Wedding Details

[Rhiannercakes 14]

It is Chinese culture, at least, for the invitations. You *have* to send invitations - they won't accept spoken word. They should also be red.

Where did I learn this? A bridal show on TLC.

Well, of course we did send invitations, she just expected us to hand her 15 invitations with no addresses on them for her to hand out the way she wishes to hand them out.

And ours are brown

[ashenflowers 5]

I think that's incredibly out of line for HIS parents to expect to get random invitations and invite people that neither the bride nor the groom know, when it's YOUR parents that are paying.

I'm glad I'm keeping ours to just us an our parents. I didn't even want to open the can or worms of inviting 'some' other people, so we cut it. And, I really really think we're not having that 2nd reception in Canada at all. It's going to be hugely ridiculous, we can't afford it, and quite frankly it won't be worth the trouble. I'd rather go visit brother and his family in Cambodia (and I think I'd have to choose between the two).

What's your wedding guest list up to now Rhiann? I thought you guys were keeping it smallish too. lol

[Rhiannercakes 14]

Well, if all his friends can come, 16 on his side.

If my friends can come, 11 on my side.

I doubt all of my fiance's friends are coming though.

It's still bigger than what I wanted though.

[ashenflowers 5]

Wow, so handing out 15 invitations to her, would be like 'here, please have almost 1/2 of the attendees be people we don't care about at all, who don't care about us, who we don't even know or have even MET'... I mean, it's not like it's 15 out of 200 people, it's 15 out of less than 50. That's stupid. ugh... I hate weddings. No one is ever happy.

[Rhiannercakes 14]

I was going to be pretty happy about my wedding, but now all this is happening and my fiance and his mom are on bad terms... I don't think it's going to be a very happy day for the two of us.

[Danu 19]

I'm so sorry. Your wedding day should be about your happiness and from the start it seems like someone has always decided something is better for you than what you want. I really hope that the day goes well though, the only thing you can really do is shrug it off, smile and try to move on with the day trying to be as happy as possible. Just think in terms of the fact you are marrying the man you love and get to be with him forever. Don't let the rest of this drama drag you down, in the end its all about you and him!

[Rhiannercakes 14]

At least I get steak for dinner that night, ehehe.

Edited December 11, 2009 by Rhiann

[Malrothien 6]

It is Chinese culture, at least, for the invitations. You *have* to send invitations - they won't accept spoken word. They should also be red.

Where did I learn this? A bridal show on TLC.

Well, of course we did send invitations, she just expected us to hand her 15 invitations with no addresses on them for her to hand out the way she wishes to hand them out.

And ours are brown

Yep, that's included in the culture and what I meant with the post. She wants to invite people regardless, but she won't ask without an invite, and that's why she's making such a big deal out of it.

[Rhiannercakes 14]

It is Chinese culture, at least, for the invitations. You *have* to send invitations - they won't accept spoken word. They should also be red.

Where did I learn this? A bridal show on TLC.

Well, of course we did send invitations, she just expected us to hand her 15 invitations with no addresses on them for her to hand out the way she wishes to hand them out.

And ours are brown

Yep, that's included in the culture and what I meant with the post. She wants to invite people regardless, but she won't ask without an invite, and that's why she's making such a big deal out of it.

Hm, makes sense as to why she kept asking for invites for the 2 people she wanted to invite.

Well, my parents are going along with this, so they're sending 3 more to me.

[Marilyn. 340]

I think it is fair to let the in-laws invite some people... but 15 does seem like a bit much if it is a small wedding..

my mom would have invited everyone she knew but I put my foot down and let her invite only 4 couples...

no one from my hubby's side of the family came to the wedding.. they said it was because they couldn't afford it but the real reason is that they are all scared to fly

[Peachey 10]

I was going to be pretty happy about my wedding, but now all this is happening and my fiance and his mom are on bad terms... I don't think it's going to be a very happy day for the two of us.

Only you can decide how you're going to feel on your wedding day. If you're going to let the ridiculousness get to you, then that's how you'll feel. If you focus on the love you and your fiance have for each other, and ignore the ridiculousness, then you might have a better time.

I know there are going to be people that are going to be unhappy on my wedding day, especially the part of Varba's family that doesn't agree with booze or dancing. But you know what? Too bad, it's my day, and I'm doing what I want.

[Rhiannercakes 14]

I'm going to try to make amends with my mother in law by trying to get her opinion on my wedding favours.

My fiance's sister pretty much made my fiance feel bad last night about the whole wedding planning thing too. It's like they're all ganging up on him.

I can't believe something like this totally did this to the wedding.

[ScooterMac 2]

I feel so bad for my fiance.

He just got beat down by his mom for not including her in the planning.

Traditionally, the bride's parents pay for the wedding/reception and are the ones primarily making decisions and the guest list. When my brother got married, my parents were told that the reception hall could only fit 150, and that they were allowed to invite our grandparents, aunts and uncles (no cousins) and one couple that they'd been friends with for a number of years. They weren't involved in any of the planning. My mother was taking it pretty well until.....My SIL decreed that no children under the age of 16 (except for her flower girl, ring bearer and other "important" cousins, all of which were on her side) would be allowed to attend. At the time, almost all the people in our family had young children, and they were all pretty upset. My mom caught all the flak about it, and wasn't allowed to mention it to my SIL. It finally all got straightened out (after my family started RSVPing "with regrets"), but I remember it being not an awful lot of fun.

After having heard my mother's lament about not being involved, I've tried to involve Spoom's mom as much as you can involve someone who lives 5 hours away I sat down with her and made sure we weren't leaving anyone off her invites list, and sent her pictures of the church and reception hall (and then later, my dress!). I still think she feels left out, but I don't know how to involve her more when she's not willing to come visit!

Rhiann, I feel for you. Being on the receiving end of a maternal guilt-trip must have sucked for your fiance, and that whole crew certainly isn't making your life any easier

[Arabella 4]

I feel so bad for my fiance.

He just got beat down by his mom for not including her in the planning.

Traditionally, the bride's parents pay for the wedding/reception and are the ones primarily making decisions and the guest list. When my brother got married, my parents were told that the reception hall could only fit 150, and that they were allowed to invite our grandparents, aunts and uncles (no cousins) and one couple that they'd been friends with for a number of years. They weren't involved in any of the planning. My mother was taking it pretty well until.....My SIL decreed that no children under the age of 16 (except for her flower girl, ring bearer and other "important" cousins, all of which were on her side) would be allowed to attend. At the time, almost all the people in our family had young children, and they were all pretty upset. My mom caught all the flak about it, and wasn't allowed to mention it to my SIL. It finally all got straightened out (after my family started RSVPing "with regrets"), but I remember it being not an awful lot of fun.

After having heard my mother's lament about not being involved, I've tried to involve Spoom's mom as much as you can involve someone who lives 5 hours away I sat down with her and made sure we weren't leaving anyone off her invites list, and sent her pictures of the church and reception hall (and then later, my dress!). I still think she feels left out, but I don't know how to involve her more when she's not willing to come visit!

Rhiann, I feel for you. Being on the receiving end of a maternal guilt-trip must have sucked for your fiance, and that whole crew certainly isn't making your life any easier

And on the other extreme end of the spectrum is my future MIL, who doesn't seem to give a rat's a$$ about the wedding.

I sent her an email 3 weeks ago with info about our wedding because during breakfast she asked if we were still getting married on April 29th, and acted like she didn't know anything about the wedding at all. So the next day I emailed her with some info and links.

I haven't heard a word from her. Sean says she got the email but she has been "too busy" to reply.

Nice . . .

[Rhiannercakes 14]

I think things are doing better over here, sort of.

My parents sent my fiance an email to give to my mom, but apparently she doesn't care that much anymore, eh who knows.

Guess there's not a whole lot I can do if she wants to all the sudden not want to help just because of a silly assumption.

*shrugs*

On another note, my place cards are about 3/4 done. I just need to go get a fine tiped brown or pink marker to do the names. I hand wrote them all.