Wedding Details

[Peachey 10]

Ok, so when my fiance and I were looking at reception halls for our wedding we decided to invite his mom along since she was so adamant that she was going to pay for our meal. Well over the past few months she's been avoiding talking to us about helping pay for the reception meal.

Finally today, Varba emailed her and asked how much she wanted to contribute to the meal. She said she's going to pay for the reversal dinner in full, help pay for our pre-marital counseling and whatever's left in her fund she's going to put towards our reception meal. This is completely fine with us, we are not going to judge her on her financial situation.

THEN! She has the nerve to ask Varba if my mom or dad is going to help pay for the meal too... She's is fully aware that my mom gave us 5k in cash (for the wedding), and paid for my dress and is paying for us to rent round tables at the reception. My mom makes less money than Varba's parents and is contributing more.

I find that questions completely inappropriate, what do you guys think?

[Rhiannercakes 14]

Ok, so when my fiance and I were looking at reception halls for our wedding we decided to invite his mom along since she was so adamant that she was going to pay for our meal. Well over the past few months she's been avoiding talking to us about helping pay for the reception meal.

Finally today, Varba emailed her and asked how much she wanted to contribute to the meal. She said she's going to pay for the reversal dinner in full, help pay for our pre-marital counseling and whatever's left in her fund she's going to put towards our reception meal. This is completely fine with us, we are not going to judge her on her financial situation.

THEN! She has the nerve to ask Varba if my mom or dad is going to help pay for the meal too... She's is fully aware that my mom gave us 5k in cash (for the wedding), and paid for my dress and is paying for us to rent round tables at the reception. My mom makes less money than Varba's parents and is contributing more.

I find that questions completely inappropriate, what do you guys think?

I'm curious about this whole "Pre-marital counseling" thing.

I've seen so many people get it, or I've seen alot of parents send their kids who just got married to consuling.

Why?

Shouldn't consulting only be used when you know... there's a problem?

I've always been curious about it.

[Peachey 10]

Pre-marital counseling is to talk about issues that might arise during your marriage to avoid maybe getting a divorce over. The counselor told us it's to iron out issues that we might have differences on before we get married. To make sure we're on the same page.

Some of the topics she wants to cover are:

Affection

Boundaries

Conflict Resolution, Communication

Dollars (money)

Extended Family

Heart of God... and anything else we can think of that might hinder our relationship.

It is usually mandatory if you get married in a church. We're doing an extra one that's not so religion focused too.

[Rhiannercakes 14]

Pre-marital counseling is to talk about issues that might arise during your marriage to avoid maybe getting a divorce over. The counselor told us it's to iron out issues that we might have differences on before we get married. To make sure we're on the same page.

Some of the topics she wants to cover are:

Affection

Boundaries

Conflict Resolution, Communication

Dollars (money)

Extended Family

Heart of God... and anything else we can think of that might hinder our relationship.

It is usually mandatory if you get married in a church. We're doing an extra one that's not so religion focused too.

Well, that's interesting.

Especially the part I bolded.

I mean, my parents got married in a church and they're not religious, neither of them.

Now I need to ask them if they had to get marriage counseling because they married in a church, out of curiosity.

Edited September 17, 2009 by Rhiann

[SapphireDreams 71]

Ok, so when my fiance and I were looking at reception halls for our wedding we decided to invite his mom along since she was so adamant that she was going to pay for our meal. Well over the past few months she's been avoiding talking to us about helping pay for the reception meal.

Finally today, Varba emailed her and asked how much she wanted to contribute to the meal. She said she's going to pay for the reversal dinner in full, help pay for our pre-marital counseling and whatever's left in her fund she's going to put towards our reception meal. This is completely fine with us, we are not going to judge her on her financial situation.

THEN! She has the nerve to ask Varba if my mom or dad is going to help pay for the meal too... She's is fully aware that my mom gave us 5k in cash (for the wedding), and paid for my dress and is paying for us to rent round tables at the reception. My mom makes less money than Varba's parents and is contributing more.

I find that questions completely inappropriate, what do you guys think?

Yeah I think that's a bit rude. I could see why she's curious I guess though. A lot of my friends who have parents paying for their wedding have had meetings with both sets of parents so they could equally distribute funds and ensure that everyone was even. In your case, if your Mom is paying for more, I would totally make that clear to her.

We're doing Precana classes too. Even though we're already married, hehe. My friend told me they are kind of lame, but oh well, I'm sure they'll be alright.

[hapycloud 0]

My husband and I have to go thr pre-cana (marriage counseling) because we are having a Catholic Wedding Ceremony in November....Needless to say we are the only married couple in our pre-marriage class LOL

IT was required by the church...so we go every week for a month...It's no big deal though, actually I have found it to be very interesting.

Topics include:

Conflict resolution

Friendship within a marriage

Money

Children

Spirituality.

I have found all the presenters in my class very good. Next week is our last week and a financial advisor is coming to talk to us about money, savings and retirement. I am really looking forward to the free advice Plus I want to hear what they say about Social Security...IT always cracks me up to hear what outsiders say about that topic since thats where I work LOL

Edited September 17, 2009 by hapycloud

[ashenflowers 5]

I think that's rude of her Peachey... I ran into some issues with money discussions as well, when we were originally planning to have a reception next year, and money was tiiiiiight. My fiance's parents are from the 'traditional' frame of mine where the bride's family pays for the reception... He was offering to pay for our ceremony 100%, but uh... on the beach, with us and 4 guests? That's hardly breaking the bank... I didn't even ask him to contribute to that. and not to downtalk my family, but his makes way more money than mine, guaranteed. His parents wouldn't give me an amount that they were willing to contribute until they heard what my parents were willing to contribute, as if that was some factor in what he was willing to give us. My parents are going through some really hard financial times right now, and just had to give up the house they've been living in for over 20 years, sooooo, I didn't really think that was fair... Some traditions really REALLY need to be brought into the 21st century...

Personally I think it should be based more on who's got more disposable income available to contribute.

Long story short, we decided to put off the 'reception' for a year.... sigh.

well, until one of my friends magically remembered that her parents have a great back yard that they might be willing to contribute in exchange for some gardening work LOL So the reception might be back on? I don't f'ing know... LOL

[M613 6]

We're standing on the shores of the Colorado River in Austin. I'll wear a dress. He'll have a tuxedo. Friends and family that can make it will be there. We do the vows. We eat. We go to a show. We have fun.

End.

[Rhiannercakes 14]

I think more and more about this ceremony thing, and I realize I'm not really doing it for my family as a whole.

I think I'm doing it for my father.

My dad's always said how he wants to walk me down the aisle and dance with me at a reception... he's the kind of person who tears up to Father Of The Bride.

So... yeah. It's a weird thought.

[TimandJoyce 1]

Hello all! I've been so busy last little while...and soon it will be all over this weekend! Only 2 days away. I think we're ready... Then we're going on a road trip for 3 weeks so I'll post pic's when I get back!

Wow...tomorrow nights the rehearsal!!

[Rhiannercakes 14]

Hello all! I've been so busy last little while...and soon it will be all over this weekend! Only 2 days away. I think we're ready... Then we're going on a road trip for 3 weeks so I'll post pic's when I get back!

Wow...tomorrow nights the rehearsal!!

Have a great wedding!

I'm sure it'll be amazing.

[Hugglebuggles 60]

Speaking of alterations...Went to pick up my dress today! When I put on the veil I cried! It looks so gorgeous now that it fits properly! The seamstress who we have been going to for years only charged us $160! I was in shock! I am sure with all the work she had to do in the city it would have cost us at least $500! Including a bustle! That was including my sisters bridesmaid dress and my mom's MOH dress. When we got home I realized that i needed an extra hook in the back because when i put my arms up in the air, the dress slowly slid down and it would have been a Janet Jackson moment the more I moved around! So mom sewed on an extra hook that made the dress fit perfectly....cuz I have like no boobs.... I'm sure DB would have charged waaay more!

That's so great! David's Bridal killed me on alterations, argh. All I had done was the bustle, and then had the sleeves made smaller... a lot smaller, because they were huge and I have tiny little shoulders that don't match my body but it cost me $180. Just for that! I was a little angry. $50 a sleeve!

Hello all! I've been so busy last little while...and soon it will be all over this weekend! Only 2 days away. I think we're ready... Then we're going on a road trip for 3 weeks so I'll post pic's when I get back!

Wow...tomorrow nights the rehearsal!!

Wow! How exciting. Congrats and have fun!

As far as the money issues go, I think everyone goes through it when they're trying to plan a wedding. It certainly came up a lot with us! In the end, everyone helped in a way they could afford to help, and that's all you can ask. My family had to travel quite a distance to even make it, meaning they didn't have as much money to help with the wedding, which is completely understandable. Maybe you should bring that fact up with your future MIL? In my experiences, that really helped everyone cool down.

[minnew 4]

Hello all! I've been so busy last little while...and soon it will be all over this weekend! Only 2 days away. I think we're ready... Then we're going on a road trip for 3 weeks so I'll post pic's when I get back!

Wow...tomorrow nights the rehearsal!!

Congratulations!! All the best to you!!

Huggles- OMG! $180!!! Just for a bustle and sleeves!

[Peachey 10]

Well I know where I won't be going for my alterations!

Oh, we booked the DJ last night. Really cool guy. He just got engaged last week, and is super excited about it

[July09Bride 1]

As for the counseling thing... it USED to be a state law in Michigan. You used to (they changed it within the last year or so) show proof when you went in for the marriage certificate. There was a list of things that were required topics, too. Now, it is just law that the place that issues the certificate provide the applicants with information STDs and AIDS.

I thought counseling was just a part of the Catholic church requirements (I'm not Catholic) but my pastor required the counseling (I'm Lutheran). In our case, it was a pre-marital survey and we took the survey ahead of time and a computer calculated our scores. The day of our "counseling", we got to see our scores. It was kinda cool!