Misconceptions and Sterotypes WHAT DO YOU THINK

[morocco4ever 63]

There are some things that make me wonder though. I suppose you could call them stereotypes. I wonder why so many Muslim men seek out non-Muslim women. I also wonder why so many favor blondes. I'm an Arab Muslim woman raised in a traditional Arab Muslim family, although I have not been so traditional in my life. We are told that we are not allowed to marry non-Muslim men, and no Muslim man is allowed to marry a woman who is not a chaste Christian or Jew. Yet, you will find few who hold Muslim men to this rule, but nearly all want to hold Muslim women to the rules they make for them. It makes us wonder why our men want to abandon us, but condemn us if we do as they do. It's something to think about.

I did ask my husband why he picked me. For one he said he thought I had beautiful eyes. And of course he likes blondes because we are different. I prefer dark men, and always have.

My husband did tell me about his ex girl friend (yes that isn't accepted there). He found out that she was sleeping with many many men for money when she wasn't with him. He said that many women there have turned to prostitution because of the economy. In her case the money wasn't needed, she just wanted more. Its really sad. He said that the ones that haven't turned to prostitution is too busy looking for a man that already has money and a house. Of course no one wants to live in poverty, and if thats what they want, its their life. Now of course this doesn't hold true with all there, but I do believe it happens.

Now for the OP. That was perfect, thank you. I have to laugh so much over the question I think we have all been asked. "Haven't you seen that movie Not without my daughter?" I found a response that totally catches them off guard. "So does that mean that no father in America kidnaps his children?" That one usually shuts them up pretty fast.

Isn't it such a shame that the media has so much to do with flaming the hate between 2 cultures?

Edited June 25, 2006 by Morocco4ever

[Together4ever 1]

I wanted to say this before but was afraid of not stating it properly and having someone offended. But Mohammed and I were talking about this again tonight so I will go ahead and try. I know this is true for Egypt and I suspect it is for many ME/NA countries as well. It is the culture for a man to pursue marriage of a girl more as a "lifestyle agreement" then for love. As was stated before, if there is love fine, it comes along, or maybe not. That's not the basis of the marriage. A man is expected (particularly in Egypt) to be able to provide a furnished home and other things as the girl and her family decide they want things. If he can provide these things, then marriage is arranged. If not, more likely then not, the man's offer is rejected. According to Mohammed, a lot of men simply cannot easily afford the marriage arrangement. The western culture has also permeated the society and a lot of guys are now more interested in an "emotionally satisfying" marriage. Mohammed will admit openly this is what he wanted... a lover, a friend, a sister, a mother, a partner... in a wife and he personally felt he would be unlikely to have that if he married "traditionally". I should probably have posted this under the "marriage" thread, but seems it applies here as well.

(I'm gonna post it there too.)

[yassmine2878 1]

4.Have I seen not without my daughter??? (( yes I have and was horrified..did you see Oprah where that controlling man locked his wife of 16 yrs in their house every day with his children for fear she MIGHT talk to a man? He removed the phone daily and put dressings over the windows so no one could see in or out) DEAR GOD THAT WAS IN THE USA???? We all have extreme cases.)

Yeah what the heck is up with that??? Is that the only friggin' movie on TV anymore or what? If so, then everyone else must think all Americans are just like the movie American History X. Heaven forbid someone have an original thought.

I couldn't agree w/ you more!!! I am so sick of hearing "Is he Muslim?", then seeing the "click" in their head... and the next question is.... "Is he a fanatic" (ie: terrorist).... I just want to slap the peewine out of folks.... It's like "You're from the south?... You must be a redneck"

Exactly! The line I hate the most is "There are more crazy Muslims than crazy Christians". #######?????? Oh any lets not forget the whole "Is he going to make you dress like THEIR WOMEN?" My word people, get a life. That's like me asking if your new wife is going to make you wear matching socks and underwear without tread marks. Who cares, man?

Oh, I am so up on my soap box now, LOL

[honeyblonde 0]

There are some things that make me wonder though. I suppose you could call them stereotypes. I wonder why so many Muslim men seek out non-Muslim women. I also wonder why so many favor blondes. I'm an Arab Muslim woman raised in a traditional Arab Muslim family, although I have not been so traditional in my life. We are told that we are not allowed to marry non-Muslim men, and no Muslim man is allowed to marry a woman who is not a chaste Christian or Jew. Yet, you will find few who hold Muslim men to this rule, but nearly all want to hold Muslim women to the rules they make for them. It makes us wonder why our men want to abandon us, but condemn us if we do as they do. It's something to think about.

I know that my Moroccan husband was very attracted to my "snow skin". Here women seem to want to tan so bad, so those of us who don't want to risk skin cancer find it refreshing to meet men who appreciate the natural look. I don't think it's that unusual for someone to want something different. A lot of our men here find dark or oriental women more attractive - because they're different. I like my dark thin husband because I wish I was darker and thinner. I will admit I'm attracted to what I wish I was.

As for men holding women to a different standard than they hold themselves to, I have also dealt with that a great deal here in the Southern US, and probably most American women would agree. Here, if a man has many lovers, he's considered a stud. A woman who does the same is a #######. A man is expected to be successful in his career, even if it means not being there for his family, while a woman is expected to put her family ahead of her career. A man can not be a part of his child's life and still have a successful career, but a woman who doesn't have custody better keep it a secret or her career is over. These kinds of discrepancies show up in all cultures I'm aware of, don't think it's just there. Unfortunately too many people forget to judge themselves before they judge others. Don't feel alone, I for one feel your pain.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Don't feel alone, I for one feel your pain.

Uh, thanks, honeyblonde, but I'm not in pain. Like some of the other Muslim women in my family, I married a Christian man and we were married until he died 6 years ago, so I didn't feel obliged to follow what some other Muslims believe. The interfaith marriage thing is just a topic of interest for us, as is international marriage, because, there too, Muslim countries discriminate against women in that they don't allow them to transfer their citizenship to their children nor maintain some of their own rights of citizenship for themselves.

None of this has happened to me, I have the means to fend for myself quite well. I do wonder though, why the men, who are brothers and sons of women who don't have these options, feel no hesitation about marrying non-Muslim women and women outside of their nation, but don't seem to look back to try to help the sisters and mothers they left behind to achieve the same freedoms. A lot of Muslims believe that a Muslim who marries a non-Muslim doesn't truly love Islam, but having done so and continued to faithfully practice, I don't see that as a absolute truth, although I'm sure there are some Muslims who that fit that bill.

Western non-Muslim women have a lot of freedom, so much so that they rarely know to even give a thought as to what rippling effect marrying Muslim men has on the societies they leave. It's something a lot of Muslim women think about though.

Edited June 25, 2006 by szsz

[iceyspots 0]

We all have perceptions of other cultures that are not quite right. In another topic (moving to jordan) I stated that I have gotten such negative comments from friends about things they have heard about Jordan. All have been untrue and unfounded.

1.My children and I can be sold into the sex trade business. (I just cant even comment on this one...*sigh*)

Highly doubtful:

2. My intended will make me wear a burka. *((fact: while in Jordan for one months time.. we saw 4 women wearing a burka. Half of the women there wore head scarves (mostly loose fitting scarf's non ultra religious) Sam said that the looser were mostly cultural not really religious)

Burqua is more frequent in Saudi Arabia and Afghanistan In Jordan if a woman wears a burqua it is personal choice A khimar or hijab is the choice of 60 percent of muslim women in Jordan making it barely a majority

3.If I disobey my husband he will be head me. (I am my own person and for that he is grateful, we have interesting dialogue in which we debate many things. We agree to disagree most of the time as I cannot change his view or he mine. But it is fun!)

Ummm illegal

4.If I disobey my husband he will make me live there the rest of my life in a room. (Give me unlimited books and cook dinner for me and you have a deal!)

Any man is capable of that its not about ME or NA

4.Have I seen not without my daughter??? (( yes I have and was horrified..did you see Oprah where that controlling man locked his wife of 16 yrs in their house every day with his children for fear she MIGHT talk to a man? He removed the phone daily and put dressings over the windows so no one could see in or out) DEAR GOD THAT WAS IN THE USA???? We all have extreme cases.)

Wasnt that movie based on Iran again NOT Jordan

5. I would be in danger from other governments. ( has anyone seen our President in action? Ok I wont talk politics however the Dixie Chicks Rock!!!)

No comment you hit the nail on the head yourself

6. My husband could take other wives. (Not without ever having trouble wanting to pee correctly ever again! LOL seriously... Did you not see 20/20 and the Mormon cult that is in Texas and Utah and still practicing multiple wives? I saw it on TV it has to be true)

You must ask yourself how common that is in Jordan and ask his family members for their opinion

Yacine only knew of one case in Algeria where a man took on a second wife and the only reason he did was because after the marriage to his first wife he found out she could not bear children he still wanted to pass down his name he also has an adoped child with his first wife and everyone is happy

There are some things that make me wonder though. I suppose you could call them stereotypes. I wonder why so many Muslim men seek out non-Muslim women. I also wonder why so many favor blondes. I'm an Arab Muslim woman raised in a traditional Arab Muslim family, although I have not been so traditional in my life. We are told that we are not allowed to marry non-Muslim men, and no Muslim man is allowed to marry a woman who is not a chaste Christian or Jew. Yet, you will find few who hold Muslim men to this rule, but nearly all want to hold Muslim women to the rules they make for them. It makes us wonder why our men want to abandon us, but condemn us if we do as they do. It's something to think about.

Typical double standard

American men have double standards as well

MashaAllah I was already muslim when I met Yacine and I had long talks with his sisters beforehand

The women in his family are treated very fairly and free to choose the man they want Even one of Yacines aunts married a christian italian man Although muslims are highly preferred the woman in Yacines family are not forced coerced or ostracized for their decisions

[Sofiyya 1,687]

peopl get shocked and surprised whenever they know that Iam married to an American man ..

they have strange comments to me like ,, is it possible for a Egyptian womna to amrry American ??

That question I got in my honesy moon so the questio was too stupid that I never replied that guy !

I think that Egypt applies the common law that female citizens who marry non-Egyptians do not have the ability to transfer their nationality to their children or keep all of the rights a man who marries a non-Egyptian would have. This is probably why they are surprised when a women does what men do daily, and I'll bet your situation is not that common. Are you still in Egypt?

[iceyspots 0]

Exactly! The line I hate the most is "There are more crazy Muslims than crazy Christians". #######?????? Oh any lets not forget the whole "Is he going to make you dress like THEIR WOMEN?" My word people, get a life. That's like me asking if your new wife is going to make you wear matching socks and underwear without tread marks. Who cares, man?

Oh, I am so up on my soap box now, LOL

yeah im sick of that stuff too how people think that dressing conservatively and covering up is a sign of obediance and oppression its exactly the opposite its like who is the CEO of all these huge female clothing designers men of course they want you to be a consumer slave and dress up in 250 dollar bathing suits

i am happy hijabbed men respect me and see me for not how beautiful the goodies are but how i carry myself and act proper the only person who should be drooling over me is yacine lol

poopoo to the haters lol

[UmmSqueakster 54]

peopl get shocked and surprised whenever they know that Iam married to an American man ..

they have strange comments to me like ,, is it possible for a Egyptian womna to amrry American ??

That question I got in my honesy moon so the questio was too stupid that I never replied that guy !

I think that Egypt applies the common law that female citizens who marry non-Egyptians do not have the ability to transfer their nationality to their children or keep all of the rights a man who marries a non-Egyptian would have. This is probably why they are surprised when a women does what men do daily, and I'll bet your situation is not that common. Are you still in Egypt?

Actually that law has been changed recently.

http://weekly.ahram.org.eg/2003/663/eg4.htm

"Have you watched Not Without My Daughter" My mother is a firm supporter of this statement constantly.

I thought for a minute it was part of the TEN COMMANDMENTS.

The thing that bothers me the most about this is that child abduction is relatively common here in the United States, and the majority of perpetrators are born and bred americans stealing their own children!

Let's look at the FBI's most wanted list for parental abductions, shall we?

http://www.fbi.gov/wanted/parent/parent.htm

Hmm, yup, a few arab/muslim sounding names, Ahmed, Khalil, Eileen Clark. Wait, Eileen Clark? She ain't no muslim. And look, she's abducted her 3 kids.

*smacks forehead hard against the wall*

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Actually that law has been changed recently.

----------------------------

Thanks, Rahma, but that article was from 2003, and it doesn't say the law was passed. I can't seem to find anything more current. I'd be interested to know more because Morocco is considering a change to allow women to have the same nationality rights as men, and reforms that happen in Egypt are often followed by change in Morocco.

[UmmSqueakster 54]

Actually that law has been changed recently.

----------------------------

Thanks, Rahma, but that article was from 2003, and it doesn't say the law was passed. I can't seem to find anything more current. I'd be interested to know more because Morocco is considering a change to allow women to have the same nationality rights as men, and reforms that happen in Egypt are often followed by change in Morocco.

The article is from 03, and from my recollection, in true egyptian fashion, they finally got around to implimenting it in the past few months. I'll see if my husband can find something in the arab language press for me when he wakes up.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I looked around a bit and found that the law was passed in July 2004 allowing Egyptian women to pass their ctizenship along to their children, but not their spouses. There are at least two sites discussing the status of nationality laws in several countries.

http://www.learningpartnership.org/advocacy/campaign

http://www.learningpartnership.org/advocac...n/labhinterview

Hmm, yup, a few arab/muslim sounding names, Ahmed, Khalil, Eileen Clark. Wait, Eileen Clark? She ain't no muslim. And look, she's abducted her 3 kids.

Oh, oh! Another stereotype!

I have three cousins, siblings with the surname Clark. They were all born Muslim. A lot of us don't have what some call Muslim names, including me.

Edited June 25, 2006 by szsz

[thndrdancr 0]

Well, I wanted to add my 2 cents. My husband is from Guyana, South America and even tho his visitors visa was explained to him, he still didnt understand it, and thought you could come over and "work" and make LOADS of money. All he had to go by was tv, and of course, everyone on tv has money, even on the sitcoms when they are out of a job, they dont show them getting kicked out of an apartment, or not having anything to eat, they show them anguishing about it to friends, etc, and its all a big joke. Like Friends, Seinfield, etc. Sitcoms are big over there, and while funny and WE understand thats not real life, its laughing about real life problems without showing the hardship, it seems to give other countries the impression that even when your hard on your luck, you still are able to live comfortably somehow. He honestly thought "all americans were rich" kind of thing, and I had to explain to him how there ARE many who cant afford to eat to buy enuff to feed the whole family, in many depressed areas of the country. He has yet to SEE it, but at least he knows it exists now, and has learned alot about reality versus tv.

[samers love 0]

I think the ratio of men who seek out non-Muslim women are little. Generally people tend to stick with what they know or have grown up with.

I do not like the look of a blond man. I dont prefer lighter skin tones, and I love the dark hair and olive skin. But I also grew up in a suburb of Detroit where we had a higher then norm population of arabic people as well as east indian. One of my best friends in highschool was a girl named Abera.

Sam and I disagree on one thing.. He wishes our children marry cousins, or men who are palistinian. I say, let them marry whom they love. Marriage is hard enough already!!! All our girls will have to do is look him in the eye and say, "Daddy... I love him!" and he will melt. I think both men and women should marry someone whom they love, muslim, christian, jewish whatever...

There are some things that make me wonder though. I suppose you could call them stereotypes. I wonder why so many Muslim men seek out non-Muslim women. I also wonder why so many favor blondes. I'm an Arab Muslim woman raised in a traditional Arab Muslim family, although I have not been so traditional in my life. We are told that we are not allowed to marry non-Muslim men, and no Muslim man is allowed to marry a woman who is not a chaste Christian or Jew. Yet, you will find few who hold Muslim men to this rule, but nearly all want to hold Muslim women to the rules they make for them. It makes us wonder why our men want to abandon us, but condemn us if we do as they do. It's something to think about.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I think the ratio of men who seek out non-Muslim women are little. Generally people tend to stick with what they know or have grown up with.

With the internet and increased world travel, the ratio has exploded, along with what people know and have grown up with.

Sam and I disagree on one thing.. He wishes our children marry cousins, or men who are palistinian. I say, let them marry whom they love. Marriage is hard enough already!!! All our girls will have to do is look him in the eye and say, "Daddy... I love him!" and he will melt. I think both men and women should marry someone whom they love, muslim, christian, jewish whatever...

Please don't be naive. Believe him when he tells you this, for it is not likely that he will change this idea. I am a Palestinian daughter, and who the children of Palestinian families marry is a huge deal, especially to fathers, and especially for their daughters. It is a matter of honor, for what men can do is very different from what women can do. Men tend to get more like this as they age, not less.

Edited June 25, 2006 by szsz