Yardies at Home and a Farrin (part14)

[StoneLove4Ever 0]

Congrats on the pregnancy, JGay - I am glad you shared your story, and I don't think you are wrong in what you are feeling with the going out - it sounds like you guys are going through some growing pains, but also like you are both putting in effort to work on it and work it through, which is great =

Congrats on the date, justucia - moving along quickly!

That exactly what my best friend said that we are going through growing pains...especially cause hubby found a group of friends that he can roll with and my hubby loves music so it makes it worse that they are deejays...so he is getting caught up with all the hype...like i said before one of his friends is a deejay at the club he goes to so he gets to hang backstage with him at the deejay booth and one night they had Black Rhyno (one of Kartel's artist) at the club so he got to meet him and whatever and my tenant is throwing a party with his other deejay members (They call themselves "Black Love") at Amuzura in Queens in June and they are having Black Rhyno, JahVinci, Ron Brownz, and Bounty Killa...so he is excited about that too...since too he will get to meet them...but i'll be there too of course...

[RegAl 0]

Congrats Jgay on the pregnancy!

and thanks for sharing your story. I've found the board stories to be sooo helpful in just saying dang! my SO does the same thing - ex., the ring story. If I forget to do something..then my SO will magically forget to do the same thing at some point later

[DaDa 1]

Jgay!!!

Thanks for sharing I'm new to the board but its nice to see that we can keep it real on here and not act like everything is A++ in our relationships when we know its not. I think the two of us are alike in a way when we get mad we can say some mean things I know I am good for that but you know what’s crazy I will say some mean things to you and as soon as you say them back I be like well that was mean...lol I will go to bed mad because I'm stubborn but I will say I hate to do it. Whenever I'm mad at my mate I swear I can t sleep and I'm so busy having convos in my head of what I would like to say but I wont say it. I be waiting for him to make the first move and then as soon as he does its like watch out. Sometimes if I’m really heated I will call him back at 2 3 or 4 in the morning just to say what I have to say because its burning me up. Yes I'm weird like that.

I too will get rid of you in a heartbeat. I feel like if we don’t click NEXT but your right your married so it can’t be that easy. Like they say for better or worse and I guess this is one of the worse points. I heard the first five years in marriage are the hardest. I wonder if that is true. In my first marriage I didn’t get past the five years so I’m not sure if it would have been easy street after that. Who knows.

I’m not offering any advice because I know that is not what your looking to hear you just came to vent and that's cool but I just wanted to say I see some similarities in us.

Oh Congrats on the baby....

[DaDa 1]

Thanks everyone...it does feel good to write it out there and get opinions...(don't worry i won't think ya'll are haters)...I am very open to corrective criticism cause one person can open your eyes to something you never thought of...but right now i'm happy...We both stopped wearing our rings though...well he said he didn't put on his ring cause i stopped wearing my ring but i saw he stopped wearing his ring first...he said the reason he didn't have his ring on cause he was cooking and took it off but when he noticed i wasn't wearing mine he just never put it back on...but i told him i'm not wearing my ring cause i'm not happy and will not put it on until I am... ...We are very open with each other and tell it like it is...which is good and I'm glad that we are both comfortable with each other on that level...because of that I truly feel my husband has my best interest in heart and he really cares for me and loves me...But we are taking it one day at a time and see what the future holds...hopefully it will be good...

J...and that's all we can pray for--hope..just keep at it..AND PUT ON THOSE RINGS ..lol..

I agree PUT THEM RINGS BACK ON!!! I took mines off for the same reason and they never came back on. I think when the two of you look at your rings you will remind yourselves that this is a marriage and it takes both of us to make it work so I do think you need to put them back on your fingers where they belong...

[DaDa 1]

Oh man! I never ralized how consuming this board is! I've been on here practically all day!

How long are staying?

DaDa - I'll be staying for 10 days...ahhhh...I can't wait!!

Nice very very nice!!! Girl you're not going to want to come back!!!LOL

[SupportOAFJF 0]

ok..airja is have $104 one way tix

[newlynluv 0]

So today has been somewhat slow with the board so i guess I will post my journey so far with hubby being here now for a little over 4 months....

1) He still is not working... ....but my sister-in-law sister's baby father (I know I hate that too ) is a manager at Applebees as a lead cook and he is trying to squeeze my hubby in for a job there as a field cook...it pays decent ($10/hr) and there is overtime if you choose to do it which is good...but my husband is on hold for right now since the manager said they hired about 12 people a few weeks ago and the hiring manager is busy with the paperwork...he was like he wished he was told my hubby needed a job earlier cause he could have easily gotten him in there quicker...i am not sure why i didn't think of him when hubby first came up here cause he also helped my cousin get a job there as a waitress when she came up from Florida....i feel like kicking myself for not thinking of him sooner...and I still didn't think about him it was my sister-in-law who mentioned my hubby to him cause i was complaining to her that he doesn't have a job and he really wants and needs one...and she took it upon herself to ask him...Well crossing my fingers that this goes through...he called my hubby the day before yesterday telling him that he is still trying to squeeze him in and not to worry cause he will get him in there and to give him like another week...Crossing my fingers...

2) We've been having a lot of heated arguments, none as of lately which is a breathe of fresh air....they are very heated but we get over them by the next day but sometimes I feel like I can't be bothered with it...We argue over him hanging out so much and the whole "vibing" thing...he stopped the "vibing" cause of the job since they do the test but the hanging out thing...uggh...one week he went out 4 days in a row coming home at 4:30am...and then he would want to cuddle and i would push him away and he would say thats the reason why he goes out so much since i don't show him any love.... ...are you kidding...if you weren't going out so much i wouldn't be upset and I wouldn't have no reason not to show you no love...give me a break...and its funny cause the other day we were talking about him going out and he admitted that his friend which is our tenant who is also good peoples with me cause I knew him for a while that he said he better not get him kicked out because he (hubby) is partying so much with them...so i said you see they even know that hanging out so much is not right and what women would like that...He doesn't think anything is wrong with it as long as he is not doing anything wrong out there and since he is coming back home to me and sleeping in the same bed as me...whatever...My area like i said before is predominately JA so like his friends he is hanging out with (my tenant) is also JA and he deejays and the club where he hangs out with another friend of my tenant deejays there every night who is also JA and the club is pure JA then he feels at home...he always said that up here is no different from JA and he feels very comfortable...he said the only difference is the cold but other than that he feels at home...he even said the friends he made up here reminds him of his friends back at home...I was hoping for that at first now its like I regret it cause he loves the up and down too much...We good now with the hanging out thing (for now)...he hasn't gone out yet for this week but he will go downstairs and hang out with the tenant which i don't mind cause they are very cool peoples...We are suppose to go out tonight first to the movies to see Obessed with Beyonce which i think is going to be so whack but he wants to see and my best friend and sister-in-law wants to see it so its going to be a group thing and then we are going to go to the Infamous club that he always goes to...I'm not into local clubs cause i hate to be around my neighborhood and party especially since my son's father hangs there sometimes (thats another heated argument we got into but thats another time)...but i want to go just to see it...

3) Last but not least...I'm knocked up... ....I'll be 4mos next week...don't know what the sex is yet but hopefully my next appointment I will get to find out which is next Saturday...I have mixed emotions sometimes I say its bad timing other times I feel so happy and overjoyed...

Like i said we have our ups and our way way downs and right now its up but one thing i can say is when we have our way way downs and we say some...well I say some really mean things to him we always go back and act civil and discuss what just went down and explain our emotions...he will let me know how he felt about the argument and i tell him how I felt about it and why its a problem...We would have our arguments go to bed mad, wake up mad, but when I get home from work or wherever we discuss it....(I don't believe in the "Don't go to bed mad" thing cause sometimes you need time to clear your mind and get your thought process going)...Sometimes I would bring it back up and sometimes he would...the way he does it though is that he would play with me like nothing happened and then I look at him like and he would say "What!" and then we would start talking...I think its funny cause that is how he always does it...

So I'm ending this saying OPEN COMMUNICATION IS KEY and can really help with your relationship...even though sometimes he will go back and do the same shyte and you are like didn't we just discuss this like two days ago and you want to take the nearest hard object to hit him on the head with it but the better person in you say ok maybe we just need to discuss this again and reiterate the problem again...Marriage is hard and takes a lot of patience and it also takes an open-mind to think ok I have to understand his feelings and where he is coming from...because if he was just my boyfriend he would have been long gone...I am quick to break up with someone cause i always say to myself I'm to fly to have to go through this (sounds coinceited I know ) but since I'm married I really want to make this work but of course if it gets to far its a wrap like reyonlds...

Sorry for the long post just had to get it out there...Wow this is very therapeutic...I feel soo rejuvenated...

I am so happy you told sum of your story, yes I do know that sum things are personal but it gives sum realization to the board that everything is not peaches and cream and there will be up's and downs, I feel the same way as you with a boyfriend or fiancé (cause sumtimes I think fiancé just mean a fancy boyfriend) I’m not going to tolerate certain ish but if I was married I would try my best to make it work because you're married. I hope everything sorts out for you, I often worry about the same thing suppose he get up here and change or link up with sum ppl he know and want to be MIA dont worry you know from being here it is a recession and it is hard to get a job now and days honestly i think you should give him a lil more than 4 months, shoot i was out of a job for 7 months before and i am very ambitious but there was nothing i could do if no one is hiring or want's to hire me, i think you need to question the ambition me personally question ambition i cant stand a person with no ambition but if i see you wanna work im like damn my babe is out there looking for a job and aint having no luck awww but if you just content with laying up doing nothing there is a problem.... oh congrads on the baby

[Ellsinlove 2]

Okay, I just found out why they call my mister 'Noddy'....he looks a little bit like Noddy Virtue. My mister has a flatter nose & better smile though!

[-------- 0]

Oh man! I never ralized how consuming this board is! I've been on here practically all day!

I know and I was given this pressing deadline for this project, but I’m like your deadline is unrealistic and I am going to have to delegate in order to come close. Actually it probably would be doable if I could stay away from vj.

[My4rmylife 0]

I WAS JUST GOING BY THE LADY WHERE WE APPLIED FOR THE PASSPORTS SHE WAS LIKE HAS TO BE HERE AD SIGN I WAS CRUSHED AND SHE AND EVERYONE ELSE MADE IT SEEM THERE WAS NO WAY AROUND THANKS EVERYONE FOR THE INFO.

Good Morning..

Did you tell the lady you had sole custody?? I'm sure if you would have that would have shut her up and then she could have instructeed you on to proceed..

I did and had the custody papers. but now that i know ican proceed

[NatPatBen 3]

Okay, I just found out why they call my mister 'Noddy'....he looks a little bit like Noddy Virtue. My mister has a flatter nose & better smile though!

I see it a bit, especially in this pic: http://www.jamaica-gleaner.com/gleaner/200...B20051008HM.JPG

[-------- 0]

Jgay80- Congrats on expecting!

Justucia- Congrats on moving along in your journey. That date is my youngest daughter’s b-day.

[Mrs. Palmer 5]

Jgay..congratulations on the baby! I tell u, yall keep VJ babies around here! :lol: Although u and your husband have been going through a rough time remember that you made the commitment to each other for better or worse. As long as you believe he is putting is 100% in the marriage, then I say continue to tread through the mire. Now if he really starts showing out and slacking off, well...you have to do what you have to do. I agree with everyone else--put your ring back on...because off to me seems like you've given up, and clearly that's not so! Is hubby excited about the baby? (btw, that sure happened quick! ) What are you guys hoping for--besides a healthy baby of course!

[My4rmylife 0]

ladies, I would be careful about how you'll throw around the word sole custody. Sole custody does not take away a parent right. I don't know any one's situation, but I think some of you are confusing sole custody with physical custody. I am not stating any of this to start a diagreement with anything that has been said on previous post, but as I sit here reading some of these comments, I just felt it was necessary to state this fact. A father, and mother have equal responsibility and rights regarding their child, unless they have SIGNED that right away. So, yes a Parent (father or mother) with the other only having physical custody, can refuse to grant permission for their child to leave their birth country.

Not to really stir this up either but I know someone who is a family attorney who deals with divorces and stuff but sole custody is when one parent makes all decision for their child, what they eat, where they sleep, where they can go while the other parent only has visitation rights and can not make any decisions for the child unless the other parent who has sole custody agrees on it...Even looking up the word in the dictionary it states:

Sole Custody is an arrangement whereby only one parent has physical and legal custody of a child and the other parent has only visitation rights. Also, an order of the court that provides that children reside with one parent and that parent is responsible for all decisions affecting them.

So they do not need any permission from the father for the child's passport if they don't want it...I know when getting my son's passport I was getting into the same problem even though i wasn't married to my son's father but i just wrote a letter stating the father is not around and i don't know where he is and i showed that my son lives with me and that i'm the primary care-giver and they accepted it...

thanks roxcie.. u are correct in that sole and physical custody are 2 different things and people get it mixed up..

in MY case i have sole custody or conservatorship..and can decide on my own, where and when my kids come and go, all health related issues, where we live, and they go to school. he has visitation rights and the right to be advised of what decisions ive made..

it was for this very reason i did not want "joint conservatorship" w/ physical custody.. becuz i WOULD have to go thru him for every lil thing.

ive researched it and the state dept says that u can provide ur documentation of "sole custody or conservatorship" and they do not require the other parent's signature to issue the child's passport.

women and men just have to know just cuz the child lives w/ them they do not have sole custody.. it has to say that in the agreement. u can do ur research in ur state to see what's what..

GOOD MORNING ALL YARDIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

welcome RegAl.. happy filing my gyal!!!

Thanks for all this information my paper say sole physical custody ..it does state that he has the right to be informed about decisions though..

Hi Newly!

I'm super new. I sent my paperwork in on 4/22 and it was delivered on 4/23... my boo is from Oxford District.

Ok cool so you should be expecting your NOA1 anyday now... and then the waiting begins im along the same line as you except i got my NOA1 already so im sure the both of us will be asking a million and one questions

DEFINITELY!!

congrats on filing

[Islandwoman 0]

Congrats on the baby Jgay!! I hope you have a healthy pregnancy. Thanks for sharing your adjustments. Hopefully the job will work out and will give him something else to focus on. I can't imagine being home day in day out - it sounds like the going out was his out. But sounds like you guys are on the right path - keep on working on it, it will all be worth it in the end. That first year of marriage is the hardest.