Wedding Details

[ashenflowers 5]

I'm starting to get really irritated with my fiancé and the wedding planning, or lack thereof. It's just a lot of stupid little things... mostly his parents sticking their nose in, and not realizing what we can /can't prepare right now, and also his naivety and lack of knowledge about the whole thing.

There's a lot to it, but currently it's a discussion about keeping costs down (Hello... it's us and our parents on a BEACH.. #######.. I'd say we're already going pretty cheapo), and his parents suggested reserving a beach. Are you kidding?? Reserve a BEACH.... for SIX PEOPLE?! It would make sense if we had to set up chairs, and an archway, and aisle, and had 50+ guests, but we don't. We have NONE of that. It's us, or parents, our officiant, and hopefully a photographer. Done and done. Not to mention I'm sure reserving it costs something, if you can even DO that, plus we don't even know when the wedding will be!

Like, I'm at the point where I just don't even want to plan anything AT ALL, because it just makes it into a huge ordeal and we can't move forward without knowing when the ceremony will be. I was perfectly content with something for just the 2 of us... no planning, just go and get 'er done.... lol Then plan a bigger thing later when we can afford it and have time.

This is becoming a nightmare already, even with just a few other people involved. This isn't even supposed to be a 'big' thing! Simple. Us. Beach. Done. But now I just feel like I'm planning a huge wedding in a small scale. I didn't want to do that!

[Peachey 10]

Rhiann this is what I did:

The majority of the guests attending our wedding don't know that we will be married before hand. It's pretty neat

[SapphireDreams 71]

I'm starting to get really irritated with my fiancé and the wedding planning, or lack thereof. It's just a lot of stupid little things... mostly his parents sticking their nose in, and not realizing what we can /can't prepare right now, and also his naivety and lack of knowledge about the whole thing.

There's a lot to it, but currently it's a discussion about keeping costs down (Hello... it's us and our parents on a BEACH.. #######.. I'd say we're already going pretty cheapo), and his parents suggested reserving a beach. Are you kidding?? Reserve a BEACH.... for SIX PEOPLE?! It would make sense if we had to set up chairs, and an archway, and aisle, and had 50+ guests, but we don't. We have NONE of that. It's us, or parents, our officiant, and hopefully a photographer. Done and done. Not to mention I'm sure reserving it costs something, if you can even DO that, plus we don't even know when the wedding will be!

Like, I'm at the point where I just don't even want to plan anything AT ALL, because it just makes it into a huge ordeal and we can't move forward without knowing when the ceremony will be. I was perfectly content with something for just the 2 of us... no planning, just go and get 'er done.... lol Then plan a bigger thing later when we can afford it and have time.

This is becoming a nightmare already, even with just a few other people involved. This isn't even supposed to be a 'big' thing! Simple. Us. Beach. Done. But now I just feel like I'm planning a huge wedding in a small scale. I didn't want to do that!

The only thing I could think of for why you migth want to look into it would be if you needed a permit to take photos or something. But with so few people, I doubt you would need a permit. If I were you, I would just say I already looked into it and it's not necessary!

I've started to look into florists. One of them so far seems awesome and i love his style. I'm getting scared that my budget is too low for what I want though. I hope I can make it work.

[KnJ 0]

I think we're just gonna get the courthouse thing in the 90 days, and then plan a wedding in the spring. Not ideal but it is what it is. This is my second marriage (his first), and I did my first for 5K total, so however I swing it I will make it small and modest. He has very little family (like his mom, and cousins halfway across the country), I have some more but it's my family who will be traveling to the US so not sure how many of them will show up.

Since people don't even understand the immigration process, (except that it's NOW that I'm engaged and trying to immigrate), I figure the fact we made it official months earlier isn't a really big deal. We did want to do a ceremonial wedding at the same time but I really don't think it'll happen. When we'll get a honeymoon is anyone's guess.

[Rhiannercakes 14]

My mother is an overly controlling person.

I'm pretty sure she won't let us have the ceremony and the civil part on seperate dates.

And by the time she tells us that and my fiance tries to fight her about it, it'll be too late to order my wedding dress (Since oh god, I'm too fat for it right now... whatever) and I wont even get the dress I want.

My fiance said to me "Are you really dead set on that dress, you havn't even looked around". Yes, in fact I am quite dead set on the dress. The only crummy part about it is that it takes 3 months to get it... if the store doesn't have it sitting on their rack already. Which I highly doubt they'd have the dress I want with the colour accents I want.

I at least want the dress, my fiance and my mother needs to understand that. I'd probably give up the date I would like to get married if I could have the dress... but I probably wont get either things.

My day my foot.

It's just depressing.

[JillA 2]

My mother is an overly controlling person.

I'm pretty sure she won't let us have the ceremony and the civil part on seperate dates.

And by the time she tells us that and my fiance tries to fight her about it, it'll be too late to order my wedding dress (Since oh god, I'm too fat for it right now... whatever) and I wont even get the dress I want.

My fiance said to me "Are you really dead set on that dress, you havn't even looked around". Yes, in fact I am quite dead set on the dress. The only crummy part about it is that it takes 3 months to get it... if the store doesn't have it sitting on their rack already. Which I highly doubt they'd have the dress I want with the colour accents I want.

I at least want the dress, my fiance and my mother needs to understand that. I'd probably give up the date I would like to get married if I could have the dress... but I probably wont get either things.

My day my foot.

It's just depressing.

When you say she won't "let" you, too bad for her! Your an adult, and she can't not "let" you do what you choose. Once we all become adults, we can listen to our parents opinion but we do what we want! That's what I tell my parents

[Rhiannercakes 14]

My mother is an overly controlling person.

I'm pretty sure she won't let us have the ceremony and the civil part on seperate dates.

And by the time she tells us that and my fiance tries to fight her about it, it'll be too late to order my wedding dress (Since oh god, I'm too fat for it right now... whatever) and I wont even get the dress I want.

My fiance said to me "Are you really dead set on that dress, you havn't even looked around". Yes, in fact I am quite dead set on the dress. The only crummy part about it is that it takes 3 months to get it... if the store doesn't have it sitting on their rack already. Which I highly doubt they'd have the dress I want with the colour accents I want.

I at least want the dress, my fiance and my mother needs to understand that. I'd probably give up the date I would like to get married if I could have the dress... but I probably wont get either things.

My day my foot.

It's just depressing.

When you say she won't "let" you, too bad for her! Your an adult, and she can't not "let" you do what you choose. Once we all become adults, we can listen to our parents opinion but we do what we want! That's what I tell my parents

I have a really hard time standing up to my parents sometimes

In the end I'll probably get in a yelling fight or leave on bad terms, since all my mom says when I try to bring up the seperate ceremonies thing now is "I don't want to hear about it."

She's so horribly selfish.

[JillA 2]

I know it can be hard on parents sometimes... especially because we're moving, that has something to do with it I'm sure. When I first told my parents we had to be married in 90 days and we were doing it on day 6 with no friends/family, just us 2.... they were pretty shocked! But once I explained the immigration process, they became more understanding and why I didn't want anyone there for the signing. To me, it was just the legal part and nothing else. We are having a wedding celebration next year, and everyone will be there! The only difference is, no paper to sign.

[Rhiannercakes 14]

I've explained this process to my mother numerous times and she just won't accept it.

I dont want to wait the 3 months and not be able to work for an additional 2 or 3.

I want to just do this signing of the certificate thing so we can apply right away, but she just doesn't accept it.

Maybe I should tell her that if she doesn't let me do it this way she needs to give us so much money a month

[The_Dude 1,142]

I've seen quite a few parents become very controlling regarding weddings, especially if they are the ones paying for the wedding.

[chadlaure 2]

People: CHEER UP!! You are still talking about YOUR wedding and it should be happy!!

We had a few fights too but if you know what you want, make it happen. It's YOUR day!

Your mom/parents had their day, they need to understand that your wedding, your day

Saying that, we're having another reception in France next June and i'm already debating the guests list with my dad. Well one more time, it's our day so it's who we want to come or no reception plus this one is extra since we're already married

It's not a barbecue, it's a your wedding, you're planning a party, on the best day of your life, with the people you love and who love you

[ashenflowers 5]

Our problem is we can't afford ANYTHING... seriously. So we've had a lot of arguments about who's going to pay for what, and where we're going to cut more corners... it makes me sad

[KnJ 0]

Yeah, it's hard for parents in terms of losing their child to another country. My family has lived 5-20 minutes away from each other all my life, except a few cousins who did Montreal, one did Boston for work for a while. As if we all need to remain tethered forever. My fiance describes how in the US (at least in his experience) many many people relocate, in part *because* of controlling, crazy-making, neurotic family. I think I fall into that category. I moved away for 5 months and when I moved back it was hell. I can't wait to get away.

The wedding thing just feels impossible. I'm considering an engagement party up here for family and friends before leaving. One thing my fiance really wants with a ceremony is the chance to express his love and our commitment in front of others. It feels like this would be more meaningful sooner rather than later, however not knowing a date or anything makes planning really tricky.

I've never wanted a traditional wedding, really. I went a bit that way the first time but in a white-dress-from-Laura-for-$125 and rickshaw kind of way. The rickshaw was really cool, actually.

I'm not sure being barefoot in December or January is really wise, though.

--

It's hard to compromise with family over this stuff. I see weddings as a community event, a witnessing, and as much as I totally cleave to the idea that it's "our day", I think it's also such a cultural rite of passage, a ritual that has many elements that represent the 'support of a community' around the couple. The point of having people there to begin with.

But my relationship has been, on the main, so private. We have developed our own world, in a way, as a couple, and haven't lived together much before marrying, and people don't really "know" us as a couple except for what we've been able to squeeze in while on vacation/visits with each other. It's a totally different thing than the day to day. Parents getting to know their future son/daughter in law over time.

So, with both child moving abroad or across the border, and that somewhat stressful fact of knowing their child's partner in limited ways, I think that wanting this step to be somewhat normal is understandable.

However.

I don't think it can be the way it is for local couples.

Best thing might be to keep getting support and fortitude from this understanding group

[Rhiannercakes 14]

Yeah, it's hard for parents in terms of losing their child to another country. My family has lived 5-20 minutes away from each other all my life, except a few cousins who did Montreal, one did Boston for work for a while. As if we all need to remain tethered forever. My fiance describes how in the US (at least in his experience) many many people relocate, in part *because* of controlling, crazy-making, neurotic family. I think I fall into that category. I moved away for 5 months and when I moved back it was hell. I can't wait to get away.

The wedding thing just feels impossible. I'm considering an engagement party up here for family and friends before leaving. One thing my fiance really wants with a ceremony is the chance to express his love and our commitment in front of others. It feels like this would be more meaningful sooner rather than later, however not knowing a date or anything makes planning really tricky.

I've never wanted a traditional wedding, really. I went a bit that way the first time but in a white-dress-from-Laura-for-$125 and rickshaw kind of way. The rickshaw was really cool, actually.

I'm not sure being barefoot in December or January is really wise, though.

--

It's hard to compromise with family over this stuff. I see weddings as a community event, a witnessing, and as much as I totally cleave to the idea that it's "our day", I think it's also such a cultural rite of passage, a ritual that has many elements that represent the 'support of a community' around the couple. The point of having people there to begin with.

But my relationship has been, on the main, so private. We have developed our own world, in a way, as a couple, and haven't lived together much before marrying, and people don't really "know" us as a couple except for what we've been able to squeeze in while on vacation/visits with each other. It's a totally different thing than the day to day. Parents getting to know their future son/daughter in law over time.

So, with both child moving abroad or across the border, and that somewhat stressful fact of knowing their child's partner in limited ways, I think that wanting this step to be somewhat normal is understandable.

However.

I don't think it can be the way it is for local couples.

Best thing might be to keep getting support and fortitude from this understanding group

This post makes alot of sense to me, and I feel the same way about alot of parts of it.

It made me feel a little better

[Udella&Wiz 325]

Well - I got married for the first time at 37 - but I can tell you, my parents do not make decisions for me. I value their opinion (sometimes) of course, but I am very single minded and have my own opinions tyvm. My mom was controlling, but maybe I was the black sheep, I was never interested in having ehr boss me around. I agree with the poster above who said.....You're grown-ups....the sentence 'My mom won't let me' shouldn't be coming out of your mouths

Guys - I have to tell you. Your parents need to get over it, they raised you and raised you well, they need to trust that you're making smart decisions. As a mother of a teenage daughter - I can also tell you it's hard not to step in an start 'helping' my child out though

End of rant - I just hate seeing people who feel controlled by otehrs when making their decisions