Update time

[sus 70]

LMAO Nat - paranoia complex? I don't have to worry about DJ getting mad at me for getting off the phone - the man falls asleep on the phone with me and I hang up! Although two weeks ago, I was on my way out with my cousin and he called so we were talking to him through my car speaker bluetooth - for the first time EVER he told me to not get drunk - my cousin was dying laughing, said - uh, oh - ring is on the finger - now the rules are coming! He just laughed -

Dada - it sounds like the two of you need to have a face to face long chat on your next visit - I agree with you that his problems are your problems, but some people just take time to open up to that - I forget, how long have you been together? DJ and I definitely have had our moments - and it took a lot of headbanging and some major events to get the communication flowing openly - it's frustrating as anything, and we are far from perfect - but I believe that every relationship takes work, and both people have to be willing to put in an equal amount of work - sometimes one person puts in 90 percent, sometimes the other does, sometimes it's 50-50 - But you have to evaluate if the relationship is always slanted one way, is it really the right one? I always believed that love could overcome anything - through what I have been through in my past - I learned that just cause you love someone, it doesn't make it the right relationship -

Don't know if that makes sense or not - kinda feel like I am rambling, lol

[Islandwoman 0]

LMAO Nat - paranoia complex? I don't have to worry about DJ getting mad at me for getting off the phone - the man falls asleep on the phone with me and I hang up! Although two weeks ago, I was on my way out with my cousin and he called so we were talking to him through my car speaker bluetooth - for the first time EVER he told me to not get drunk - my cousin was dying laughing, said - uh, oh - ring is on the finger - now the rules are coming! He just laughed -

Dada - it sounds like the two of you need to have a face to face long chat on your next visit - I agree with you that his problems are your problems, but some people just take time to open up to that - I forget, how long have you been together? DJ and I definitely have had our moments - and it took a lot of headbanging and some major events to get the communication flowing openly - it's frustrating as anything, and we are far from perfect - but I believe that every relationship takes work, and both people have to be willing to put in an equal amount of work - sometimes one person puts in 90 percent, sometimes the other does, sometimes it's 50-50 - But you have to evaluate if the relationship is always slanted one way, is it really the right one? I always believed that love could overcome anything - through what I have been through in my past - I learned that just cause you love someone, it doesn't make it the right relationship -

Don't know if that makes sense or not - kinda feel like I am rambling, lol

As always....well said Sus.

[jawi876 2]

welcome to a part of some Jamaican culture...If u really notice depending on where a person is from they tend to be more receptive/verbal

Exactly Hotlegz. I also noticed that it takes men (especially Ja men) a long time to actually "TRUST", even if they have said I love you. Have you ladies also considered the fact that your SO may find it frustrating to speak Queens English because you don't really understand patwah? I have heard MANY Jamaicans tell me that it is a relief to be able to talk to me without me saying "What? What did you say? Can you say it again? Can you slow down? What does that mean?"

I have never had that problem with A...from our 1st conversation we can manage to talk for hours at a time, there is lots of laughter too because I'm a nut. Of course there are silent times, but they are never uncomfortable. I remember our 1st phone call that lasted for 5 hours straight. We were having so much fun talking to each other that we didn't even notice the time (good thing I had a great rate on my home phone). He has told me things that he doesn't even feel comfortable telling his mother. His mother even told me several times that she has NEVER seen her son talk so much in his ENTIRE life. His roommates also told me that he is an entirely different person when he is with me/talking to me. He is very much a loner, and has a hard time trusting people.

With my first husband, it was the complete opposite. I came to realize that he was quiet most times because he didn't want to say the wrong thing. He wanted us to always get along...even if it meant he compromised his own belief system. I would get so angry about the lack of communication. Then, we had a huge fight after he got here once, and he had the nerve to tell me "You don't know anything about me." I LOST it. We dated for two years before he got here...and he was right I still didn't "know" him...mainly because he didn't know himself.

IMO...there is nothing you can do to get a man to open up to you and start really communicating. You can only hope that with time, he will begin to really trust you. Then, the communication will start.

[DaDa 1]

I too wonder if the language barrier is a problem. But Rock tells me he is o.k., with speaking English because that is how he was raised and I can understand him so clearly but from time to time when he is upset he will go patwa on me. I’m not sure if its because he's saying things he doesn’t want me to understand or like you said Jawi he just feels more comfortable that way. Sometimes when I'm there he'll speak it a likkle but not enough for me to learn it so lately I have found myself searching the internet, reading VJ and Jawi's story looking for hints and tidbits.. I also have other Jamaican friends that are able to help teach it to me as well. So I am trying. I have never done so much research on the island of Jamaica in my life. I’m trying my best to learn about his culture to help us going forward.

Our commutation barrier is a big problem for us. It can break us if not addressed. In my last relationship Sus it was slanted. I did 70% of the work to make it work while my partner only did 30%. I can't do this again I need my partner to meet me 1/2 way or else. We have been together for almost two years this summer and we are making headway.

In the beginning since I was married we were only friends. He was my support system through it all and he showed me what I was missing in my marriage and he gave me the courage to get out. Now that we have decided to get serous with one another and have a committed relationship now the fun has begun.

[SupportOAFJF 0]

Dada ur funny..but i totally understand what ur saying..my husband is weird he talks up a storm over the phone..but in person..we have to write stuff down that he wants to talk about..it's like his mind goes blank..hahaa..BUT he is quite shy..that could play apart

[^KK^ 3]

Newlynluv - are you from Jamaica?

Nope im African American but my friends say that the jamaicans adopted me lol

lol....

My friends say the same. For some reason, they like the idea that I was dating/married a Jamaican. July 4th BBQ are no longer the same.

Oops did I just go off?? O.k. let me calm down whooo sawwwww...

What's the origin of this phrase? Steven says it ALL THE TIME. Is it from a movie? Yoga?

Bad Boys!!! Martin's character...

[^KK^ 3]

Dada: I totally hear wha yuh seh lol i hate that ish espeically when im lonely im like dag you should want to talk to me i should not feel like im forcing you! but i must admit we do get our 60 minute convos every now and then when i ask him about it he's just like i worry to much #######... i think they are very manly he dont wanna bother me with his problems or cry about it as he would say so they stay to themselves...

p.s i dont know if it's just a girly thing but sometimes it cross my mind like do he not want to confine in me because im not from there and he feels like i cant relate??? anybody eva thought this?

HA! Mi knoa exactly wah yuh mean.... Every once in a while we will have a lengthy conversation. Most of them are when we are arguing. Neither one of us is willing to shut up until we both have proven our point so it goes on forever or the other times we talk lengthy is when well that's not for VJ ..lol Rocky tells me all the time he's not a phone person and he told me stop trying to pull something out of him that he doesn’t have. He was like if you lead I'll follow but I can’t lead. But that is no fun who wants to lead all the time??

Sus in person it is much better because like you said I am there so I can pinch him or get on top of him until he talks but over he phone there is not much for me to do. But when you only see your SO every three months to me communication is all we have. I guess in my mind I think how do we keep our bond tight and right if we're not talking ya know?? He does tell me all the time his problems are his and he doesn’t want to me worry or cause me stress because I will stress out over the smallest thing but so what I'm supposed to be your mate you can confide in me. There isn't supposed to be any secrets.

No matter how long Steven and I talk, when I go to get off the phone he acts like I'm stabbing him in the heart. That confuses me, because just as you all pointed out, they don't talk! So he wants me to stay on the phone with him, but I get to do all the talking (unless he's had a drink or two).

Mine also tells me that I'm not to worry about his problems. Thing is, I usually don't, even after he tells me. But one of his reasons for not saying stuff on the phone is cause he believes the government is listening to our phone calls.

Sorry Nat..I'm rolling at my desk on that one. I used to think that sometimes though.

[NatPatBen 3]

LMAO Nat - paranoia complex? I don't have to worry about DJ getting mad at me for getting off the phone - the man falls asleep on the phone with me and I hang up! Although two weeks ago, I was on my way out with my cousin and he called so we were talking to him through my car speaker bluetooth - for the first time EVER he told me to not get drunk - my cousin was dying laughing, said - uh, oh - ring is on the finger - now the rules are coming! He just laughed -

Sus, I've started using that "trick" too. I notice that if it's late and we're on the phone, Steven won't want to get off. However, if I'm quiet for about 3 minutes, he'll fall asleep. Then I can hang up & go back to reading or watching tv.

Mine also doesn't want me drinking when I'm with him. He claims it makes me antisocial. I guess sometimes ONE incident can have a very lasting effect. We were at Alfred's and I wanted to see if I could tell the difference between Irish cream & rum cream. So I ordered one of each. Then, the bartender was making some frozen banana drink that looked good. I asked him what it was and he gave me a free cup of it. Then I tried one more rum cream for good measure. That much alcohol made me tipsy and I found it hard to think/speak. When Steven kept asking me questions I told him to stop talking so much. BOOOOOY I wish I could take that back. Because of that one incident, he tries to limit my beverages now.

[^KK^ 3]

LMAO Nat - paranoia complex? I don't have to worry about DJ getting mad at me for getting off the phone - the man falls asleep on the phone with me and I hang up! Although two weeks ago, I was on my way out with my cousin and he called so we were talking to him through my car speaker bluetooth - for the first time EVER he told me to not get drunk - my cousin was dying laughing, said - uh, oh - ring is on the finger - now the rules are coming! He just laughed -

Sus, I've started using that "trick" too. I notice that if it's late and we're on the phone, Steven won't want to get off. However, if I'm quiet for about 3 minutes, he'll fall asleep. Then I can hang up & go back to reading or watching tv.

Mine also doesn't want me drinking when I'm with him. He claims it makes me antisocial. I guess sometimes ONE incident can have a very lasting effect. We were at Alfred's and I wanted to see if I could tell the difference between Irish cream & rum cream. So I ordered one of each. Then, the bartender was making some frozen banana drink that looked good. I asked him what it was and he gave me a free cup of it. Then I tried one more rum cream for good measure. That much alcohol made me tipsy and I found it hard to think/speak. When Steven kept asking me questions I told him to stop talking so much. BOOOOOY I wish I could take that back. Because of that one incident, he tries to limit my beverages now.

[DaDa 1]

LMAO Nat - paranoia complex? I don't have to worry about DJ getting mad at me for getting off the phone - the man falls asleep on the phone with me and I hang up! Although two weeks ago, I was on my way out with my cousin and he called so we were talking to him through my car speaker bluetooth - for the first time EVER he told me to not get drunk - my cousin was dying laughing, said - uh, oh - ring is on the finger - now the rules are coming! He just laughed -

Sus, I've started using that "trick" too. I notice that if it's late and we're on the phone, Steven won't want to get off. However, if I'm quiet for about 3 minutes, he'll fall asleep. Then I can hang up & go back to reading or watching tv.

Mine also doesn't want me drinking when I'm with him. He claims it makes me antisocial. I guess sometimes ONE incident can have a very lasting effect. We were at Alfred's and I wanted to see if I could tell the difference between Irish cream & rum cream. So I ordered one of each. Then, the bartender was making some frozen banana drink that looked good. I asked him what it was and he gave me a free cup of it. Then I tried one more rum cream for good measure. That much alcohol made me tipsy and I found it hard to think/speak. When Steven kept asking me questions I told him to stop talking so much. BOOOOOY I wish I could take that back. Because of that one incident, he tries to limit my beverages now.

Ha you must have hurted his feelings Nat. If anything he should have took you back to the hotel and taken advantage of you..lol Oops did I say that out loud??

[sus 70]

LOL - DJ and I argue about whether or not he has seen me drunk - but he has one night where he topped ANYTHING he has ever seen me do, so he knows better than to open my mouth - cause he has never had to get me the garbage pail

Nat - was that drink a dirty banana? That's my favorite drink when I am there.

[jawi876 2]

Dada ur funny..but i totally understand what ur saying..my husband is weird he talks up a storm over the phone..but in person..we have to write stuff down that he wants to talk about..it's like his mind goes blank..hahaa..BUT he is quite shy..that could play apart

Awww how cute! I can't wait to meet both of you in person. I Kimmy/Kashi/Kimora/Tahlia...even though Kimmy no longer calls me!

Edited April 11, 2009 by jawi876

[NatPatBen 3]

Oops did I just go off?? O.k. let me calm down whooo sawwwww...

What's the origin of this phrase? Steven says it ALL THE TIME. Is it from a movie? Yoga?

Bad Boys!!! Martin's character...

I saw that movie. Don't know why I didn't remember the phrase from it. Thanks.

LOL - DJ and I argue about whether or not he has seen me drunk - but he has one night where he topped ANYTHING he has ever seen me do, so he knows better than to open my mouth - cause he has never had to get me the garbage pail

Nat - was that drink a dirty banana? That's my favorite drink when I am there.

It was a dirty banana+ the bartender's special twist. A dirty banana is one of my faves too... any drink with banana is mmm mmm good.

[SupportOAFJF 0]

Dada ur funny..but i totally understand what ur saying..my husband is weird he talks up a storm over the phone..but in person..we have to write stuff down that he wants to talk about..it's like his mind goes blank..hahaa..BUT he is quite shy..that could play apart

Awww how cute! I can't wait to meet both of you in person. I Kimmy/Kashi/Kimora/Tahlia...even though Kimmy no longer calls me!

awww..don't say that..i'm very bad with the phones..i guess my S is falling off LMAO..i need a staple gun...done know how we role..love yah ..muahhh...soon and very soon