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Filed: AOS (apr) Country: Jordan
Timeline
Posted
  tngirl21809 said:
Maybe you've been spending too much time on pc talking???

It can be as simple as that.

She may just feel "tied" to the PC.

Not that she doesnt want to talk to you but that sitting in front of the computer for hours gets to be "work". If you have been at this LDR for two years, she may being going through a phase of just not feeling like talking to the screen.. NOT YOU, but the difficulties in keeping up communication via chatting. make sense?

I dont think her reaction was quite a fair one, but I also dont know how you approached it.

More communication about this issue is key of course.

Saying things like "i feel____when ____happens(you have to leave suddenly)" is a good way to open the lines without sounding accusitory. I would even say, "Im sorry if I sounded like I was being controlling, I think you misunderstood." Also a good way to open it up without blame being laid.

If you try this and she is still vauge and lashing out... it is probably a big red flag that something is DEF not right.

Good Luck

  Shad and Dani said:
  hargis said:
Question: The women might be able to answer this better. Me and my wife have been getting

along fine. But recently when we chat she can't stay long and has to go. Then last night when

we were chatting, i asked what she would do that day, and she got upset and said i was trying

to control her and no one owns her, and she felt like she had to give me a report.

What is all of this about?

What would happen if you were too busy to meet at all? What if you were vague about your day? Pull away from her a bit and see what happens. :yes:

or you could just play childish mind games with her liek he says :blink:

"you fondle my trigger then you blame my gun"

Timeline: 13 month long journey from filing to visa in hand

If you were lucky and got an approval and reunion with your loved one rather quickly; Please refrain from telling people who waited 6+ months just to get out of a service center to "chill out" or to "stop whining" It's insensitive,and unecessary. Once you walk a mile in their shoes you will understand and be heard.

Thanks!

Filed: AOS (apr) Country: Kenya
Timeline
Posted

Sometimes in a conversation one has to learn to just listen and not talk.

She's just getting stressed out. Send he some flowers and a nice card.

Phil (Lockport, near Chicago) and Alla (Lobnya, near Moscow)

As of Dec 7, 2009, now Zero miles apart (literally)!

Posted

I'm afraid that considering the great contribution the others have made, mine may seem repetitive :) As much as your wife may love you, and you her, you do get strained staring at a screen for several hours and sitting in a certain position. Using Skype or something instead of going cross-eyed over writing in a chat box might be a good idea...me and my Knight use Skype whenever we talk. I also know I have to get out and so does he, so we allow one another space even though we'd rather do nothing more than spend time with one another. If I were with him in person, it would be another story altogether, but alas, a screen will have to suffice for now.

Good luck and I hope you can resolve things :).

Magpie.

Upon the mountain of that which would undo us, our banner shall fly highest.

For K-1 timeline, please check our story!

:: Before-AOS Timeline ::

2009-06-16: Received SSN

2009-06-18: Got my degree classification! Got a 2:1 =D.

2009-07-04: Got MARRIED on Independance Day in San Antonio!

:: AOS Timeline ::

2009-08-06: Mailed off our AOS packet!

2009-08-10: USCIS received packet, no NOA1 yet

2009-08-14: NOA1, eeee!

2009-09-08: Walk-in biometrics, all done!

2009-09-15: Got AP, woo + driving permit

2009-09-25: Approved for EAD, waiting for card

2009-09-30: EAD in hand :D

2009-10-16: Received interview letter for 20th October :D

2009-10-20: AOS APPROVED!

2009-10-30: Green card in hand! Weeeeeee!

Posted

For me, I find being alone at home (even if we are connected in a voice or video chat on Skype!) I feel lonely. Even though the weekends are the only time that we can have extended times on the calls, I'll go to my parents just to have some company. After a long time in a long distance relationship, a video call just is not enough. I wouldn't get upset about that my self.

On the other hand, Nik pretty much knows in general where I am (he says I am not always very good at this, but I try...) - I'll mention I'm going to my parents after he goes to bed (and will be there the next day, so unavailable for chat) or that I'm going out Friday night for a birthday or something. Likewise, if he is not going to be home from work as expected, he'll usually send a short email about being out for dinner with a friend etc. It's not about trust, it's not about reporting in, and controlling people's movements. It's common courtesy to treat your "other half" as an integral part of your life. Even though you can't be together in person (yet!), you'd tell them if you would be late home from work every day, or if you were going out (even just for errands) on the weekend if you were there in person, why not when they are "there" on Skype/other messenger???? We worry about the people we love -- When Nik went to his parents' in the country (limited/no cell coverage) over Easter, only to find the internet connection needed rebooting, other hardware troubleshooting which made him HOURS late to get online to tell me he'd arrived safely after a cross-country drive, you'd better bet I was looking for his mother's phone number, and mentally planning an emergency flight if the worst had happened!!

If your reasons for asking differ from the above mentioned concern for safety or understandable general interest in her, or you feel suspicious, then that is out of bounds - It needs to be clear between you two that this isn't (or shouldn't be) about permission to go out, just interest/concern for her welfare.

Also, I'll also put another vote in against the idea that this should be approached by the #######-for-tat method. If this is concerning you, tell her in an honest discussion of the issue.

K-1:

January 28, 2009: NOA1

June 4, 2009: Interview - APPROVED!!!

October 11, 2009: Wedding

AOS:

December 23, 2009: NOA1!

January 22, 2010: Bogus RFE corrected through congressional inquiry "EAD waiting on biometrics only" Read about it here.

March 15, 2010: AOS interview - RFE for I-693 vaccination supplement - CS signed part 6!

March 27, 2010: Green Card recieved

ROC:

March 1, 2012: Mailed ROC package

March 7, 2012: Tracking says "notice left"...after a phone call to post office.

More detailed time line in profile.

Filed: K-1 Visa Country: Kenya
Timeline
Posted

I think you need to be really honest with her and tell her how she is making you feel. My fiance and I have promised to tell each other EVERYTHING no matter how bad it is. If we are really frustrated or feeling that the other is not doing their part we talk about it. There was one time I didn't hear from him in a week and it put me in a REALLY bad mood. I told him that I was worried about him and that I didn't feel like he was sharing everything with me anymore. He opened up and admitted to not being as open, that it was hard for him to do so while we were so far apart. We are both trying to be very understanding of each others' situations and sometimes we just need a little reminder. If she does not respond well to your sincere concerns that I would start to worry a little. I would give up anything to talk with him and purposely don't schedule things around certain times of the day and week so that I can. Hope that everything works out. This is a lot to go through if you are having second thoughts.

Posted

Dude she is cheating on you, it's her way of dealing with the guilt. I had a doc tell me once that when one is dealing with guilt they have a tendacy to lash out at the ones they love. Just observe her other interactions with you and make your judgements based on that. But hey she could just be having a bad day and then you have nothing to worry about.

04-12-08 Married

06-11-08 Mailed I-130 Package

06-18-08 NOA1

08-08-08 NOA2

10-22-08 Interview USEM

10-28-08 Visa Received

11-01-08 POE

That was fast!

Got to love the fact my wife was preggy and even with a RFE @ NVC she was still here in under 5 months!

Posted
  Funke said:
I think you need to be really honest with her and tell her how she is making you feel. My fiance and I have promised to tell each other EVERYTHING no matter how bad it is. If we are really frustrated or feeling that the other is not doing their part we talk about it. There was one time I didn't hear from him in a week and it put me in a REALLY bad mood. I told him that I was worried about him and that I didn't feel like he was sharing everything with me anymore. He opened up and admitted to not being as open, that it was hard for him to do so while we were so far apart. We are both trying to be very understanding of each others' situations and sometimes we just need a little reminder. If she does not respond well to your sincere concerns that I would start to worry a little. I would give up anything to talk with him and purposely don't schedule things around certain times of the day and week so that I can. Hope that everything works out. This is a lot to go through if you are having second thoughts.

That's the best way to do it -- it's good on you guys that you share that way. Me and Knight have more or less told one another the worst possible things about ourselves or things we've done and it's only made us stronger. If we're angry with one another, we don't hold back (though we rarely get more than annoyed at each other) but we always make up. Arguing about things can be surprisingly healthy in a relationship (as long as it's constructive and you always make up afterwards!). I keep my mornings and evenings for him because that's when he's around, and he leaves Skype running when he's away, and so do I, even when I'm out doing other things. It almost makes me feel like I'm right there with him :).

Magpie.

Upon the mountain of that which would undo us, our banner shall fly highest.

For K-1 timeline, please check our story!

:: Before-AOS Timeline ::

2009-06-16: Received SSN

2009-06-18: Got my degree classification! Got a 2:1 =D.

2009-07-04: Got MARRIED on Independance Day in San Antonio!

:: AOS Timeline ::

2009-08-06: Mailed off our AOS packet!

2009-08-10: USCIS received packet, no NOA1 yet

2009-08-14: NOA1, eeee!

2009-09-08: Walk-in biometrics, all done!

2009-09-15: Got AP, woo + driving permit

2009-09-25: Approved for EAD, waiting for card

2009-09-30: EAD in hand :D

2009-10-16: Received interview letter for 20th October :D

2009-10-20: AOS APPROVED!

2009-10-30: Green card in hand! Weeeeeee!

Filed: K-3 Visa Country: Vietnam
Timeline
Posted
  hargis said:
Question: The women might be able to answer this better. Me and my wife have been getting

along fine. But recently when we chat she can't stay long and has to go. Then last night when

we were chatting, i asked what she would do that day, and she got upset and said i was trying

to control her and no one owns her, and she felt like she had to give me a report.

What is all of this about?

Well i explained my reason for asking which was that i was interested in her daily life there. And we spend

about 10 minutes a day on chat, some times we miss a day or two.

But i sent her an ecard and told her that i was sorry for making her feel like i was controling her.

And that was not my intention at all. That it was from true desire to know her activities. i told her that

i love who she is and i don't want that to change, i mentioned the 5 things i love about her, and how creative

she is.

And then she sent me a ecard saying Thank you for holding on to me, and thank you for explaining.

And that she loves me for loving her.

Posted
  Y's_habibitk said:
  tngirl21809 said:
Maybe you've been spending too much time on pc talking???

It can be as simple as that.

She may just feel "tied" to the PC.

Not that she doesnt want to talk to you but that sitting in front of the computer for hours gets to be "work". If you have been at this LDR for two years, she may being going through a phase of just not feeling like talking to the screen.. NOT YOU, but the difficulties in keeping up communication via chatting. make sense?

it up without blame being laid.

Good Luck

This. As much as Magpie hates to hear me say it, sometimes I really do just want to get up and stretch my legs and do something else aside from sit in front of my laptop. It isn't any fault of her own, and I know she gets withdrawals, but sometimes a fried brain is just bad to be around. A break every now and then is good.

  rmncm said:
Dude she is cheating on you, it's her way of dealing with the guilt. I had a doc tell me once that when one is dealing with guilt they have a tendacy to lash out at the ones they love. Just observe her other interactions with you and make your judgements based on that. But hey she could just be having a bad day and then you have nothing to worry about.

lolwut. That's a terrible statement to make. Cheating? You cannot be certain. Everyone handles things differently. Basically:

"A wounded heart strikes blindly at friend and foe alike."

-Knight

Upon the mountain of that which would undo us, our banner shall fly highest.

For K-1 timeline, please check our story!

:: Before-AOS Timeline ::

2009-06-16: Received SSN

2009-06-18: Got my degree classification! Got a 2:1 =D.

2009-07-04: Got MARRIED on Independance Day in San Antonio!

:: AOS Timeline ::

2009-08-06: Mailed off our AOS packet!

2009-08-10: USCIS received packet, no NOA1 yet

2009-08-14: NOA1, eeee!

2009-09-08: Walk-in biometrics, all done!

2009-09-15: Got AP, woo + driving permit

2009-09-25: Approved for EAD, waiting for card

2009-09-30: EAD in hand :D

2009-10-16: Received interview letter for 20th October :D

2009-10-20: AOS APPROVED!

2009-10-30: Green card in hand! Weeeeeee!

Filed: AOS (apr) Country: Scotland
Timeline
Posted

Hargis I am glad you recieved such a positive reply in the way that you handled the situation with your wife, Steven and I got stressed all the time , he was certainly ALOT better at handling it than me, thats all it was/is stress at the situation, having to speak with your spouse and not be able to hug them or kiss them I feel sorry for anyone who does not get effected by that. THis situation will make your marriage and connection to each other stronger :)

29/06/2004 Met online

24/10/2004- Officially started dating!

-Various Trips Between the USA and Scotland-

25/12/2007- Steven Proposed, and gave me a lovely Ring!

29/02/2008- Sent I-129F to VSC

22/09/2008-1pm - Recieved Visa!

04/11/2008 -Steven comes back to Scotland for the Celebrations!

09/11/2008- We return home together!

23/01/2009- Wedding!!!

Your I-129f was approved in 108 days from your NOA1 date.

Preparing AOS Forms.

09/4/2009- Sent AOS

11/4/2009- Received and signed for

20/4/2009- Received NOA for AOS/EAD/AP (Dated April 17th)

20/4/2009- USCIS cashed check for $1010

09/5/2009- Biometrics

11/5/2009- Case transferred to CSC

05/6/2009- Received AP

09/6/2009- Received EAD

22/7/2009- Approved!

27/7/2009- Greencard in Hand

Removal of Conditions.

15/5/2011- Received @ VSC

23/5/2011-NOA1

12/07/2011- Biometrics

 
Didn't find the answer you were looking for? Ask our VJ Immigration Lawyers.

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