Married To A German :)

[veronicavonn 7]

aahhh, the Sunday dilemma.

My husband also LOVED going to the 24-hour grocery store in California around 1 in the morning. He was just fascinated with it when he was on vacation.

We are going on a vacation to California in about a month, and bringing my stepchildren this time. One of the things they are all excited about doing - grocery shopping at 1 AM. lol (Not to mention Sunday shopping..)

[Betti 1]

I am the German in the relationship and must say that I love this thread!

I live in Texas since 7 months now and must say that I enjoy being here a lot. My SO has a degree in German and lived in Germany for 2 1/2 years all together, so there are no language problems in our relationship; if I forget the English word for something I want to say, I just say it in German and he still understands.

Regarding the cultural differences I can only recommend this site: www.nothingforungood.com, it's hilarious and soooo true!

[Eveline 9]

As for insurance. If you continue to go to school you don't have to do anything if you do start to work they'll send you everything you need to switch insurances.

I moved out when I was 16, not because I couldn't stand my parents but because I did my training in another city, away from home. Then I started working at 19, switched insurances and eventually moved to the US when I was 21. I was put back on my mom's insurance. I left Germany for good at 23.

I'll write a little more later...gots to go.

[Dr. ZoSo 0]

Speaking of Sunday shopping...

I don't know about where everyone else lives but here in Georgia Sunday alcohol sales are not allowed. you can still go to a bar and get a drink, but you can not purchase alcohol in any stores including gas stations, package store, grocery store, etc.

My wife thinks this is a completely unacceptable practice. She has learned over the years to buy her beer during the week as not to run out over the weekend. From time to time though she does run out over the weekend and must rush Saturday night to the package store.

While this is not a real dilemma for me, for her it's a important aspect of keeping her German heritage. Not to throw any stereotypes around about Germans and drinking, but in her family they do enjoy their wine (grown locally in their village).

As interesting as that sounds one might think they are all a bunch of drunks but they aren't. They are social drinkers who know when to say when. This is a concept that many Americans still struggle with from their teens well into adulthood.

[panterchen 1]

Yeah, I noticed that too. I like to drink a beer every now and then or a glass of wine with some good food. I always feel like an alcoholic in the US with the look people give me when we are going out. Oh well, my husband and I we love to share a good dinner and wine in the evening- and we are definitely no alcoholics.

As for the financial obligations of parents towards their kids in Germany: when we decided to get married my family also recommend a marriage contract (I know there is a specific term for this but I don't remember now) to make sure he couldn't ever sue them for financial support or the like. I refused. I hate the idea of anticipating a failure of marriage plus I mean...common'...I came here on a K1. Him and his family provided all the affidavit of supports for K1 and AOS. They would be far more obligated to support me while I am here... Oh well, Germans. I guess they just like to worry (or is it just my family?).

I also don't like the 24/7 shopping system here. Sunday is just supposed to be a 'Ruhetag' where cashiers should also enjoy their time off with their family/friends. Oh and yeah...I think streets and especially highways are terrible here. I never speed or anything since I worry about my car. lol.

[veronicavonn 7]

But if you think about the typical* American right now, college students who go to college Monday-Friday want to get a part-time job in the evenings and/or weekends. Saturday & Sunday work is a blessing for the college students trying to get by.

ALSO, Saturday & Sunday work is great for people who are caught in the middle of the recession. A "side job," some might call it, could help in keeping people in their homes and not on the streets.

*I use the term "typical American" loosely. If I offend you, I am sorry. But I have seen this happen to me personally and within my immediate family.

[Nina+Matt 0]

@panterchen are you saying that my husband (us citizen) could sue my parents for financial aid? i dont really get that?!

when reading some of the post in here im not always sure what nationality the poster has and get confused when they talk about here and there

Edited April 22, 2009 by Nina+Matt

[Dr. ZoSo 0]

when reading some of the post in here I'm not always sure what nationality the poster has and get confused when they talk about here and there

I am also having the same problem. I just read the posts and see the underlying points. When I write responses I try to mention at least once that my wife in the German in the relationship.

[panterchen 1]

I am the German in our marriage!

Yes, I think technically my husband could sue my parents for financial support. But don't ask me about the details. I have no clue and I know that the German government is trying to change the respective laws. For a very long time it used to be the case that one partner was responsible for the other one even after that marriage has been terminated. The underlying principle was that the lifestyle of either one should never substantially change after a divorce than what it was before. Meaning, if my husband was super rich and I would be able to afford constant manicures, shopping etc. then I couldn't all of a sudden be super poor and not be able to afford an appartment even if I wasn't working. He would have to come up for that and the same works vice-versa.

As for the 24/7 shopping. Sure, I agree. Sunday shopping makes it easy for people to work while studying. The whole system here is very different though from the German one and I don't think it is really comparable in its nature. As a student in Germany, most people don't have to work as hard as people here, as tuition is generally very low, that is, in most cases students only have to come up with their living expenses. Also, it is very hard to get a part-time job in Germany as for every little BS job people need to have a certain experience or training or education. It is ridiculous in my opinion and as far as the job market is concerned I definitely prefer the US as it is more flexible. Also, sunday as a 'Ruhetag' stems from the power our labor unions have and they try to protect workers' rights. That means, unusual working hours (night shifts, sunday work etc.) underlie certain regulations. For example as I know it from Berlin, sunday work is only allowed under extraordinary circumstances like before christmas and such and the employers have to pay higher salaries per hour than would be normal in that job...

[panterchen 1]

Oh and also... we married in the US so I guess our marriage would be subject to US laws anyways. Or does anybody know how that would work?!

[Nina+Matt 0]

i know about alimony that needs to be paid after a divorce. i really never heard of financial support that you can get from your inlaws.... oh well so many stuff out there i dont have a clue about

did you already get your marriage recognized in germany panterchen? i cant tell you though which law the marriage would be subject to.

[Dr. ZoSo 0]

Also, sunday as a 'Ruhetag' stems from the power our labor unions have and they try to protect workers' rights. That means, unusual working hours (night shifts, sunday work etc.) underlie certain regulations. For example as I know it from Berlin, sunday work is only allowed under extraordinary circumstances like before christmas and such and the employers have to pay higher salaries per hour than would be normal in that job...

Many of these old traditions that go back many years may be changed in the future to reflect the state of affairs across the world. For example, in one of my earlier posts I mentioned Sunday alcohol sales not being allowed in Georgia. Well, now that the economy has gone to ####### and the local governments are looking for ways to increase tax revenue they are again considering allowing Sunday sales with a voter referendum.

Money drives the world. I also have a sneaky suspicion money drives religion as well, but that's another topic for another board.

[Dr. ZoSo 0]

i know about alimony that needs to be paid after a divorce. i really never heard of financial support that you can get from your inlaws.... oh well so many stuff out there i dont have a clue about

did you already get your marriage recognized in germany panterchen? i cant tell you though which law the marriage would be subject to.

Hopefully someone will chime in on this as well. I am interested in hearing how this works as I have often wondered about it myself.

When we were in Germany last year my wifes father took us to the local court house in the district where they live (don't know how to explain this in terms of German government setup) to get her Government ID name changed to her new last name. We have also had her passport changed in Atlanta at the consulate (now that was an ordeal).

More info on this would be appreciated.

[Melian 0]

As far as different thought processes, I ended up with a problem where I don't know when you are really expected to be a real, completely independent adult in Germany (26-28?), but it is long after you are expected to be one in the US, particularly for men. I still know people there approaching 30 who are still bankrolled partially by mommy and daddy. People who were 35-36 who were just professional students and never had a real job.

Hmm - so do I, but I thought it was just these individuals - I didn't realize it was a "German thing"! Interesting, and kind of amusing...

It was really flooring to find out that you could sue your parents up until the age of 26 for financial support for your first post-secondary education. That was a jaw dropping ####### moment for me. .

You can? Wow. I just asked my German about this, and he said "well, you have a right to your college education". A right? I know some people who didn't finish college because their parents cut off funding midway through based on some grudge - but Americans don't tend to place as high a value on education anyway, I think, and that's part of it. After all, for purposes of getting grants for college, anyone under 25 has their parents' incomes taken into account here, too, if not married - they just can't do anything if the parents then refuse to contribute.

I'm curious about the "personal space" thing. I've heard several people mention it as a cultural difference - I wonder if it depends on the region. I'm from upstate NY and my fiance is from NRW, and I didn't notice any difference in people's sense of personal space when I visited there. People tended to look directly at strangers more than I'm used to, though - especially for an urban environment.

[veronicavonn 7]

Money drives the world. I also have a sneaky suspicion money drives religion as well, but that's another topic for another board.

Germany has church taxes.

Sure, you get SOME back when you file your taxes every year, but you still have to pay unless you claim you have no religion.