What is the divorce rate among international marriages?

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Does anybody here know?

It seems like there's at least a handful of threads posted throughout VJ where someone here is getting a divorce.

I don't want to sound callous but talking over the phone and chatting are a far cry from living with someone 24/7. I'm wondering if this is the biggest factor that contributes to the failure of some international marriages? How much does culture play into it?

With the 90 day period for K-1 Visas, Has anyone here used that time to 'live' together before actually marrying?

I'm also wondering outloud (forgive me) if because the process (K-1 Visa) is lengthy that some are rushing into the engagement?

[Reba 2]

I'm just guessing but the divorce rate is probably about the same as the public at large.

And yeah, it would probably have a lot to do with the normal every day adjustment of getting married and living with someone you've never lived with before. Cultures can clash even with people born in the same country. I imagine there are differences from perhaps living in Southern California and rural Wisconsin

I do think that the K1 sometimes can be a bit of a rush to get to. Couples want to be together and so they go thru the process and maybe don't know each other well, they get married and then once the AOS stuff is sent in, they have to settle in to married life. In and of itself marriage can be stressful, no matter how in love you are. Add in immigration stressors, culture clashes, and homesickness and it can all just come crashing in.

My husband and I knew each other a year and a half before he proposed, and we'd been able to see each other fairly frequently in that time. But still after moving here, I've often felt totally overwhelmed and wanted to just pack it in and go home. I imagine I'm not alone in that.

[Anyta Holland 1]

I agree... divorce posts seem to be more frequent lately...

Think is about change, adaptation and difference in cultures, don't think everyone is prepared to be somewhat tolerant with their partners and the things they go through...

[Ladylethal 12]

I believe it´s more common between those that rushed into the engagement ´cus they knew ahead of time what a pain is to get the visa. When I got engaged in January I thought, now I have a lot of time still, and around June I´ll apply for a visa to go be with him and get married (thinking it was simple procedure, like getting a tourist visa). So February came and went, and March was almost over when I decided to read about the requirements, and when I found out the timelines, read this site, I went OMG NO! and had to rush into getting the paperwork ready. So now I´m not gonna be able to get married in August anymore as I had planned.

But what I am trying to say is that there´s a difference in cases like mine, met each other for years, spent time together many times, etc and those that fall in love and rush into getting engaged (most frequently due to the fact it´s the only way to spend time close to each other to even attempt a relationship).

But hey, the divorce rate in "regular", local relationships is really high these days.

[Chuckles 0]

Does anybody here know?

It seems like there's at least a handful of threads posted throughout VJ where someone here is getting a divorce.

I don't want to sound callous but talking over the phone and chatting are a far cry from living with someone 24/7. I'm wondering if this is the biggest factor that contributes to the failure of some international marriages? How much does culture play into it?

With the 90 day period for K-1 Visas, Has anyone here used that time to 'live' together before actually marrying?

I'm also wondering outloud (forgive me) if because the process (K-1 Visa) is lengthy that some are rushing into the engagement?

Here is an article from the USCIS webpages:

http://www.uscis.gov/graphics/aboutus/reps...ies/mobappa.htm

An exerpt:

"According to data supplied by the U.S. Census Bureau, there were

2,395,000 marriages in the U.S. in the 12 months ending June, 1997 (and

1,154,000 divorces in the same period). The 4,000 to 6,000 marriages

involving international services represent, then, a tiny portion (.021

percent) of the women who marry U.S. men.

It is interesting to note that, based largely on data provided by the

agencies themselves (along with the Commission on Filipinos Overseas

report cited above), marriages arranged through these services would

appear to have a much lower divorce rate than the nation as a whole,

fully 80 percent of these marriages having lasted over the years for

which reports are available."

Overall it is a good read if this subject interests you. Personally I believe lots of marriages are rushed because of the K1 process, and I am sure is a contributing factor to failure of the marriage. I realize you were not speaking of these types of marriages specificaly, but anyway... I am sure it is part of what you are eluding to.

Edited June 25, 2006 by Chuckles

[Ladylethal 12]

But it does seem like they last longer afterall.

Honestly though? All this is pretty random and all I know is that divorce rate is way too high everywhere lately.

[KaiserD 12]

but as someone else said the length of time to get a K1 is most probably the largest reason why relationships fail, so I'd imagine a fairly big number fall away before they get to the altar.

[sparkofcreation 0]

Does anybody here know?

It seems like there's at least a handful of threads posted throughout VJ where someone here is getting a divorce.

I don't want to sound callous but talking over the phone and chatting are a far cry from living with someone 24/7. I'm wondering if this is the biggest factor that contributes to the failure of some international marriages? How much does culture play into it?

With the 90 day period for K-1 Visas, Has anyone here used that time to 'live' together before actually marrying?

I'm also wondering outloud (forgive me) if because the process (K-1 Visa) is lengthy that some are rushing into the engagement?

Here is an article from the USCIS webpages:

http://www.uscis.gov/graphics/aboutus/reps...ies/mobappa.htm

An exerpt:

"According to data supplied by the U.S. Census Bureau, there were

2,395,000 marriages in the U.S. in the 12 months ending June, 1997 (and

1,154,000 divorces in the same period). The 4,000 to 6,000 marriages

involving international services represent, then, a tiny portion (.021

percent) of the women who marry U.S. men.

It is interesting to note that, based largely on data provided by the

agencies themselves (along with the Commission on Filipinos Overseas

report cited above), marriages arranged through these services would

appear to have a much lower divorce rate than the nation as a whole,

fully 80 percent of these marriages having lasted over the years for

which reports are available."

Overall it is a good read if this subject interests you. Personally I believe lots of marriages are rushed because of the K1 process, and I am sure is a contributing factor to failure of the marriage. I realize you were not speaking of these types of marriages specificaly, but anyway... I am sure it is part of what you are eluding to.

That would seem to apply only to Filipina women marrying American men through a matchmaker [i assume that's what they mean by "marriages arranged through these services"] though--I would guess that's a very small percentage of overall American/foreign marriages. Certainly none of the three things apply to us--not from the Phillippines, USC woman/non-USC man, no matchmaker.

I don't think you can look at just one foreign culture if you're going to discuss "immigration marriages" as a whole, any more than you can look at only one culture within the US. Certainly my husband and I have fewer cultural and religious differences than my last ex-boyfriend and I had, for example.

I would agree that I don't think the divorce rate is any higher among immigrant marriages, but that's just a guess. I know three K1ers in real life, who have now been married 7,5, and 1 year (Pakistan, Pakistan, and Netherlands respectively), but that's hardly representative. I had an older co-worker who came on an IR-1 from Mexico forty years ago whose marriage lasted only 8-10 years or so, and a neighbor whose wife came on one from Poland who had been married 60 years. But again, anecdotal and not representative.

We weren't K-1, but in any case we're a week shy of our two year anniversary. Supposedly your likelihood of divorcing drops by half if you're still together after two years, so yay us, I guess.

[Scott & Lai 12]

I don't want to sound callous but talking over the phone and chatting are a far cry from living with someone 24/7. I'm wondering if this is the biggest factor that contributes to the failure of some international marriages? How much does culture play into it?

With the 90 day period for K-1 Visas, Has anyone here used that time to 'live' together before actually marrying?

Traditional "dating" is also a far cry from living with someone 24/7. And countless couples have successful marriages without "living together" prior to marrying; many people's religious/cultural beliefs won't allow such arrangments.

[sparkofcreation 0]

I don't want to sound callous but talking over the phone and chatting are a far cry from living with someone 24/7. I'm wondering if this is the biggest factor that contributes to the failure of some international marriages? How much does culture play into it?

With the 90 day period for K-1 Visas, Has anyone here used that time to 'live' together before actually marrying?

Traditional "dating" is also a far cry from living with someone 24/7. And countless couples have successful marriages without "living together" prior to marrying; many people's religious/cultural beliefs won't allow such arrangments.

Also, the divorce rate is the same or slightly higher for couples who *do* live together before marriage. So it's not like doing so helps.

[rebeccajo 14]

I don't think the nationality of the spouses, the distance between the couples, the process of immigration, or the length of the courtship prior to the marriage impact divorce.

Being from the same geography doesn't guarantee you any more success than those who aren't so blessed.

I think it is the partners. Plain and simple.

You either share the same moral values, goals, dreams, aspirations and respect for one another or you don't. Not to mention commitment.

Marriage is tough. It requires work. It's not a proposition for the lazy or the bored.

If a person is inclined to make a rash decision they are just as likely to make the same decision with a local relationship as they would with an international one.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I don't think you can look at just one foreign culture if you're going to discuss "immigration marriages" as a whole, any more than you can look at only one culture within the US. Certainly my husband and I have fewer cultural and religious differences than my last ex-boyfriend and I had, for example.

That is a very good point and someone else also pointed out how the cultures even within the different regions of the U.S. are different (So. Cali vs. Missouri for example). Even though my four other brothers all married women from other countries, my parents have this notion that the cultural differences are just an added strain to marriages that already are faced with so many challenges. I wholeheartedly disagree with that notion for the very reason you mentioned. It's not geography that makes us different or alike - it's what we value.

[Jenn! 918]

I don't want to sound callous but talking over the phone and chatting are a far cry from living with someone 24/7. I'm wondering if this is the biggest factor that contributes to the failure of some international marriages? How much does culture play into it?

With the 90 day period for K-1 Visas, Has anyone here used that time to 'live' together before actually marrying?

Traditional "dating" is also a far cry from living with someone 24/7. And countless couples have successful marriages without "living together" prior to marrying; many people's religious/cultural beliefs won't allow such arrangments.

Also, the divorce rate is the same or slightly higher for couples who *do* live together before marriage. So it's not like doing so helps.

That doesn't mean that it was the act of living together that caused divorce however. One of the reasons that people choose not to cohabitate before marriage is religious belief. One of the reasons that people choose not to divorce is also religious belief.

[CarolineM 0]

Isn't the national divorce rate like 1 in 2?? It's like half of all marriages will end in divorce. how could the international rate be any highter? I'd say it definitely is the same as the national average. You have to understand..the posts you are seeing here are NOT representative of all international marriages...

Not every american marrying a foreigner knows about VJ or uses it.

[sparkofcreation 0]

I don't want to sound callous but talking over the phone and chatting are a far cry from living with someone 24/7. I'm wondering if this is the biggest factor that contributes to the failure of some international marriages? How much does culture play into it?

With the 90 day period for K-1 Visas, Has anyone here used that time to 'live' together before actually marrying?

Traditional "dating" is also a far cry from living with someone 24/7. And countless couples have successful marriages without "living together" prior to marrying; many people's religious/cultural beliefs won't allow such arrangments.

Also, the divorce rate is the same or slightly higher for couples who *do* live together before marriage. So it's not like doing so helps.

That doesn't mean that it was the act of living together that caused divorce however. One of the reasons that people choose not to cohabitate before marriage is religious belief. One of the reasons that people choose not to divorce is also religious belief.

Oh, I didn't mean to imply that was the cause! It just seemed to me that previous posters had implied that lack of living together before marriage was one reason that immigrant marriage failed. I wanted to point out that doing so in no way increases a couple's chances of staying together.

I think there are a lot more factors than religious belief involved--for example, another theory is that people expect their spouse to change once they actually marry, and of course that doesn't happen, or they expect marriage to "fix" existing problems, which of course it doesn't. (Which of course can apply in cases where the couple *doesn't* live together, too.)