LIFE IS LIFE

[chadya 0]

Medical problems can occur to anyone. I am a healthy 26 year old who never had any medical problem but boom I come to US, extreme weather change and I start having breathing problems. What is so wrong about accepting medical problems?

I find hk68 posts to be out of line; you aren't comprehending what OP has to say and only trying to be defensive because she has the Algerian connection.

I haven't been through what OP has been through and the transition for me in US and me and hubby living together has been really smooth so far. I didn't have problems communicating with people, but I had adjustments to do, especially food wise and weather wise.

There are times when you are lost, you don't know the directions of the roads, you don't know which food to order in a restaurant, you don't know which cereal to buy or which shampoo would be best for your hair, and these are small yet significant steps towards adjusting yourself to the new environment.

I hope everyone can find their way to happiness and prosperity.

yea, i was just trying to tell people that the state gives an option for immigrants to get help paying. if we didnt have that we would be over 40,000 dollars in debt....

[hk68 0]

well Chadya I'd like to go back to talk a bout your post "life is life".

One thing I am sure of is - i dont see where i am being a bigot by sharing that we are having the SAME problems as everyone else i know- sharing problems and learn from others experiences is why I am here.

your "life is life" post was written in a picturesque style for some reason, the style unfortunately drew away the reader's attention from the main point and then started sending skeptical replies as though it was written for fun.

I read and understood your point, because I come where your husband came from , and my wife is a US citizen just like your husband's wife, and I have been here 2 years also. The things you said make sense to me and are familiar,

I am not in a better situation than yours, and I dont live in a big city, I live among the real rednecks, I will not go into details but I'd like to whisper it into your ear I had a hell of hard time here, I have been called every thing including "terrorist" I got my first job and as a representative of a country I did my best to change the bad fame Arab people earned through the years I tried to say in actions not words we are not that bad .

it was not easy for me to get a job and when I started having a check stub every Friday I would put it in my wife's hand . the more I gave her the more I thought it was not enough and then I put even more because she has the same thought as you "3. it will not be easy for them to get work. it will be extremely hard if there is a heavy accent or language barrier. do not expect to EVER receive a return on your financial investment in the marriage."

what shall one give to satisfy you ??

"and i know you are defensive about the idea that algeria could have flaws"

Algeria has defects, all kind of flaws , if you try calling the Algerian Embassy in the US they wont answer the phone,

and when they do you will wish to hung up the phone ! but yes I am being defensive . But NO if you had made comments about another country no matter which I would not say anything , but I will still have same attitude because it is the name of that country that i have on my papers.

Thank you - some wise advice. I especially enjoyed number 8 - that sounds like the voice of experience!!

i like this part "be prepared for a human being to get off that plane. one who is as imperfect as you are".

'cept the part about the whole house getting moved to suit thier taste/needs good.gif

damm where is my underware today crying.gif

A moderator should sticky this. It's excellent advice and oh, so true. smile.gif

Wash the passport? Eeep! laughing.gif helpsmilie.gif

these are some silly senseless comments to your post , is this what you wanted to hear in return /

[SGroovy 0]

I belive that Chadya was just venting, and only ment well by posting this thread, which is completly ok. Everyone is free to express their opinions and feelings... However, one thing that struck my attention is " I litterally can Send him back anytime" to me that was a bit harsh, seemed like u didn't care much about him. Adjusting is a hard thing and not easy to overcome so patience and love is the key. I guess Hk68 was just demonstrating a glimpse of his pride towards his country of origin, which is understandable...

The way I see it, Immigrant or not, its what u make of your life that really matters. Immigration's been there for centuries, so its not something new... people migrated for different reasons.

[Rocky_nBullwinkle 6]

I like your post. In my case, I am the alien spouse. I cannot write here all those things I went through from the first day I arrived in the United States until now, good and bad, because they are too much and I won't have much space here. But my favorite part is #7. Bill always makes duplicate and triplicate copies of all my documents and I file them in a plastic folder. I think it works because everytime I need them, they come in handy.

[Brent and Paola 0]

An interesting and good post

[chadya 0]

well Chadya I'd like to go back to talk a bout your post "life is life".

One thing I am sure of is - i dont see where i am being a bigot by sharing that we are having the SAME problems as everyone else i know- sharing problems and learn from others experiences is why I am here.

your "life is life" post was written in a picturesque style for some reason, the style unfortunately drew away the reader's attention from the main point and then started sending skeptical replies as though it was written for fun.

I read and understood your point, because I come where your husband came from , and my wife is a US citizen just like your husband's wife, and I have been here 2 years also. The things you said make sense to me and are familiar,

I am not in a better situation than yours, and I dont live in a big city, I live among the real rednecks, I will not go into details but I'd like to whisper it into your ear I had a hell of hard time here, I have been called every thing including "terrorist" I got my first job and as a representative of a country I did my best to change the bad fame Arab people earned through the years I tried to say in actions not words we are not that bad .

it was not easy for me to get a job and when I started having a check stub every Friday I would put it in my wife's hand . the more I gave her the more I thought it was not enough and then I put even more because she has the same thought as you "3. it will not be easy for them to get work. it will be extremely hard if there is a heavy accent or language barrier. do not expect to EVER receive a return on your financial investment in the marriage."

what shall one give to satisfy you ??

"and i know you are defensive about the idea that algeria could have flaws"

Algeria has defects, all kind of flaws , if you try calling the Algerian Embassy in the US they wont answer the phone,

and when they do you will wish to hung up the phone ! but yes I am being defensive . But NO if you had made comments about another country no matter which I would not say anything , but I will still have same attitude because it is the name of that country that i have on my papers.

Thank you - some wise advice. I especially enjoyed number 8 - that sounds like the voice of experience!!

i like this part "be prepared for a human being to get off that plane. one who is as imperfect as you are".

'cept the part about the whole house getting moved to suit thier taste/needs good.gif

damm where is my underware today crying.gif

A moderator should sticky this. It's excellent advice and oh, so true. smile.gif

Wash the passport? Eeep! laughing.gif helpsmilie.gif

these are some silly senseless comments to your post , is this what you wanted to hear in return /

no, i didnt really make plans for what comments i would like to hear, i just wasnt looking forward to being called a bigot for sharing my experience. i thought that was what this column was about. i found it extremely unneccesary to attack me, i am only a person. maybe all you see when you type on a computer screen is the words you are replying to, i dont know. i feel it was uncalled for.

[-B&T- 1]

Nice post thanks for sharing Chadya! :thumbs:Very inspiring and thanks for the tips. Some new immigrants had an easier time adjusting the life here in US but some don't and I admire you for being a strong woman and being supportive to your hubby.

Edited April 23, 2009 by * Bituin *

[Ed+Cindy 1]

Chadya, has your husband ever thought of going back to study. It doesn't have to be a university degree. Even some sort of shorter course certification may help.

I have noticed that going back to school can sometimes 'reset' a person in the job market.

[MrsAmera 41]

Wow I think you are being pretty overly sensitive to what was posted. I feel like a lot of what all these posts (aside from yours) have said are pretty spot on. As for sub-par medical care, maybe you were privelaged enough to have great care but not true for many. Although my husband was young, he has had to have especially MAJOR dental work done. He had periodental disease that was at an advanced stage (not outwardly noticeable). The dentist told us that if he hadnt' recieved treatment within a few years he would have had major bodily effects. (The disease can poison the blood stream and lead to organ and heart failure - ironically how my grandfather died). This was never even looked into in Morocco and he's from an upper middle class urban family. Granted there are good doctors/health facilities in North Africa it's not fair to say that the majority are at the same level as western medical facilities.

I have some other points too but the basic is - you're lucky that you have had an easy transition and that's really great, however not everyone has the same experience. I made it abudantly clear to my husband life was hard here however that has not made it any easier.

lets make some analysis just for the fun of it .

chaia said:

... that was caused by a childhood illness and years of neglect and sub-par medical care[/u]

she seems to know a lot about a far far away country , no experience was required here , omniscient !

she said here :

... he or she may be stubborn and set in their ways, and will not always believe in your years and years of american experience.

this is why our elders invented the saying : what is sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander

this story looms before me and takes many shapes at once , I can hardly make it to collects pieces for a question

what was the purpose behind this story

this will help me answer some questions in my HSD test

[chadya 0]

OH MY GOD. you guys could not be further from the point of my post. i cant believe this site, and i will not visit it anymore.

to clarify.

THE EXACT POINT of my post was that life is life, hence the title. meaning that the same issues any marriage would have still apply. i in fact said that in my original post.

i also specifically said that problems occur when you try to strip the culture from your partner and that you should NOT do that. in fact i said "if you wanted someone who acted just like an american you should have married a local" where you guys got other ideas, i dont know. and how you can think that you can judge the details of my life from my very general posting about a general situation, i dont know. therefore i reject your accusations that i somehow am guilty of trying to change my husband into something he is not. it couldnt be further from the truth.

further, when i said what i said about "years of american experience" i am talking about things like paying a parking meter so you dont get a ticket, or how to choose an insurance company, or how to go about a job interview or apply for a job. these and many other basic things that one must know in order to live here, and that i am unwilling to face the consequences of not knowing.

as far for being a bigot or whatever, i will ignore those accusations henceforth, as they are ignorant and confrontational and aslo based on your interpretation of a fairly simple and innocent post. i am sorry for you that you feel you must see the horrible in everything you read.

and if denying the truth in order to save the delicate feelings of those who may read is supposed to somehow improve people's lives, i dont buy it. if a spade is a spade, you call it a spade. the world will not be a better place by pretending that everyone's country is perfect. the opposite is true in fact.

i was only sharing my experience as a person who has gone through the whole visa process. i am really really sorry that so many of you cant look at a persons experience without tearing it apart and insulting the speaker.

Thank you and have fun with your visajourney.com. it was shown to me by a friend and seemed a valuable tool, but i am sad to be mistaken about my first impression. i appreciate those of you who can have some tact when it comes to people sharing a struggle.

-Jacqueline

[chadya 0]

OH MY GOD. you guys could not be further from the point of my post. i cant believe this site, and i will not visit it anymore.

to clarify.

THE EXACT POINT of my post was that life is life, hence the title. meaning that the same issues any marriage would have still apply. i in fact said that in my original post.

i also specifically said that problems occur when you try to strip the culture from your partner and that you should NOT do that. in fact i said "if you wanted someone who acted just like an american you should have married a local" where you guys got other ideas, i dont know. and how you can think that you can judge the details of my life from my very general posting about a general situation, i dont know. therefore i reject your accusations that i somehow am guilty of trying to change my husband into something he is not. it couldnt be further from the truth.

further, when i said what i said about "years of american experience" i am talking about things like paying a parking meter so you dont get a ticket, or how to choose an insurance company, or how to go about a job interview or apply for a job. these and many other basic things that one must know in order to live here, and that i am unwilling to face the consequences of not knowing.

as far for being a bigot or whatever, i will ignore those accusations henceforth, as they are ignorant and confrontational and aslo based on your interpretation of a fairly simple and innocent post. i am sorry for you that you feel you must see the horrible in everything you read.

and if denying the truth in order to save the delicate feelings of those who may read is supposed to somehow improve people's lives, i dont buy it. if a spade is a spade, you call it a spade. the world will not be a better place by pretending that everyone's country is perfect. the opposite is true in fact.

i was only sharing my experience as a person who has gone through the whole visa process. i am really really sorry that so many of you cant look at a persons experience without tearing it apart and insulting the speaker.

Thank you and have fun with your visajourney.com. it was shown to me by a friend and seemed a valuable tool, but i am sad to be mistaken about my first impression. i appreciate those of you who can have some tact when it comes to people sharing a struggle.

-Jacqueline

OK SORRY. i was angry and its been going on for a while. . my friend just pointed out that it was really just the one guy who was being a you know what. so everyone else thanks for your kind words and whatever you shared in response. also, the comment about "can send him back" was just a tasteless joke. i dont really look at it like that. if anything, in the case of a divorce if one should happen, i would look at it as helping out a person i care about with his visit to the states. we have a son so i would hope nothing like that would ever occur though.

[chadya 0]

Chadya, has your husband ever thought of going back to study. It doesn't have to be a university degree. Even some sort of shorter course certification may help.

I have noticed that going back to school can sometimes 'reset' a person in the job market.

ACTUALLY!!!! happily he finally agreed to look into it. he has been saying he is too old this whole time, and balking at the idea. but finally yesterday i showed him a place that helps people like him and he said "maybe if i can study informatique" so its a start. i said, ok, lets start with ESL!!!