What is the divorce rate among international marriages?

[keltic 1]

Tobe lived with me for the 90 day VWP time that he was here... this was after all that time corresponding via phone, email, chat, webcam, etc... love, communication and respect are the keys, i believe, to making a relationship last... if you have those 3 things, then whatever obstacles that are thrown your way can be overcome...

im sure there are a lot of relationships that fall the wayside while trying to obtain a visa... but for those that acheive it and get married, i would think that the rate of divorce would probably be LOWER than that of domestic couples... mind you, im not saying that there are not divorces for international couples... nor that there are men/women who use USCs to get a greencard... but, you will find other USCs that will use USCs for financial or status gain as well... my thinking on this is that if you make it thru the struggles to obtain the visa, and you continue with communicating and respecting each other (regardless of different backgrounds), then you will most likely have an iron-strong relationship that will stand the test of time

and for what its worth, i lived with my exhusband for years before we married... it didnt help our relationship in the end... we still got divorced... because the communication and respect were gone... with them, went trust... how do you stay married to someone you cant trust?

[maria_b84 0]

Does anybody here know?

It seems like there's at least a handful of threads posted throughout VJ where someone here is getting a divorce.

I don't want to sound callous but talking over the phone and chatting are a far cry from living with someone 24/7. I'm wondering if this is the biggest factor that contributes to the failure of some international marriages? How much does culture play into it?

With the 90 day period for K-1 Visas, Has anyone here used that time to 'live' together before actually marrying?

I'm also wondering outloud (forgive me) if because the process (K-1 Visa) is lengthy that some are rushing into the engagement?

Your wife is still in the Philippines and I dont know what u should brag ur ###. Mike and I have been living together for 27 months (which is 2 years and 3 months in 2 days by the way) eveyr single day together. U are not even married so u dont know what its like. So I dont know y u are giving ppl those sorts of advice. I'd accept something like that from someone who has been married (and actually live together not 30000000000 miles away from each other) for at least 3 years. A lot of ppl get maried and they spend the first 7-8 months of their marriage being apart because of Immigration and no wonder they get a divorce after they get into the US. Probably that happens because its the first time they actually have time to discorver each other. And understand each other. What can u do with your 90 days period??? A long time has to go by b4 u really know someone.......

Maria

[sparkofcreation 0]

Does anybody here know?

It seems like there's at least a handful of threads posted throughout VJ where someone here is getting a divorce.

I don't want to sound callous but talking over the phone and chatting are a far cry from living with someone 24/7. I'm wondering if this is the biggest factor that contributes to the failure of some international marriages? How much does culture play into it?

With the 90 day period for K-1 Visas, Has anyone here used that time to 'live' together before actually marrying?

I'm also wondering outloud (forgive me) if because the process (K-1 Visa) is lengthy that some are rushing into the engagement?

Your wife is still in the Philippines and I dont know what u should brag ur ###. Mike and I have been living together for 27 months (which is 2 years and 3 months in 2 days by the way) eveyr single day together. U are not even married so u dont know what its like. So I dont know y u are giving ppl those sorts of advice. I'd accept something like that from someone who has been married (and actually live together not 30000000000 miles away from each other) for at least 3 years. A lot of ppl get maried and they spend the first 7-8 months of their marriage being apart because of Immigration and no wonder they get a divorce after they get into the US. Probably that happens because its the first time they actually have time to discorver each other. And understand each other. What can u do with your 90 days period??? A long time has to go by b4 u really know someone.......

Maria

Well, that seems very rude and uncalled-for. I don't see where the O.P. was bragging or any such thing.

[maria_b84 0]

Does anybody here know?

It seems like there's at least a handful of threads posted throughout VJ where someone here is getting a divorce.

I don't want to sound callous but talking over the phone and chatting are a far cry from living with someone 24/7. I'm wondering if this is the biggest factor that contributes to the failure of some international marriages? How much does culture play into it?

With the 90 day period for K-1 Visas, Has anyone here used that time to 'live' together before actually marrying?

I'm also wondering outloud (forgive me) if because the process (K-1 Visa) is lengthy that some are rushing into the engagement?

Sorry to spoil ur moment, but that was not rude. Its the truth

Your wife is still in the Philippines and I dont know what u should brag ur ###. Mike and I have been living together for 27 months (which is 2 years and 3 months in 2 days by the way) eveyr single day together. U are not even married so u dont know what its like. So I dont know y u are giving ppl those sorts of advice. I'd accept something like that from someone who has been married (and actually live together not 30000000000 miles away from each other) for at least 3 years. A lot of ppl get maried and they spend the first 7-8 months of their marriage being apart because of Immigration and no wonder they get a divorce after they get into the US. Probably that happens because its the first time they actually have time to discorver each other. And understand each other. What can u do with your 90 days period??? A long time has to go by b4 u really know someone.......

Maria

Well, that seems very rude and uncalled-for. I don't see where the O.P. was bragging or any such thing.

[Jenn! 918]

I don't want to sound callous but talking over the phone and chatting are a far cry from living with someone 24/7. I'm wondering if this is the biggest factor that contributes to the failure of some international marriages? How much does culture play into it?

With the 90 day period for K-1 Visas, Has anyone here used that time to 'live' together before actually marrying?

Traditional "dating" is also a far cry from living with someone 24/7. And countless couples have successful marriages without "living together" prior to marrying; many people's religious/cultural beliefs won't allow such arrangments.

Also, the divorce rate is the same or slightly higher for couples who *do* live together before marriage. So it's not like doing so helps.

That doesn't mean that it was the act of living together that caused divorce however. One of the reasons that people choose not to cohabitate before marriage is religious belief. One of the reasons that people choose not to divorce is also religious belief.

Oh, I didn't mean to imply that was the cause! It just seemed to me that previous posters had implied that lack of living together before marriage was one reason that immigrant marriage failed. I wanted to point out that doing so in no way increases a couple's chances of staying together.

I think there are a lot more factors than religious belief involved--for example, another theory is that people expect their spouse to change once they actually marry, and of course that doesn't happen, or they expect marriage to "fix" existing problems, which of course it doesn't. (Which of course can apply in cases where the couple *doesn't* live together, too.)

Right, I agree. I just wanted to make sure that no one jumped to the wrong conclusions. I think people tend to hear things like a majority of people that are A are also B, and they think that A causes B.

And yes, there are so many things involved besides religion, I was just pointing out an example of one reason why you can't assume cause and effect.

I think one of the biggest problems in the system is that couples who may have wished to live together before marriage don't have that opportunity, and that could potentially cause problems in the future. Those couples who wouldn't have lived together anyway aren't at that same disadvantage.

[KarenCee 3]

Maria...now that was just a bit rude there...how do you know he doesn't know anything about marriage?

Having been married before I think I know a little about what it takes to make a marriage work. Communication and trust are, in my opinion, two of the biggest things - the most important ones. In my first marriage I had neither. In this relationship (soon to be marriage) we have both. Yes marriage is work ...anything worth having is worth working for. Joel and I have a "no out" clause between us. We intend to make this marriage work.

Divorce can happen whether the partners are international or american. Heck, my first marriage was to an american and I tried for 20 years to make it work...so I seriously doubt the international aspect of the equation plays the largest part in couples divorcing.

Just my opinion, of course.

[Alex+R 0]

I think in marrying immediately, the beneficiary's lack of time to adapt to the US is the biggest issue, especially if, like my boyfriend, they have never been here before. He won't have time to see if he really likes it.

We lived together for six months before I left to come back to the US (together the whole year though),so I'm not so concerned about US living together--just more him living in the US.

we planned to live together on his student visa this year here in the US, but it was denied (due to a complicated screw up on the sponsoring company's part..blablabla). I know he's the one for me, but I didn't imagine I'd be married at 23. Seems a little young, but that will be what happens. He lives way too far away to make a long distance relationship workable (for us). So our age adds a factor in the possibility of the marriage failing. We have talked a lot about that.

Of course we could spend the 90 days living together and giving him time to adapt--if we won the lottery. And he needs to work, so we've got to get married ASAP when he gets here--otherwise those added months of waiting for his EAD are going to be difficult. Not to mention: he is a software engineer who really values his ability to work;I think six months of no work would be difficult for him.

So, yeah, I think it's probably more difficult to know what you're getting into without that time in the US, but not everybody can afford that time together. It's just not realistic for a lot of us. If Rey decides he hates living in New York, we'll talk about moving back to Sao Paulo, but unfortunately he will not be able to have those 3 months to decide. Here's hoping it goes well!

[KarenCee 3]

I think in marrying immediately, the beneficiary's lack of time to adapt to the US is the biggest issue, especially if, like my boyfriend, they have never been here before. He won't have time to see if he really likes it.

We lived together for six months before I left to come back to the US (together the whole year though),so I'm not so concerned about US living together--just more him living in the US.

we planned to live together on his student visa this year here in the US, but it was denied (due to a complicated screw up on the sponsoring company's part..blablabla). I know he's the one for me, but I didn't imagine I'd be married at 23. Seems a little young, but that will be what happens. He lives way too far away to make a long distance relationship workable (for us). So our age adds a factor in the possibility of the marriage failing. We have talked a lot about that.

Of course we could spend the 90 days living together and giving him time to adapt--if we won the lottery. And he needs to work, so we've got to get married ASAP when he gets here--otherwise those added months of waiting for his EAD are going to be difficult. Not to mention: he is a software engineer who really values his ability to work;I think six months of no work would be difficult for him.

So, yeah, I think it's probably more difficult to know what you're getting into without that time in the US, but not everybody can afford that time together. It's just not realistic for a lot of us. If Rey decides he hates living in New York, we'll talk about moving back to Sao Paulo, but unfortunately he will not be able to have those 3 months to decide. Here's hoping it goes well!

You have a lot of uncertainties in your post yet you say he is the one for you. It's really about what is important to you...how much you want something. There are sacrifices involved with this kind of process. The not working period is one of those sacrifices. It's not easy for my Joel either, but he realises it's only a temporary thing.

If the distance makes your long distance relationship not a workable thing, then how are you able to want to marry? I guess I'm just confused. Then you say that age is a probability of your marriage failing. If you have all these negatives, then why are y'all pursuing a visa? Why go into a marriage with the fram of mind that it's going to probably fail? That is what will set you up for definate failure.

Of course, I'm not telling you how to conduct your life or your relationship. It's just my take on what you posted.

[Jenn! 918]

I think in marrying immediately, the beneficiary's lack of time to adapt to the US is the biggest issue, especially if, like my boyfriend, they have never been here before. He won't have time to see if he really likes it.

Yes, that's a good point. We had the same issue, as my husband had never been to the U.S. before. We have just kept ourselves open to the possibility that if things aren't working for us here in the U.S., we can always go back to Italy or Morocco. It's always good to have a back up plan, that way bumps in the road won't push you towards the road to divorce.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I think one of the biggest problems in the system is that couples who may have wished to live together before marriage don't have that opportunity, and that could potentially cause problems in the future. Those couples who wouldn't have lived together anyway aren't at that same disadvantage.

That's exactly what I'm thinking. I don't think a couple necessarily has to live together, but because of the way the Fiance Visa process works, we really only have 90 days to be around this person day to day (aside from visiting them) and see if we can really share our lives together. In a conventional relationship, even if you choose not to live together, you still have the option to see the person everyday and spend a lot of time with them. Unfortunately, those of us who are in these LDR don't have that same luxury. I personally believe there are advantages to a LDR - one being that we are forced to get to know each other from the inside without the distraction of physical closeness which can sometimes cloud our judgment. However, I'm also trying to be practical and accept that there are disadvantages to a LDR that can lead to a failed marriage.

To address Mariaa from Italy (other poster) - with all due respect, I wasn't bragging. I was married before (I've been divorced now for 4 years). We lived together for 3 years and were married for 12. After that, I had dated locally and had one long term relationship but it didn't lead to marriage. I wouldn't dare try to claim I know the answers, but I find it sad to see posts from others who have gone through this process only to end up in divorce.

[Alex+R 0]

I think in marrying immediately, the beneficiary's lack of time to adapt to the US is the biggest issue, especially if, like my boyfriend, they have never been here before. He won't have time to see if he really likes it.

We lived together for six months before I left to come back to the US (together the whole year though),so I'm not so concerned about US living together--just more him living in the US.

we planned to live together on his student visa this year here in the US, but it was denied (due to a complicated screw up on the sponsoring company's part..blablabla). I know he's the one for me, but I didn't imagine I'd be married at 23. Seems a little young, but that will be what happens. He lives way too far away to make a long distance relationship workable (for us). So our age adds a factor in the possibility of the marriage failing. We have talked a lot about that.

Of course we could spend the 90 days living together and giving him time to adapt--if we won the lottery. And he needs to work, so we've got to get married ASAP when he gets here--otherwise those added months of waiting for his EAD are going to be difficult. Not to mention: he is a software engineer who really values his ability to work;I think six months of no work would be difficult for him.

So, yeah, I think it's probably more difficult to know what you're getting into without that time in the US, but not everybody can afford that time together. It's just not realistic for a lot of us. If Rey decides he hates living in New York, we'll talk about moving back to Sao Paulo, but unfortunately he will not be able to have those 3 months to decide. Here's hoping it goes well!

You have a lot of uncertainties in your post yet you say he is the one for you. It's really about what is important to you...how much you want something. There are sacrifices involved with this kind of process. The not working period is one of those sacrifices. It's not easy for my Joel either, but he realises it's only a temporary thing.

If the distance makes your long distance relationship not a workable thing, then how are you able to want to marry? I guess I'm just confused. Then you say that age is a probability of your marriage failing. If you have all these negatives, then why are y'all pursuing a visa? Why go into a marriage with the fram of mind that it's going to probably fail? That is what will set you up for definate failure.

Of course, I'm not telling you how to conduct your life or your relationship. It's just my take on what you posted.

Yes, totally understandable that my post could be taken that way. I am a person who makes decisions SLOWLY. I have assumed all my life that I would never get married as I never really believed in the institution before, so this came as a shock to me. It's not that the LDR would be impossible, it's just that we decided there was no point to doing it when we already *knew* we wanted to be together forever. We wanted to get married at some point down the line, so we just decided to do it now. I am the kind of person who likes to look at all the possibilities to prevent future disappointment (i.e. divorce). I am by no means going into marriage assuming the worst! I just don't want anything to blindside me.

There are obvious sacrifices, yeah, but if Rey CAN work after 3 months, then we should do that. For example, I have moved in with my parents for 3 months just to save money for covering him while he's here.

Well anyway. rest assured we're just being pragmatic, but also madly in love Thank you for your concern

[*Robert* 2]

A LOT!!!

[patricks 0]

I think the K-1 and marrying a (girl) from S.E. Asia is an accident waiting to happen, UNLESS you really know her culture, family and background. I lived 5 years in SE Asia and I fell for a girl the first week I was there. I said to myself, "This is the ONE!", After a couple of months we seperated. I went through 3 other relationships BEFORE I finally found my current wife. ( I knew her on daily basis, spend time with her family and travelled with her ) then I was ready to bring her to America.

Meeting a SE Asian girl online and visiting her country a couple of times and deciding to marry this person and bring her America.............You better have a lot of money, patience and will power. Good Luck!

[William33 110]

I think the K-1 and marrying a (girl) from S.E. Asia is an accident waiting to happen, UNLESS you really know her culture, family and background. I lived 5 years in SE Asia and I fell for a girl the first week I was there. I said to myself, "This is the ONE!", After a couple of months we seperated. I went through 3 other relationships BEFORE I finally found my current wife. ( I knew her on daily basis, spend time with her family and travelled with her ) then I was ready to bring her to America.

Meeting a SE Asian girl online and visiting her country a couple of times and deciding to marry this person and bring her America.............You better have a lot of money, patience and will power. Good Luck!

Best post yet on this topic IMHO. Like you Patricks, I lived in SE Asia for about 5 Years. In my case, There was only one relationship. Turned out to be the right one. Wish I could pick lottery numbers this well!

We lived together in two different countries for 3 years, prior to this painful I-129F process. The time apart has solidified our relationship.

As we all know, It's hell being apart. However, when we are together again, we will definitely be a stronger couple.

There is value added to spending considerable amounts of time together prior to marriage, if possible.

Edited June 26, 2006 by William33

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I think the K-1 and marrying a (girl) from S.E. Asia is an accident waiting to happen, UNLESS you really know her culture, family and background. I lived 5 years in SE Asia and I fell for a girl the first week I was there. I said to myself, "This is the ONE!", After a couple of months we seperated. I went through 3 other relationships BEFORE I finally found my current wife. ( I knew her on daily basis, spend time with her family and travelled with her ) then I was ready to bring her to America.

Meeting a SE Asian girl online and visiting her country a couple of times and deciding to marry this person and bring her America.............You better have a lot of money, patience and will power. Good Luck!

Best post yet on this topic IMHO. Like you Patricks, I lived in SE Asia for about 5 Years. In my case, There was only one relationship. Turned out to be the right one. Wish I could pick lottery numbers this well!

We lived together in two different countries for 3 years, prior to this painful I-129F process. The time apart has solidified our relationship.

As we all know, It's hell being apart. However, when we are together again, we will definitely be a stronger couple.

There is value added to spending considerable amounts of time together prior to marriage, if possible.

Remove S.E. Asian from this statement,

"Meeting a SE Asian girl online and visiting her country a couple of times and deciding to marry this person and bring her America.............You better have a lot of money, patience and will power," and that applies to many people here - It's got nothing to with what region the person is from. Most of us here on VJ are in LDR's, so it's a given that we have that hurdle in front of us. The reality is more and more couples are meeting via the internet and it's not a fad that's going to go away. I don't think you can make broad assumptions about a region like S.E. Asia and say that it presents unique difficulties that you wouldn't also find in other regions of the world. Similar values, education, age, and personality, in my opinion have more to do with the success or failure of a relationship.