marriage woes after entry into u.s.

[Illinois 0]

not all cultures are the same.. Its hard for us to imagine someone being an outcast for a situation like hers. But that is exactly what she would be if she returned. To simply say she should just go back home is harsh. My ex husband was from Sri lanka, and he never told any of his family about our marriage, he just dropped out of their lives withouat a word. it wasnt because he was ashamed.. but for him it was better to let them think he was dead, than to face their rejection. He had a younger sister that would have an arranged married soon, and he said if the villiage new of our marriage, she would also be considered outcast and would not find a suitable husband. He said his family would consider him dead to all of them if they knew. I had a difficult time accepting that a family could be this way. But its true, in cultures like these its more important to have a good reputation in the community than to accept your childs decisions.

To the original poster, Kudos to you for having a compassionate heart. I hope that everything works out in the end for this lady.

Good Luck

vicki/bala

While this is not a reply to the OP's question, I thought of dropping a note as a Sri Lankan myself. It is always troubling to have people generalize a whole country or a nation based on their experiences, and to lump all countries in a region together. Sure, there would be families/areas where marrying a "foreigner" is still considered a bad thing. But I do not know that I would call the whole society that. Also, if your ex thought if dropping out without contact would keep his family/social circle in the dark about his marriage - I would take it with a large grain of salt, unless he came from a very very very rural part of the country. We are a small country, and it is usually less than three degrees of separation, as we joke about it

[Marc and Olga 0]

I think I've figured out the code!

AM must mean American Men, and AW must mean American women.

"AM are not animals just because they don't want to submit to the greed and servitude demanded by the AW."

I think this means: American Men beat American Women becuase the women are greedy and demand servitude, when everyone knows it's the woman who has to be the subservient one.

Well, if that's his take on it, no wonder he doesn'tlike IMBRA. Now he wont be able to keep some unlucky girl around as his subservient little slave/power trip.

You're right on the money.

I do agree, verifiable abusive situations are terrible and anyone in these situations must leave them but I do have concerns as to how IMBRA regulates fraudulent use of the abuse "card" (i.e. claiming abuse where there was no abuse)? So far all I have heard/read is that IMBRA not only makes it easier to claim abuse but also tells HOW to become a US Citizen AFTER claiming abuse! (IMBRA 2005, care to answer that for me?)

AGAIN in a truely abusive situation this is wonderful and would have helped my ex upon her arrival with an alcoholic and abusive man (fully documented by the State of Arizona as Child Protection Service became involved), unfortunately this information was not as available in the mid-1990s when she arrived!

Edited July 5, 2006 by Marc and Olga

[dmartmar 1]

I do agree in that verifiable abusive situations are terrible and anyone in these situations must leave, but I do have concerns as to how IMBRA regulates fraudulent use of the "abuse card" (i.e. claiming abuse where there was no abuse). So far, all I have heard/read is that IMBRA not only makes it easier to claim abuse, but that it also tells immigrants HOW to become US Citizens AFTER claiming abuse (IMBRA 2005)! Care to answer that one for me?

For one, a fraudulent immigrant would find it very hard to claim and prove abuse against his/her USC spouse as an easy way to get out of their marriage and obtain a GC. At the same time, it's a double edged sword. Those immigrants that DO claim abuse where it's not merited against the USC spouse who was cleared by the USCIS as being non-violent/abusive prior to marriage, is right away suspect of entering into marriage fraudulently, so OF COURSE it makes it easier to claim abuse! The same law that says it will help them, is the same one that condemns them in the end.

AGAIN, this is wonderful in a truly abusive situation and would have helped my ex upon her arrival, with an alcoholic and abusive man (fully documented by the State of Arizona, as Child Protection Services became involved). Unfortunately, this information was not available in the mid '90s, when she arrived!

Remember there are two sides to every story and that it's very easy for any woman in any state to claim abuse/harrassment/stalking and get/have a restraining order served and granted against her ex-boyfriend/lover/husband.

[*Robert* 2]

Who cares how people view her back in her native country of Nepal? Why do you care? Shouldn't you be more worried about your friend's situation, instead of his wife's?

My advice to her is: go back home.

#######?!!!

My advice is for no one to listen to your advice.