Wedding Details

[TimandJoyce 1]

When you get gifts in the mail before the wedding are you allowed to open them? My fiance won't let me open anything! What does the "etiquette" dictate? I mean, if I don't open them now I won't get to open them after the honeymoon, its really rather upsetting

I'd open them!! Save lots of time for doing other things later, and you can get the thank-you note ready to mail!

Well, my parents just ruined my chosen date.

They INSIST that they have to be there for the signing of the marriage certificate, since it's "the actual marriage".... so my wedding might be in December or January instead, depending on the visa process.

And I really wanted an outdoor wedding in May.

Thanks alot mom and dad.

I'd hate to double post, but I talked to my fiance about it and he's not happy about it either.

Has anyone had to deal with parents who try to ruin your chosen date?

It's my day, not theirs... and now they're trying to back out on the dress I want

aww hope everything works out for you...I'm sure there are beautiful places to go with some great scenery behind you. California is a great place!

[Hugglebuggles 60]

I don't think I'll be able to talk them out of anything, since they're paying for every penny of this.

My mother also doesn't accept the fact that the civil wedding is for AOS purposes, my dad seems to though.

So I don't think I'll win.

And Huggle, it's in southern Cali, so no snow there... but too chilly to do an outdoor one

I agree! I went to LA in February a couple years ago and it wasn't warm! I guess I had this idea in my head that So Cal was always warm and I could just show up in a t-shirt. Silly Canadian!

Did I mentioned it rained EVERYDAY?! I thought it was dry down there?

I can imagine how you feel Rhiann! I wanted to have a small civil wedding when I first moved to the US, and then save the big celebration until I could go back to Canada the following summer but they wouldn't have it! They said they wouldn't support a wedding that wasn't "real." So then I found myself planning a wedding and doing the visa stuff at the same time... It wasn't impossible, but it wasn't ideal either.

Winter weddings can be really pretty! Where will you be moving again? Somewhere that gets snow? I've seen some really nice wedding pictures in the snow.

I am in the same situation, my family was a bit more supportive of the idea to have the civil wedding first, then the ceremonial, but his family was totally against it. So here I am planning a wedding from 1000 miles away and I haven't seen my fiance since April!! I am quitting work a few weeks earlier than expected to get myself organized and deal with some of the wedding stuff before I move down, because there is going to be ALOT of stuff to do once I do get there. I'm so excited to see our wedding pictures because of the fall foliage in October!

We are currently trying to decide whether to take a mini-honeymoon after the wedding to Las Vegas as there is so many great deals right now with the economy being crappy, or save that money for our real honeymoon to Maui next year. If we went we would have to go to Vegas a few days after the wedding for prob 4 day/3night. I just hope we have both recovered from the stress and exhaustion of the wedding by then, I wouldn't want to sleep the first day away in Vegas! Any advice? I am on the fence right now about it, we should be able to afford it and all, with his bonus and my pension.. I just keep thinking what if? It takes forever to get my EAD.

I think you should do it, personally. If you can somehow, someway afford it then do it. My saving grace with all the wedding stress and aggravation is knowing we get to take a nice vacation once its all over! If we didn't have that things would be a lot harder to deal with. If you're worried about sleeping the first day off why not wait a day and go?

Oh and I totally opened the present we got today... It was a blender!

[Danu 19]

lol. It rains from about November - end of Feb...they don't always get very much in that time but when it snow season here, its rain in socal.

Wes and I are paying for the wedding ourselves and my mom has some...unique circumstances surrounding getting her passport so she wouldnt be able to make the civil one anyway, so there was really nothing to win, as both of our families think we should do whatever we want, and Wes is really only having a wedding because I would like one, and he doesnt want me to regret not having one, even if its small (which I really don't mind at all)

Edited July 31, 2009 by Danu

[minnew 4]

Yeah if we do go, its not going to be until like Tuesday or Wednesday the following week, give us a bit of a breather and I am sure some family might stick around until Monday. I want to go to Vegas so bad! Brad went last summer, so he knows all the good places to check out and stuff.

Another question for all the currently married ladies or soon to be married. People keep on telling me that wedding guests will give a "physical" gift, plus a monetary gift for your wedding. Some people have told me that they have gotten anywhere from 1000-10000 dollars from guests. We are not having a gift registry because of all the people travelling, but we will not refuse a gift either if someone wants to buy us something, although we prefer a monetary gift, all by WOM.

How many guests did you have? and Did you or are you having a gift registry? This sounds absolutely horrible, so please forgive me if I offend anyone, talking about money is well...tacky.. but can anyone share any ranges of money gifts from weddings of friends, family members?

I swear there needs to be a college class or a everything weddings for dummies...I need one!!! edit....there probably is, I just haven't found it yet!

Edited July 31, 2009 by minnew

[Hugglebuggles 60]

Humm... I don't know about the money+physical gift things, sounds a little different. I don't think I've ever heard of that happening... but I haven't really been to a lot of weddings. Since we are having a lot of people travel in, as I assume you will as well, its hard to really expect much from people who are already paying so much to be there. I'm not really expecting a lot of money gifts, although I naturally welcome them and am very thankful to the people who want/can give something beside their presence. We made a gift registry as a way to make people feel like they don't have to cut us a cheque for $100+ to make us happy. We registered at target and our selections range from a few hundred to just a few dollars. We've received a couple physical gifts, but no money yet... I'll let you know after the wedding

[Danu 19]

I'm thinking of registering...mainly because my future SIL has informed me that if I don't I will be getting a bunch of random stuff from people on their side. That said, I am not expecting gifts or money from anyone, especially the out of town guests as they are travelling to be with us and thats enough. A lot of my friends already know I just want them there and could care less about stuff, though I will not refuse anything if they decide to get me something. I figure if I register, no one HAS to get me anything, but at least this way if they do they might get something I actually want/need I'm going to have a box for money/cards as well but I think it won't be labelled at all so that people don't feel that they have to give us anything. I have most of the stuff I need to run the household, and I'm sure I will get the other stuff I need in the time before the wedding, so its not a huge deal to me. I just want my friends and family there.

[JillA 2]

Yeah if we do go, its not going to be until like Tuesday or Wednesday the following week, give us a bit of a breather and I am sure some family might stick around until Monday. I want to go to Vegas so bad! Brad went last summer, so he knows all the good places to check out and stuff.

Another question for all the currently married ladies or soon to be married. People keep on telling me that wedding guests will give a "physical" gift, plus a monetary gift for your wedding. Some people have told me that they have gotten anywhere from 1000-10000 dollars from guests. We are not having a gift registry because of all the people travelling, but we will not refuse a gift either if someone wants to buy us something, although we prefer a monetary gift, all by WOM.

How many guests did you have? and Did you or are you having a gift registry? This sounds absolutely horrible, so please forgive me if I offend anyone, talking about money is well...tacky.. but can anyone share any ranges of money gifts from weddings of friends, family members?

I swear there needs to be a college class or a everything weddings for dummies...I need one!!! edit....there probably is, I just haven't found it yet!

We're not having a registry... I find weddings around here, people have a registry for the shower (I'm not having one tho) and just give cash for the gift. It's not spoken of, it's just assumed you give cash. Oh and I told my close friends who will be spending close to a grand each to be here.... I don't want ANY gift from them! I just want them there, that's my gift!

Edited July 31, 2009 by JillA

[SapphireDreams 71]

We are having a registry most likely, but not completely sure about the logistics yet. I want to see if Pottery Barn can be cross border. I am registering for my shower, not for the wedding. For the wedding, it is expected that we will receive money. I really want to get a nice china set at William Ashley. I'll probably do a Macy's registry and a William Ashley registry in Toronto... and MAYBE pottery barn if they swing a cross border one.

As a general rule, you want to give a gift that at least would cover your plate at the wedding. So fancier weddings, would stipulate more money. I'd probably give about $250-$300/couple as a wedding gift... but would probably expect on average to get about $200/couple... obviously some people will give less and some people will give more. I think this will also range by region and its higher for large cities like Toronto and NYC. If I went to a wedding in a smaller place, I'd probably give a bit less since the cost of living is less in general.

[Sam and Ben 2]

It looks like our wedding is going to fall sometime in January 2010. Not that I'm entirely happy about that.

Honestly, I'd much, much rather have a civil ceremony, file off the paperwork, then take our time in planning a nice wedding that we can invite all of our friends and family to. I don't relish the idea of finishing up the visa process, wrapping up all of my projects at work, moving, getting settled, etc AND planning a full-fledged wedding that everyone can be satisfied with. But my fiance isn't interested in a fake vs real wedding (I think I've lost that debate), so I'm at the planning-from-a-million-miles-away stage like everyone else.

Reading here has been a great help for ideas, by the way.

So, as a quick question for insight, has anyone had success in trying to plan a small wedding from so far away? TheKnot.com is helpful, to a degree, but the vendors/sites they list are so fancy and expensive... very much out of what I want to spend.

[minnew 4]

Thank you girls for your responses...I didn't know that there was a difference between registries for wedding showers and the wedding in general. Sheesh so much to learn and so much of it like someone else said is "unspoken" etiquette/rules. We already have alot of household items from when we lived together and I am not into china, plus all of the people travelling from so far away is the biggest gift to us. I about fell over when I saw a wedding invitation from a family friend that had printed on the bottom that there was no gift registry, please make a monetary donation. You don't print it on an invitation!! Maybe on an insert card, like my friend did for her wedding next month! But we have had people ask if they could buy us a gift or if we have a registry and the answer has been no, we don't have one, if you want to get us a gift we will not refuse it, I would feel bad taking it, if they are already travelling the distance. But I guess its okay if the gifts are from people that are not able to make it due to the distance. But for not having a gift registry then people can be sort of lost on what to get you and may not get something that you would use and or like. Its an OOT wedding for over 90% of the guests, so we will see, we have an idea now of who's coming and who's not, but there are still some up in the air.

[minnew 4]

It looks like our wedding is going to fall sometime in January 2010. Not that I'm entirely happy about that.

Honestly, I'd much, much rather have a civil ceremony, file off the paperwork, then take our time in planning a nice wedding that we can invite all of our friends and family to. I don't relish the idea of finishing up the visa process, wrapping up all of my projects at work, moving, getting settled, etc AND planning a full-fledged wedding that everyone can be satisfied with. But my fiance isn't interested in a fake vs real wedding (I think I've lost that debate), so I'm at the planning-from-a-million-miles-away stage like everyone else.

Reading here has been a great help for ideas, by the way.

So, as a quick question for insight, has anyone had success in trying to plan a small wedding from so far away? TheKnot.com is helpful, to a degree, but the vendors/sites they list are so fancy and expensive... very much out of what I want to spend.

Theknot.com was great for me in planning for sure! Another good site to check out is weddingwire.com. weddingmapper.com is very helpful with directions, printing maps, or posting in your wedding website. The knot.com local message boards can really help you in finding good affordable vendors that lots of other people have recommended and or used. Some hotels are very expensive and some can be rather affordable in their pricing. If you are going to have lots of OOT guests its more practical to have the reception at a hotel, preferably the same one that you can get a room block at. I did lots of searching on the internet for vendor I used, tried to find lots of reviews.

The last time I visited my fiance we met with a pastor and also searched for reception venue, finally found one that was affordable and would fit our budget. The rest I have all done from the comfort of home. It is doable just stressful for me because I am not there to meet with vendors face to face until 2 weeks before the wedding.

[JillA 2]

I think it's incredibly rude if you ASK for money in your invitations. I was invited to a wedding and it said on it "envelopes only". Excuse me? That is so rude! If someone politely asks you what you would like, you can say you prefer money but never explicitly ask for it. That's just my opinion anyway.

[SapphireDreams 71]

I think it's incredibly rude if you ASK for money in your invitations. I was invited to a wedding and it said on it "envelopes only". Excuse me? That is so rude! If someone politely asks you what you would like, you can say you prefer money but never explicitly ask for it. That's just my opinion anyway.

I totally agree. I've even seen bridal shower invitations that say "money shower" - which I think is tacky. If I end up not registering, I'll just put nothing. Because honestly, I think most people would just give cash anyways if there was nothing listed. Or they will call me or my Mom and ask and then we will just say that I would prefer money, but anything is fine!

Whenever someone writes "money shower" on their bridal invitation, my Mom always buys them Corning Ware! She cracks me up!

[Hugglebuggles 60]

I see a registry as a way to save people money, personally. If you really feel like you need to get me a gift then go ahead and purchase the $15 gravy boat, you don't need to cut me a $300 cheque. But its bad form to advertise... we have it on our wedding website, and if someone asks I give them the link. Putting registry info in an invite? I think thats tacky. Saying give me money? Thats just beyond tacky!

Sam- I planned the bulk of my small wedding from up in Canada! We're only having 40 people, so its an intimate affair. I used some of the knot vendors, but I found most of my people just from using google and e-mailing around to get prices and options. E-mail is definately your friend when planning long distances! Then, if you think you found a winner its always nice to give them a call and set everything up. I moved down here a few weeks early so I could have meetings with all my vendors before the big day, just to make sure we are on the same page and I didn't make a terrible mistake with anyone. I ended up picking some really good places and people! Something you will learn early in the planning is that weddings are expensive, and that many vendors aren't priced much different from each other. For example, I e-mailed like 6 DJ companies and I got prices from $800-$1200 from all of them... It all depends on your area and the demand. Unfortunately the wedding got fancier as the months went on... I think its because I had way to much time on my hands to come up with little ideas

[Sam and Ben 2]

I see a registry as a way to save people money, personally. If you really feel like you need to get me a gift then go ahead and purchase the $15 gravy boat, you don't need to cut me a $300 cheque. But its bad form to advertise... we have it on our wedding website, and if someone asks I give them the link. Putting registry info in an invite? I think thats tacky. Saying give me money? Thats just beyond tacky!

Sam- I planned the bulk of my small wedding from up in Canada! We're only having 40 people, so its an intimate affair. I used some of the knot vendors, but I found most of my people just from using google and e-mailing around to get prices and options. E-mail is definately your friend when planning long distances! Then, if you think you found a winner its always nice to give them a call and set everything up. I moved down here a few weeks early so I could have meetings with all my vendors before the big day, just to make sure we are on the same page and I didn't make a terrible mistake with anyone. I ended up picking some really good places and people! Something you will learn early in the planning is that weddings are expensive, and that many vendors aren't priced much different from each other. For example, I e-mailed like 6 DJ companies and I got prices from $800-$1200 from all of them... It all depends on your area and the demand. Unfortunately the wedding got fancier as the months went on... I think its because I had way to much time on my hands to come up with little ideas

That's what I'm finding right now... a lot of the reception sites I've spoken to seem very pricey, extremely pricey considering what a small affair it's going to be! (I blame Orlando... ) I guess I'm just getting discouraged because it's so early in my planning stages and everything seems so out of budget.

May I ask, when looking for information, did you use the contact method through theknot, or did you head over to each vendor's website and contact them through there? It seems like through theknot, I'm getting very routine answers ("come in and check us out!" despite mentioning that I am planning from so very far away, etc).

And it is so incredibly tacky to include your preference for money in the invitation. I think I'd certainly feel inclined to be sure to bring a gift along if that were the case! Haha.