understand why people can't be happy for us. He truly makes me happy. I just want to live my life and be left alone. Why do people always have to rain on our parade? And you know, deep down even though I don't want to care it hurts.

dont ever expect u will meet everyone to be in agreement with u

his opinion is up to him to keep ..and if he released it just ignore it as long as u trust ur choice and ur man

relax .

[Beth/ Paris Heart 2]

Girl, it is so hard. I don't understand why people can't be happy for us. He truly makes me happy. I just want to live my life and be left alone. Why do people always have to rain on our parade? And you know, deep down even though I don't want to care it hurts.

Like I said Baby Girl, its their entertainment, they are usually loud mouth, pathic LOSERS. who never had a true relationship.

Raining on others parades make them feel BIGGER. In reality, they are very small minded people.

I know it hurts, and I have no cure for you, but your TRUE friends and family will always be there for you.

Be happy Dearheart, it is your life, not theirs.

[Arthur Roberta 1]

Your parents lived in a different world and have difficulty embracing what has become a more accessible world where people are able to meet and love people from different walks of life with an open mind. You have met and fell in love with a muslim gentleman, does this make him any less of a man? No you are blessed in that you are able to meet someone from a different culture and upbringing and despite these differences been able to love him for the man he is.

You are sensitive to this criticism as it comes from your parents and that is only natural, but forgive them for their ignorance. You have shown yourself to be a woman willing to embrace this new world and as such are entitled to your personal happiness the same as everyone else.

Best wishes to you and your husband, may you be very happy.

Arthur and Roberta

[nurse1967 287]

Your parents lived in a different world and have difficulty embracing what has become a more accessible world where people are able to meet and love people from different walks of life with an open mind. You have met and fell in love with a muslim gentleman, does this make him any less of a man? No you are blessed in that you are able to meet someone from a different culture and upbringing and despite these differences been able to love him for the man he is.

You are sensitive to this criticism as it comes from your parents and that is only natural, but forgive them for their ignorance. You have shown yourself to be a woman willing to embrace this new world and as such are entitled to your personal happiness the same as everyone else.

Best wishes to you and your husband, may you be very happy.

Arthur and Roberta

Thank you so much!! Your words of kindness mean more than you know!

[Bobby+Umit 161]

Ignore it.

You live (love) with your Husband, no one else. That is all you have to focus on.

You will find, when you don't feed into the hater's hate - they dry up.

[simsim 0]

just easy there and take it as sense of humor ... if ur mom and dad say so .. just say ..oh woow watch out he gonna bombing both of you and fall in laugh .. as long as u feel good for this realation ... ignore other poeple openion ... just calm there is better way to deal with it .

[reeses16 8]

For the most part I agree, try to ignore it. Ask your mom not to carry these negative comments back to you. If your dad or anyone else says something to you directly. Tell him plainly that you don't agree with what he is saying, its hurtful, and you expect him not to repeat those remarks in front of you again, your children, or your hubby when he gets to the US.

There were lots of assumptions and ignorance around my hubby. I'll never know why but lots of people thought because he was foreign that he must be Muslim and somehow that was a bad thing....but anyway. At first I would try to explain and correct people. And finally I got tired and smarter. I only bothered to correct them if I felt they were being malicious or disrespectful. Eventually, once he got here and we were married ,everyone got to know him and everything couldn't have worked out better.

So the above is my recommendation for dealing with family and friends. I also recommend that you not share these comments with your hubby. What will it do, but upset him and have him starting dividing your family up into who is "ok" and who isn't....I don't know him, but I doubt your dad would say something to his face. But there is also prejudice and ignorance in society. I don't know what its like in Egypt, but I assume your hubby is probably in the majority. In Ethiopia Black people are the majority so my hubby had never experienced racism, which is very different from what he has experienced here in the US. It may be helpful to discuss prejudice and xenophobia with your hubby or at least have it in your mind to discuss it openly when it arises.

Edited April 19, 2009 by reeses16

[Sylvia_n_Joseph 3]

The generations have changed a lot. In my mothers time there was regulated separation of races. To some of them "good" people didn't disobey the rules. Even when I was young people where careful about publicly showing affection for someone else. Things have changed. But maybe not enough yet. With Joseph being from Nigeria I get my share of warnings and comments. To compound the problem when I try to explain about him taking his fathers throne people are sure I am daft and up to my ears in a scammer. My next older sister used to cut out every negative article on the country and send them to me. But with time those that are close to me got over their fears and support me. Those who didn't became less and less friends and more like strangers. I have been lucky that my sisters and children accept him. It has been 4 years since we met. Change takes time.

[hk68 0]

this is a serious matter as it is not just only a matter of 2 people's Opinion. unfortunately it is a wide spread disease,

your parents' opinion is but a sample, because that exactly what every one around you will think unfortunately, but you still can get over it, it is a real challenge to you and to your husband, hope he will stand his ground and never let what others think about him be an obstacle before your live and marriage, you have to deal wisely with this, your husband also must be aware, and smart , it falls on him to prove differently than what others think and refute their false assumption

Sincerely

[It's me 1]

Well I guess I just want to be able to throw this out to people who have walked in my shoes. How do you deal with prejudice towards your SO? My husband is Egyptian AND Muslim and I am really tired of the comments about it. Today, my father, who I have little to do with, called my house while my mom was babysitting the kids (my parents have been divorced forever). He tells my mom that they should be proud because one of their daughters is married to a black man (he doesn't use those words though) and his other daughter is married to an Arab. Then he proceeds to go on about how I am an educated woman and should know better blah blah blah. Oh and to top it off, my husband might be a terrorist for all I know Well of course my mom couldn't wait to call and tell me what he had said (I am working today). My mom is somewhat skeptical about the relationship mainly because we met online and because we had never met in person before we got married. However, she keeps her opinions to her self for the most part. This stuff makes me sooooo mad. How do I deal with this type of thing????

I usually think of them a nosy, little bigots who hate their owns lifes, so they pick on others to make themselves feel better about their pathic, loser of a life. I pull no punches with these type of people. Once I told a person, So you think he might be a terrorist? Hum, okay, Ill keep it in mind and walked off. That really ruffled his feathers.

They all think terrorists are from foreign countries, how soon they forget about Oklahoma City and the American born domestic terrorist that did that to Oklahoma City.. Ignore them Betsy, they are not worth your time or thoughts.

Amen Paris Heart!!! I agree with you 100% Love has no color. Why cant people understand that God made us ALL (even the bigots)

[taj'samericanwife 0]

my father hated my husband for a very long time, but i guess he just had to accept it since we got married and had a son. but its the public crowd that totally annoys me like when they ask where is your husband from? and i say pakistan and they say, oh my god he might be a terrorist. so me and my husband make jokes out of it and throw it back to their faces...like yes his family name is also hussain like sadam hussein, they are actually related, sadam is his uncle and yes osama bin laden is hiding in his backyard in pakistan and he drinks blood from humans and just walk away....

basically i really just dont care anymore, you love ur husband and he loves you...thats the only thing that matters

[chinese_mutt 11]

there will always be people who will think that their race is better than the rest of the world.

as there will always be people who can look beyond the race issue and open their hearts.

it would be easy to ask people to be more tolerant... but why stop there? let's ask people to go beyond tolerating other races. let's promote acceptance.

walking away does not solve anything but deepen the gap. if you and your dad have some decent relationship, when your husband gets here... hold a party... like a cultural awakening about Egypt. Invite your friends over too. Be proactive. This world needs more than tolerance, this world needs acceptance.

my family was against my hubby too. weirder still because we're Chinese... and you'd think they'd be in awe of my hubby's race... but the opposite happened. They were afraid that he's not as respectful or might beat me or make me a slave. BUT in time, when they met him and was able to interact with him... they have now accepted him. In fact, sometimes.. I think my mom likes him more than me! hahhaa...

So.. it's up to you how you deal with this matter. You can choose to walk away in silence.. or you can be the initiator of change.