What is the divorce rate among international marriages?

[one...two...tree 2,762]

My two cents:

There are certainly stressors that some international marriages will face that American-American marriages won't:

1) Culture shock

2) Major relocation

3) Inability to work for a while (this one worries me with my soon-to-be fiancé; he's an active man who may get very bored.)

4) Inability to travel freely to see family

5) Potential language difficulties

These are just extra factors. They can be intensified by:

1) A couple that doesn't know each other as well as they should

2) Language barriers within the couple

3) Shifting expectations (especially with the more 'marriage broker'-type relationships).

That doesn't necessarily translate into a higher divorce rate, but heck, just culture shock could produce depression, y'know?

But the resiliency and the longevity of the marriage depends on the couple and their communication with and love for each other, not whether one was international.

Well put! And the thing is - none of that should be a surprise to the couple if they both have good communication.

I'd emphasize 1) Couples not knowing each other well. That can be said of two people who've been married for years. It depends on their personalities. Are they introverted or out going? Do they like to hold their cards close to their chest or do lay them down for all to see? How much do we really know about our partners and how much are they willing to share with us? It's a romantic notion to view our spouse as somewhat mysterious, but you have to be careful that you're not putting blinders on to things about your partner that may have a huge impact on the relationship.

[Laura_and_IanM 0]

My two cents:

There are certainly stressors that some international marriages will face that American-American marriages won't:

1) Culture shock

2) Major relocation

3) Inability to work for a while (this one worries me with my soon-to-be fiancé; he's an active man who may get very bored.)

4) Inability to travel freely to see family

5) Potential language difficulties

These are just extra factors. They can be intensified by:

1) A couple that doesn't know each other as well as they should

2) Language barriers within the couple

3) Shifting expectations (especially with the more 'marriage broker'-type relationships).

That doesn't necessarily translate into a higher divorce rate, but heck, just culture shock could produce depression, y'know?

But the resiliency and the longevity of the marriage depends on the couple and their communication with and love for each other, not whether one was international.

Well put! And the thing is - none of that should be a surprise to the couple if they both have good communication.

I'd emphasize 1) Couples not knowing each other well. That can be said of two people who've been married for years. It depends on their personalities. Are they introverted or out going? Do they like to hold their cards close to their chest or do lay them down for all to see? How much do we really know about our partners and how much are they willing to share with us? It's a romantic notion to view our spouse as somewhat mysterious, but you have to be careful that you're not putting blinders on to things about your partner that may have a huge impact on the relationship.

I agree with you on that later statement. People can be of the same country and still not understand one another. How many of us have actually looked at someone that we have known for years and just thought...jesus are they speaking the same language as me??? I know I have and I know that I have heard others make the same remark. Yes being with someone from SE Asia must be harder when it comes to the communication. But don't downplay other countries that still speak English. I can assure you, that visiting another country no matter where it is, is much different then living there. I worry about Ian all the time and when he comes to America to live with me finally. He is a definate work aholic and I know he will eventually get bored regardless of what he says. He is definately going to miss his family and is going to be in a big cultural shock. You live somewhere all your life, then you are finding yourself in a new place in life and yes it is a bit daunting. The things you took for granted are no longer there. You are now finding yourself relying on one person...which I may add, adds stress to that one person. It takes a strong relationship and unconditional love to get through those times TOGETHER. I can't tell you how hard it is for me being here in the UK and not being able to work, or to call my friends up and say "hey...I need to talk can I come around?", or to even be able to get in a car and go somewhere. Even if I did know how to driver over here, it would still be hard to get up and go because we only have one car (it isn't common over here like it is in America for families to have more than one car).

Lets put the fact that the ppl on here have SO's from other countries, now lets get down to the nuts and bolts of it. IN ANY relationship no matter where you are from, there are always going to be problems within the relationship at some point. I don't care if someone says...oh my husband/or wife NEVER argue. You know what, I know lots of couples who have said that, then suprise suprise 10 years later they are in divorce court struggling to get what they can out of eachother. It all comes down to communication and unconditional love! It comes down to where you are in life and if you both want the same things out of life. It comes down to perserverance and tenaciousness. It comes down to not being with the person because you need them, but because you love them. Think if you were blind, or deaf...how do they communicate? The still survive and they still communicate. It is the same concept afterall.

Laura Mitchell

[KaiserD 12]

I agree with you on that later statement. People can be of the same country and still not understand one another. How many of us have actually looked at someone that we have known for years and just thought...jesus are they speaking the same language as me???

When people make comments about my relationship, I tell them that my mother was married to my father for over 20 years before she realised what kind of person he is. Creep, weird, sadistic and NOT right in the head. If someone really wants to hide what kind of person they are from you, they will.

As someone said you have to trust that your partner is laying all the cards out on the table to you but then we get back to honesty, trust e.t.c which are obviously core things in a relationship.

[Jaylen Brit 0]

I got divorced from a person that I'd known a long time, shared similar beliefs, spoke the same language, blah blah blah

My fiance, unlike my ex, doesn't try and control me, doesn't belittle me, is suuportive, doesn't make me feel like an idiot..I lost my sense of self in that previous relationship; this one with my fiance I feel I've FOUND myself again. (Oddly now we're divorced, my ex and I get on much better, and he's a better father than he was as well; result)

I agree with everyone who's said its the PERSON and the relationship dynamic, not the country they are from NECESSARILY.

I also agree that if your expectations are UNREAL then you are setting yourself up for problems.

I am sure we will, at some point, argue over stuff - that's normal, we are not the SAME person, we are individuals; the trick is how you DEAL with issues, not whether you have any.

[Isabel 0]

ok here is my statement

I dont think it really matters how long you lived together or how long you have dated before you actually get married.....or whatever. As stated before it depends on each person. And I really dont understand people who judge others and cant accept opinions just because they havent been married for at least 3 or whatever years???? Well however. Honestly I dont think just because you have been married for a long period of time that means that you actually know the other one or that the marriage is going well. My grandparents have been married for 50 years now and they dont even respect or kiss each other anymore...not to mention communication. Some marriages work pretty well even if the couple *rushed* into the marriage, some dont. It is not ONLY a matter of living together or known each other for years. Nothing is for sure. And you do have to make a lot of commitments, respect the other person....etc...and you are going through a lot of valleys when you take the path of an international marriage.

Marriage is work as well as long-distance relationships are.

I.

[jamrok 0]

Isn't the national divorce rate like 1 in 2?? It's like half of all marriages will end in divorce. how could the international rate be any highter? I'd say it definitely is the same as the national average. You have to understand..the posts you are seeing here are NOT representative of all international marriages...

Not every american marrying a foreigner knows about VJ or uses it.

My personal opinion is that the international marriages have a higher success rate

[samir_shannon 0]

hmmmmmm thats an interesting question LOL

[patricks 0]

Damn that CAT freaks me out!

And those creepy hands.........

[Thingee 0]

My thinking is that international marriages would have a lower divorce rate. The reasoning behind this is that it CAN'T be all wrapped up in that initial hormonal rush. I personally can't imagine having a long distance relationship based solely on sex. Let's face it, we're living in a disposable society..people meet someone, think 'ooh, they make me feel good', get married, the butterflies fade after a couple of years and the marriage falls apart. I'm not trying to sound judgemental, I was in a 'butterfly' marriage myself.

[kisschick1976 0]

My two cents:

There are certainly stressors that some international marriages will face that American-American marriages won't:

1) Culture shock

2) Major relocation

3) Inability to work for a while (this one worries me with my soon-to-be fiancé; he's an active man who may get very bored.)

4) Inability to travel freely to see family

5) Potential language difficulties

These are just extra factors. They can be intensified by:

1) A couple that doesn't know each other as well as they should

2) Language barriers within the couple

3) Shifting expectations (especially with the more 'marriage broker'-type relationships).

That doesn't necessarily translate into a higher divorce rate, but heck, just culture shock could produce depression, y'know?

But the resiliency and the longevity of the marriage depends on the couple and their communication with and love for each other, not whether one was international.

My marriage is ending mostly to the first 5 reasons you just listed.

1. He had never been here before, he hates it here and he was taking his frustration out on me. want to see the scars?

2. 8 time zones away and 900.00 plane tickets, very hard on a couple just starting out. (and with one who can't work, which brings us to...)

3. He hated this, he hated that I supported us and in return he started going out with other women when I was working 2 jobs and going to school.

4. he had a hard time even finding places to hang out or work let alone travel back to Romania

5. He hated that people made fun of his accent, or made fun of his International English rather than American English. there were lots of things he still didn't know English for and while I was patient and learned some Romanian, others werent, he hated that people were talking to me as an interperater (when all I did was turn around and repeat it again in English to show the person how dumb they were by doing that)

he resented me, he pushed me away, he pretty much changed right after he stepped off that plane. I tried so hard to make our marriage work, I really did. he told me such horrible things and did such horrible things to me. He ended it, not me, I was still trying. He threw me out of our apartment and here I am getting a divorce.

I have had people tell me that I didn't try hard enough. Jeez, take a look at me, I have marks all over me still, he used to tell me I was too fat to even have sex with. he told me he didn't love me anymore back in late july of last year, when did he throw me out? late november. no matter how hard I tried to keep us together, it fell apart in the end.

Those five reasons are the very reasons why.

dosen't matter if it's international or domestic, a marriage is a marriage. you both still have to try to work at it, and if one person or both people give up, what can you do.

My current boyfriend lives in England, and he would like to come live here, I have told him to come here and see what it's like first, not to see it as a holliday but to really see if this is where he would like to be. Maybe even a couple of trips here. I don't want to rush into another international marriage just to find out he hates it here.

[Identity 0]

Does anybody here know?

It seems like there's at least a handful of threads posted throughout VJ where someone here is getting a divorce.

I don't want to sound callous but talking over the phone and chatting are a far cry from living with someone 24/7. I'm wondering if this is the biggest factor that contributes to the failure of some international marriages? How much does culture play into it?

With the 90 day period for K-1 Visas, Has anyone here used that time to 'live' together before actually marrying?

I'm also wondering outloud (forgive me) if because the process (K-1 Visa) is lengthy that some are rushing into the engagement?

In my opinion, culture does play a part in divorce. I come from a culture where divorce is unthinkable and only considered the last resort. However, it startled me how many Americans wanted a divorce at the slightest sign of difficulty. Blame it on a selfish, consumer-driven, throwaway-society, and the current generation.

Is anyone else surprised at how quick people are to divorce after having gone through a lengthy visa process?

Some of us may rush into something, going with our gut instinct that the person we love is the one. But then if the other party has been deceptive, we find ourselves caught, and no matter how hard we try, the other person just isn't who we once thought they were. Sad, really.

[PrettyGirls 1]

I don't think the nationality of the spouses, the distance between the couples, the process of immigration, or the length of the courtship prior to the marriage impact divorce.

Being from the same geography doesn't guarantee you any more success than those who aren't so blessed.

I think it is the partners. Plain and simple.

You either share the same moral values, goals, dreams, aspirations and respect for one another or you don't. Not to mention commitment.

Marriage is tough. It requires work. It's not a proposition for the lazy or the bored.

If a person is inclined to make a rash decision they are just as likely to make the same decision with a local relationship as they would with an international one.

My thoughts exactly.

[MPGGPM 0]

I don`t know which rate is higher...international marriages or domestic ones, but being part of this process of bringing my wife to the USA (been married nearly 2 and a half years and not done with the process even yet), I can only look at the couples who are both US citizens and think they sure do have it easy. It`s a shame so many of them end in divorce. If they only knew what WE have to go through....

1) Separation, up to even YEARS on end (the most difficult part of this process by far)

2) Immigration fees

3) Numerous plane tickets back and forth so we can at least spend some time together

4) The difficulty of your foriegn spouse having to adjust to the USA

5) One of you being unemployed when they get to the USA...snce they either still have to do AOS, or if they already have a green card, they will still probably have more difficulty finding a job in the USA than the average American because they have no previous work history in the USA. Maybe you both will even have to relocate.

Those are just some........I could go on and on , as I am sure we all could, about how much harder this kind of marriage is that if we had married a US citizen. The pressures, stress, costs, separation and yearning to be with one another but not able to, because our government has such an inefficient system etc...

Well, when I look at what WE face....and how easy American couples have it comparatively.........I think those couples would appreciate more what they have and what they don`t have to go through, and be more thankful for theır marriages.

Instead, so many of them end in divorce.............and they are taken for granted.

If my wife and I can go through over 2 years of this immigration hell......then non-immigrant couples should be able to get over whatever petty squabbles they get divorced over, because I don`t really think they have a clue as to what pressure REALLY is!

[Identity 0]

On the point of knowing one another. Many of us have parents or grandparents where their marriage was arranged. And in spite of the fact that they didn't know each other at all, many of them continued to be married even until death.

Certain ex-spouses are just immature and selfish and do not place any value to making a relationship work. They lack the foresight as to the possibility of what could be. Idiot.