What is the divorce rate among international marriages?

[Fandango 1,440]

I think a lot of int'l marriages are rushed, because...they're rushed into...not specifically cos of the K1.

I've seen a lot of posts scattered from couples that cannot be together physically more often cos of money. Well IMO a marriage is much harder to get out of than a few plane tix charges.

I'm not a big promoter of meeting once or twice and then getting married, but hey...it aint my life either, so ppl will do what's right for them.

[gimmie 0]

I think a lot of int'l marriages are rushed, because...they're rushed into...not specifically cos of the K1.

I've seen a lot of posts scattered from couples that cannot be together physically more often cos of money. Well IMO a marriage is much harder to get out of than a few plane tix charges.

I'm not a big promoter of meeting once or twice and then getting married, but hey...it aint my life either, so ppl will do what's right for them.

I agree with this post. International marriages get rushed into for many factors. Some good some bad.

I especially agree with the last statement though. If some people want to take the chance then so be it. I only wish everyone luck in finding true happiness no matter how it materializes.

[William33 110]

Remove S.E. Asian from this statement,

"Meeting a SE Asian girl online and visiting her country a couple of times and deciding to marry this person and bring her America.............You better have a lot of money, patience and will power," and that applies to many people here - It's got nothing to with what region the person is from. Most of us here on VJ are in LDR's, so it's a given that we have that hurdle in front of us. The reality is more and more couples are meeting via the internet and it's not a fad that's going to go away. I don't think you can make broad assumptions about a region like S.E. Asia and say that it presents unique difficulties that you wouldn't also find in other regions of the world. Similar values, education, age, and personality, in my opinion have more to do with the success or failure of a relationship.

I agree with you in part. But let's face it, the Asian culture is considerably different than Canada, U.K. or most of Europe. With that in mind, having a clear understanding of the cultural differences and making compromises, will pay dividends in the end.

As far as relationships founded on the internet, I agree that this is the new deal. This capability can close the gap on the huge distances between certain countries.

It also offers an opportunity to meet someone you may have never otherwise have had the opportunity to meet. I would only hope that these relationships are vetted out in person. By this I mean more than one meeting. Some do, some don't.

This piece is essential to success. Is that fair?

[almaty 19]

hmmm..the divorce rate in america is at 50%..

[Artegal 1]

Does anybody here know?

It seems like there's at least a handful of threads posted throughout VJ where someone here is getting a divorce.

I don't want to sound callous but talking over the phone and chatting are a far cry from living with someone 24/7. I'm wondering if this is the biggest factor that contributes to the failure of some international marriages? How much does culture play into it?

With the 90 day period for K-1 Visas, Has anyone here used that time to 'live' together before actually marrying?

I'm also wondering outloud (forgive me) if because the process (K-1 Visa) is lengthy that some are rushing into the engagement?

I guess I have a problem with your statement about the K-1 visa and only 90 days--just because the K-1 Visa is good for 90 days does not mean that someone has only known the K-1 beneficiary for only 90 days. I was with my ex-wife for over a year then we separated and 3 years later I sponsored her for a K-1 visa to the USA. We got married within the 90 days and 4 and a half years later we got divorced. So even if its some sort of IMBRA candidate on a K-1, even then the couple would have known each other more than 90 days. I am sure those couples within the visa waiver countries also have a good amount of history before requesting a K-1 visa.

I remember Dr. Phil said that knowing someone for long time does not guarantee success in marriage. So even with knowing someone for only 90 days if that was even possible (which it isn't), that does not mean that the couple on K-1 would have a failed marriage.

The problem is probably a lot more to do with cultural differences and unmet expectations and these are the types of problems you have even in non-international marriages.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I agree with you in part. But let's face it, the Asian culture is considerably different than Canada, U.K. or most of Europe. With that in mind, having a clear understanding of the cultural differences and making compromises, will pay dividends in the end.

As far as relationships founded on the internet, I agree that this is the new deal. This capability can close the gap on the huge distances between certain countries.

It also offers an opportunity to meet someone you may have never otherwise have had the opportunity to meet. I would only hope that these relationships are vetted out in person. By this I mean more than one meeting. Some do, some don't.

This piece is essential to success. Is that fair?

The question then is how essential? If it's a given that many who are in LDR's are far away from our SO making it impractical or impossible to visit more than perhaps once a year. While you can learn many things about the person when they're in your presence on a daily basis, I think it's been well established that that doesn't seem to decrease the number of divorces in this country.

Edited June 26, 2006 by StevenJinky

[Alex+R 0]

Does anybody here know?

It seems like there's at least a handful of threads posted throughout VJ where someone here is getting a divorce.

I don't want to sound callous but talking over the phone and chatting are a far cry from living with someone 24/7. I'm wondering if this is the biggest factor that contributes to the failure of some international marriages? How much does culture play into it?

With the 90 day period for K-1 Visas, Has anyone here used that time to 'live' together before actually marrying?

I'm also wondering outloud (forgive me) if because the process (K-1 Visa) is lengthy that some are rushing into the engagement?

I guess I have a problem with your statement about the K-1 visa and only 90 days--just because the K-1 Visa is good for 90 days does not mean that someone has only known the K-1 beneficiary for only 90 days. I was with my ex-wife for over a year then we separated and 3 years later I sponsored her for a K-1 visa to the USA. We got married within the 90 days and 4 and a half years later we got divorced. So even if its some sort of IMBRA candidate on a K-1, even then the couple would have known each other more than 90 days. I am sure those couples within the visa waiver countries also have a good amount of history before requesting a K-1 visa.

I remember Dr. Phil said that knowing someone for long time does not guarantee success in marriage. So even with knowing someone for only 90 days if that was even possible (which it isn't), that does not mean that the couple on K-1 would have a failed marriage.

The problem is probably a lot more to do with cultural differences and unmet expectations and these are the types of problems you have even in non-international marriages.

You know, I do remember reading on this board somewhere that international marriages in America last somewhat longer than the average. Or that the divorce rate is lower. And I wonder if those cultural differences don't sometimes help. Sometimes the need to be aware of them can eliminate a lot of arguments. It forces you to see the other person's perspective. At least for me this has been the case.

[patricks 0]

Yes, it does matter where your wife is from. I say "SE Asian" because that's my expereince so yes I can make that broad assumption. There are just so many differences in thinking and relationship management vs. someone from western Europe or Australia. Secondly, I think going through the visa process is easier than your first year in America.

Yes more and more couples are meeting through the internet and when they decide to marry a SE Asian after a brief encounter, they are truly walking on thin ice and they will most likely face a bigger challlenge than they anticipate. (The USA consulate should make K-1 couples jump through more hurdles)

Finally, yes meeting a SE Asian with a good education, who has travelled abroad and has been exposed to western culture will be easier.

[William33 110]

I agree with you in part. But let's face it, the Asian culture is considerably different than Canada, U.K. or most of Europe. With that in mind, having a clear understanding of the cultural differences and making compromises, will pay dividends in the end.

As far as relationships founded on the internet, I agree that this is the new deal. This capability can close the gap on the huge distances between certain countries.

It also offers an opportunity to meet someone you may have never otherwise have had the opportunity to meet. I would only hope that these relationships are vetted out in person. By this I mean more than one meeting. Some do, some don't.

This piece is essential to success. Is that fair?

The question then is how essential? If it's a given that many who are in LDR's are far away from our SO making it impractical or impossible to visit more than perhaps once a year. While you can learn many things about the person when they're in your presence on a daily basis, I think it's been well established that that doesn't seem to decrease the number of divorces in this country.

Difficult to say, really. I cannot speak to that, simply because I do not have statistical evidence in hand to support any other conclusion. It would seem intuitive that more time together would foster a better relationship.

I believe that by chatting on the net, talking regularly on the phone and visiting when you can, would be a close second though.

Caveat that statment with a clear understanding of a common language. I actually know an American that married someone with little common understanding of the same language. Go figure. Must have been body language!

My Fiance Speaks excellent english and I am fluent in her language. A fortunate state to be in. Really helps with the family!

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Difficult to say, really. I cannot speak to that, simply because I do not have statistical evidence in hand to support any other conclusion. It would seem intuitive that more time together would foster a better relationship.

I believe that by chatting on the net, talking regularly on the phone and visiting when you can, would be a close second though.

Caveat that statment with a clear understanding of a common language. I actually know an American that married someone with little common understanding of the same language. Go figure. Must have been body language!

My Fiance Speaks excellent english and I am fluent in her language. A fortunate state to be in. Really helps with the family!

Yes, communication is critical. I could understand with Patrick (above) if he is thinking the woman doesn't speak fluent English and the American doesn't speak her language, but again it is a rather broad statement to say that for all of S.E. Asia. In Malaysia and the Philippines, for example, students are taught English in schools, so most people from that region have a good command of English. You and Patrick obviously were fortunate to live near your future wives and I have no doubt that was beneficial in the success of your marriages. But for those of us who don't have that luxury but are very much in love and sincere in wanting a successful marriage, we're trying to make the most of what we do have (phone, internet chat). I don't think it would be accurate to say that is a liability as to the success of a marriage. Whatever is happening in these international marriages that end in divorce - that is what I'd really like to know the how and why.

[*Robert* 2]

I see this thread has become a train wreck!!! Icey, where's the picture?

[patricks 0]

Sorry Roi, no train wreck here, just a healthy exchange of ideas and opinions, Steve and I are able to express ourselves freely without negativity.

Back to Steve, it's a broad generalization, it'll be a bigger challenge for you and let us know 1 year after Jinky arrives how everything went?

Finally, I'm amazed at the questions petitioners ask on this forum regarding filling out forms, procedures and general common sense. What will these people do when their spouse arrives in America? What did people do before the internet?

[Laura_and_IanM 0]

I think that it doesn't matter where the foreign person is from. THere are cultural differences even if you do speak the same language. Ian and I have run into big differences but the key is communication, and yes actions. As for having someone who is educated, and cultured and who has travelled abroad...to me that sounds as if there is a requirement being put on it..saying that someone meeting those criteria will be the ones that will have a lasting marriage. Anyone can travel abroad, be educated and be cultured, but it doesn't mean that they are going to be able to "live" in another country so easily. I have always wanted to live in the UK ever since my cousin married a girl from here, but since I have been here, I would much rather live in America for my own personal reasons. Traveling to and actually living in another country are two different things. As far as knowing the person for more than one or two meetings..again, it is down to the two people and where they both stand and where in life they are...meaning..if they get married and find out they aren't on the same page...then surely they will have a tough go at it and probably will end up in divorce but that doesnt mean that ALL relationships that start out like that are doomed from the words "I do".

The divorce rate has been climbing since the 70's. And even back then it was still considered bad. I don't think it has anything to do with where the couple decends from...but rather from the couples individual personal growth.

Just my opinion...

Laura Mitchell

[Fandango 1,440]

Difficult to say, really. I cannot speak to that, simply because I do not have statistical evidence in hand to support any other conclusion. It would seem intuitive that more time together would foster a better relationship.

I believe that by chatting on the net, talking regularly on the phone and visiting when you can, would be a close second though.

Caveat that statment with a clear understanding of a common language. I actually know an American that married someone with little common understanding of the same language. Go figure. Must have been body language!

My Fiance Speaks excellent english and I am fluent in her language. A fortunate state to be in. Really helps with the family!

Yes, communication is critical. I could understand with Patrick (above) if he is thinking the woman doesn't speak fluent English and the American doesn't speak her language, but again it is a rather broad statement to say that for all of S.E. Asia. In Malaysia and the Philippines, for example, students are taught English in schools, so most people from that region have a good command of English. You and Patrick obviously were fortunate to live near your future wives and I have no doubt that was beneficial in the success of your marriages. But for those of us who don't have that luxury but are very much in love and sincere in wanting a successful marriage, we're trying to make the most of what we do have (phone, internet chat). I don't think it would be accurate to say that is a liability as to the success of a marriage. Whatever is happening in these international marriages that end in divorce - that is what I'd really like to know the how and why.

I think you're looking for answers that are subjective...everyone will give you their version of the hows and whys. I feel there is no set answer.

In my opinion....I feel like talking on the phone and internet chat is like reading a book...and being in person is kinda like watching the movie. Now before anyone goes of on one, lemme explain...when you're so far away and on the phone, your imagination is reality. You are free, more of less to let your imagination fill in the gaps when you need. But when your SO is here, it is what it is.

It's early morning so I'm prolly not expessing myself as best I can.

Oh and William33, yes, the country of your SO does matter....vj info is culled accordingly from the information you give.

[Laura_and_IanM 0]

Difficult to say, really. I cannot speak to that, simply because I do not have statistical evidence in hand to support any other conclusion. It would seem intuitive that more time together would foster a better relationship.

I believe that by chatting on the net, talking regularly on the phone and visiting when you can, would be a close second though.

Caveat that statment with a clear understanding of a common language. I actually know an American that married someone with little common understanding of the same language. Go figure. Must have been body language!

My Fiance Speaks excellent english and I am fluent in her language. A fortunate state to be in. Really helps with the family!

Yes, communication is critical. I could understand with Patrick (above) if he is thinking the woman doesn't speak fluent English and the American doesn't speak her language, but again it is a rather broad statement to say that for all of S.E. Asia. In Malaysia and the Philippines, for example, students are taught English in schools, so most people from that region have a good command of English. You and Patrick obviously were fortunate to live near your future wives and I have no doubt that was beneficial in the success of your marriages. But for those of us who don't have that luxury but are very much in love and sincere in wanting a successful marriage, we're trying to make the most of what we do have (phone, internet chat). I don't think it would be accurate to say that is a liability as to the success of a marriage. Whatever is happening in these international marriages that end in divorce - that is what I'd really like to know the how and why.

I think you're looking for answers that are subjective...everyone will give you their version of the hows and whys. I feel there is no set answer.

In my opinion....I feel like talking on the phone and internet chat is like reading a book...and being in person is kinda like watching the movie. Now before anyone goes of on one, lemme explain...when you're so far away and on the phone, your imagination is reality. You are free, more of less to let your imagination fill in the gaps when you need. But when your SO is here, it is what it is.

It's early morning so I'm prolly not expessing myself as best I can.

Oh and William33, yes, the country of your SO does matter....vj info is culled accordingly from the information you give.

I hear what u are saying Lisa and I agree with you to an extent. I think when all you have is communication..you can get to know a person--if you are honest. For Ian and I, I was going through my divorce. I wasn't looking to get into any relationship with anyone. Ian and I talked as friends for a long time in the poker site but never on msn or on the phone. Then one day, he asked me for my msn and I said sure. We started talking more and more. I was open and honest with him because I don't believe in playing those games of I am this and I am that just to impress. I then asked him after months of talking if he wanted to call me. Which he did and we talked for hours. I can't explain it really. It was as if I knew him but reality...I didn't know him. I knew I was falling in love with him, but I didn't want to say it like that without meeting him. ONce I saw him, I knew I was right. I am glad that Ian and I were fortunate enough to live together before we got married. It did give us the time to get to know one another properly. But for me, I knew I was going to marry him. I even told him that when I first met him. But he went through a bad time..thought he knew his ex wife of 18 years and then found out he didn't know her at all. I had to let Ian get over that and let him be comfortable moving on again. If he hadn't of gone through what he had, then I believe in my heart we would have been married much sooner. But this is only MY experience. I don't want to say what is right and what is wrong because at the end of the day, it really is down to the couple themselves and who they are as individuals. If they have good communication, and are honest...then I think that yes, the marriage will work out. It isn't just all about love. Its a combination of things.

Again, this is all just what I think...lol

Laura Mitchell