I'm SOOOO ANNOYED!

[rebeccajo 14]

My husband is from Western Europe (Northern Ireland to be exact) and I still got the rude comments. Don't you know by now that America is the greatest nation on earth and everybody on the planet would lie, cheat or otherwise steal to get a greencard?

Oh....just Thursday another moron asked me if he speaks English....

!!!! That is hilarious! But also kind of weird and sad to think of what MANY Americans think about people from the rest of the planet.

Yeah, well that's not the half of it. My boss was pretty sure he was an IRA bomber, my mother thought he was an internet predator, and the women I worked with just thought I had generally lost my mind.

Everybody's good now though. They think he's the berries.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

I think lots of people cannot relate to this type of international situation unless they themselves have been in it (which so few people have). I also think lots of people hold some VERY strange notions about people from other countries (possibly excluding Canada and much of Western Europe),

ugh...you'd be amazed!

I agree. You'd be amazed. Canadians aren't exempt from this type of ignorance either. My husband received a number of 'comments' from both friends and family about why didn't he just marry an american, and what did he really know about me because I was a 'foreigner' - all this, of course, before anyone had even met me. Interestingly, I also experienced the other side of it from some of my acquaintances wanting to know why I was marrying an American! My true friends just said congratulations, and waited until they met Joe before they made up their minds about whether this was a good thing or a bad thing.

Hang in there and know that your true friends will be with you - even if they disagree withyour choice right now - and when they do see how well you are together, will become some of your strongest supporters. The others don't matter.

[Anyta Holland 1]

So, only FOREING MEN beat women? Yikes! That is most probably the most ignorant belief of all!!! So, all the stories of american men beating up their wives are made up or it is only that they are foreigners in disguise? For crying out loud, you would have thought that in the day and age we live, those prejudices would be in the past!

Don't let it get to you, if you're happy and your family is behind you, then that's all you need. Surely you can make friends that will appreciate your boyfriend as the nice person he is...

(hugs)

[CanGal 1]

I agree. You'd be amazed. Canadians aren't exempt from this type of ignorance either. My husband received a number of 'comments' from both friends and family about why didn't he just marry an american, and what did he really know about me because I was a 'foreigner' - all this, of course, before anyone had even met me. Interestingly, I also experienced the other side of it from some of my acquaintances wanting to know why I was marrying an American! My true friends just said congratulations, and waited until they met Joe before they made up their minds about whether this was a good thing or a bad thing.

I agree, I experienced this as well. My husband still gets asked stupid questions too like does she speak english or only canadian??? What?? I couldn't believe the ignorance of some people. Kinda sad because he said he gets that alot, especially at work :-p ..... On the most part I have had full support of everyone who loves me (friends and family) but I have had to deal with the rash comments from a few people. Lots of people thought I was crazy, that I was too young and didn't have a clue what I was getting myself into. Well too late now, I got myself into it haha.

[keltic 1]

in short, after 2 yrs, your friends should have stopped this... ppl, in general, are scared of that which they do not know... but its not like this is their first responses... at this point, my advice, would be to just dont tolerate it... dont get nasty... you can try to pin them down like jaylen said... this is when they should rally around you and support you... if the ppl that you think of as your friends cant be there for you during this stressful time, are they really your friends?

[Elizabethnhenry 0]

at all the dumb comments we get. (Oh Rebecca! Does Wes speak English??? Aye!) We should really write a book. sigh

I agree with Laura, it does seem like people are rooting against our relationship and that's why I park my butt on this website sooo much. Henry has SIBLINGS who are no longer speaking to him and I have a few family who are now beginning to speak to me. My friends were for the most part supportive but some are just plain .

I also agree with Keltic that you need to set boundaries - especially once he gets here. Let people know that you won't stand for anyone embarrassing him. By good friend used to mock Henry's accent and I just asked her to cut it out. She apologized and we moved on.

I see your honey's interview is right around the corner, so please use your energy to focus on this so you get approved and get one step closer. Good luck!!

[Karen_L 1]

Thank you so much for your responses! I feel better knowing so many people know where I'm coming from with this and that I'm actually not even getting the most ridiculous questions and comments ("Does he [the man from N. Ireland] speak English???") And my heart goes out to anyone else who is experiencing this, especially people whose families are giving them a hard time. The trouble is, I'm the type of person who (in general) likes to avoid conflict, especially when I think that (strange as it is) people are trying to do things for my benefit and because they care -- which is what I think all of those nasty comments are supposed to be (words of kind advice). There is a difference between giving a gentle warning to be careful to someone involved in a "new" relationship and actually making fun of someone and the boyfriend they've been with for 2 years so that they feel ridiculous.

I was particularly aggravated last night when my FRIEND'S BOYFRIEND started saying these things to me. It's bad enough when friends that I've known for years say these things to me, but when someone I've met TWO TIMES presumes to talk that way to me and tell me what I ought to do with my life and try and make me feel foolish for my choices about a man he's never ever met, it crosses a line. I held my tongue so as not to alienate my friend and because I was at a gathering with her family and it would have created a scene. But I think I will talk to her about HER boyfriend's behavior and about her general attitude towards my fiance', since she has been THE WORST of everyone about this.

I think I might be feeling especially sensative to this because my fiance' has been working REALLY long hours catering this weekend and so our nightly conversations have been really really shortened these last 3 days since he's been coming home at 3AM ready to collapse, so I miss him even more than usual.

[LaGreenEyes 0]

I can totally relate, I don't feel that my friends are against him or our relationship, but some of them...geesh! I get tired of hearing "does he speak english yet?"...."Does he have a job yet?" "How do you pay your bills if he's not working?" and so on....like the most important thing in the world is money.. Yes maybe we are putting a few more things on the credit card than normal, but he has his EAD now, is getting better in english every day and will be looking for work when he comes back from visiting Panama. He has no bills or debt, so things will get paid off quick anyways.

Hang in there! I hear Algeria is wonderful, by the way! They don't live in trees in Panama either, haha!

[Vagina Journey 0]

Karen_L you should tell those who make fun of your boy "What do you think? ...It doesn't matter what you think"

[hollyw 0]

WOWWW this is exactly what I have been dealing with lately.

My husband (we are about to go through DCF) is from Algeria and I have to deal with people constantly judging him because of his religion and where he comes from. I can't even count the number of times people have told me to be careful because:

- he will beat me and not let me leave the house

- he will force me to become muslim

- when we have children, he will steal them and take them to Algeria where I have no rights

- he is only using me for a visa

- he is only using me for a visa BECAUSE he wants to come to the US and join a terrorist cell

- he will make me wear a hijab (head covering) or a burka

- etc etc etc and on and on and on

what maybe even worse is not the serious worries that people have about my relationship, but the jokes about it. like other people have mentioned. people in America have also come up with some prety derogitory names for Muslim people or people from the middle east/north africa. it's really heartbreaking.

what makes it worse it my own family tends to hint towards these kinds of things. i know they are only looking out for my well-being, but it comes to a point where you just want to scream at everyone and cry. at least in my case, i know the media has a lot to do with what people think of my husband and whatever they hear on the television MUST be the truth. i also recently lost a friend (one of my best friends) because she believed that i was comprimising my family, friends, and education for a person that would end up beating me, leaving me, or killing me. and she just could not go on being my friend because she "loved me too much to see bad things like that happened to me" instead of trying to udnerstand my situation and talk to me about it. and the best part was, she was basing all of her information on a Sally Field's movie she had seen (about a woman that marries an Algerian man and he takes her kids.... i forget the title). i can see the humor in it now, but at the time i was destroyed...

so, yes, I can relate and I feel for everyone out there who is going through the same kinds of things. it helps to talk to people that have had similar experiences, it makes you feel like you're not the only one and that the whole world isn't out to get you. sorry if this post was long or tedious or hard to understand, it was mostly just to make myself feel just a little bit better

[almaty 19]

Karen_L you should tell those who make fun of your boy "What do you think? ...It doesn't matter what you think"

just tell them they are chopf##ks and piss off

[Karen_L 1]

WOWWW this is exactly what I have been dealing with lately.

My husband (we are about to go through DCF) is from Algeria and I have to deal with people constantly judging him because of his religion and where he comes from. I can't even count the number of times people have told me to be careful because:

- he will beat me and not let me leave the house

- he will force me to become muslim

- when we have children, he will steal them and take them to Algeria where I have no rights

- he is only using me for a visa

- he is only using me for a visa BECAUSE he wants to come to the US and join a terrorist cell

- he will make me wear a hijab (head covering) or a burka

- etc etc etc and on and on and on

what maybe even worse is not the serious worries that people have about my relationship, but the jokes about it. like other people have mentioned. people in America have also come up with some prety derogitory names for Muslim people or people from the middle east/north africa. it's really heartbreaking.

what makes it worse it my own family tends to hint towards these kinds of things. i know they are only looking out for my well-being, but it comes to a point where you just want to scream at everyone and cry. at least in my case, i know the media has a lot to do with what people think of my husband and whatever they hear on the television MUST be the truth. i also recently lost a friend (one of my best friends) because she believed that i was comprimising my family, friends, and education for a person that would end up beating me, leaving me, or killing me. and she just could not go on being my friend because she "loved me too much to see bad things like that happened to me" instead of trying to udnerstand my situation and talk to me about it. and the best part was, she was basing all of her information on a Sally Field's movie she had seen (about a woman that marries an Algerian man and he takes her kids.... i forget the title). i can see the humor in it now, but at the time i was destroyed...

so, yes, I can relate and I feel for everyone out there who is going through the same kinds of things. it helps to talk to people that have had similar experiences, it makes you feel like you're not the only one and that the whole world isn't out to get you. sorry if this post was long or tedious or hard to understand, it was mostly just to make myself feel just a little bit better

Oh my goodness! I am so sorry to hear that, especially that you lost a friendship over this. I've gotten a few "He's Muslim! he must be a terrorist!!!" reactions too (he's Albanian Muslim; he and his family are not religious, his mom doesn't wear the hijab, and everyone freely and moderately drinks liquor lol) but they've waned since it's everyone has realized how ridiculous those accusations are.

My friend has actually apologized to me. She says that her boyfriend was just joking around, but agrees that since I hardly know him, it was inappropriate and she understands why it hurt my feelings.

P.S. -- your friend based her opinions off of "Not Without my Daughter"? I've seen that movie many times and I think her husband was Iranian, not Algerian. But in any event... even if it is based on a true story, a person shouldn't formulate their opinions of anothers husband based on a MOVIE! Wow. But yeah, I think the media has A LOT to do with everyone's opinion of your husband, which is unfortunate since even after they meet him, they may still hold those beliefs since, as you said, everyone must believe everything they see on the TV so even if he's a great guy, friendly, kind, funny etc. they'll probably always be waiting for his "inner Terrorist" to emerge from hiding.

- Karen